Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

this co-worker of mine scraping her bowl of muesli defiantly, o u made a joek, here let me reward you with stony silence

dude who evidently drinks like six cups of coffee a day and somehow compelled to vocalize every thought that occurs to him, all of which are either horribly boring or so disjointed that they go on long after everyone totally gets it already

i feel bad because i don't think he's (exactly) an attention-mongering dramatist -- he's just a dork. but damn

because my line manager doesn't really believe i'm ill - because i took a lot of sick leave being all depressed and stuff - and because i've got lots that needs doing this week i'm sat in work with vertigo trying to have sensible communications with people while the room carousels round my head

:(

ach, grim reality of work innit?

That's awful.

the trick is nobody verbalizes what they're thinking

Our offices will close at 1:00 pm Thursday for the July 4th holiday weekend. Should your work load allow, please feel free to get an early start to your weekend.

i didn't really mind the fact that i'll be working full days both thursday and friday until this came out

Feeling you there.

Should your work load allow,

More like "should the load that's management allows..."

I'm still kind of really upset abt the idea of salaried workers being expected to work OT like mad and never take vacation and being penalized for taking vacation

Vacation time is the thing I am most excited about earning in life like having just started FT work!!! And getting to travel and go on trips!!

I genuinely like my co-workers. I've never had this experience before. It's . . . odd.

I consider it pretty unprofessional to have paid vacation time that you do not take.

I have been working as a consultant at another company for the past few months and even though they offered me a job with a much better package than I'm on (and bearing in mind I'm looking for a new job) but I couldn't in all conscience take it because it would mean sharing an office with... let's call her Heather. Because that's her name.

Heather comes in late every day, saying she hasn't woken up yet, despite the fact she gets up earlier than any of the rest of us and just spends 2-3 hours faffing around in the house.
Because she comes in late she has to leave late. Because she is leaving late, she has a late lunch at home which is dry Ryvita. She has dry Ryvita because she has a fat-free yoghurt at about 12 and she has to watch the calories. She has a yoghurt at about 12 because she couldn't possibly wait until when she goes home for lunch to have something to eat.
She clears her throat (ah-hem) every 90 seconds or so and talks through what she's doing as she types. She laughs at the end of every sentence but she never actually finishes sentences, just lets them tail of into the ether and usually with a preposition (normally 'so...').
Social phone calls usually start about half an hour after she gets into work (her mother at least twice a day) and she just blatantly makes gossip up. (e.g. a guy was leaving to start his own bike parts business, we all sort of knew about it but no big deal. Heather started telling everybody he'd been headhunted for another company, then when speaking to him told him we'd all been saying that, then told her friend he'd become a millionaire through his website.)

But all of these are just things which should have been stopped by a boss, unlike:

Every banana contains 8 tablespoons of refined sugar. (She confirmed she really does mean refined sugar yesterday.)
Lufthansa decide whether they land at Terminal 1 or 2 of Heathrow in the air on their way.
Bees put the sap on trees whose pollen doesn't make nice tasting honey.
Her car insurance has reduced this year because she cleans her house regularly.
And today's epic, which made me realize I had to type this - she thinks Yahoo and Google are ENTIRELY DIFFERENT INTERNETS.

Those examples are just from yesterday and today btw

And she's only been in for an hour today

dot com yahoo is the secret German internet apparently.

I'm almost tempted to liveblog everything she says but I'd never stop typing.

How has this person been allowed to steal oxygen for this long without someone more intelligent intervening to make the blethering stop?

She's just seen Paul with a tan (he's been on holiday). She didn't think it was possible for him to get a tan, because his skin's not made for the sun. Because he's from Manchester, so genetics or something so...

She doesn't understand why Lufthansa aren't fixing their internet because she needs to book a flight. She is now typing random words into the search bar to see whether their internets are up, even though she doesn't need them.

you'd srsly turn down a job because of amazing free entertainment

A bird has crapped on her car (which she cleaned before it went in for a valeting so the garage didn't think she was dirty) and "there was blackcurrant in it. That's just stupid. Who puts Ribena in a bird's drinking bowl?"

She is using someone else's computer because of the internet problems. It's a different keyboard (actually it isn't, it's just not hers) so she is mistyping because all the keys are in different places. And it's got a slow mouse, which stops her from clicking through.

She's trying to book flights. "There's a 1:30 that gets in at 1520. 12 hours is an awful long time to go to Holland, I suppose the flight must be via somewhere so..."

im scared to ask how she knew the birdcrap has blackcurrant in it...

either you're making this up or she's faking it, aldo, because nobody could be this stupid and have figured out how to breathe

None of the potential answers would surprise me.

I've been out in another meeting and come back in to find her telling someone that soya milk makes you blind. "Think about it, when you see blind people they have that milky look over their eyes. There you go."

Seriously, I have been sitting in this three days a week since the end of March going out of my mind.

I'm beginning to believe

are you sure her name isn't huother

I will be paying off my student loans until I'm in my 80s.

― carl agatha, Friday, May 30, 2014 8:26 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You'll actually be 60 years old. Final payment will be in September 2033. Less than 20 years!

I'll admit the stupidity density this week has been off the scale.

hey I probably run a s/d report fwiw

What does she do well that keeps her employed?

Nothing. She books bits of travel and deals with couriers. She doesn't even do that well, she is currently getting legal threats from DHL over an alleged failed delivery that she is trying to deal with herself by calling him a silly little man rather than, you know, give it to a legal team.

so - she's not going to be working there much longer.

She's been there 15 years, she'll survive this.

How is she related to the boss? Was her mother the one who took those photos of him?

Unbelievably, neither. She's also just revealed she's always had a better pay rise than everybody else.

Aldo, she's beginning to sound very annoying.

DYA THINK?

I've been out in another meeting and come back in to find her telling someone that soya milk makes you blind. "Think about it, when you see blind people they have that milky look over their eyes. There you go."

― Rabona not glue (aldo), Thursday, July 10, 2014 7:36 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Karla Pilkington?

I think this woman lives in a world that I want to live in. Sign me up.

Aldo, I'd read that liveblog, though I feel for your pain

"there was blackcurrant in it. That's just stupid. Who puts Ribena in a bird's drinking bowl?"

This is good value.

Can we start a donations page for Aldo to take this job and maintain a thread about her?

Does she maybe just think she's hilarious, and its coming across as thick instead?

I did think that to start with, but when she's trying to be funny she starts her sentence with "I've got a joke."

my former boss now works in sales (lol demotion, it's still amusing to me seeing her in a cublicle)

she is a MORON. I didn't realize it fully until she stopped being my boss, but she's one of those people where it's like, 'what do you actually DO, that you don't have someone do for you'. literally everything that crosses her desk she will farm off to someone else to fix/take care of/complete for her. I am almost 100% sure there is nothing inside her skull except for lint and a few moths.

2 months ago I designed a flyer for her. Based on specs that came from her.
Today she emails me and tells me that the flyer is wrong and it needs to be changed, and can I do that.
I say yes, what exactly is wrong in the flyer. (Meanwhile wondering why it took 2 months for this new information to come to light)

It took FOUR emails for her to clarify that only a portion of the flyer was incorrect. But I still couldn't get a clear bead on what exactly in the flyer was wrong. I checked her original specs for the flyer, and they matched what was printed...so obviously her info was wrong to begin with. yay.

So she says, I'm not kidding, "I don't know exactly what is wrong in the flyer. Can you just go through the list (attached) and compare it to the flyer and make the changes? That would be great if you could do that, thanks! *smiley face*"

I drafted an all caps eat shit and die version of my reply, then a politely go fuck yourself version, then a Benjamin Sisco to Picard you killed my family but I never said fuck you version

eventually I realized that I couldn't actually say what I wanted to say and wrote back that I was up to my neck with a project I'm currently working on (100% true) and that if she could identify the changes she needed made, I'd be happy to make them for her.

Her reply: you can do it when your project is done! *smiley face*

I AM GOING TO MURDER HER

no shit I will be seeking permission from my boss on Monday to point the giant flamethrower of NO at her.
I doubt I'll get it but omg I so want to be able to make my case.

SHE IS THE WORST