Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Seriously, I have been sitting in this three days a week since the end of March going out of my mind.

I'm beginning to believe

are you sure her name isn't huother

I will be paying off my student loans until I'm in my 80s.

― carl agatha, Friday, May 30, 2014 8:26 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You'll actually be 60 years old. Final payment will be in September 2033. Less than 20 years!

I'll admit the stupidity density this week has been off the scale.

hey I probably run a s/d report fwiw

What does she do well that keeps her employed?

Nothing. She books bits of travel and deals with couriers. She doesn't even do that well, she is currently getting legal threats from DHL over an alleged failed delivery that she is trying to deal with herself by calling him a silly little man rather than, you know, give it to a legal team.

so - she's not going to be working there much longer.

She's been there 15 years, she'll survive this.

How is she related to the boss? Was her mother the one who took those photos of him?

Unbelievably, neither. She's also just revealed she's always had a better pay rise than everybody else.

Aldo, she's beginning to sound very annoying.

DYA THINK?

I've been out in another meeting and come back in to find her telling someone that soya milk makes you blind. "Think about it, when you see blind people they have that milky look over their eyes. There you go."

― Rabona not glue (aldo), Thursday, July 10, 2014 7:36 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Karla Pilkington?

I think this woman lives in a world that I want to live in. Sign me up.

Aldo, I'd read that liveblog, though I feel for your pain

"there was blackcurrant in it. That's just stupid. Who puts Ribena in a bird's drinking bowl?"

This is good value.

Can we start a donations page for Aldo to take this job and maintain a thread about her?

Does she maybe just think she's hilarious, and its coming across as thick instead?

I did think that to start with, but when she's trying to be funny she starts her sentence with "I've got a joke."

my former boss now works in sales (lol demotion, it's still amusing to me seeing her in a cublicle)

she is a MORON. I didn't realize it fully until she stopped being my boss, but she's one of those people where it's like, 'what do you actually DO, that you don't have someone do for you'. literally everything that crosses her desk she will farm off to someone else to fix/take care of/complete for her. I am almost 100% sure there is nothing inside her skull except for lint and a few moths.

2 months ago I designed a flyer for her. Based on specs that came from her.
Today she emails me and tells me that the flyer is wrong and it needs to be changed, and can I do that.
I say yes, what exactly is wrong in the flyer. (Meanwhile wondering why it took 2 months for this new information to come to light)

It took FOUR emails for her to clarify that only a portion of the flyer was incorrect. But I still couldn't get a clear bead on what exactly in the flyer was wrong. I checked her original specs for the flyer, and they matched what was printed...so obviously her info was wrong to begin with. yay.

So she says, I'm not kidding, "I don't know exactly what is wrong in the flyer. Can you just go through the list (attached) and compare it to the flyer and make the changes? That would be great if you could do that, thanks! *smiley face*"

I drafted an all caps eat shit and die version of my reply, then a politely go fuck yourself version, then a Benjamin Sisco to Picard you killed my family but I never said fuck you version

eventually I realized that I couldn't actually say what I wanted to say and wrote back that I was up to my neck with a project I'm currently working on (100% true) and that if she could identify the changes she needed made, I'd be happy to make them for her.

Her reply: you can do it when your project is done! *smiley face*

I AM GOING TO MURDER HER

no shit I will be seeking permission from my boss on Monday to point the giant flamethrower of NO at her.
I doubt I'll get it but omg I so want to be able to make my case.

SHE IS THE WORST

this is totes a face to face resolvable situation. just have her over and look her in the eye and look into her soul and you know its the thing. email makes people squirrely and cant be used for effective talk.

i so hope your boss says YES TORCH HER

I drafted an all caps eat shit and die version of my reply, then a politely go fuck yourself version, then a Benjamin Sisco to Picard you killed my family but I never said fuck you version

hah

she sounds terrible

oh God oh God, one of my fellow students does this. Instead of smiley faces she deploys (e.g.) 'Thank you so much!!! Have a great weekend!!!'

so they rolled out a new version of a program this week without properly testing it, and naturally it made a crucial function for our cs reps no longer work. the fix they gave us didn't work, and finally yesterday they admitted to us that they broke it but felt confident that they would have it fixed in the September release.

that lasted all of one hour until the pitchforked mob got them to agree to, i dunno, fixing it next week.

I am dealing with someone who wants to be a professional photographer and doesn't understand why shooting at 640 x 480 is bad. "Isn't there something you can do with those images?"

yeesh

My deepest sympathies.

I just went through a print guy who downloaded smaller photos from the internet, blew them up for the magazine and then sent them back to me for online publishing -- still all blown up.

In other words, he took a 300px x 400px mugshot, blew it up to 720x960 or whatever to make a square-inch mug in the book and then sent it to me still all blurry and pixelated when I could've used the original art he downloaded in the first place.

Veg is your ex-boss defenestrated yet

how do you even shoot at 640x480???

I just went through a print guy who downloaded smaller photos from the internet, blew them up for the magazine and then sent them back to me for online publishing -- still all blown up.

haha, I think I've worked with that guy or his cousin.

I think this photographer understands she has a learning curve to climb, because it took three weeks of me asking before she would admit that she shoots at 640x480. I mentioned the name of the best show/livestock photographer in California and the fact that she sends me 2100 x 1500 images -- maybe she'll get the message.

xp lol -- my first digital camera would shoot at that resolution, but I've never checked to see how low our current camera will go.

xpost lol not yet sic, getting close

tryin to explain to someone that, ironically enough, the fact that they haven't bothered to learn how to do any of the complicated daily reports is the very reason they'll be doing them alone all the rest of the week while everyone else gets to go on the type of training that would only be wasted on eh lazing whingers. how to phrase, how to phrase.

how do you even shoot at 640x480???

gonna offer this guy a super-sweet deal on a Fujifilm camera

it's a little bulky, only has drivers for Windows 3.1 and 95, and the battery compartment cover fell off 15 years ago, but apart from that it's perfect for his needs

how to phrase, how to phrase

I believe the phrase you are searching for is "get your shit together"

it's not, tbh, because i dont give two fucks if their shit is together or not rly, it wasn't that type of conversation

wait a minute he's been at soton 6 years?!

Dude today asked how he could reset a customer's password if he didn't know his password.

I can do that?

currently hiding round the corner from a cafe because seen dreadful colleague go in there. this is happening.

(details of dreadfulness include getting non-directionally angry to deflect from things that are his responsibility, claims he's naturally good at languages if he put in the effort, one-upmanship regarding the great weariness he feels at having to travel constantly despite his transparent glee at the whole process, constantly checking emails in meetings then when he looks up blankly at a question that he needs to answer says "sorry I was multi-tasking")

right, that shd be enough time.

Second last day of Heather before I finish here!

I have more or less tuned her out - she could be telling me the building was on fire and I'd probably burn tbh - but a couple of notable things today:

20 minutes commenting on how bad a woman from upstairs looked in a lab coat, before saying that the woman's real problem was working in an office full of women and how that had turned her into a bitch, and that was why she (Heather) was glad she worked in an office full of men because it stopped her from even picking the slightest fault in anything.

Telling a story about something that happened yesterday which she thought was funny and laughed at longer and louder than anyone else at the time (which was also something bitchy involving a different woman). "But you didn't see what happened Heather?" "Yes, but everyone else was laughing so I thought I would too."

Spent ages on the phone to a hotel making a booking for four people in a couple of weeks time. Then read out the names to then and gave them 5 names. Which was one more than the number of rooms they had. Making it their fault, obviously. "You wouldn't believe something as little as that could make a difference, could you. I just don't see why they couldn't have done what I asked."

I brought in a cake yesterday as it was my last week. About 3/4 of it went yesterday, and when the cleaners came in they moved it from the table to the chair next to it. Someone was going to have another bit today, and I made a comment about the cleaners moving it about (as I had also noticed the tin was the wrong way up). "How did you know it had been on the floor?" said Heather, and it turned out the cleaners had knocked it over and out of the tin last night when Heather was the only one left in the office. Another co-worker came in and Heather then insisted he have a bit of cake. I couldn't keep the information from him, so told him about the cleaner. A third chap then asked whether "the people who knew" would have let him eat it without telling him. I pointed out that was a very diplomatic way of referring to Heather, since she was the only one that knew, which offended her. She then said she wouldn't have let him without telling him, so I pointed out that she was encouraging worker #2 to eat it therefore she obviously preferred worker #2 to worker #3, and was it that she liked one more or that she didn't like worker #3 at all. This offended her too (but fuck it, I won't see her again after tomorrow).

but fuck it, I won't see her again after tomorrow

I finished at a job last week, and I very nearly told the guy with crucifying BO (it actually made my eyes water to be withing two metres of him) to take a shower and use deodorant. But I'm English so I didn't.

tbf that would be a hard conversation for an American to have with a coworker, too.

At my last job, there were a couple of really smelly people, including one dude who on his worst days would come in wearing dirty clothes that smelled like they had been balled up wet in a dark corner of a dank basement with an overlay of that rotten meat smell that some really heavy smokers give off. Anyway, the people who had to work in a small, windowless space with him handled it by hanging air fresheners around his desk when he was at lunch. :(

He was a nice dude, and really funny. He just had some issues with self care and frankly, someone in a position of authority should have stepped in and told him he needed to wear clean clothes to work but that would have required someone in a position of authority to act like they were in a position of authority and that wouldn't happen.

Oh man there was another coworker there, also very nice, but just disgusting with horrible BO and a tendency to wear polyester pants which, not to get too graphic, but polyester can hold some serious body funk even if you do wash it regularly and there was no indication that this woman did. Anyway, like I said she was super nice and LOVED TO HUG PEOPLE including me and it was pretty terrible.

My entire office smells of cabbage and burnt rubber and I'm not sure why.

Co-workers who hug you are the worst. GO AWAY.

I sat here and thought about that today. I think I've had one co-worker hug me in the past 18 years of office work. It was at his son's funeral.

I haven't been hugging anyone.

o man ~15 years ago i worked (a retail job!) with a woman who had srs odor issues. i think she just never ever washed her hair?

she ultimately had to be spoken to, and i was glad to be insufficiently senior enough to have to do it

i did have to tell a few homeless dudes that they had to leave because they smelled too bad, tho