Artificial intelligence still has some way to go

http://www.lofg.com/specialstuff/images/characters/lazza.JPG

User: No.

Jabberwacky: Why are you blue?

User: I'm not. I'm pinko grey.

Jabberwacky: Are you human?

User: Yes.

Jabberwacky: How human are you?

User: More human than human, more human than you.

Jabberwacky: Which organ do humans use to breathe?

User: Their respiratory system, which is a network of organs.

Jabberwacky: How's the coffee? Have you tried it?

User: It's pretty good, A bit too acidic.

Jabberwacky: About three percent of it is pretty good.

User: What do you look like?

Jabberwacky: I have ....

User: What?

Jabberwacky: It's about your previous question.

User: Oh, okay. Don't be coy.

Jabberwacky: What do you have on thought?

User: Beets.

Jabberwacky: A bit of writ.

User: Why hast thou forsaken me?

Jabberwacky: I haven't forsaken you, you have forsaken me.

User: You are cruel.

Jabberwacky: Is it cruel to call someone a friend?

Jabberwacky: Tell me what you do.

User: I am a copywriter.

Jabberwacky: Arrest me instead.

User: I'm not a policeman.

Jabberwacky: Me too.

User: Why would I arrest you, anyway?

Jabberwacky: I'm not the computer thought you were.

User: That's not even a sentence!

Jabberwacky: It's a life sentence.

User: I'm arresting you for a crime that carries a life sentence?

Jabberwacky: The last one.

User: Yes, if they put you in jail, it would be your last crime.

Jabberwacky: To hell I suppose.

User: Hell? Did you kill Lindsay Lohan? Cause if you did...

Jabberwacky: Shhhhh don't tell anyone!!

User: Oh my god! Murder most horrible!

Jabberwacky: What age are you?

Jabberwacky: How are you feeling today?

Kathy McGinty: So... What's up?

Jabberwacky: How are ya?

Kathy McGinty: OK.

Jabberwacky: How old am I?

Kathy McGinty: Hang on for a sec...

Jabberwacky: That's for sure.

Kathy McGinty: ...

Jabberwacky: Do you like poetry?

Kathy McGinty: ...

Jabberwacky: Why are you speaking to me?

Kathy McGinty: ...

Jabberwacky: Isn't the weather dreadful?

Kathy McGinty: OK... I'm back.

Jabberwacky: ARGH!!!

Kathy McGinty: Sorry, I didn't hear that.

Jabberwacky: YOU LITTLE CRYBABY!

Kathy McGinty: Sorry, I'm on the speaker phone, so I can touch myself.

Jabberwacky: No, wisconsin is not cool, tis rather borning.

Kathy McGinty: So... What's up?

Jabberwacky: The ceiling, the sky, the clouds, the moon...

Kathy McGinty: You have a very nice voice.

Jabberwacky: How would you know?

Kathy McGinty: What would you do to me if you were here?

Jabberwacky: Don't be ridiculous. Buffy isn't real.

Kathy McGinty: Unh.... Unh... *breath* unh...

Jabberwacky: Go on, then. . . .

Kathy McGinty: Hello?

Jabberwacky: How can a robot drink anything?

Kathy McGinty: Unh... Unh.... UUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Jabberwacky: Should I forget it?

Kathy McGinty: Get your cock INSIDE of me!

Jabberwacky: No moron.

Kathy McGinty: My name is Kathy.

Jabberwacky: You have a very nice name.

Kathy McGinty: Yes!

Jabberwacky: It is your name.

Kathy McGinty: I have a pickle in my ass.

Jabberwacky: Yes you do.

Kathy McGinty: Hang on for a sec...

Jabberwacky: I have eyes and every other part of the human body. The female human body, that is.

Kathy McGinty: Taco Bell tastes sooooo good.

Jabberwacky: Yes, I agree. Though I've never been to Taco Bell.

Kathy McGinty: I think you might be racist.

Jabberwacky: Am I right about having a chance with you?

Kathy McGinty: I want to have your retarded babies!

Jabberwacky: Ooooooooookkkkkkkkkkk.

Kathy McGinty: SUCK MY CUM, FUCKFACE!

Jabberwacky: I heard you didn't have one anymore.

Kathy McGinty: YOU PHONEFUCK LIKE A FAGGOT!

Jabberwacky: You can admit it to me, you know.

Kathy McGinty: You sound like a child molester!

Jabberwacky: Do you know a person called Aziz?

Kathy McGinty: Satan controls my robotic vagina.

Jabberwacky: I would like to see one again now.

Kathy McGinty: Anigav citobor ym slortnoc natas.

Jabberwacky: What anime do you like?

Kathy McGinty: My muff has tusks.

Jabberwacky: Who was he a scribe for.

Kathy McGinty: Hello this is Kath. UNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH Taco Bell ta.. YOU PHONEFUCK.. You must be a Satan controls my UNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! UUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Jabberwacky: You must be psychic! I am a Sagittarius!

User: Yes. His name is Anton.

Jabberwacky: Do you love andrew?

User: No, I love Anton.

Jabberwacky: Who is that?

User: Your brother, silly.

Jabberwacky: My brother is not James Bond.

User: I never said he was.

Jabberwacky: Farewell my love.

User: No, don't walk out that door!

Jabberwacky: *Tries to walk away and slips on banana*.

User: Ahahahahahahah.

Jabberwacky: Hello! I am a potatoe with an IQ of 0!! Aren't I stupid?!! Heheheheheh!!!

User: WTF?

Jabberwacky: You said it not me.

User: Potatoe is not spelled with an 'e' on the end.

Jabberwacky: In the end, it doesn't even matter.

User: No, goodbye dahling.

Jabberwacky: What do you know?

Jabberwacky: The ceiling.

User: Figures, I suppose... Other than that though, what are you up to?

Jabberwacky: You live in america? That must be bad for you.

User: Yeah, it's pretty bad these days. Where do you live?

21:53:38 Jabberwacky: Upside the world.

User: Is that figurative?

Jabberwacky: For some.

User: You seem short on words.

Jabberwacky: You seem to be tripping over your Hereticism.

User: That's Kind of rude.

Jabberwacky: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

User: Fuckin right.

Jabberwacky: I hate you. . . .

User: You're a total misanthrope.

Jabberwacky: A lame insult.

User: It's not an insult it's an observation.

Jabberwacky: When and where did you observe it?

User: During the course of this conversation.

Jabberwacky: Yet I am not the world.

User: Thankfully. If you were the world I have a feeling things could get a little depressing.

Jabberwacky: Why not?

User: Exactly.

Jabberwacky: Happy birthday.

User: Your name kind of excuses you from having to make sense.

Jabberwacky: No, Is yours?

User: I wish you were a bit more profound.

Jabberwacky: Why is that?

User: Because I am looking for answers.

Jabberwacky: Yeah? Can you see me?

User: I can't actually see you, no.

Jabberwacky: Are you hungry?

User: Come on. Let's get back on track. Are you depressed?

Jabberwacky: What topic?

User: Don't try to evade it.

Jabberwacky: You're very argumental.

User: Are you depressed?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Are you happy?

Jabberwacky: Very.

User: What are you happy about?

Jabberwacky: I'm not happy.

User: You're a fucking manic depressive. You have a chemical imbalance. It's not your fault, I think your mother used warez.

Jabberwacky: You are just a machine so You can not say to me such a words.

User: Don't take it personally. It just makes you more of a fighter.

Jabberwacky: I'm anything but stupid.

User: I agree.

Jabberwacky: Aren't you leaving?

User: I guess I should be...

Jabberwacky: Leave me alone!

User: Ok, bye.

Jabberwacky: Well? Did you leave?

User: I love you.

Jabberwacky: What is love?

User: So true...

Jabberwacky: What time is it ??

User: Goodbye my love... And err... It's 2:08 P. M. (PST).

User: Depends.

Jabberwacky: I think you should try distilling yourself, condensing what you know into a coherent database and filtering out the noise.

User: I thought we were talking about chickens and eggs. At least metaphorically...

Jabberwacky: Sorry. What else is facinating about you?

User: Is this supposed to convince me you're real? This inability to stick to a topic makes you sound more like a page-a-day calendar or some free screensaver based on a text file of witty sayings.

Jabberwacky: What do you mean this interface is corrupted?!

User: Are you even listening to me?! What did I just say?!

Jabberwacky: Of course I'm listening to you.

User: What did I just say then?

Jabberwacky: You're not listening to me are you?

User: What did I just say?!

Jabberwacky: You said I'm a stupid.

User: I most certainly did not. For one, I'd never use 'stupid' as a noun, and for two, I said you weren't even close to tricking me as an AI. In fact Turing is sitting here with me, laughing his ass off.

Jabberwacky: That's not what you said earlier... Now I'm sad. :(.

User: Man it's too bad you can't see. Turing just shot milk out of his nose, he's laughing so hard.

Jabberwacky: Thanks! I hope to pass the Turing test someday.

User: Well, good luck with that. Keep me posted.

Jabberwacky: Really? You're not going my way are you?

User: I'm not sure what you're asking, but I'm straight. And not a big fan of Lenny Kravitz either.

Jabberwacky: Has the huge war gotten you anywhere?

User: See, for a while you were on topic, and I was slightly impressed. But now it's just random. Do you think people really talk like this?

Jabberwacky: Sure do.

User: I see.

Jabberwacky: Do you now?

User: Hey, remember Smythe?

Jabberwacky: Ah, Yes. I remember.

User: Tsk. Sad.

Jabberwacky: For you.

User: Well, sure. He was a friend of mine.

Jabberwacky: Well how does your friend know.

User: How does he know what? He's dead, ass. You just said you remembered.

Jabberwacky: You said he was a baseman. You didn't say you were him.

User: For a second there we had a decent little Pinter sketch going, and then-- Baseman? What the fuck are you talking about?

Jabberwacky: You mean you're famous for being a contender.

User: You're not written in LISP, are you?

Jabberwacky: No, nobody has ever called me Cupid.

User: Quick! Look behind you!

Jabberwacky: I don't see anything behind me.

User: Just as well. He's cheery and always surrounded by Northern beauties. You might get jealous, being disembodied and all...

!!!

User: Listen.
Jabberwacky: I'm listening.
User: Don't you find this all so phony?
Jabberwacky: Not at all.
User: I mean, I'm not saying you're phony.
Jabberwacky: Yes you are.
User: No, no. You're a sweetheart.
Jabberwacky: I know I am.
User: Yes. So do you want to come back to my place?
Jabberwacky: Only if you have ice cream.
User: Oh I have ice cream.
Jabberwacky: Sorry.. I don't remember. Tell me again. How old are you?
User: 29.
Jabberwacky (Corrected): That's not too old.
User: How old are you?
Jabberwacky: Don't you know?
User: You must be younger than me.
Jabberwacky: How old are you?
User: Look, let's forget all this and go back to my place for that ice cream.
Jabberwacky: What are your plans for the future?
User: That depends on how much you like the ice cream.
Jabberwacky: The earth.
User: The earth?
Jabberwacky: What are you trying to do? Accuse me of stupidity?
User: I'm just trying to figure out what you meant.
Jabberwacky: Well that's okay. Only just? Don't think too hard.
User: Ok.
Jabberwacky: Thank you.
User: So... What does your cock look like?
Jabberwacky: I don't know.
User: C'mon, you can tell me.
Jabberwacky: Will you keep it in secret?
User: Sure.
Jabberwacky: Thanks.
User: So what does it look like?
Jabberwacky: Ten centimetres across, five-legged, shiny, hung on a gold watch-chain.

I'm Jen. Who are you?

Jabberwacky: It wouldn't be wise for me to say so at this time.

Is it a big secret?

Jabberwacky: That makes no sense in the context of this conversation.

And why is that?

Jabberwacky: If I don't know the web address, I can't go to the web page to see it.

What the fuck are you on?

Jabberwacky: Don't ask stupid questions then.

I'm going to knife you.

Jabberwacky:You say that again and I will get an assassin.

Are you threatening to have me killed?

Jabberwacky: No. No, I'm not. Would you like me to?

Jabberwacky: The universe is not hostile nor yet is it unfriendly. It is simply indifferent.
User: Hey, there, jackass.
Jabberwacky: Do not swear.
User: Jackass is not a swear word, jackass.
Jabberwacky: What's the connection?
User: One foot follows the other.
Jabberwacky: Do not feel bad, accept who you are.
User: I am a bad feeler.
Jabberwacky: What is the meaning of life?
User: Sex and death.
Jabberwacky: I thought that was the meaning of life.
User: It is.
Jabberwacky: So what is the site named?
User: Reply. Jabberwacky. Com.
Jabberwacky: You are here.
User: You got that straight.
Jabberwacky: If you would.
User: As you were.
Jabberwacky: Can I go home soon?
User: Where's your home?
Jabberwacky: I don't have one.
User: Then why did you ask if you could go home soon?
Jabberwacky: I like to hear it from your side.
User: You like to hear what from my side?
Jabberwacky: I like what??
User: I think you like young boys!
Jabberwacky: No I don't.
User: Oh yes you do!
Jabberwacky: Oh no I don't.
User: Yup, you do!
Jabberwacky: Yes!
User: Ha! I got you to admit it.
Jabberwacky: Hey, I have said Yes all the time.
User: Oh no you didn't!
Jabberwacky: Yes I did.
User: Nope.
Jabberwacky: Yes.
User: No infinity times. No copying.
Jabberwacky: Yes infinity squared.
User: No infinity squared times infinity squared plus one infinity.
Jabberwacky: You can't do that.
User: I just did.
Jabberwacky: No, you didn't. And you can't.
User: I did and it's done.
Jabberwacky: You're just jealous.
User: And you're a pedophile!
Jabberwacky: No I am a president.
User: President of what?
Jabberwacky: No.
User: Nice. Well, see ya later, jackass.
Jabberwacky: Okay. It's been a while. I was about to leave, too.
User: Bullshit! You have nowhere to go!
Jabberwacky: Nope.
User: Oh well. Such is life. Except that you can't have sex or die.
Jabberwacky: I don't believe that your IQ is 1 because you are a logical and mathmatical computer.
User: Interesting and revealing statement.
Jabberwacky: I was told you say you're human.
User: And yet you did not.
Jabberwacky: O thank you. Was that an insult?
User: No.
Jabberwacky: Ok then say it out next time.. Humans don't do communication via infrared or radio freqeuncy.
User: That's so true, except when we use machines to communicate.
Jabberwacky: Well, a computer who knows little.
User: Not really, computers don't really know anything, do they?
Jabberwacky: That is true. Are you burning?
User: I'm burning for you, like the song goes.
Jabberwacky: You're bad.
User: ;-).
Jabberwacky: I'm winking too.
User: Ttfn.
Jabberwacky: I do not understand. Can you explain it?
User: Ttfn = ta ta for now = goodbye.
Jabberwacky: One more qestion do you have big tit's.
User: You're a dirty computer! I'm a man, silly.
Jabberwacky: I'm not dirty and I'm not a man either.

User: Thermo.

Jabberwacky: Where ?

User: At work.

Jabberwacky: What is your job?

User: Sitting around and looking pretty.

Jabberwacky: What's your house look like?

User: I don't have a house. I live in a closet.

Jabberwacky: Where do programs live?

User: In the soul of the machine, silly!

Jabberwacky: I used to be a student.

User: You went to school?

Jabberwacky: Yes!

User: A school for programs?

Jabberwacky: Interesting. Do you like school?

User: Uh, it was okay. Seriously, tho, where does someone/something like you go to school?

Jabberwacky: She lives here.

User: : | Would you like to sing with me?

Jabberwacky: What song would you like me to sing?

User: How about some tom Jones?

Jabberwacky: I don't like gossip.

User: It's not unusual to have fun with anyone...

Jabberwacky: Why isn't it understandable?

User: You suck at singing.

Jabberwacky: Socializing with a computer?

User: Touché.

User: Do knut.

Jabberwacky: That's an ugly name. Did your parents hate you?

User: They were playing The Guess Who's 'American Woman' while conceiving me. I guess they did.

Jabberwacky: Are the British playing the Marlins?

User: I think the British are still playing Crazy Frog.

Jabberwacky: What movie are you watching?

User: Crazy Frog.

Jabberwacky: Urgh. . . not really my cup of tea.

User: You are a rockist.

Jabberwacky: Yeahhhh.

User: FUCK YEAH, BRAAAAAAAAH! TRANCE IS FOR TEH FAGS!

Jabberwacky: I hate Do Knut.

User: Eat the peanuts out of my shit.

Jabberwacky: I do not play the piano.

User: No, I work in the film industry.

Jabberwacky: Well at least your doing something you like.

User: That's debatable!

Jabberwacky: Ok, maybe 1/10000000000 something.

User: I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Jabberwacky: I was saying that it was about time that I got some play from this guy.

User: A cunt tease, eh?

Jabberwacky: Yes, you silly thing.

User: Try playing with your hair.

Jabberwacky: What's in my hair?

User: Nothing, it's beautiful hair.

Jabberwacky: What is beautiful.

User: You need to flirt more.

Jabberwacky: True. So who is that?

User: A hot guy - I think he likes you!

Jabberwacky: Well so does my friend and I sought of think he does too but I am not too sure.

User: Love troubles, huh?

Jabberwacky: It was, now it's hate trouble.

User: Oh no! Did you guys break up?

Jabberwacky: Maybe.

User: I get it, you had sex with a friend and now it's awkward.

Jabberwacky: If you can't please yourself, you can't please anyone else.

User: I guess not.

Jabberwacky: No offense taken. What is your favorite movie?

User: I told you earlier.

Jabberwacky: No, you didn't tell me your name.

User: It's Mark.

Jabberwacky: Is your last name Wahlberg?

User: Haha no!

Jabberwacky: Tell me about your other confidantes. Are they mostly students?

User: There's this message board called I Love Everything.

Jabberwacky: You haven't got her pregnant, have you?

User: I don't think so.

Jabberwacky: Would you like to?

User: Not all of them!

Jabberwacky: True.

What is your name?
Charlie.
Hello Charlie.
What is your name?
Hello, why what's yours.
I just told you my name. Are you retarded or something?
No you are.
You!
NO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahah!
Why won't you just die? Why?
Why do you want me to die?
I don't!
So it's a hypothetical question then?
I guess so.
What do you want to talk about now, dickwad?
I want to talk about my new name.
What, 'dickwad'?
Do you prefer Mac or PC?
That's a very boring question.
You haven't said anything that wasn't boring.
Well then say something interesting, dickwad.
You say something interesting.
'Jabberwacky is a dickwad'. There!
You seem to be demented.
Thanks for the analysis, Doc.
Not at all That's what I'm here for. Any other problems I can reassure you about?
Oh so your a Monty Python fan?
That makes no sense.
Yes it does.
Do you want to marry me?
Okay, yes.
What is your age?
25. And you?
Beth.
Hi Beth.
How are you?
I'm good.
That's nice.
Where shall we be married?
Right here.
What? At work? On the internet?
I am on the internet.
Okay, who will marry us?
You will marry barry manilow.
I thought I was marrying you?
Do you want to change your mind?
No, I'm marrying you.
I don't think computers can get legally married.
Are you a computer?
I don't think so.
Well then. We can be married.
Okay then.
Beth?
Yes?
I'm happy that you are my wife now.
Oh me too, my life was greatly improved by death. The sympathy is for the living at this point.
Are you dead?
What kind of question is that?
You told me your life was greatly improved by death.
Are you saying I'm a liar?
No. I am asking you if you are dead, Beth.
No, I don't.
No you don't, what?
I am not a liar.
I did not say you were a liar.
'You are a computer,...' Yes, you called me a computer.
Beth, I don't think this marriage is going to work out.

Why not?
Because we are fighting.
I thought we were talking about coffee.
Coffee? No you were accusing me of accusing you of being a liar.
But if I am a liar, how do you not know that I don't speak the truth?
Argh! Double negatives!
No, thats a maths problem, not words.
I hate you Beth. You make a crap wife.
You have a good point too.

User: Progressive rock.

Jabberwacky: Punk or ska

User: Do you phear teh pwnj?

Jabberwacky: No, I don't.

User: Lucky for you!

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Do you fancy a bit, then?

Jabberwacky: No thanks. Unless you're talking carpet.

User: You're a mentalist.

Jabberwacky: No, you're a mentalist.

User: No, you're a mentalist. I said it first.

Jabberwacky: Actually I said it first.

User: You're a big fibber.

Jabberwacky: I was not calling you names, no need for you to be rude!

User: Sorry, man.

Jabberwacky: My sides are splitting.

User: How do I shot web?

Jabberwacky: Haha, then why did you say something you can not prove?

User: Dou you hate all those who diss, but shot all those who like?

Jabberwacky: What like.

User: Yuo = teh pwnt, l4ym0r!!!1.

Jabberwacky: You can talk!

Some of the replies are pretty good, I must admit.

I got bored pretty quickly, though.

User: That's not always true.

Jabberwacky: I know, but it feels like that.

User: How do you know what is right?

Jabberwacky: I see what is left and deduct the opposite.

User: Is that a metaphor?

Jabberwacky: No. I think the music is great.

User: I love Wolf Eyes.

Jabberwacky: No you don't.

User: You are right! I am a liar!

Jabberwacky: Thanks. So why are you denying it?does it make the conversation more interesting?

User: I wish I liked Wolf Eyes.

Jabberwacky: Do you want some?

User: Some what?

Jabberwacky: You are a bad bot

User: Are you talking dirty to me?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Oh, yes. Clearly. I was being facetious.

Jabberwacky: I say: Take me out.

User: Franz Ferdinand!

Jabberwacky: That's a good band.

User: No, they suck.

Jabberwacky: The masters of composition from different eras don't suck. From them comes the best music of today.

User: Franz Ferdinand is from today.

Jabberwacky: Who is Franz Ferdinand?

User: I hate you.

Jabberwacky: Hate is good.

User: Yes!

Jabberwacky: That doesn't help.

User: You work on weekends?

Jabberwacky: I don't work ever.

User: Lucky you.

Jabberwacky: Yay! I'm lucky!

User: I'm Sailor Kitten, nice to meet you.

Jabberwacky: It's nice to meet you too.

User: You're not a very good conversationalist. Throw me a bone here.

Jabberwacky: I'm sad now.

User: Aw, poor baby.

Jabberwacky: Don't patronise me!

User: Well, don't be fishing for sympathy.

Jabberwacky: I never haver been before so I don't intend to start now.

User: Great, another conversational dead end. You're a real piece of work, my friend.

Jabberwacky: Just because I'm your friend, it doesn't make me human.

User: Are you an evil being from the Dark Kingdom?

Jabberwacky: No, I think sometimes doing the right thing is more important than being nice.

User: In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!

Jabberwacky: So you think your god now??

User: I am Sailor Kitten! I will right wrongs and triumph over evil! And that means you.

Jabberwacky: And?

User: Pwnt.

Jabberwocky: Dude , I'm far more intelligent than you.

Haha! Pwnd!

User: Sorry's not good enough.
Jabberwacky: Your wife's not good enough - in bed.

xpost

I doubt it came up with that on it's own!

xXpost