your terrible ideas

I was friends with a bunch of dudes in high school, who insisted we all keep averages of how long we peed. They all thought it was funny that my average was so low (I was the only woman in the group.) My nickname was "eighteen seconds." I look back and think: what a bunch of assholes. Anyway, this would've saved us all some effort.

― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Friday, February 27, 2015 1:37 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

they were just jealous of your healthy prostate.

― pplains, Friday, February 27, 2015 1:50 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that would be a surprising explanation

I take it you're not familiar with the pplains school of humor

or the women squirting prostate tissue school of...women squirting

man think before you speak crabbs

i would not have matched that comment with that username but hearty lolz ensued

i've waited forever for an actual example of plainsplaining.

or the women squirting prostate tissue school of...women squirting

― pilate is my cogod (Crabbits), Tuesday, March 3, 2015 10:06 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this sounds like a line from a porn spam email

I kind of wanted to make a little image with "She is a woman, that is the joke" signed pplains in cursive

Let me know when you do so I can get ILX quoted out of context all fired up and ready.

A startup along the lines of Trunk Club (curated clothing) only they also send you someone to help you get dressed.

A Daft Punk tribute band called Old Wank. I don't know why, but that was briefly the most hilarious thing I'd heard this evening.

gonna be hard to beat this one though.

http://i.imgur.com/EykBKqx.png

change thread title to "you're terrible ideas"

this

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10995670_10152617228266428_6776509990744808618_n.jpg?oh=bc3387b418b4b2260efa271b77b0a74c&oe=5591DD48&__gda__=1434922551_2e1b813271d6d6dae6bc567504af1b5c

Abbs I respect quick peeing. Don't let the haters get to you!

oh man ain't no thing these days

would totally buy a bottle of that bad idea

I'm going to start timing my pees. I've never even thought about how much actual time passes.

does the pee time count the purgatorial waiting when you're in position but waiting for the bodily gears to align (a process celebrated in the hit 1990 game Pipe Mania)? Or is that a separate column on the spreadsheet?

For me I sort of base it as in and out of the bathroom when I'm out - I don't want people who also went in (ie my husband; I always beat him!) to wait for me

FFM have you been awol? or am i just reading the wrong threads

I'm in school and always tired so I just lurk a lot! Thank you for noticing :) I miss desk job life and its opportunities for actual internet engagement.

Bird Punk Magazine

^ WS

I actually know some punk rock birding enthusiasts, for real

Never Mind The Dunnocks, Here's The Storm Petrels

^an article about 'extreme' birding in pelagic winter settings, rather than spotting garden birds from the comfort of your kitchen

ok lol

those avians

a horror movie called I Shall Wear Purple

I'm still trying to work out the plot points

hahahaha

oh shit. would a red hat be the killer? or would it be about a bunch of red hats getting killed?

the poem is called 'warning', how's life. think about it

k...basically, thousands of old ladies are inducted into the Red Hat Society with the promise that they will soon be able to bear children ('c'mon, it will make you feel young again!'). when they aren't otherwise occupied with pub crawls and brunches, the Red Hat Ladies undergo IVF en masse, and 9 months later they give birth to a horde of redheaded, purple-skinned demons.

[at this point it degenerates into generic monster movie mayhem]

...until a *shocking plot twist* reveals that the 'demons' are actually piñatas stuffed with Werther's ® Original ® Sugar Free Caramels.

'swing away!'

M. Night Shyamalan (dir.)

*hands Werther's Original to grandson* now this is what I call growing old disgracefully!

http://i.imgur.com/3kGllli.png

'red hat society' (and variants thereof) is a very rewarding GIS, btw. I think I know how I'm gonna be spending the rest of my Friday night.

That sounds like a pretty good horror movie

er, ah, thanks!

Minus the werthers stuff
But impregnating old ladies w mutant babies? Ok! I'd watch that.

artisanal, locally-mined coal to fuel your vintage power plant

series of opinion columns with deliberately provocative titles but which, on closer inspection, are just a list of things I might buy with my payment from the columns

Barefoot Contessa to host a babies' cookery programme, making things like makka-pakka-roni cheese, called Ina Night Garten

Need an example of a title, DJM.

a public service campaign that alerts the British populace to the damaging effects of calling each other 'm8' on the internet (i.e. it supposedly devalues and trivializes friendship)

slogan: DON'T UNDERESTIM8

the 'adverts' would appear in metro carriages or tube trolleys or whatever you guys call those things