Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

and maybe it's me being rationally embarassed, but going to a concert where you're not overly familiar with the bands, arriving during a band's set and not being sure if they're the first opener, the second opener, or the headliner

I think at least once I've said "huh, I liked them more than I thought" referring to the headliner only to realize it was the last opener I just saw and the headliner is just about to take the stage

I once went to see Autechre at a free outdoor show, only having heard a few songs and really knowing nothing about them. The show started, I got bored after about 15 minutes, and decided to walk around the town for a while. Came back an hour later in the middle of Autechre's set and felt dumb for being driven away by the opening solo act who I thought was Autechre.

Standing ovations

I read an interview where an actor(?) said that the he was taken aback at the ubiquity of standing ovations in the USA and how I where he was from (England?) standing ovations were practically like winning an Oscar. Or a Tony, I guess. Anyway, they have lost a lot of value b/c I'm not sure if I can remember being at a performance that didn't end with one.

I was at a fundraising performance for an arts academy where the S3mi-Preci0u5 W3@p0n5 played. Besides their getting a fucking standing ovation, I was horribly irrationally embarrassed by their performance and their whole shtick, being panderingly shocking, hollering "Are you bitches having a good time?! I can't fucking hear you!" at the mostly older, uptight crowd.

when a talk show guest pretends to walk off the show for comic effect, and then that moment when they have to walk back to their seat.

Most modern dance.

One time a friend invited me to a "modern dance" performance and I was like no fucking way. Another friend invited me to a "permanent art thing," and I went and loved it like crazy (it was one of this person's shows www.martacarrasco.com/ and it blew me away). Later I found out both invitations were to the exact same event.

Missy Elliot videos.

lol the Hype style has not aged well to be sure

#leavemissyalone

checking out books from the J and YA sections of the library

I'm worried that kids are looking at me thinking I'm retarded, parents are looking at me thinking I'm creeping on their stupid judgmental kids, and librarians are looking at me thinking I'm a remedial reader ('Fire and Hemlock? hoo boy, I hope this isn't above his reading level!'). the final scenario bothers me the most, even though I have no reason to believe my town librarians are condescending dix.

I guess I could lie and mutter 'it's for my niece' as I approach the circulation desk, but it seems a sin to lie to a librarian, and at this point my niece isn't even old enough for Everybody Poops.

I have a similar experience whenever I check out 'chick' books. I am very insecure.

(and I almost had a meltdown when I bought a used copy of Neveryóna at a bookstore)

Elvis impersonators.

theatrical customer service in general

sometimes I glance at library/bookshop YA shelves for stuff I have fond memories of (e.g. William Sleator, Paul Zindel) but generally my main thought after doing that is "oh God I am so old, there is not a single book on these shelves which existed when I was a teenager, all the books I liked are now so horribly dated that they all got weeded the second Harry Potter came out"

(though, yes, it is different for a 30-something woman, I just have to look like "oh yeah, just getting my kids some books on the way to picking them up from chess club" - though my dress sense and their database may give away my childlessness)

anyway I think librarians are probably just glad you're not looking at porn or getting bodily fluids on the books/floor

librarians are prob the last people you should be self-conscious about, many of the librarians i've worked with read indiscriminately, including tons of YA stuff

Trying to find pictures of haircuts to show what haircut you want to the person who cuts your hair.

"Here's a picture of an extremely good-looking person, now use scissors to make me look like them"

*hands barber magazine cutout image of Macklemore*

xp i've never done this, but always kind of wanted to but also no because of what you said.

It never really works because people's heads are different. The best you can do is accidentally create a new look specific to you

I just feel so incompetent at telling the hair cutter what I want that I thought a pic might be a good idea, but I think I'll just try my best to use words. I don't even want anything complicated.

Haha, was just thinking of this, because I'm letting my hair grow for the first time in years but need a trim to clean up some rough spots. The closest thing I can think of to what my hair does left to its own devices is the long-haired version of Bradley Cooper, but no fucking way am I taking a picture of Bradley Cooper to the barber.

i always feel uncomfortable getting my haircut and more or less tell the barber, "just clean it up"
if they say straight in the back i say sure, they say rounded i say sure
it got to the point where i either shave my head or grow out a jewfro. i'm trying middle road for the moment but i doubt i'll stay there.

definitely have had the same embarrassing haircut scenarios, although the balder I get, the easier it is. Now the embarrassment has shifted over into wondering how much my haircut looks like a bad combover.

i hate getting my hair cut for this same reason
"give me a whole new head, pls"

I uploaded to my phone a photo of myself with a haircut I like. Now, that's all out the window if I ever decide to change my style, but I feel pretty good about this system lasting awhile.

"please give me this haircut"
*show picture of myself*

i am going to have to start doing this, it is getting harder and harder to find a hairdresser who knows who yahoo serious is

"Make me look like him."

What's really maddening is when you show them a picture of yourself and they still can't cut it that way.

This is why I recommend wearing a wig.

i just say 'uh, like this, only shorter. not *too* short tho'

this is extremely unhelpful, but it usually works out fine

with my now-longtime barbers, damian & vera, i now have the number 4, which i guess is the setting on the clippers?

The same person have been cutting my hair since I moved to Chicago so I just let her do what I want.

Once in NC I brought this picture of Cat Power to a salon

http://oaknyc.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/110839.jpg

which is a little embarrassing now, especially since I ended up with a haircut more like this

https://hairstylesbymel.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/shrt-flip.jpg

LOL let her do what she wants.

Just watched the "fat girl" episode of Louie and feel irrationally embarrassed on behalf of the fat girl in the show.

i remember she had a nyt profile the next day
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/13/arts/television/sarah-baker-speaks-for-the-overweight-on-louie.html

i still havent watched that ep

I mean, everything she said was OTM but the speech went on way too long and it was really focused on a small slice of the bullshit that fat women have to deal with. "Men don't want to date us!" which yeah, that's rough if you're a fat woman trying to date men but also who gives a fuck what men think? And also, lots and lots and lots of fat women have lovely relationships with lovely people. This idea that the main problem that fat women face is that men don't want to hold their hands was just embarrassing.

And the dude who per the previous episode who liked to keep a dildo in a drawer to make himself feel bad while he masturbates seeing the titular fat lady of the episode and saying, "Yuck" was super gross.

it is def one of the most tone deaf eps of that show

I've been thinking about it more and I'm embarrassed for Louie, who oversimplified a serious issue and basically made it about his dick. And him holding her hand at the end? Blerg. And I'm embarrassed that I am thinking about it so much. A fat lady thinking and talking about the fat lady episode of Louie woooooo HOW ORIGINAL.

protest puppets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQpQuGV_gMA

Ha Ha! I even feel embarrassed for the cow.

lol, that got through a focus group
"i like the way it seems like he fucks the cow later"

The dude on the porch serenading them is the worst part to me. I also can't tell if it's supposed to be a joke.

Also this is more IA than IE but it's cold enough for the cow's breath to condense but dinglebutt is eating yogurt outside in a short sleeved shirt.

so is the cow like the guy's friend and is waiting for him to finish his yogurt so they can hang out?

the word "smelly"

That's pretty irrational.

Or innocuous rather