M. White vs. Aimless - FITE!

"As much"

Mr. White, you're a taxi, a hell of a taxi, a brick shithouse of a taxi and the taxi we all dream our children could one day be.

I shall take that as a high compliment, Aimless. God knows there have been dipsomaniacal nights when the one thing I desired, above all others, was a taxi.

Other$7.00?

WHAT OTHER $7.00? ? ?

It's not like she's topless......

Besides, I have an income.

I go sell blood right before going out drinking, it makes me some quick cash AND it makes my blood alcohol level increase just that much faster, so there.

On the other hand...

If dear CJ were our waitress I would sell any bodily fluids plus even put in a couple hours at the farm just to be sure to have enough cash to impress her with my largess.

If only I could hear her whisper those 7 little words she has spoken to me oh so many times... "bugger off creep before I mace ya!"

People are always prattling on about putting hours in at the farm but can one ever take them out?

I think these days CJ just threatens with that rusty icepick but I'm also pretty sure that she, like me, wouldn't have any idea what your 'largess' was.

Mr. §téè£'s largess may not be up to snuff, but among a certain set of barmaids his mendacity is legendary.

That is an outright lie......

But I refuse to be dragged into your fite with Wright so I'll ignore your slanderous statement... or is it libelous? I dunno ;)

I'm pretty sure that's mere persiflage.

Aimless, is 'set' the proper plural noun for barmaids? Considering the name of this forum, I think we should have a 'serious' and spirited (by which I mean bacchanalian) colloquy on the subject.

I will deal with Mr. White's query at a later moment. I have another fish to fry first.

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for ten vodka tonics today."

"Listen, sweetheart, I'll fix you up with Warren Beatty if you freshen this up a bit for free. Me and Warren go waaaay back, honey. He eats out of my hand."

"Id this check good? It's as good as a nooner on a day in spring, if you catch my drift, babe."

Do not tell me these do not ring a bell for you, Mr. §téè£. They should set off an entire carillion, playing the theme to A Summer Place, in double quick time -- that is, if the word of Ms. Hattie Ragg of the Cozy Nook Bar & Grill bears any credence. So, don't get cute with me, Mr. §téè£, we both know this particular jig is up.

(hssst! Duderonomy, old bean! The price of my silence is easy to guess!)

{waves empty glass conspicuously under Dude's nose}

That is all old news, I've changed my ways.

I promise.

How 'bout I buy you a drink and we don't mention this again?

Got a fiver That I could "borrow" until payday?

BTW

Where did I come up with WRIGHT anyway?

Many's the person that called me Mr. Wright. Usually people of the female persuasion and not for very long, but still...

"Oh Orville, take me for another 12-second maiden flight..."

Honey, you weren't a maiden after the first one.

Then she started calling you Sopwith, demanding that you tussle with her Red Baron across the skies of France, until 'death', until the fuel ran out, or until punctures to the fuselage became too much of a drag.

By the end of the affaire, to cut a lofty story short, you were the Airbus A340: roomy, reliable, not particularly manoeuvrable or exciting but sufficient to get a by-now mundane job done in the overwhelmingly fast-paced modern world, where such things are taken for granted.

It was the offer to join the 12ft high club which proved most irresistible.

12 feet in 12 seconds, eh?

must be one heck of a penis enlargement pill

Heave Ho always was a notorious thread killer.

I must have dosed off, sorry. What now?

Welcome back!

YAAAAY

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Whoa... Bouldieu! Welcome back monsieur!

Dear me! I can't recall if we're on speaking terms. Could you please remind me? If not, my powerful urge to say your presence is a thousand times welcome must be suppressed, out of deference to our undying enmity.

Mon cher, we've never been on speaking terms, because we have never spoken to each other, celà dit, I can imagine no impediment to any continuing discourse between ourselves beside my predilection for meandering, wait, what?

Plus, I buried the enmity in my neighbor's back yard; she still complains about the smell.

So, then. The status quo ante works just fine for me. Can I borrow a hundred until I'm back on my feet? Wait. Scratch that. Until I get the Bentley out of hock?

Pennies?

That would provide me with two rolls of fifty each, which could prove useful should I get into a bar fight and need to apply some extra fistic heft to my means of persuasion. But in all other cases, they would be a needless and annoying burden. I think I'd prefer to cower under a convenient table during my next brawl, as per usual.

In the mail...

Should?!

Could you also send along a wishing well?

Standards to uphold and whatnot

Sans but, I sent that ages ago

In my next bar brawl I promise I shall fight with the strength of ten men, or if not with their entire strength, then the strength of all ten's halitosis.

I sent that ages ago

I'll look in the lumber room.

Any lumber?
Damon autocorrect

Covfefe memes