Kids say the darndest things

my coworker told me that his daughter will sit through all of Nightmare Before Christmas including Ooogie Boogie but is super scared when the train goes through the tunnel in Polar Express

<3

Bunnicula!

ME: So you know who Abraham Lincoln was?

BEEPS: Yes. He's on the penny and he was shot in the back of the head...

ME: Um yeah. That's about it.

BEEPS: …while watching a show.

loooool

K: I like strawberry juice. I like raspberry juice. I like apple juice. I like all-of-thee-bove!

In the middle of the night: "Oh, balls, I need to go to the potty."

irl lol

"Oh, balls" is just a hilarious expression anyway, and a little kid in the middle of the night saying "Oh balls, I need to go to the potty" is killing me.

and who among us has not awoken in the middle of the night, realized we had to go potty, and thought, "Oh balls."

I can't stop giggling. That is the best.

XD

I walk into the bathroom where the girls are in bath.
Me: "Oh come on, how did all this water get on the floor?"
Ava: "Is that a rhetorical question?"

lol

"you look kinda badass, dad. from a distance."

I walk into the bathroom where the girls are in bath.
Me: "Oh come on, how did all this water get on the floor?"
Ava: "Is that a rhetorical question?"

https://calvinandhobbesagain.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/19851227.gif

Ava's version is better.

My son, while watching a movie:

"It's not fair! The bad guys always lose!"

"Daddy, what happened to your life?"

"Dad, you look pretty bad-ass...from a distance."

Dad, you double-posted that one

lol. shit.

When Henry wants me to put my arm around him he now says 'Put a seatbelt on me, Mama!'

:)

That is adorable.

oh that's so cute.

omg

3-yo looking at match attax card of arteta

me: "that's mikel arteta! he's spanish. he plays for arsenal"

3-yo says "he's rubbish" and does a no-look toss of the card over his shoulder

looool

6-yo, pointing to bath:

"that tap is bare old, man"

More religious brainwashing

K told my wife that two of her blocks were "Standing up for God" (she actually said "Hashem" which makes it funnier if you understand the cultural milieu), and that one of them was "Lying down because he didn't want to."

public school can't come soon enough

lol

haha!

daughter made me almost cry when she announced very seriously that our recently deceased cat is now "walking around in my heart." (awwww)

:(

but <3

"Daddy, I have a question."
"Yes?"
"Why do I have so many questions?"

irl lol

lmao

My elder son is doing Grease as his school play, says he thinks the music is terrible, especially the song about Tommy Moore.

bahahaha

Poor kids.

Tommy Moore - how much dough did he spend?

It took me far too long to figure this out, but now I am a'lolin'.

haw!

I'm so pissed off that my kid's elementary school doesn't have any theater in it at all. I remember there being school plays all the way back to 1st grade. They were miserable for me, but my son's such a ham. It seems like he'd be a natural fit.

:/

"dad, have you ever been drunk?"

what do you even

"Yes"

yep my kids are at the age when they're juuuuuust about ready to ask about whether we've done drugs. we crossed the "have you ever been drunk" threshold a long time ago.

"How do you think we had you?"

They screen-printed a T-shirt for me one birthday with a camera and a bottle of beer on it. :/

In a north Liverpool suburb at the weekend we were on our way to a 9th birthday party when we passed half a chocolate cake, abandoned on the pavement, presumably at the spot it slipped from someone's grasp.

Ava: "I hope that's not Abi's."
Me: "It's like that song... (singing or "singing") 'Someone left a cake out in the rain / And I don't think that I can take it / Cos it took so long to bake it / And I'll never have the recipe againnnnn'"
Ava: (laughing) "What is THAT? That is ridiculous. You made that up."
Me: "It's a famous Jimmy Webb song! Look..." (gets the Richard Harris version up on YouTube)
Ava and Lulu listen to a few verses, we get to the line...
Ava: "Oh, that is just YOU. You recorded that and put your voice through...a thing."
Me: "It's real! It's Richard Harris! There are strings and... I mean, why would I even..."
Ava: "You're ridiculous, Daddy."