The etiquette of the tamale

I cannot claim to be an expert in tamale etiquette. All I can do is pass along what I have been told by others. If I recall correctly, first one must stick one's tongue out and hold it there with a look of beatific anticipation, if one knows how to do it. Keep your tongue protruded at maximum length and mantain this position patiently. When the tamale comes to rest on your tongue, you must withdraw your tongue demurely, thus pulling the tamale into one's mouth. Close your lips. Now comes the difficult part.

As I understand it, the primary faux pas in tamale consumption is chewing. Do not even let your teeth near it, lest you give it an inadvertant nip! Simply let it rest on your tongue, bathing it in your saliva for as long as is required for it to dissolve of its own accord.

An ample supply of saliva is recommended for this operation, as it will wash the softened bits of dissolved tamale down your throat, little by little, until it is gone. At this point, a wave of relief fills your soul, as you have successfully negotiated the jaws of Hell itself and escaped unscathed.

Goodness me! Disregard all the foregoing. I may have become confused with the proper etiquette for eating a tortilla with the image of Christ scorched on its surface. Tamales are those fat little thumbs of steamed corn meal and such, wrapped in leaves, are they not? Why! Nothing could be easier to eat, my dear Neddikins. You can even use your teeth!

Afterward, it is customary to daub at the corners of one's mouth with a napkin and express one's delight with their toothsomeness. This goes over better if you learn to smile.

According to "Matilda's Guide to Wild and Domestic Latin-American Edibles", the wild tamale is hunted on horseback using trained dogs.
Of course a tamale is no match for horsemen and dogs so when the tamale submits, exhausted, all participants stop, catch their collective breaths, shake hands and look forward to the next hunt.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is "etiquette".

Note: No tamales or other lifeforms were harmed in this scenerio.

Like Timmy and Lassie, like Rusty and Rin Tin Tin, he will live in our hearts forever.

(Zen! Stop that smart-ass shit! Lynskey is the one you want. Mikey is our friend!)

Yes, yes, I know. It's the rabies. I missed my shot this morning.

https://i.imgur.com/GPX82gm.jpg

made these over the weekend. Came out so good!

lol didn't realize this thread was in AAD

even as the existential horror of participation in an Ask A Drunk thread slowly dawns upon carne asada, tiny particles of dusty death descend gently, covering their post and preparing it for further fossilization in the lower depths of ilx's dark past