your terrible ideas

range of tasty kids' poisons called Peribo (the crappy world of)

app/site that would be like Yelp but only for rating/reviewing property & business owners based on their sidewalk shoveling/clearing after snowstorms

Last night, after successfully changing a shit diaper on the small tile counter in the tiny bathroom in the basement of a Mexican restaurant while the kid screamed, I decided I want to make some sort of social network / check-in / game app where you post diaper changes and get points based on difficulty or unusualness of the circumstances. Obviously it would be called Diapr.

lol

love it

album-length doom metal cover of "Hallelujah" with guest rappers.

or

Murakami Choose Your Own Adventure.

a tv series following Garak the tailor from deep space 9 and other members of his race.

i'm gonna call it "Keeping up with the Cardassians"

Brickgun: an FPS game where the player is armed with a gun that fires bricks, so they can build chest high walls to duck behind while their health regenerates.

From phone notes:

Film with voiceover by raving drunk

Start a bulk saffron distribution business

For a gallery setting - People sitting in front of loosely interpreted and fantastical approximations of computer screens

Spider-Man on towels (buy a towel)

War Games Shed

Brickgun totally viable as either a cute indie pixel-art non-FPS action-puzzle game, or as one of many weapons in an FPS committed to wacky high-concept hijinks.

At the end of a play, if the audience applauds enough, the actors should come back out and do a short mini-play or some sort of epilogue to the main play as an encore

Last night, after successfully changing a shit diaper on the small tile counter in the tiny bathroom in the basement of a Mexican restaurant while the kid screamed, I decided I want to make some sort of social network / check-in / game app where you post diaper changes and get points based on difficulty or unusualness of the circumstances. Obviously it would be called Diapr.

― joygoat, Saturday, January 10, 2015 1:56 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is great.

Idle RPG called Clickbait where you click on bait.

Spider-Man on towels (buy a towel)

lmao

declaring fatwa upon rae sremmurd

A site that looks exactly like Indeed except that instead of listing jobs it lists drug dealers you can hold up and it's called ohindeed.com.

lol

LJ can u at least confine your inane music snobbery to the two week top-77 rollout period, thanks

that's a great idea, gr80

lol snobbery != visceral repulsion, but note the thread I posted it to, the urge to cavil is subsumed beneath letting live, poll rollout will never be the same again etc

=! looks sort of like an emoticon for an agitated person whose mouth is twitching

it is the face of someone countenancing a particularly loud & annoying fly

He KNOOOOOWS BETTER

Set up a charitable foundation, buy a house with a shed or guest house on the property, do a bunch of crappy paintings, set up a "museum" in the shed, "donate" the paintings to the museum, get tax breaks.

A Platters covers band that does the songs in a punk style, called 'The Splatters'.

would listen

A parka insulated with 100% goose fat.

You'd think with song titles like "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" and "The Great Pretender", there'd be more punk versions:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvyeNH6UGE8

Whittlemare, a film about a child who discovers that a wooden toy horse is the secret key that enables his divorced robot parents to communicate with each other.

that's a great idea!

sounds like a Wonderful World of Disney movie

that bone broth thread gave me an idea for a sketch about "Paleo Moms" who get health benefits for themselves and their children by cutting out and eating the hearts of their enemies.

A commercial for maternity jeans in which a fetus sings "Is there any more room for me in those jeans?"

terrible idea from my unconscious mind which somehow showed up in a dream a couple of days ago:

A sequel to Kindergarten Cop where Arnold Schwarzenegger is protecting his kindergarten class from wave after wave of school shooters. Somehow, it still remains a comedy.

A cover of Henry Mancini's Pink Panther theme, but replacing the saxophone part with some one singing "Burzum" over and over again.

The traditional lyrics are:

Dead ant, dead ant
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant
Dead ant

a line of artificial fruit drinks called After You Brush that taste good even right after you've brushed your teeth

a line of natural fruit drinks called 3 Hours Later... which you can enjoy after the effect of the toothpaste has worn off (a 2-pack of After You Brush and 3 Hours Later... could easily get you through the day)

an After You Brush test kit that uses a saliva sample to determine whether it's ok to drink fruit juice

an After You Brush phone app that texts you 3 hours after you've brushed your teeth to let you know that it's ok to drink fruit juice (but it isn't as accurate as the After You Brush test kit)

a line of toothpaste (secretly manufactured by a competitor of After You Brush) that doesn't affect the taste of fruit juice

you've really covered all the bases

^the toothpaste would be called Even After You Brush (xpost)

a chewing gum (secretly manufactured by After You Brush) called Fresh Breath that secretly contains sodium lauryl sulfate, the same chemical that makes fruit juice taste bitter after you've brushed your teeth. the popularity of Fresh Breath causes Even After You Brush's sales to plummet as consumers of both products are convinced that the toothpaste is useless

a breath spray called Fresher Breath (secretly manufactured by Even After You Brush slogan: "spray after you chew for even fresher breath!") that counteracts the effect of sodium lauryl sulfate, whether the source is toothpaste or gum

a scathing Michael Moore documentary called Truthpaste that exposes the sodium laurel sulfate racket

(ok, now I think I've covered all the bases)

yes, I posted too soon

I went to a Packers game last year at Lambeau field and there are dozens of bars around, some of which had ironic-but-not-that-ironic hair metal bands made up of people in their 30s and 40s playing in the parking lots for the drunken fans.

I think there ought to be a movie based on this somehow, with someone like Jack Black or Will Ferrell playing members of a band who end up in conflict with some young upstarts who are cashing in on the lucrative Lambeau field hair metal tailgating scene but aren't legit metal fans, with comic relief from wacky bratwurst vendors and a charter bus full of dudes like my father in law who rode down from Upper Michigan with a bunch of guys from his golf course and spent the weekend colossally wasted.

There should also be some scene where a mysterious stranger who looks like Vince Lombardi offers sage advice or a verbal ass-kicking right when our protagonist is at his lowest. But was he real, or just a figment of his imagination?

Eventually both bands team up or something to fight off a developer from CHICAGO who is secret BEARS FAN and the movie ends with scenes of them rocking out to each other's bands while drinking 16oz cans of Old Milwaukee and eating bratwurst covered with cheese curds at 10am.

This, by the way, is one of the bands I saw play:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbJ1PXoe0-o

irl lol @ truthpaste

Start a moving company called Juicy Brutes. The theme song is just like Juicy Fruit - "Juicy Brutes, they're gonna move ya! Juicy Brutes, they get right to ya! Juicy Brutes, they're really really really gonna mooooove ya!". I would make the moving brutes wear shorts that say "JUICY" across the butt

― "reading specialist" (Z S), Tuesday, January 1, 2013 12:36 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this pops into my head every time i consume Juicy Fruit

i forgot about that! i had better ideas when I was Z S, i'm past my prime

you had better terrible ideas, true. you've had some pretty great good ideas as Karl.