your most important local news story the world must know about

great bantz from the judge too

gang members here renting Car2Go for drivebys now 🎆🎉2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣5️⃣🎊🎈

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_28434018/police-denver-drive-by-shooting-suspects-rode-car2go

http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/Police-hunt-man-left-baby-platform-urinated-seats/story-26876666-detail/story.html

"CCTV enquiries show a man entering the station with a baby in a pushchair. A short time later, he urinates on the seats in the waiting shelter before proceeding to rip a bicycle free of its lock.

"While stealing the bike, the child was left unattended in the pushchair, just a few feet away from the track.

"He then finishes a drink he had with him and throws the empty can on the floor before leaving the station with the stolen bike."

What makes them so sure there was a child in the pushchair? Maybe he stole the pushchair.

i drive past this school every day these people are assholes
http://patch.com/pennsylvania/balacynwyd/main-line-catholic-school-upholds-decision-fire-educator-due-same-sex-marriage

The Tupelo newspaper's publisher/CEO is an asshole...
http://djournal.com/opinion/clay-foster-the-sacredness-of-marriage-and-recent-court-decisions/
...and the paper won't run same-sex wedding announcements...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robbie-ward/mississippi-newspaper-ban_b_7765146.html
...and tells staff at all the papers in the publishing group "don't have a public opinion about this if you know what's good for you"...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robbie-ward/mississippi-newspaper-sil_b_7788212.html

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/story/29587991/kdwb-booty-cruise-prompts-more-police-to-control-drunk-women
http://www.citypages.com/music/kdwbs-booty-cruise-descends-into-fights-harassed-fishermen-7499468

oh my god, that booty cruise.

“They’re over-consuming alcoholic beverages and then they usually end up fighting over some male stripper who probably wouldn't care about them when the night's over anyhow,” Sgt. Jeff Stender said.

sgt stender delivers truth like he delivers justice, cold and hard

the correctional facility my cousin is currently serving time in:
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20150727_In_Philadelphia__doing_hard_-_and_hot_-_time.html

that's fucked

brave yrselves

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/giant-minion-escapes-to-cause-road-incident-in-dublin-1.2305908

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun

Thrillist is having a "best burger in America" bracket-style competition and a place in Tupelo (Neon Pig) is into the quarterfinals.

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun

i periodically think of this post and smirk, in meetings, on public transport etc. at some point someone's going to ask me what about.

duty bound to point out i wasn't the first to that joke by a long shot

for me it will ever be associated with 'goole'.

http://www.startribune.com/federal-judge-says-rogers-high-school-student-suspended-over-tweet-can-proceed-with-lawsuit/321477261/

In January 2014, Sagehorn was asked on a website titled “Roger confessions” whether he had “made out” with a 28-year-old teacher at the school. Sagehorn, then 17, tweeted, “Actually, yeah,” but later maintained he said it in jest.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/quebec-considers-removing-n-word-from-11-place-names-1.3184317

A stretch of the Gatineau River that has officially been called Nigger Rapids for decades could be renamed — along with 10 other sites in Quebec whose names include the racial slur.

But the provincial body that manages Quebec's place names says there has been little public pressure to rename the sites.

The rapids are located in the municipality of Bouchette about 120 kilometres north of Ottawa. They were named in memory of a black couple who drowned there in the early 1900s, said Jean-Pierre LeBlanc, spokesman for the Quebec Toponymy Commission.

After decades of being known by their informal name by the locals, the commission officially recognized the name in 1983.

"It was meant to describe the people who died," LeBlanc said. "There was no pejorative connotation then as there is now."

LeBlanc said that no formal request by residents has been made to change the name of the rapids but that the commission is considering whether it should rename all 11 sites that include the racial slur.

Claire Hamel, who lives near the rapids, said the official name is not a source of controversy among locals.

"Nobody talks about this," she said. "It's the name, that's it. Like Bouchette, like Maniwaki, like Ottawa."

Bouchette Mayor Réjean Major told Radio-Canada he has no intention of asking the commission to change the name of the rapids.

wtff

more common in the US than you would think: http://tinyurl.com/odxwcma
and when "fixed", not generally a lot better: https://tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/rbd17

Thelonius Monk, 28, was shot and killed Wednesday in the 500 block of S. Catherine St.

This is really controversial in my neighborhood and a lot of people are really upset about it:
http://queenscourier.com/target-to-take-over-forest-hills-barnes-noble-site/

Gosh, the memories the neighborhood must have of sitting at the soda counter, Mr. Barnes letting Ma buy on credit, Mr. Noble slipping a free magazine into Pa's burlap case... All gone because heartless Target doesn't know its boundaries.

http://www.twincities.com/statefair/ci_28734408/bill-cosby-portrait-rapeseed-pulled-from-state-fair

and an army of fluorescent tabard-clad 'enforcement officers' and police have started to dismantle The Ark, manchester's best-branded mini shanty town - http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/live-scuffles-break-out-homeless-10081495 - http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/the-ark-manchester-homeless-camp-585

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/22/nyregion/cherry-factory-to-plea-guilty-over-pollution-and-marijuana.html

Seven months after its owner committed suicide as investigators closed in on the secret marijuana farm he had kept in the basement of his factory, Dell’s Maraschino Cherries, based in Brooklyn will plead guilty on Tuesday to possessing marijuana and illegally dumping acidic wastewater into the sewer system, prosecutors said on Monday.

Sometimes, all you need is the headline:

Dover man says injury from Taser, not spider

Yale launches amazing database of Depression-era Oregon photos

http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Norwegians-Use-Texas-as-Slang-for-Crazy-335356991.html

This one teeters close to "lol but sad" - - -

http://www.komu.com/news/arkansas-family-attacked-by-deer/

i saw this on the newsstand out here and for reasons that i hope are nerdily self-evident, it blew my mind
http://i.imgur.com/2peoF58.jpg

Satanic Temple of Seattle wants to join football coach's postgame prayer circle

This what it sounds like when you call in a plane crash to Pope County 911.

https://soundcloud.com/arkansasonline/pope-county-plane-crash-911-call

(Not NSFW or traumatizing or anything.)

wow

I think you mean "ohhh CRAP", forks.

http://gothamist.com/2015/11/28/police_this_guy_is_suspected_in_fou.php

This is in my immediate vicinity. I could smell a couple of the fires.

Update. As I suspected, the "riddler" arsonist schtick was a ruse, person identified by the note is fake. This is all happening in Bukharian Jewish mobland and the fires were all in under construction McPalaces. Story is getting better and better.

http://gothamist.com/2015/12/02/arsonist_cryptic.php

http://static.ijreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/pearlharborattackhonolulustar.jpg

had an artificially yellowed replica of this issue when i was a kid. i thought of it as ancient, which it wouldn't have been even if it had been real.

Made the Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/07/nyregion/sunday-fire-is-fifth-to-demolish-bukharian-home-sites-in-queens.html?&moduleDetail=section-news-1&action=click&contentCollection=N.Y.%20%2F%20Region®ion=Footer&module=MoreInSection&version=WhatsNext&contentID=WhatsNext&pgtype=article

FORT SMITH, Ark. (AP) - A hiker is facing long-term recovery after falling 25 to 30 feet through a hole in a rock formation in north-central Arkansas.

Deanna Jones says her son, 22-year-old Brandon Jones, slipped off the edge of the Glory Hole rock formation in the Ozark National Forest on Dec. 22 while hiking with a friend.

https://twitter.com/jseattle/status/703071541165096960

http://49.media.tumblr.com/43398eb425c6e0e2b1aa2c911018933d/tumblr_ngpo0ughiU1u5f8joo1_500.gif

lmao

http://www.twincities.com/2016/03/10/st-pauls-british-bandit-suspect-arrested-not-actually-british/

At the time of the robbery, law enforcement said the robber was also suspected of robbing a TCF Bank in Minneapolis and four St. Paul gas stations between Feb. 3 and 10. In those cases, the suspect also spoke with a British accent and wielded a gun, telling one cashier to “keep calm” and “hand over the money.”

After St. Paul police arrested Hess last week, they interviewed him and noticed he did not have a British accent, said Sgt. Mike Ernster, a police spokesman. Police found out Hess is from the Twin Cities and he told them he speaks with a British accent periodically, Ernster said.

note to locals: the story mentions "He was arrested last week at a University Avenue motel in St. Paul." which means it was either the days inn attached to tracks bar and grill or that creepo flophouse next to the dubliner

ow the mighty ave fallen eh enry iggins

Angry people in local newspapers

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cYyTG3IxQrg/VwO4JLT2mGI/AAAAAAAAve0/-1frwHQbg844lugVb-_JeKMuHR_H35LGQ/s640/000000.jpg

<3 identical disgruntled facial expression on both man and dog

that photo in hd: http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/resources/images/4913470/