Have You Ever Shit Your Pants?

well mofo you never fronted for ours. remember the junkyard?

That's because outside ILX no one in their right mind would ever admit that it happened to them. Especially to a woman. I mean, could you imagine?!

But then, I know a girl who dumped her then-boyfriend because he came back after a lengthy night on the piss and shat himself. In bed.

but a few 4th of julys ago a few friends and i watched the fireworks in boston, ate ice cream, and wandered around to find the car. one of them (i'll call him bob) announced he needed to use the bathroom, so we spend a while finding out that all the public toilets were closed for the night. so we got in the car and started to drive towards the countryside, where we were staying. suddenly, bob pulls over next to a park that's one of those small triangle greens between traffic directions. he got out of the car and shouted. 'drive!' to me, who had to scramble over the seats to get to the drivers' seat. people were honking at us the whole time, of course. my other friend and i pulled away just in time to see bob pull down his pants and sit down on a garbage bin in the park. we met him outside a pancake house nearby, where he'd gone to clean up. luckily he has a great sense of humor, because it was awful, but the other friend and i couldn't keep a straight face (especially when other friend offered him a 'wet ones' moist towelette)

bob has since decided that he is at least a little lactose intolerant, and we make sure to hang out near ice cream parlors to use their bathroom...

so, yeah. even though it's pretty gross, poop stories can make me laugh like crazy.

Who is that P dude? jeez!

A story from a friend who'd been in the Air Force:

When I was stationed at Columbus AFB, MS there was a real arrogant asshole instructor pilot.

One day he was flying a cross country trip and had to go. But a T-38 is a tiny 2 seater jet fighter trainer = no toilet. Too bad. Had to go. So he did. Now, he was sitting in it. Mmmmmm.

But guess what? Part of the training for that flight was aerobatic maneuvers. Pulling g's resulted in the diarrhea, that had up until now just been pooled around his butt, now being pulled throughout his flight suit - including up his neck and into his helmet.
And people wonder if there's a God....

Ok I am not eating anymore. Thanx Dan!

I believe U!!

oh and recently at a club i heard and unfortunately smelt what can only be described as an attack of dysantry followed by a prolapse going on in a cubicle - i nearly fainted it was that bad

(Thankfully this was in 1998 and 24hrs later bits of the site were flooded with faeces anyway, so I doubt anyone noticed).

the night before we ate local market scallops on the barbie. oops. the next morning i got up and went to the toilet with my guts churning. This wasn't like your regular runny tummy - this was beyond pebbledash, this was bad, this was like pissing out of my arse, gallons and gallons of the stuff.

Oh if i could minute every torturous bump and rev and braking in that car. we had this stuff called diocalm. the stated daily dose was 6 tablets a day i necked 'em tablets 2 an hour for the next 14 hours. the car was boiling, dry heat 80F-ish, i was drinkin about 2ltr water per hour. Diocalm gave my bowels a half-chance, they were straining at the leash, ferocious but i could just about clench it back. Without that stuff the inside of our car would have have looked like chocolate Coronation Street but smelt a lot worse. this was nothing short of karmic payback. payback for all the times i'd sung running down the gutter like a melted piece of butter, diarrohea, diarreaha - people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny, diarrohea etc. i butt-clenched my way through countless service station lobbies so i could go lose another six pints. some of those toilets were so traumatizing they turned black and white in my memory within five minutes of leaving them.

the texture was interresting to say the least

Well, you should look at quality, not quantity. That said, this is your most successful thread