your terrible ideas

"Jeff, I dunno, I'm nervous, do you think anyone sees what we did here?"
"Don't worry, no one is gonna see what we did here, I promise."
...

Secondhand -- an app that resolves the impossibility of taking a "Home Alone Selfie" by digitally adding a realistic hand to your other cheek

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE LAST SUMMER

dying at all of the above

A blog of music interviews that takes bands to task for factual errors in their songs: "Joey Tempest of Europe, do you still maintain that Venus is, indeed, 'light years' away?"

A version of "God Bless The U.S.A." with extra-dramatic breaks/pauses right after the part where he sings "And I'll gladly stand UP" like the first time it just drops out for a second, the second time it's longer, the third time there's this sick two-bar drum fill, etc.

I can hear it now, and it's glorious

50 Shades of Green - erotic fiction for stoners

Dude! Get on that.

gtf

we can have nothing nice at all with ye

An album called 'James Blunt rhymes with...', where Blunt collaborates with various rappers.

order the toaster that can imprint images onto bread and have burn an image of the dog with the butthole that has jesus in it onto my toast every morning

A group of very bad musicians getting together to form a Can cover band called Can't

Where do I sign up?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Rylan

A Dyson Airblade commercial featuring Tommy Cooper.

a psychedelic mash-up of 'butterfly kisses' and 'kisses for breakfast' called 'butterfly kisses for breakfast'. the incoherence of lyrics such as 'butterfly kisses for breakfast after bedtime prayer' and 'to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses for breakfast at night' will be celebrated in this mash-up.

A limited edition Fanta called Fanta Black that's coloured with Vantablack (which is probably poisonous anyway).

A cover version of Bananarama's 'Venus', retitled 'Penis', with the lyrics amended accordingly.

fyi i worked out the lyrics to that in fourth grade

you can buy them from me for $5

I will also sell my non-parody song, penned in sixth grade, about Judge Ito for $5 USD.

Buy-one-get-one-free jazz

if you are feeling guilty about leaving your dog home alone all day i'll come around twice a week right after lunch or so and pretend to break in so your dog can scare me off. then when you come home and ask him what he did today and you see how proud of himself he is you can think "that's 10 bucks well spent."

<3 that gullible conscientious imaginary talking dog.

also the notion of a crabbits song about judge ito.

hawaii five-0)))

buggr - an app for when you want an arse - any arse, any gender - right now

restaurant sub-category of TI: a cameraman goes round tables filming people, it appears on a big screen, maybe you get interviewed too. Basically you get fame within the confines of the restaurant. I could probably get a minor celebrity to MC, wld have to think about the demographics before deciding. Maybe I'd reach out to paparazzihire.co.uk too.

I mean this would be the most nightmarish dining experience, but I've noticed many people are the opposite of me.

an album with a hologram cover that has moving fireplace flames below a title that reads Tenor Sax at one angle and Tender Sex at the other. the disc will of course contain tender sex sounds that tenor saxophonists can use to set the mood during practice.

Will Have Smashed - thread of conditional sexual intent

terrible idea

so nult gonna happen

committed monogamist Mordy will have registered his disdain at this controversial notion

starting a music venue called The Conference Room, so I can have Vanilla Ice in the Conference Room

Stoner rock covers of jazz standards. Band is called High Standards. First record: How High the Moon

tracklist
1. Autumn Weed
2. All the Bongs You Are
3. Groovin' High
4. I Didn't Know What Time It Was
5. Peace Piece
6. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

etc.

7. Song For My Dealer

a service where non-musicians hum/sing a tune they've made up themselves and then trained musicians/singers recreate them.

^ this is an old idea. Used to be lots of adverts in NME/Melody Maker for exactly this service.

eg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czzg-F4tLYM

A music blog titled "I Could Fuck This" where I review songs and albums based on a scale of how aroused they make me.

An 8 bit digital-to-analogue expansion for the ZX Spectrum, called 'DAC In A Box'.

hadn't heard blind man's penis in a long time, thanks.

referring to cocaine as 'lord sugar'

lol

That's Darth Sugar to you...

Kickstarter for a movie in which Ben Savage runs a Kickstarter promising a 'Boy Meets World' movie but runs off with the cash

I would also run off with the cash

funeral service where a songwriter for hire sings about the deceased's life to the tune of 'We Didn't Start The Fire'