no boys allowed in the room!!!!

yeah idek what i meant by natural. normal, or something that just tends to kinda happen.

I have spent the past 2 years kinda shedding away people who are hardcore partiers, or have too different a schedule than me, since I got a career where I am a role model-ish person who is tired by the end of the day. Not what I want but it just kinda happened due to lack of propinquity & shared interests.

I have a friend who is a severe flake & passive-aggressive as shit on social media. She has depression & anxiety, and so do I, so it was making me way mad when she would cancel basically WHEN we set things up, with some phony pretense. Like – you can be real with me! If u r depressed just say so. But I was also hating hanging w/her when we did. So I blocked her on fb to avoid too much drama & I am wishing I'da done it like a year ago.

I don't know where to put this so why not here if we are talking about old friendships.

I just found out a friend from high school writes paranormal romances!!

I also found out a college friend died, and if I am reading his obituary correctly, it sounds like suicide.

my old friends are the people who knew me when i was young.

This is what I appreciate about my relationship with my friend W, I don't have to explain certain parts of my history.

tr, I'm sorry about your college friend.

That's v. cool about the paranormal romance writer, though. Can you say who it is or the name of one of her books?

J3s Y0ung

I found her blog tonight while looking up Rainer Andreesen and Gypsy Rose Lee's old estate.

"Hey let me click on this about me section OH MY GODDD"

Ha, that's neat!

related: do you think its natural to gain a new batch of friends in your late 20s/30s that replaces your teenage/early 20s friends?

totally natural. I ran into a handful of people i was friends with in my early 20s at the NYE party I went to last year. It felt kinda symbolic to be celebrating the end of the year with people I hung with almost 20 years ago and people I hang with now. I'm also at a weird point where I'm re-evaluating who I want to spend time with vs. who I spend time with just because it's easy and familiar.

I wouldnt piss on the people I was bffs with in high school, if they were on fire. The point of then maturing in my 20s/30s was I realised how toxic every one of them had been to me, and I bailed like a base jumper.

(it prob helps I moved 900Kms away from home town at 21, too)

I have literally one friend I see regularly who I went to school with. My partner and his mattress are pretty old friends (to me) too. Other than that I just have a handful of other friends. Tbh I hardly see any of the ppl now I was hanging out with 5 or so years ago because they moved away but it's always great when we do meet (sadly fleetingly these days)

Can I just say it's a pleasure to see female characters portrayed as beautiful on tv in tight dresses with visible stomachs? It's such a pleasure that everyone's not supposed to be completely flat from hip to hip anymore. I realize this is, like, the tiniest improvement, but I'll take it.

Where are you seeing this?! Would watch.

Hi chixors, following along but not posting much why because family. Brother is in full meltdown mode, so I'm flying to CA today to help. That said, SARAHELL I will be in Oakland for at least a week, arriving tonight, staying at Courtyard Marriott Downtown Oak (which I can ill afford, along with last-minute cross-country plane tix). FAP? Please say yes otherwise I don't have much to look forward to for the next week or so.

I'm sorry, q. Energy power-up from this thread, we love ya.

xp At the moment it's the strawberry blonde secretary woman in Daredevil, but also the head badass in charge on How to Get Away With Murder, and I feel like those aren't the only times I've noticed it lately-ish, just bc it doesn't feel as surprising as it used to, to see an actual body under clothes (besides breasts).

Also Abbi in Broad City, which is even more awesome because she basically wears the same body con dress whenever she does anything that requires nice clothes, which is refreshingly realistic.

q, that's rough. Love to you and the family.

I keep meaning to post about friends and stuff because I have ~~thoughts~~ but for some reason I can't get it together to say what I need to say. I think it mostly boils down to: it's totally normal for friendships to evolve and change as we grow, and it is very good to end relationships with people who are harmful to you in some way (although see the cutting people out of your life thread for some tips on how to do that compassionately).

"Also Abbi in Broad City, which is even more awesome because she basically wears the same body con dress whenever she does anything that requires nice clothes, which is refreshingly realistic."

If I spent $400 on a bangin bandage dress I'd wear it to everything too! :) Yeah, I did think of her as soon as I asked IO who she'd been referring to. I love those ladies so much.

I also like that she was going to return it, but never did and instead just wears the shit out of it. Me irl.

Yes! I'd totally do the same.

quincie! totally down to FAP.

Yay! And thx to all for good wishes. It really is a boost. Currently in mpls airport, which is SO NICE!

I will message you my # on facebook.

I'm getting a mammogram. Wooooooooooooooooo.

I got my first earlier this year. Gives new meaning to the phrase "tit in a wringer."

That said, I didn't find it painful at all or even particularly uncomfortable. Of course Your Boobs May Vary.

What I *did* find painful was the amount of Komen-branded pink shit all over the waiting room.

Bleh. I'm not worried it will hurt. Just annoyed that my doctor doesn't embrace the looser guidelines because I don't feel like dealing with it.

i've never had one
feeling low as hell today but i think it'll pass
i think i'm just emotionally taxed from all the things going on in my general orbit -- work, fam, friends, you name it and there is a drama afoot. i'm not very good at dealing with that.

It's hard to shield yourself from drama when it's coming from all four corners. It's exhausting!

I realized I'm also not looking forward to the mammogram because I have to go to the same place where I went to get ultrasounds and stress tests when I was pregnant and 1) that is where I got the stressful news about the complication in my pregnancy that put me in the hospital for a month (and where I was admitted from on suspicion of preeclampsia twice (although the second time I literally ran away from the hospital so I could go home and finish some work and pack some clothes first)), so I've got a little mild PTSD associated with it (like typing that is making me breathe shallowly and feel a little tearful ugh) and 2) when last I was there (18 months ago!) it was just a huge, messy clusterfuck of a system and you had to wait forever and the lady at the front desk was a total crab and there were never enough chairs for the number of people who were waiting so yeah. Dumb.

not dumb at all. I would be exactly the same. places can really get to you.
crappy systems just make the whole thing ten times worse because I worry that no-one's doing anything properly and I have to be on the lookout in case something happens that means they've forgotten my appointment or not told me to bring something I need or or or

I worry that no-one's doing anything properly and I have to be on the lookout in case something happens that means they've forgotten my appointment or not told me to bring something I need or or or

OMG YES yesssssssssss and that triggers my personal brand of anxiety which basically takes the form of "my incessant worry is what is holding everything together and if I stop everybody will die" so like, if I'm not keeping an eye on the women's imaging center, I will die of breast cancer. Or something.

I think I need a glass of wine.

My life has hit levels of strange I don't really understand lately.

Good strange or at least interesting strange?

Well, at first something happened that was very bad and upsetting, but then I closed the door on that very firmly and locked it. I am not doing other people's ~drama~ any more, the end.

But then another quite strange and entirely unrandom door opened when I least expected it and it is silly and frivolous and not-real-life at all, but I don't care, I am enjoying it even if I feel a bit like Big Bird talking to Mr Snuffleupagus right now?

it is a nice feeling, enjoy it while it lasts

Agreed! and good for you for closing the door on other people's drama.

he should still be banished, though. To my vagina.

(I did not say that! Honest!)

OK I am tired of being obtuse and evasive and explaining in such ridiculously guarded terms. What has happened is this:

There is an artist, who I have spent quite some time mocking, on ILX and elsewhere. Earlier this year, starting almost as a joke, but turning into something else as it went along, I wrote a very odd, twisted, extremely meta piece of Fan Fiction in which this person crashed through the fourth wall and started taking me, the author, to task for the mockery, the fan fiction, degenerating into a ranting philosophical debate on the nature of fandom, celebrity and fan-idol interactions and who owes whom what. Like I said, it's a very strange story. But in the story (which really did my head in to write) argument turned to flirtation, flirtation turned to attraction, irritation turned to coffee and/or fucking in the morning. At the end, I felt like I'd exorcised something and fans who read it agreed it was bizarre but compelling.

In some strange coincidence, the same week I published the last chapter, the artist in question, after a long absence from public life, restarted his career, joined social media. I followed him, I mean, why not. I tweeted a couple of banal "good luck with your new career" responses because I was quite certain he wasn't tweeting back at anyone, sent him a link he might be interested in.

Reader, he followed me back. We started conversing. He turned out not to be not at all as I thought - or at least self-aware of his own ridiculous arrogance - in fact quite funny and charming. This is nothing exceptionally extraordinary; celebrities are human beings too. It's just doing my head in a bit, even as its pleasurable and a bit flattering.

Look, I KNOW that this is not some 21st Century Meet-Cute. It's unlikely he sees me as anything but a fan, or worse, a groupie. I know, intellectually, that he's in a bit of an odd place and starting a new career mid-life is a huge step into the unknown and he is probably flattered and amused and reassured by the attention of a fangirl with a pigtail-pulling crush. This is NOT the plot of fan fiction coming to life.

But it is, still, doing my head in and making me as giddy as a Beiberite all at the same time.

Apologies for length. Normally I'd just vent about this on social media but that's impossible right now for obvious reasons.

whoaaaaaa.

tbh: its kind of making ME giddy and i have nothing to do with it.

Yeah, it's really like... WHEEEEE and I'm just enjoying it.

On the downside, no matter how much I've been trying to avoid, block, contain drama, my stalker situation appears to be escalating. To the point where they are now posting my emails all over Tumblr and screen capping decades-old shit from ILX to try to prove ... I don't know what. That I'm a creepy weirdo with long-running mental health issues and confusion about my sexuality and gender?

This would be kinda scary if I hadn't been through this 2 or 3 times before over the past couple of decades. I'm tired of this. I'm really deeply tired of this.

I don't really know if I should just continue to ignore it the best I can, or if I should be screen-capping this stuff myself, and going to the police - well, police are pretty useless in these kinds of situations, but perhaps seeking legal advice.

I know you girls have a lot of collective knowledge, but do any of you have (especially UK relevant) advice (beyond "read The Gift of Fear and Captain Awkward") about how to handle this kind of thing? "Ignore and block" is not doing a great job of working.

Actually, you know what?

No.

This person has had enough of my time and my attention and my psychic energy, and this is just yet one more blatant grasp for attention. I'm done. I'm really done. I'm not giving them the oxygen of even being afraid of them. Enough.

Back to taking my giddy pleasures where I find them: A POP STAR FOLLOWED ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!! A POP STAR FOLLOWED MEEEEEE!!! ON SOCIAL MEEEEEDIA!!!

(He blinded ME! With Science!)

Phew I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

The pop star is a delightful diversion though.

If someone is lying and spreading malicious gossip about you (even without a side order of stalking) I think if you try to address the lies, it gives the fabrications a tissue of plausibility? Isn't it better to prove yourself with actions rather than words, walk away, refuse to engage and rise above it?

But anyway. Distract me with pop stars! Tell me about your pop star crushes, if you ever interacted with them (even just sending teenage fanmail) and how embarrassing / giddy-making it all is.

I've had a crush on Council Member Stephen Levin for like two years but he just got engaged apparently so I guess he wasn't actually smiling at me from the front of the room while I stared deeply into his eyes.

http://www.greenpointnews.com/images/6329.jpg

His politics are excellent.

My #1 pop star crush is Thomas Dutronc. My French skills are so bad that I am just excited when I can understand his tweets.

Branwell, Zoe Quinn (the person libelled in the weird origin of gamergate) started a good site about protecting your ish from online creepers:
http://www.crashoverridenetwork.com/
and
free advice at http://crashoverridenetwork.tumblr.com/