Kids say the darndest things

"so, say you had 14 football players, and you had to split them up into 2 teams. how many players would be on each team?"

"well..... you'd have joe hart... alexei sanchez..."

----

"90 divided by 10 is....?"

"wait, my eyebrows are going to tell you"

Worried my boy might be turning into management material:

BEEPS: Do you know how long it took me to draw all these stars? There are FIFTY of them. I'm just now getting to coloring this part.

HENRY: [Points to blank stripes.] Hey. Don't forget to do the red.

<3

pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Banana
Henry: Banana who?
pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Banana
Henry: Banana who?
pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Banana
Henry: Banana who?
pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Orange
Henry: Orange who?
pp: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Henry: ...
Henry: I'm shutting the door now.

Hahaha

jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Banana
tracer: Banana who?
jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Banana
tracer: Banana who?
jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Banana
tracer: Banana who?
jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Orange
tracer: Orange who?
jr: I bet you're glad I didn't say banana!!!!!!
tracer: ...

Me (slipping off a piece of playground equipment, under my breath): Fuck!
A (much more loudly): FUCK A GOD!

another recruit for team crul ringmaster.

XD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruGxIZkK0eg

Singing softly at bedtime:

The sun is going down
The sun is losing all it's burning techniques
Now the sun is the moon

Mythic

"Daddy, you do talk a lot of balls."

solitary posts etc

5yo neighbor girl:

"YOUR DOGGIE'S CUTE AND WE HAVE A POOL!"

<3

"A breakfast for you from me"

sung to tune of "A Message to You, Rudy" though I think she thinks that's the real lyric

that is the best

That's the real lyric from now on as far as I'm concerned.

My nephew, during a Catholic mass, at an otherwise silent moment as the priest held the consecrated host aloft: "Eat it Father, eat it!"

loooool

K asked me this morning: "Daddy, can we fall in love?"

Awww!

It wasn't a total shock as she repeatedly asks me to reenact Sleeping Beauty with her. "Ow! I pricked my finger on a spindle!"

I usually do a schticky variation on the story, where the kiss is proceeded by me trying other methods of waking her up, such as tickling and doing a song-and-dance routine.

Henry, who knows and can write the alphabet but still has a little trouble attributing a first letter to a word or name, had this convo with me the other day (while he was pooping, no less)

Hank: 'What do you start with?'
Me: 'I start with a 'K' because my name is Kate.
Me: 'What do you start with?'
Hank:(incredulous)'You KNOW what I start with! I start with an 'H'. Remember H-E-N-R-Y!!'
Me: 'Oh, yeah. I remember now. How did you get that name?'
Hank: 'Oh, Mama. You know!'
Me: 'Remind me again?'
Hank: 'Well they told you when I was a baby. When you adopted me'
Me: 'I adopted you?'
Hank: *SIGH* 'Yes, from the doctor. Remember?'
Me: 'Oh so the Doctor named you Henry?'
Hank: 'No!'
Me: 'Then how did you get that name?'
Hank: 'The doctor told you when you adopted me'
Me: ' So your name was already Henry before the doctor had you?'
Hank: *SIGH* 'Yes!'
Me: 'So did someone else give you that name or were you born with it?'
Hank: 'Look, Mama. The doctor got all the baby Henrys in the whole world and then he adopted them to Mommies and Daddies'
Me: 'He had ALL the baby Henrys in the whole wide world???? How did we pick you out of all those Henrys?'
Hank: *SIGH* 'The doctor decided. OKAY?'
Me: 'Ooookay'

Solid origin story, Henry.

AT 5 years old, I'm certainly not planning to get all factual on this particular subject.

Which is strictly for my benefit if I didnt make that clear

*SIGH*
lol, i know that tone -- sylvie basically addresses me like i am a simpleton

I love how exasperated kids get that you don't know stuff you told them.

i love Henry so much

On being asked to explain the state of a room in which she had been playing by herself for a short while.

"I don't understand WHAT happened. Everything just went MAD!"

A pretty good excuse for a 2.5yo, tbh

Also:

Ella: "Nonna and granddad are my grandparents."
Me: "Yes. And they're my parents."
Ella: "Well, that's disappointing."

two and a half!!!!

She's very verbal. VERY verbal. And requires us to be too--almost every second thing she says is "Make it talk!", holding out a toy/bit of food/piece of furniture/small animal/rock/remote control/etcetc

that's so great

DOCTOR: Can you write your name, Henry?
HENRY: All Day Long.

My boy is becoming Roy D. Mercer.

that is awesome

i love henry

Those are awesome!

Saw Matilda last night with the boys, and at one point Owen leaned over me and asked "Is it good being a grownup?"

I said yeah.

While playing campout.

HL: Are you afraid of the dark?
A: No. I HUNT night reindeer in the dark.
HL: Oh yeah? How do you hunt night reindeer? With a gun or a bow-and-arrow?
A: With a bone arrow. You take em back to the camp, throw em on the fire, mush em up into a blanklet, then you chop the head off so you don't have a head on your blanklet.

― how's life, Saturday, December 13, 2014 5:08 PM (7 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A (holding up a plastic Halloween Grim Reaper scythe): I'm going to go deer hunting.
HL: Uh, I've heard of people going deer hunting with shotguns, or rifles, or bows and arrows, but with a scythe? What are you going to do - chop their heads off?
A: I'm going to chop a big hole in their backs and that's how you go deer hunting with a scythe.

A: I make some of the bodies into mats and some of them into blanklets and I put the deer's heads ON THE WALL.

In your face Robert De Niro. Call yourself a deer hunter pshaw

"Adults have hair in their noses, and little people have boogers."

Ella: "Nonna and granddad are my grandparents."
Me: "Yes. And they're my parents."
Ella: "Well, that's disappointing."

― as verbose and purple as a Peter Ustinov made of plums (James Morrison), Wednesday, July 29, 2015 4:10 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

!!!!!!!!!!

^^^ How is this kid 2.5??? Amazing.

Me, dropping something: Son of a bitch.
Ivy: Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Me: o_O

lol

Glad she learned it from you first.