rolling new food laboratory inventions for american chain restaurants thread

hellp us help usss
sanctuary! sanctuary!

“McDonald’s Corp. is scrambling to find answers to their problem,”

https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1061/5146218745_2315a7a8ac.jpg

Every year, the monopoly game manages another round. The rules are complicated, the tabs you peel off is printed in Greek hieroglyphics. And yet, craigslist and the print classifieds are filled with the I'VE GOT PARK PLACE, LET'S SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE ads. It's a fast food franchise contest based upon an 80-year-old board game everyone hates. I just don't get it, but hat's off to them.

for years it was rigged too

I know this makes me basically a monster rooting for the end of the world, but McDonald's hotcakes in a styrofoam package like that trigger such fond memories. I almost never ate at McDonald's, but my grandad liked it, so when he was in town that would be the special breakfast out. The sound of the toxic plastic crinkling under your fork as you saw through the syrup-coated cakes is one of those ineffables that future generations will never understand.

an 80-year-old board game everyone hates

sb

http://i.imgur.com/E2HIWV2.gif

doc: i have the exact same super nostalgia when it comes to McD's breakfast!

was that quantum of solace

apparently golden corral now serves mac and cheese with cheetos on top, as part of their mac and cheese creation station

Like ten years ago I came up with a restaurant concept sort of like that. The place would only have a griddle and a deep fryer and you would be able to order whatever combo of prepared commercial food service things you wanted - like french toast with a bratwurst and two chicken fingers, or waffles and mozzarella sticks, whatever. There would be a line of dispensers of common sauces and condiments - ranch, maple syrup, nacho cheese, marinara, chili, and so on. And at the end would be bins of crushed breakfast cereal, nacho chips, cheetos, pretzels, etc. that you could put on top for texture and flavor. This was going to be selling point and the place would be called Crumblins™. For some reason I thought there should be a neon sign of a skunk holding his nose with animated stink lines as the logo.

sounds like a grocery store

xp
Two late! Twohey's, home of the stinko burger. (Garlic was the key, and I guess it dates back to when garlic was an unusual spice to be featured in white cuisine.)

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ob8Kba8ipA4/TZLKZpao-FI/AAAAAAAAEdI/zyhI3Qyoaxk/s1600/IMG_9027.JPG

lucid grim vision of humanity's end was actually just graphic rendering of condiment dispensary line

Joygoat, you would make a lot of money selling food to poor people doing that!

I mean, I like comfort food as much as anyone, but Golden Corral is cynical and evil, they aim their advertising at the nutritionally ignorant.

Man, what are you talking about. These people know exactly what they're feeding into their bodies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5CZrRARyu8

Cotton candy isn't that bad for you since there's so little in it.

That's right - go for the chocolate waterfall - cover up those shortcomings. Get some farmy Midwestern people to endorse it. A chocolate waterfall is at least something resembling home-prepared food.

Seriously, I am nutritionally conscious and there was nothing "wholesome" on the entire menu. It is for food-as-drug.

I tried that McDonald's monopoly game once and it brought out the homicidal gambling addict in me. Bought a wrap there last month (not bad, it has actual VEGGIES), saw the game piece and thought, "never again!"

wait so were you buying a dozen filet o fishes a day just for the monopoly pieces or what?

I knew a couple who hit each McDonalds along I-40 in my state, ordering kids meals just to get some obscure BeanieBaby™.

Ty Warner really had em hooked back then

Sufjan, I lived down the street from a McDonald's at the time, a few lunches a week plus getting friends & family to give me their pieces. It was a few years ago, but as I recall I'd picked up some hard-to-get pieces.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/business_insider/2014/10/02/mcdonald_s_monopoly_sweepstakes_statistics_make_some_properties_more_valuable.html

the most common rare piece is a 1 in 15 million chance.

Twohey's! South Pasadena/Alhambra/San Marino's finest!

Not really, but still a perfectly serviceable diner! Also, right next to In-n-Out.

http://cdn1.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/43512566/Pumpkin_Spice.0.0_standard_800.0.jpg

Rejoice fans of all things pumpkin spice (and maybe Umami fans). The infamous Pumpkin Spice Latte Burger at Umami is available TODAY only for $4 (November 5). Made with pumpkin pie spiced mascarpone cheese, tempura kabocha squash, garlic aioli, and a sweet drizzle of coffee flavored molasses, it's a near-Internet phenomenon.

http://www.grubgrade.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Double-Loaded-Omelet-Biscuit-Hardees-Carls-Jr.jpg

http://www.grubgrade.com/2014/10/20/hardees-and-carls-jr-new-double-loaded-omelet-biscuit/

a biscuit with 2 omelettes, 3 kinds of meat, & idek how much cheese.

and 2 chains, stacked one on top of the other

Now all it needs is a gross, porned-out commercial to sell it.

Does anyone in this thread actually go to Carl's Jr. and do they all basically not cook their bacon? I think it's technically cooked but it's always floppy and fatty and revolting out here.

o'neil takes one last gander at bin laden's body bag and then finishes his new carl's jr. double loaded omelet biscuit

http://i.imgur.com/YV7tlax.png

?

Does anyone in this thread actually go to Carl's Jr. and do they all basically not cook their bacon?

I do (to Hardees), and they cook their bacon plenty for me. I don't really like it cooked to crispness.

i like the occasional carl's jr. western bacon cheeseburger -- don't think i've had one in at least a year, but i don't remember finding the bacon problematic at all.

http://rs463.pbsrc.com/albums/qq354/Eclectablog/animated-siren-gif.gif~c200 http://qz.com/293298/confirmed-doritos-flavored-mountain-dew-is-for-real/ http://rs463.pbsrc.com/albums/qq354/Eclectablog/animated-siren-gif.gif~c200

what is mountain dew's purported flavor? like a citrus thing? i always assumed the circus peanut soaked in vinegar taste was unintentional/a byproduct of the manufacturing process

Mountain dew's purported flavor is ambrosia

sweet nectar of the gods

http://i.imgur.com/giNPctW.png

http://consumerist.com/2014/11/04/readers-reviews-of-papa-johns-fritos-chili-pizza-mixed-mostly-bad/

http://i.imgur.com/b64WvkM.jpg

Next up: the sticky biscuit burger

my guess is the marketeers came up with name 'brute burger' during an extended brainstorming session, high-fived all around, then ordered corporate food kitchen to design it

Brute burger campaign reminds me of

http://www.lackuna.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mcdonalds-said-they-would-hit-it.jpg

Apparently us millennials insist on being able to customize things

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/10/the-chipotlification-of-american-fast-food/382167/

Is the flip side of this that they just pour on half a pound of whatever toppings you ask for no matter how clearly you ask for just a bit?

these restaurants are obv a result of the economy but i guess actually it's because we millennials' parents let us pick out our own baby formula or fuck ever

this is funny tho

On Wednesday, McDonald's, which has been struggling mightily (especially with the younger set), announced that it was using San Antonio as a market to test a new menu that, as the San Antonio Express reported, "lets customers mix and match individually priced entree orders with different side options, instead of the typical fries and soft drink. Alternatives include a side salad, sundae, three cookies and more."

I WANT FOUR COOKIES FUCK THIS I'M GOING TO WENDYS

"With our new and improved app, you can take that cookie."