people that YELP are scumbags

The food here can only truly be described as hedonistic.

LOLz.

what % of yelp reviews are more about the yelper and the yelpers life and friends than about the actual subject of the review

all spreading warm chocolate sauce on each other's torsos

http://static.px.yelp.com/photo/_WGjJznIeYo9yYC-cV0ddQ/m

Wow! I'm not into beer that much. My son is. He ordered some kind of flight over America sampler and I had a dark beer he said would be good (he was right). Like Forest Gump I would say, " I might not be a smart man, but I know what beer is." There was a lot.

I enjoyed the atmosphere. Especially the beer Goddesses (waitresses)all dressed up in cute little plaid skirts. The two hundred beer club has plates on the ceiling and the walls with your name on them and the date when you have drank two hundred different beers. In my naivety I asked my son if that meant in one day!

I had a good time, sat on a sofa and watched the beer Goddesses. I even got a picture with three of them. Boy, ain't life great!

"mmm this garlic bruschetta is. . . hedonisitic"

*meow, meow*

Of course a Cat like me would like it here. From the oysters to the caviar, how can you go wrong? This posh kitty filled restaurant was a great hot spot for a Saturday night out with friends.

We ordered a lot, maybe too much food. The waiter kind of took over on that part, so be CAREFUL they will try to add extras to your meal. Corkage here is $25 (which is a little much) and their stemware isn't amazing, however some dishes are too good to pass up.

My favorites:
Oysters on the half shell
The Paddlefish caviar
And the tempura fried oysters, water spinach, jicama, sesame seeds and ponzu.
Oh! And great apple fritters with caramel and sea salt.
We also ordered this drink that was special that evening that tasted like an Orange Julius, so GOOD!

This kitty was satisfied. *Purr* ;)

I could not resist the free short stack deal at IHOP yesterday and the invitations form my Harlem friends to visit the only one in the city. The line was terrible because we choose to go for 'breakfast for dinner' but after 20 minutes in the cold and a lot of pressure on the hostess we made it in. The syrup choices were a plus although I believe them all to be primarily high fructose corn syrup and not tree sap. I did buck the trend and split and extra order of hash browns with the free pancakes. So worth it. They even occasionally tasted like potatoes. Really, it is hard to make hash browns spectacular; if they are too good they become home fries.
Best part: even at the end of a long shift our waiter was super sweet and excited to get a tip.
I would only recommend this place one day a year for the free short stack. No more. No less.

IT'S FUCKING IHOP DUDE

lmbo

dear god in heaven that cat one :((((((

half of yelp reviews are girls using the wink emoticon and talking about their juggs

ok the one i found the most hilarious yesterday

i just moved to the 'hood, and am ISO really great pizza without the trek & crowds at Grimaldi's-
i got take out from Sam's the other night. I had no idea what the guy on the phone was saying, but he sounded italian enough to give me something delish. we had the eggplant pizza & a salad, and i loved it!
i will definitely go there again, and maybe next time go for the parm!
the only thing is there is a sign on the door saying 'no pets or strollers'
no strollers? i don't have a baby, or a stroller... (editors note: she only mentions babies, right) but isn't that justweird?

http://static.px.yelp.com/photo/AwPhvg-l0fMPE6ukvFwhJg/m

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=2BBPYdmHC1XOhWfBTm74kg

^^^ half of her profile is just shit for dogs

oh my jesus

This kitty was satisfied. *Purr* ;)

I hate working out and therefore never go to the gym.

But, once in a while, I feel fat and need to work off all the food and alcohol.

So, after a 5 week hiatus from torture class, I finally came back to Core Fusion last night. Trista is my fave instructor and she knows how to work you till you cry mercy.

The class was pretty full last night and there were actually 6 guys in there. Usually, its 95% women. But, hey, guys need to tone up too. At one point, after we did the killer arm workout, I really thought I was gonna pass out. Seriously, I was seeing stars.. OMG.

Well, 1 hr later, and feeling like a firmer cat, I was proud that I dragged my ass here. Torture or not, least I'm not as flabby as yesterday. :)

Classes are $20/session or $12 with student ID.

he sounded italian enough to give me something delish.

but after 20 minutes in the cold and a lot of pressure on the hostess

Don't even wanna know what this meant.

everything i am posting has been a "Review of the Day" just to be clear

It's a fun little hamburger place. Kinda like a Johnny Rockets vibe but more expensive. Our server was the happiest server in the world. I don't know what she was so happy about...but she had perma-grin on her face. You think she was drunk? Or high? It was in the middle of the afternoon~! I don't know but I guess a server with perma-grin is better than a server with a poopie frownie face.

They give you a sheet to mark what you want on your hamburger. I decided on the turkey burger. Very very dry. My lunch date had the mini cheeseburgers. Those were pretty tasty. The fries and onion rings were fresh and pretty good too.

Overall it was just okay. Not bad but I don't know if I'd come back unless I was in the neighborhood and someone else wanted to try it.

hahahaha a johnny rockets vibe!

I guess a server with perma-grin is better than a server with a poopie frownie face

^^ actually think she plagiarized this from gael green

It's hard being so Alpha all the time.

I know I make it look easy - what with my overwhelmingly pungent male pher-o-mones and my bo-honking machismo.

However, dear Yelpers, let me assure you that The Gar does power down once-in-a-Blue Moon, much like Michael Knight has to garage his high-performance, super-dope talking car K.I.T.T. every so often.

So in between episodes of vanquishing territorial nemeses and ravaging nubile nymphets, I like to tap into my more, shall we say, genteel side by tidying up my appearance and popping into Susina, which is oh-so-proper.

There I like to let the dulcet tones of Classical music dance into my ears and the sweet-sweet scent of potpourri waft into my nose, replacing thoughts of pummeling and smashing with ruminations of Les Beaux Artes and Haute Culture.

Instead of guzzling mead from goatskins and gnawing on barely cooked prey on the battlefields of Conquest, at Susina I can sip delicately-flavored Chamomile tea and sup on sumptuous panini and baked goods.

If you need respite from the madding crowd, lay down your arms and go to Susina. It'll give you the rest you require.

But, men, don't stay there too long and don't visit too often -- or you will develop a man-gina.

Four stars!

I'm embarrassed to be writing a reivew about Mc Donald's...but here goes.

The food is vomit worthy, as always. The main problem I have with Mc Donald's is the delivery time. The recalcitrant crack dealers they hire to deliver food either get lost after walking one block, or it apparently takes 2 hours to put 10 chicken mcnuggets in a carton. Either way, the service combined with the food is pretty atrocious. One delivery woman actually had the balls (or...well...whatever she has) to ask me for a bigger tip. I ended up giving her half of my laundry money. Bitch!

So why continue to order from and support such a wretched joke of a restauarant? Well, when I'm hungover, I don't want to move, and McDonald's food always seems like such a great idea after a night of drinking. After two hours of waiting for my food, occasionally I feel satisfied (thus, the two stars)....but the feeling is exceptionally rare.

Just stay away from Mc Donalds. Your body will love you so much more.

People thought this was: Useful (2) Funny (3) Cool (1)

2 people found it useful. Whew.

good example of yelp "inside baseball" kind of shit that no one really gives a shit about except for these loons

------------------

Let me tell you what kind of a person I am. I am the kind of person that stops by this cafe on the way to her plastic surgeon's office. I'm the kind of person that gets easily addicted to things and doesn't mind paying $7 for a cup of coffee and an oatmeal cookie. I'm also the kind of person that puts salt on the oatmeal cookies before she eats them. So, when John M., Bradley S. and I made a date, I chose this location because of my addiction. It dictates how I lead my life and the places I go. So, even though I wasn't on the way to the surgeon's to become beautiful, just meeting up with a couple of Yelpers that bicker like Ike and Tina, this was the only place that would do.

We had a lovely time, which is the only thing that can happen when three self-centered people get together to talk about their opinions of other people. It's also fantastic when the Governor of the state walks in with his children and their pet rabbit. I guess when your dad is the boss of the entire state and a former Mr. Universe, you can walk around with your rodents in tow. Kinda pisses me off that I was born to a professional poker player and a baker.

We only had coffee, which comes in little pots, but they abandon it in front of you without any kind of sugar situation. That left Bradley and I fending for my Splenda and his copious, COPIOUS amounts of Sugar in the Raw. He has diabetes now, in case you're interested. Service was a bit slow, we had to flag our waitress down for refills, and I felt like we could've walked out the door at any time without paying our bill. We contemplated ordering food, but since everything in the place is over $16 and sounds organic, we skipped it.

I love this place, and if it were open past 7pm, it would be my hangout, that and if I could ever figure out how to pronounce the name.

i found that review useful

I dunno, that one is at least occasionally funny. And brusque, and a little less "OH DEARIE ME, I AM TOTALLY UNAWARE OF ANYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE".

wtf mcdonalds delivers

But, men, don't stay there too long and don't visit too often -- or you will develop a man-gina.

Four stars!

^^^^ i usually give top ratings to places that take away my genitalia too.

^^^otm

"That is a mini kok".

Yup. That's what she said - after observing it intently.

"Really?" (That's all he could say!)

She (speaking slowly): "It's pronounced coke. It's a pastry made with cake-type cookies that are filled with pastry cream, dipped in syrup, and topped with a chocolate glaze."

"Think of it as a Greek cream puff", the server added helpfully as I tried to keep a straight face and ignore naughty thoughts.

You either have it or you don't. And, by that I mean the ability to pick a winner amongst a hundred contenders ("But I like the way you're thinking"). Having introduced me to the fine world of (rich) Greek pastries through Omonia Café, Athens Café, and many others, my friend, a bonafide Greek, was astounded when I returned the favor by introducing her to Artopolis, a delightful bakery that would compete favorably with the very best that Athens has to offer - at the very least in the breathtaking variety of their products.

Cookie Monster let me introduce you to Melomakarona: this spice (Cinnamon, Clove) cookie is a Christmas tradition in Greece and is dipped in a syrup of honey and lemon juice and sprinkled with walnuts. *Poof* Wait, where did it disappear?

The Cookie Monster is not the only one who would go Kookie in the middle of so many cookies! I've discovered the only way to figure out what you do and don't like is to pick a pound of assorted cookies. After padding up my waistline, I've realized that I also like Kourambiethes (rich, walnut shortbread) and Kouroulakia (mildly sweet, coffee dunking) cookies. Oh, and the dark chocolate Florentines.

Recession worries got you beat? Try their traditional Greek pastries and feel rich, without pulling off a Madoff. You don't need to create a ponzi scheme when you can indulge in different types of Kataifi (shredded phyllo dough, walnuts, honey - including one similar to Knafeh), Galaktoboureko (custard filled phyllo where the custard is baked with the pastry as opposed to a mille-feuille), and Baklava (regular, almond, pistachio, chocolate, fig, coconut). Oh, and did I tell you about the 12 different kinds of glaces? Sinful.

Twisted minds seeking to atone for their sins (say, for being on yelp Talk), or merely needing sustenance for another harrowing time (say, on yelp Talk) can feast on the braided Soureki - traditionally served to celebrate Easter (and similar to Challah).

There are a few tables to sit down and enjoy the pastries with illy coffee. You should not expect to overhear dialogues of Plato or the plays of Aristophanes in a mini-mall of America - and you don't. Even though a narration of 'The Clouds' might be extremely relevant in these times. Who needs 'Shopaholic' when one can learn from Socrates?

I remember a very few number of things about the night of my visit to Slaughtered Lamb. Here they are in blurry order:

2. Bartenders make the taps flow like the mighty Mississippi in this joint.

1. I met Khalib B for the first time the night I came here.

3. I found some guy named Terry with a skateboard on the street outside this place and taught him yoga sun salutations A and B. I only know this because krafty KB has a video on his phone now. (For the love of your halal cart - delete that shiz!)

5. KB carried me out of this place and when he put me down, I walked a 5.2 feet, tripped and fell flat on my face on the sidewalk, ripped a hole in my tights, proclaimed to everyone on the street that the incident branded me as a drunken ho-bag and hobbled to a curbside stoop to show him how I "skinned my knee" and then passed out on tha brotha.

I'm gonna miss ya KB, but I can't really remember why so I just removed one star.okbye.

^^^ this one is pretty good actually

OH MY GOD IN READING THE DOUCHEY REVIEWS OF THE DAY I JUST FOUND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE SHE IS AN ELITE D:

loooool

i dunno if this is the same with nyc but i'm noticing that out of thousands of yelp people, the reviews of the day seem to be chosen from a pool of about 50 people

these reviews make me think that most of these ppl read 'classy' magazine reviews all their lives and now get to be those 'glamourous' people going to places and writing about it. like, it's no longer 'oh hey i went to this place, maybe i'll write a quick review' but more 'i'm going to this place specifically so i can write an unwitty, cringeworthy review that makes me sound like the douche i am'.

her review of boxcar lounge is in the rotd section -- both she and that establishment are dead to me now

"the reviews of the day seem to be chosen from a pool of about 50 people"

If you give them your real name, you could be one of those 50!

schef im pretty sure i no two ppl thatve posted reviews but a least yr friend isnt "Aryan D"

Totally not what I expected coming from a local Chinese restaurant.

I went here on a weekend with a few friends and it was pretty dead. The place was extremely clean and the furniture still looked new. I did find it odd upon entering that the statues were holding U.S. flags....

Anyways, the menu differentiated itself from others in that they made certain that their "health conscious" business model was portrayed. Great selection and I ended up getting the Sesame Chicken lunch special which came with soup and egg roll for $7. Service was great but I'd like to see how it is on a busy day.

The only suggestion I'd make is to have fortune cookies that give you better...fortunes.

I'll admit that this review is a bit biased because my friend's dad owns this restaurant and I told her I'd give it a try. It was voted "Best of LA" this year and even had the Yelp sticker on the outside which surprised me. I had high expectations and it met them.

I hate to see your unbiased review dude.

Before you read my review and why I gave this place only two stars, I'm putting up full disclosure that I am 1) a male, so I would never be shopping here for myself - 2) a 4XL-sized male with a not-XS girlfriend, so the store refuses to believe any fat people could be "Forever 21" - and 3) a person who knows NOTHING about fashion and thanks the Lord every day to remember to wear a shirt and pants and couldn't give a rat's ass whether or not they "match".

See that grain of salt over there? That's what you should take my advice with.

That out of the way, this store apparently thinks that 21-year-olds (that you should "Forever" aspire to be like) are loud, obnoxious, whorish, antisocial, devious and horrifically disorganized. Either that or it doesn't understand what people think when they see a store labeled "Forever 21".

I always thought that the music system in a store/business was meant to entice the patrons and lull them into a sense of comfort, like casinos do. This place throws that notion out the window, then records the sound of all that window-glass shattering, and loops it at about 100 decibels until you're clawing at your ears to rip them off and end your suffering. I'm not at all a "hep cat" (or however the youths are saying that nowadays), but I do have a wide range of music knowledge at my disposal. And that sounds like a garbage disposal.

If there's one thought that undoubtedly runs through the minds of these clerks 21 (and forever) times a day, it must be "This place would be great - if it weren't for the customers!" Let me tell you something, Forever 21 executives. The idea of being "forever 21" is supposed to appeal to PEOPLE OLDER THAN 21 because they wish they could be forever at that perfect age without growing old, like they are currently doing. So how in the name of all that is good and right in this world did you pick a target demographic who is 14-18 years old? These pubescent sticks of hormones wouldn't know 21 without the aid of a time machine - so how can allow them to strive to be Forever 21?

This store would be 30 times better if there were a bouncer at the door blocking women who couldn't present a valid I.D. - and it would be 300 times greater if it served alcohol. Something for the menfolk - other than the clothes themselves...

Whorish (adj.): a word to describe the clothing at Forever 21. Done.

We wandered the store for about 25 minutes in total and I was asked ONE TIME, "are you finding everything you need?" I was not, because what I needed was for the store to sell more than 2 items in the size XL, neither of which I had located. Unfortunately, before I could verbally get any of that out, the clerk had been distracted by something shiny and walked away. Perhaps her hearing had been permanently damaged by the "music" and thought she heard me say "yes", so she was free to leave.

As for the deviousness and disorganization, it's rampant. Every "sale" sign in the place has those words "and up" attached to them, so by the time I've found something almost passable to purchase (after digging through stacks of items not sorted by size or anything useful or located near any similar items), I find out it's twice the price of the other stuff. I'm fully aware that more material is needed to create an XL shirt than an XS - but people who can fit in an XS are too young to be shopping at this store. Or need to eat something, please!

I'm frankly waiting for the revolution to begin. The overweight are outnumbering the underweight, and all of these stores selling to the "pretty people" and offer nothing above a size L need to be driven out of business. Yes, there will always be a size S in a department store for you - that doesn't mean we should have a nationwide chain of stores that ONLY sell size S. And yes - I plan on posting this in every review I write of businesses who think that they don't have the obligation to offer clothing in sizes that are becoming more of the norm.

Of course, those other stores might have a title that doesn't show complete disregard for itself like "Forever 21" does. Then again, if a store were built around my 21st year eternally, it would sell sweatpants and Nacho Cheese Doritos. So grab that grain of salt, because this is the end of my rant:

I guess I'd have to recommend this store to whorish teens who long to be 21 years old - and suggest that anyone who has survived that year and knows of the horrors of vomit-stained carpets from binge drinking that should not be revisited forever avoid this place like the plague.

http://g.imagehost.org/0180/m.jpg

http://www.yelp.com/biz/pedros-spanish-american-restaurant-brooklyn

there are two reviews bitching about how no one came and took their orders and how long it took to get waiter service in a joint that does not have waiters (and clearly says so in yelp's little summary up top)

search on the word "hipster" on a lot of these reviews and you'll see it's a worse strawman on yelp than it is on ilx.

"But after a few, we moved to the room with the DJ, and we couldn't stop dancing."

- from a yelp review of a place I go that doesn't have any DJs

i find myself looking at one-star reviews on yelp more than 5-star reviews, and if the 1-star person sounds like a douchebag, usually the place will be ok

^^^

yeah that is pretty much a truism.

yes - esp. reviews where the person talks about how much they spent/were going to spend at the place (works at all price levels).