Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

...Please tell me this isn't going to turn out awkward.

― ed.b, Tuesday, August 12, 2014 7:12 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This was awkward! But only because she was far more socially anxious and awkward than I, which was a first, and actually oddly comforting (there's a real sense of self-assurance that comes with dealing with someone that has the social skills of yourself circa 16 years old).

After ceasing all post-date contact last week, we saw each other at the same movie last night, while she was out with friends. I guess it says something if I, rather than panic, mostly felt bad for how much social anxiety my presence was likely causing her. I'm pretty sure she did the 'sit super slung in the seat so as to stay hidden' thing. Again, a perverse comfort in knowing that you're causing someone more anxiety than they're causing you.

If our match percentage wasn't so low I'd probably go for it (yes, she was one of the "hot teachers").

go for it anyway imo

not necessarily in order to get anywhere, but just to know that you went for it

hotforteacher.gif

Here's a crazy idea for you: the idea that maybe, women's behaviour, while they are out in "the wild", at clubs, or at movies with their friends, may be about their own internal states and thoughts and experiences and absolutely nothing to do with you at all?

I know it's very easy, when one spends a lot of time on one's own, to project that every single thing done by a person you are interested in is somehow about you, but really, women are independent human beings and though you may be the centre of your own world, other people's worlds have different centres.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. But if you can internalise this, I've saved you 2 years and thousands of pounds' worth of therapy.

otm but edb is v much at the nascency of his love life & will surely learn these things in time

You'd be surprised how many men never learn these things.

ha point taken, but ed's a bright spark & I say give the lad a chance. probably had to be said tho yeah

Oh no, these were 100% cases of avoiding each other

Not really sure where the idea that this about me projecting my narcissistic desire comes from: it's about running into your high school teacher sexy dancing at 2AM and that being awkward (At one point her friend came over and starting asking me about my school, so clearly she noticed I was there). I don't think that's an unrealistic thing to say. And the latter person was definitely avoiding me. I heard her say something like "oh let's not sit here" when here friends moved near me, and then when they moved right in front of me, she ducked her head under the top of the seat, then one of her friends said something about why are you panicking? I was avoiding her too. I mean, your comment is OTM because, obviously, but I'd give me more credit than automatically associating this with "damn these people are so obsessed with ME"

ed

Not to get too defensive, though, I'm prone to narcissistic projection for most things (and not just women), so thank you for your advice.

just sayin', 0% of branwell's advice concerned your teacher anecdote

imago, speaking on behalf of other people is a bad idea. Please don't do it.

actually yer right, We never as much made eye contact, although she did perform many sexually suggestive dance moves that night. is perhaps a projection. point retracted

Ok, if you're reading that as "she performed sexually suggestive dance moves" BECAUSE I was there, then you're flat out misreading what I'm saying.

well I didn't think you meant that, but idk, shouldn't speak for others generally otm

edddddddd

Yesssssss?

get out via the window, run

If imago is quite finished (incorrectly) mansplaining what he thought I meant...

ed, the word I would have used would not be "narcissistic", wrong connotations. It would "solipsistic". There is a world of difference.

The situations you describe: Running into your former teacher either on OKC or at a club where she is dancing; sitting behind someone you had an (unsuccessful OKC) date with. These situations are awkward and potentially fraught. Yes.

But the awkwardness may well be *situational* rather than a personal reflection on you. The woman at the movies may well be thinking "OMG, a {guy from OKC} this is awkward, I don't want to have to explain my online dating habits to my IRL friends" where you are occupying the awkward space of {dude from OKC date} rather than her judgement on ed b, human being and OKC user. The situation with the teacher is similar, I mean, she may have been thinking "I was out there doing the butt-dance with my mates when OMG, argh, I saw one of my former students, eek!" - you are occupying a space of {former student}.

I mean, it is partly, yes, "do not assume that because a woman smiles or frowns or even dances sexily, that you are the intended recipient of these actions" because this is a constantly reinforced message. But in these specific cases, it is also a much huger helping of "if a woman reacts awkwardly to an OKC date turning up at a film, it's because ~OKC dates~ are inherently awkward" rather than her carrying around any specific feelings (negative or positive) about you as a human being or even a date.

Apologies is this if coming out crankily, but the main source of my crankiness here is imago ~playing expert~ and telling people what he has decided that I meant or didn't mean. But again, case in point: my crankiness is situational, dependent on imago's actions, rather than judgement on ed b, human being and ILX poster.

Oh yes, that makes total sense and I agree with you.

now if we can just get imago back to agree as well

paragraphs 2 through 5 are sage advice

man, srsly lay off the teacher -- it's hard enough to do the job, but to have to wear the hat on the dance floor is too much
teachers are ppl too

sometimes more so than others, in my experience

Ok, I feel bad about this now. Sorry.

What movie was it?

wear the hat on the dance floor

can we make this a euphemism, stat

*pulls up a chair*

ok i'm on this thing

Good luck!

I just saw someone with "hike" and "dogs" in their name. Summing up, in two words, my problem with most of the people in California.

I met my gf on this thing (in California) and she had a long rant about guys and their dogs, like, "I see right through you, freewheelin' dog guy."

Haha

i'm going on a hike with my dog and a girl i met on okc tomorrow, but i'm in the midwest

Is it a hike or are you just walking around somewhere?

hike
hīk/noun

1. a long walk, especially in the country or wilderness.

synonyms:walk, trek, tramp, trudge, slog, footslog, march; ramble

"a five-mile hike"

I feel like it's one of those "I love the outdoors and hiking" things where people really mean they like walking around a park.

When I think "hiking" I think of specialty footwear, possibly carrying camping gear, and following the Appalachian trail or something

In the United States, Canada, the Republic of Ireland, and United Kingdom, hiking refers to walking outdoors on a trail, or off trail, for recreational purposes.[5] A day hike refers to a hike that can be completed in a single day. Multi-day hikes with camping are referred to as backpacking in North America.

The thought of hiking makes me need to lie down. Preferably in front of an air conditioner.

I'm going to go take a hike on this subject

mh do you list "pedantry" under your OKC interests

Don't be a hike cop

nah, I was just reminded of some article where people were joking about the tendency for people to overemphasize sunny outdoors activities in words and pictures and thought it relevant

I hope your hike went well

Think there's some regional difference in usage around "hike" - e.g. LA peeps talk about "going for a hike up Runyon Canyon" all the time and that is a freakin' paved path.

Going for a ramble with my schipperke after work.

traversing Runyon Canyon is hiking!!!!!

shooting hoops in your driveway may not be the NBA but it is playing basketball

There was Judge John Hodgman episode with a dispute about what counted as hiking. IIRC, it was decided that hiking involved hills.

idiotic decision-- ppl hike for miles in deserts and meadows with no hills in sight

eh, that's no hike, that's a traipse

u ppl are a traipse