Kids say the darndest things

Well goddamm, pumpkin soup. What next, a cake made out of CHEESE?

And on Sunday we were at a christening, so in a church, and Ella starts patting my wife's jacket. "I like your jacket, Mummy." Long pause, then very loudly: "I can feel you have BOOBS!"

omg

ime boobs are a very important ~~imaginary~~ of young girls

Stupendous :)

this is amazing

[teaching 4 and 5 year olds about herbi-/carni-/omnivores]

kid: "which ones is a cat?"
me: "let's think about it. what do cats eat?"
kid: "creme de la creme"

!!!

from my 10 year old nephew the other day:

"Last night I dreamed that my mother was pregnant and also that I was able to whistle!"

A friend's four, almost five-year-old came home and told her dad, "Smell my vulva. It smells wonderful."

O_O

also lol

O_O is a good approximation of her dad's reaction.

Well did it?

jk

Just want to indicate that that was not my child.

It was not! I'd never scoop you like that.

Here's one from my child, as she was DJing by playing songs off of my wife's iPod: "Some DJs like to get funky, but not me."

dj nofunk in tha hizzouse

I asked her what it means to get funky and she did a really exaggerated rockin' out dance/face.

she's got a point

Well did it?

jk

Hahaha

Ah, Aidan instigated the sex talk with Chris the other day:

Aidan : dad, jake says sex is when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina and wiggles it around?

Chris:(ok, here we go) well, jake's right, son.

A: nooooooooooo ha ha ha ha (pauses) ........Sooooo have you done it?

Chris: (looks around for ejector seat) where do you think you came from?

A: so that *is* how babies are made? Wooooooow........

Chris: Ok, time to go to school.

Then last night A piped up 'mummy, which sex did you like best, when you made me, or when you made Molly?'

OMG.

The other day Lulu told me Bob Bunny's middle name was "the f-word - but it's ok, because that just means 'hello' in bunny language".

Good to know.

Fucking like bunnies(' middle names)

When we were having dinner last night, Ella asks what the music is, then say, "Sorry I can't bop, but I'm eating my pudding."

The music playing in the background, that is.

The blueberry fart went into the marker. I wonder how that makes it fun? Fart is not fun. It is yuuuucky.

Fair point!

I never ever watch or talk about basketball, but last night I turned on the NBA Finals, and Evie said "I know who the best basketball player ever is. Allan Houston."

LOL!

Ah, Aidan instigated the sex talk with Chris the other day:

Aidan : dad, jake says sex is when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina and wiggles it around?

Chris:(ok, here we go) well, jake's right, son.

A: nooooooooooo ha ha ha ha (pauses) ........Sooooo have you done it?

Chris: (looks around for ejector seat) where do you think you came from?

A: so that *is* how babies are made? Wooooooow........

Chris: Ok, time to go to school.

Then last night A piped up 'mummy, which sex did you like best, when you made me, or when you made Molly?'

― vickyp, Thursday, June 4, 2015 8:40 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is amazing. I can't believe A is old enough to ask the sex questions!

A: GwaaaaAAAWK! A mole.
GwaaaaAAAWK! A mole.
GwaaaaAAAWK! A mole.
I'm parrot-talking!
GwaaaaAAAWK!
Polly want a cracker?
Polly want a cracker?
GwaaaaAAAWK! A mole.

Me (after a few minutes of this): Does this parrot know any other words?

A:I'm a pirate parrot.
A mole ahead! A mole ahead!
GwaaaaaAAAAAK!

At my brother's house a few sundays ago and my nephew was trying to get my attention while my brother and I were talking. He's nearly 3. "Nick. Nick. Nick. Uncle Nick. Uncle Nick. Nick. Nick! Uncle Nick. Nick. Uncle Nick! Nick." Eventually (and this is only a few seconds, I'm not torturing him) I turn to him and say "Daniel?"

"Confused dot com," he replies.

wtf?

"Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet, eating her turds and whey. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!!"

XD

"so, say you had 14 football players, and you had to split them up into 2 teams. how many players would be on each team?"

"well..... you'd have joe hart... alexei sanchez..."

----

"90 divided by 10 is....?"

"wait, my eyebrows are going to tell you"

Worried my boy might be turning into management material:

BEEPS: Do you know how long it took me to draw all these stars? There are FIFTY of them. I'm just now getting to coloring this part.

HENRY: [Points to blank stripes.] Hey. Don't forget to do the red.

<3

pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Banana
Henry: Banana who?
pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Banana
Henry: Banana who?
pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Banana
Henry: Banana who?
pp: Knock knock
Henry: Who's there?
pp: Orange
Henry: Orange who?
pp: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Henry: ...
Henry: I'm shutting the door now.

Hahaha

jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Banana
tracer: Banana who?
jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Banana
tracer: Banana who?
jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Banana
tracer: Banana who?
jr: Knock knock
tracer: Who's there?
jr: Orange
tracer: Orange who?
jr: I bet you're glad I didn't say banana!!!!!!
tracer: ...

Me (slipping off a piece of playground equipment, under my breath): Fuck!
A (much more loudly): FUCK A GOD!

another recruit for team crul ringmaster.

XD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruGxIZkK0eg

Singing softly at bedtime:

The sun is going down
The sun is losing all it's burning techniques
Now the sun is the moon

Mythic

"Daddy, you do talk a lot of balls."

solitary posts etc

5yo neighbor girl:

"YOUR DOGGIE'S CUTE AND WE HAVE A POOL!"