The ILE bar is now open..............

i always assumed that Hanle y started the same way. hello there. yay ILE newbies! CJ: sounds like yr a bit of an IRCer or maybe a MUDer?

awwww a CAT BOUNCER! misu will get no trouble from me but i hope he/she doesn't mind the occasional cuddle...

Ahh the evil kodak moment, Enchanted CJ. Ive been looking for just this type of recreational establishment, its rather marvellous- Ive just been tenderising in the jacuzzi and am floating a few feet above myself, I think ill need a scotch and dry. Im going to put 'in dreams' on the jukebox, *swivels* Im jeskam by the way, f 26 artist. I dont know if youd call me a regular, but im an advocate for casuals freedom of speech. I wont be seeing many of you in here as im on the underside of the erf, but hey heres my song "in dreams I walk with you...."

we also need a jukebox in this bar! with Gary Numan on it!

Opening an ILE bar has to be the best way someone has ever de-lurked. Do you have a real bar CJ? Could you host an FAP?

*C J points to the fabulous jukebox in the corner.......and reminds everyone that it has every single record in the world on it. And it's free*

Gary Numan, eh? He flies helicopters now I believe. He's come a long way from being the boy on the Blackbird Leys housing estate in Oxford. The boy done good.

Hello all ....... I'd love to stay and chat but I'me a bit snowed under. Worky worky etc. Help yourselves to a drink - Misu will clear up after you - and I'll be popping in later to see who's about.

Have a good Tuesday!

We better start this morning as we mean to go on, Bloody Marys all round, nice and spicy. Butter better line up some old fashioneds with straight bourbon chasers and will get to the tanquarey martinis by lunch. I have high standards in martinis. Tanqueray gin, Noilly Prat Vermouth, a few shakes of bitters. The glass must have sides at 45 degrees to each other, a perfectly straight stem and bottom with no fillet or chamfer.

I brought ar snacks though. Deep fried whitebait, parmesan cheese, tortilla and capers.

Sadly alext, I don't have a real bar. Wish I did - that'd be cool. I'll have to make do with this virtual one.

I thought it would be a good way to get to know you all ..... I'm v. glad you're all willing to play along! I hardly feel like a newbie at all now.

*passes a plate of hot buttered toast around to those still wanting breakfast*

Alan - what's IRC and MUD? is IRC a chat thingy (in which case, no - I don't tend to do that). I thought MUD was a 70s Glam Rock band?

*starts singing Tiger Feet, badly, and out of tune*

CJ
My Monkey is hungry
do you have anything for my monkey


puts suzanne on the juke box, I want to waltz- who is up for it ? ase

I forgot to Welcome CJ, how frightfully rude, I was all tied up in getting my drinks right.

slips a few quid in the jukebox and lines up some Mingus and Coltrane for the next few tunes, bah bah bing boom bah.

they're both chat thingies, where people often invoke "actions" as well as saying stuff, like:

*Alang sits down and sings about gold*

Also the making of virtual hangouts is VERY MUD-y. thanks for the bar, it's nice. lots of weird stuff hanging from the ceiling, a GIANT CAT bouncer, (well maybe not that giant), a toaster. ace.

ed
cohen was playing, and i was enjoying him
please wait for the mingus
and i would really like to dance

mmmm...toast. Do you by any chance have any Marmite, CJ? It's really great that you've opened this bar just for us. You are most welcome on ILx. Mark sits down (wow, the comfiest chair) and contemplates a trip down the road to Blackbird Leys after work to search for the blue plaque on Gary Numan's old house.

many apologies, I though the juke would just queue thm up, taps in cohen again.

Does Misu have a brother caled Behemoth?

*hands Ed his money back* - juke box is free, so save your cash.

Anthony! Do you really have a monkey? Is it perchance a Barro Colorado Howler Monkey? *hands over a bucket of fruit and leaves for Monkey*

Or is it more of a Johnny Vegas-type stuffed Monkey?

Either way, he's cute. Make sure he stays away from Misu though, as I think he's feeling a bit randy this morning.

Jeskam - Hi! Are you from Aus? I lived in Melbourne for a couple of years, and travelled about a bit before heading off to the Far East. Had a great time.

I do go to one particular Chat Room, Alan - but it has recently become overrun by bored spotty adolescents (apologies to any bored spotty adolescents who may be on ILE). That's prolly where I got the *action* stuff from.

Sheesh! I really DO need to go to work. BBL

C J

The Monkeys Father is a Baboon and His Mother is a Bonobo. The only fruit he eats is fermented.

I have something interesting lurking in a Rumtopf - would Monkey care to try that? It melts knicker elastic, but am not sure what it does to primates. Still, he looks the sort who'll try anything once........what's his name, btw?

MarkH .........mmmmmm, Marmite!

I love that shove-off-the-cliff it gives me when I spread it too thickly

*makes another round of toast, and passes MarkH the Marmite jar*

Hey CJ - I actually have a bar in real life (with a free jukebox natch) - but it is nowhere near as nice as your one. The nearest you'll get to a cocktail down here is Snakebite & Black (or Snakebite'n'Red if the blackcurrant has run out).

By the way, FAP = Fancy A Pint.

I am not sure, you will have to ask the monkey.
He prefers a nice pinot gris

Pinot gris?

I thought you said he was a Monkey, not an Alsatian?

Where's your real life bar then Pete? Snakebites sound very West Country Chic to me..........

Excuse me, have I got Marmite on my face? I sometimes eat my marmite and toast a little too, erm, enthusiastically. Pass me one of those maroon napkins out of the shiny metal dispenser, would you? I like that carved wooden Buddha, btw.

Pete brings a little bit of the West Country to Russell Square.

Snakebites are student chic, surely?

West country chic = cider armadillo, of course.

Welcome to ILx, CJ.

Snakebite & black = goth chic. Heh heh heh.

Surely guiness and black ==> goth chic

Guinness & Black = Purple People Eater, no? (Or was that guiness, cider and black?) Whatever, it = Ashton-Under Lyne mentalist chic in my experience.

Mummy I went on the internet and interacted with mentalists who have 'virtual bars'.

The virtual hangover is when you wake up and realise you've been fired and have no mates.

God, aren't you the life and soul this morning?

My monkey grows bored, entertain it.

Yes!

(not yes to entertaining the monkey, sorry)

Ronan
Entertain the fucking monkey

anthony! they found NU-MONKEYS!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_2064000/2064216 .stm

Does the relationship that Nu-Monkeys have to monkeys parallel the relationship between nu-metal and metal and New Labour and Labour?

I rather fancy a Gin FIzz when you get back CJ.

Blue Blazers all round.

Lunchtime greetings, CJ. Mine’s a pint of Orkney Dark Island. Unless you serve it in gallons, of course.

What? Oh, I’m in the UK too: Leith, to be exact. I am the person who discovered the Ask A Drunk forum and kicked it into its present state of corrupt feverish life, so well exemplified by Aimless. That is my only claim to fame in – hang on, let me count how many years it is – cor, I’m even older than Momus! On the other hand I’m less talented, so you see how nature balances itself.

Hate to ask, but do you actually mind if I suck the sawdust?

I'll take a belvedere on the rocks with a lemon wedge please. Make it a double, I was up half the night.

Now it's lunch time I could really do with a pint of London Pride, please CJ. Then I can sit at the bar and introduce myself to you properly (sits down on bar stool). I'm Mark, 31, I live in Oxford and I work as an Electronic Content Quality Controller, putting journal articles on the web. At the moment I'm working on an article about the primeval forests in the Babia Göra National Park in Southern Poland. I might wander over the jukebox later to see if you have "Party Fears Two" by the Associates.

Whoo, I can't hold my booze anymore these days...one lemonade cassis last night and...oh, Misu, thank you for the coffee -- just what I needed.

*holds hand out for Misu to smell. He sniffs it, and finding no scent of another cat, rubs up against it*

As long as you're up, Misu, I'd love a croissant, and do you have any Nutella? In the meantime, I'm in Washington, DC, and I work as an editor (this week I'm working on medical stuff). I'll probably return for a drink this evening; it's hard enough to keep the subscripts and superscripts straight when I'm sober.

*Misu returns with croissants and Nutella*

What a sweet cat. I think CJ and Misu will fit right in here. :^}

excuse me barkeep, im thirsty. still waiting for my belvedere.

Misu is a very fine cat indeed, from the sound of it. Right now all I need is some orange juice, but then again I've just woken up.

I'm on my break, and could murder a glass of Chablis.

Well, looky here at all these people! I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for this barkeep to return - I told Misu he was in charge, but he appears to just be snoozing gently on that sunny window sill.

Here's your orange juice Ned - did you finish reading The Bell Jar last night? I've not read that particular Plath, so maybe I could borrow it after you?

I'm actually reading something nice and lightweight today - due to work stress cannot cope with anything that I need to think about - so I've just started Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Excellent book, very funny. Less than 300 pages so should have finished it by tonight.

Here you are Chris - a double Belvedere on the rocks with a lemon wedge. Sorry to keep you waiting!

Good morning Julia - here's a nice warm croissant and Nutella for you. *refills coffee cup too*.

A pint of Orkney Dark Island for you Rex....... I had to travel to the Orkneys specially to get that, but nothing's too much trouble in this bar. I don't mind at all if you suck the sawdust, just be careful because Misu's still being house-trained, and I really wouldn't be able to vouch for the content of the damp patches on the floor. Enjoy!

Gin Fizz for Pete .........Blue Blazer for Ed ........*huge* glass of chilled Chablis for Matt ....... and a pint of London Pride for MarkH.

*C J waves at MarkH, her Oxfordshire neighbour*

Did anybody entertain Anthony's monkey? I might give Misu a bath in the jacuzzi later - that's usually quite entertaining. Especially when trying to remove Misu from my scalp.

I doubt I shall get much done on the computer this afternoon now - ILE is too damned distracting.

Nice to see you all (again)

C J

- who really can't believe that she actually wrote down all those drinks orders like a real waitress, to make sure she didn't miss anyone out......lol! -

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY IS FANTASTIC. HOPEFULLY YOU'VE READ NAKED AS WELL BY SEDARIS, EQUALLY ENTERTAINING. THANKS FOR THE BELVEDERE, COULD USE SOME TEQUILA SHOTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

Pardon? I couldn't quite catch that. Could you speak up? :)

I haven't read Naked yet - the only other one I've read is the Santaland Diaries.

I would like to nominate Sedaris as Comic Genius of the Week, please.

Thank you