Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

spoiler: it's a music store that only accepts bitcoin and only sells ukuleles

And stickers that say THIS MACHINE KILLS FIAT CURRENCIES

the ukulele thing I can live with, a bitcoiner... no

Jeez, using this site reminds me of my endless job search conducted a few years ago. Cycling through the many options, eliminating obvious non-matches, spending a lot of time on reasonable matches that will probably not result in anything substantial, only to find the matches that should respond, but don't is all pretty depressing.

I can remember more than one job posting where I'd think, weeks after applying, "I'm more than qualified for this position; can I at least get an interview before you turn me away?" I feel the same with this site, but I can sympathize with the number of messages women get on these types of sites. I'm probably just terrible at dating, or terrible at life.

ya i have come to terms with the fact that even a 100% perfect message to a woman is going to be sandwiched between dozens of other messages that are likely to make her feel gross and terrible about OKC (and/or men in general) by the time she gets around to reading mine

even polite messages might be boilerplate sent to hundreds of women!

I'm back, lol! What does a green dot symbolize on the iphone app? Seems like a minority of women I'm looking at has one, but not sure what it signifies. You would think they'd make it apparent. I shouldn't need a bachelor's in semiotics to figure it out, but alas ...

Oh, and I need to bitch about something else with the app. I'm a 35 year old male, and the app suggests a match that is 28 year old female. All is OK so far, but when I look at her profile she clearly states that she's looking for 21-30 year old men. WHY IS THIS ONE OF MY MATCHES?

I think it only suggests your age ranges, not theirs?

OK, makes sense, at least a little. I think I have mine set at 25-40. But if the person who they are matching me with sets their age limit five years before my current age, we're not really a match.

The algorithm reckons you can charm them anyway.

Yeah I had to stop kidding myself and including sub-30 year olds in my searches, cos i'd find all these adorbs guys, but their profiles would be looking for women 18-24 :|

I suppose the same went for all the 50+ men messaging me with "i know im out of your age range but...." who I'd ignore, so there it is.

What does a green dot symbolize on the iphone app?

Does this mean they're currently online?

Online (not on the app) it used to mean they responded to messages often, I think? I'm out of date, though, and I don't use the app.

green dot in search result thumbnails = currently online

i don't seem to have the same problem wrt women turning up in my matches/search results who have an age preference I fall outside of, but maybe that's due to my geographical location or the fact that i've been on the site longer? who knows.

Nor all people that you're too old/young for normally won't appear in your searches, UNLESS you're using very specific criteria (e.g. If you're searching people aged 27-30, or only people that never drink, or stuff like that). Not sure why this is, but I regularly change my search results to see who's hidden from my regular searches.

NorMALLY all people...

Btw, I reflexively hid user, Ukelele_Gal this morning. Feeling pretty confident about that choice.

I've decided to supplement my OK Cupid account with a paid Match.com site. I did this a week or so ago. Match.com seems to provide more variety, even if it's a bit generic in its presentation (e.g., not as in depth as OK Cupid).

it's jesus time!

I thought eharmony was the jesus one.

every time is jesus time

http://i.imgur.com/l6qHmPP.png

I tried to give eharmony a try this morning and was rejected! I registered and answered all the questions and it was just "Sorry, we don't have anyone for you." Confirms what I suspected already, but to get shutdown so swiftly by a website is a whole other statement, haha.

http://i58.tinypic.com/dx0pkz.jpg

Can't really believe anyone who you'd meet through a website run by this dick would be worth the time tbh.

i've never fucked w/ eharmony but i think it's kind of nice for a dating website to break the news that their pool of users is gonna be a waste of your time upfront

especially if it means they're turning down money!

ed.b, I also got rejected by eharmony. That was about 10 years back, so they're at least consistent in their approach...

Update: not having a lot of success with either okcupid or match.com. I'm in every way an average Joe, so it's not like I expected an immediate return or anything, but when I get notifications that a few women I "like" are "interested," I get my hopes up - which I admit is my fault. But one would think if they are interested in both my picture and profile they'd reply to my email. I can see from their interest that we have a lot in common, so I'm baffled that my reply to the same goes unanswered. I typically don't email woman who don't give me a "wink" or an "interested" designation. Maybe it's the way I leave my email? I usually ask if they are interested in getting together for a coffee or a drink to let me know. I'd appreciate a woman's perspective on receiving a response from a man you label as "interested in." Maybe I'm too forward at first?

I'm terrible at life; this I know. But I was hoping it was a small-sample problem. I'm drunk, so please allow me to disavow this tomorrow, but I don't know what else to do.

I'm terrible at life; this I know.

Hell, I don't even need dating websites to know this about myself.

why are hair stylists all into tinder

Because they are very classy people.

Maybe it's the way I leave my email? I usually ask if they are interested in getting together for a coffee or a drink to let me know. I'd appreciate a woman's perspective on receiving a response from a man you label as "interested in." Maybe I'm too forward at first?

Yeah, perhaps suggesting a meet-up in your very first email is a bit too much. Many women prefer to exchange 2 or 3 emails before even broaching the topic of meeting IRL, just for a basic kind of sense-check to make sure you're not a creep or a psycho. Your first email should really be short and friendly. If you're unsure, a good format to follow is: a) compliment her on something (preferably not related to her appearance) on her profile then b) ask her a question related to something on her profile. This is to prove that a) you have actually read her profile and not just looked at the pics and b) that you are interested in her opinions and interests. Something like... "Hi, I see you also love Babylon 5, that's my favourite show! Who is your favourite character?" or "I see you have the Brontes down as your favourite authors, do you prefer Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights?" Once you have established that the pair of you are capable of holding a conversation, *then* you proceed to suggesting a meetup. Not before.

it seems your profile and picture is good, but is your email? they might see your profile/picture as nothing more than 'a possible', a 'well lets see what he has to say' - so then how is your email? is it one you would like to receive. do you have women friends who have used dating sites? can you ask them about the mails they've received.

as Branwell says, first email should be short and friendly, natural, nothing riding on it, no obligations - and also as Branwell says, it should ask them about something on their profile. sometimes its easy because a good profile has many hooks, and sometimes its not..most profiles are actually pretty boring and generic (doesnt mean the person is!), so theres not always an 'in'

I cheated at this, mostly, when i did this. I waited for them to write the first mail (its also a good way for you to see how THEY might approach an initial email!)

accepting that people will not write you back (even ppl who "liked" you already) is just part of the deal

any kind of correspondence in life where there is an obligated reply is stressful and horrible

^yup

people could have even really liked what you had to say in your email and had every intention of writing you back but after a few days of not getting around to it, ah whats the point

my work blocks this domain so idk if this is still a valid url but

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

(had that saved from back when i was doing this ha)

I am getting the best responses on tinder with the worst dialogue

if any of you see me on one of those "worst dudes on tinder" tumblrs please let me know

lol

I'm with Branwell on this one - asking me in the initial contact to meet is not *offputting* exactly but a little overbearing. Guys who also just message something generic ("hi how you going wanna chat?" etc) get an immediate nuh-uh. Show me you read my profile, show me WHY you wanted to talk to me, catch me attention somehow!

(its not easy - most ppl who I messaged didnt reply to me either. The 2 I had greatest success with, it turned out I already had IRL mutual friends with which made icebreaking instant and easy).

people could have even really liked what you had to say in your email and had every intention of writing you back but after a few days of not getting around to it, ah whats the point

yeah tbh this is pretty much my entire approach to okc these days, sorry everybody it's not you it's me.

i think the directness of looking for a quick meetup could work in some instances but it'd have to be carefully judged. maybe i'm a conservative okcer but all the meetups i've had have been when the message box conversation sparked pretty well and it just seemed logical to continue it irl rather than in that awkward format.

Coming up to 2 years since I signed up to OKC. Let me tally my score:

I have:
Gone out with 8 people (excluding one that doesn't really count), which led to:
Follow up dates with 2 people, which led to:
1 heartbreak, after not getting anywhere; 1 month long thing, which went as far as first base.

In sum: I am still a 26 year old virgin, but at least have kissed a girl. I am still terrible at dating, and hate it. I am lonelier after I started dating than I was before.

At least I can start to take real comfort in knowing that, rather than just being shy or a late bloomer or whatever, there really is something wrong with me.

^ doubts this

you know that everybody in the world apart from maybe warren beatty's successful connection:uninterested persons ratio is like ... 1:1000000000, right? survey sample of Eight People not totally credible in determining that there is Something Wrong with you. Relationship Stuff just comes out of nowhere; that isn't me saying it comes when you least expect it!!, nor disputing that There Is Something Wrong With Me, but, just that if you dated some people & it didn't work out it doesn't mean that everyone in the world is on a wavelength that you aren't; you just didn't fit with eight individual people, which isn't a terrible ratio in a world of seven billion people

nb, SOME OF WHOM ARE CHILDREN

so whatever, maybe five billion people

ban ed.b from self-deprecation until he has dated one third of the earth's population

ps i do not really have experience of O K C, i am too busy calling up warren beatty's exes & seeing if i can offer a shoulder, but while i recognise it is maybe the illness as well as the solution, it does sorta resemble something designed by scientists as a tool to instill a feeling of loneliness in people, so it probably isn't a weird response to have to a long period of using it