Kids say the darndest things

wait

ALMONDS JUST TO CLARIFY

sry for gross, but extreme lols at the image of that happening while posting

also lols at pplains kid, that is wit

Seriously tho - BEER MONSTER is the best thing I've heard in a long time. Henry is awesome.

yeah i love that

"nuts in the conference room"....ilxor: NOOOOOOO! etc.

Owen: How old do you think I am?
Sean (his guitar teacher): Um... 6?
Owen: I'm seven and a half! NEVER under-guess a little kid's age!

in my experience as someone that used to teach little kids: that is some real f---king talk

hearing a 5yo talk about the cognitive faculties of a 4yo is like listening to an UWS pensioner talk about poor people in like brooklyn or w/e, pure unchecked disdain, the view down their lil noses is long and the ppl at the end very pathetic indeed

imagine the indignity of being mistaken for someone six months younger than yourself, esp after you have demonstrated mastery of zippers, it's unbearable

lol
otm

lol

GBX OTM

Beeps has recently become aware that her brother's "crazy" behavior is often directly linked to him being 4.
PP and I trade off nights putting them to bed. One night I'll put Beeps to bed, the next Henry etc
Usually an argument ensues shortly before bedtime as to who has got me that night (the only reason I can come up with for this is PP doesn't give in to their sleep stalling tactics like I do and they get the added bonus of me sometimes falling asleep so I'm in their bed all night)
Two nights ago, while Henry was upstairs in the bath, Beeps begins the usual proceedings:
B: 'Am I with you or Daddy tonight?'
Me: (expecting arguing and pleading to follow) 'It's my turn with Henry tonight'
B: 'Ah. Well, good luck with that!'

:D

August: "You need help."

She's all about telling me when she needs help these days. Love it because I rarely say that and probably should but taught her to say it last year instead of grunting but she just started saying it a month ago. As she saw me struggle with moving the car seat from one car to another and carry my purse and diaper bag she put herself in front of me and told me I needed help. Best sentence I've ever heard in my life, hands down, ever!

<3 that is very thoughtful for such a young child.

That's darling!! <3

Evie says lots of funny/cute stuff but my favorite thing is that she says "Did you notice" instead of "Did you know." So she'll say "Did you notice we got to go to the playground today? Did you notice it's Audrey's mom's birthday?"

K (with cup of water): I'm drinking coffee!
Me: Oh, that's nice. Are you going to work?
K: Yeah.
Me: Where do you work?
K: On the computer.
Me: Oh. How much money do you make?
K: Four.

lol

give that kid a riase

raise even

I like to imagine that she meant $400,000 and that she likes to talk like a swaggering stockbroker. Next I'm going to teach her to say "You'd better throw a number with a 5 in front of it at me or this conversation's over."

i assumed 4 million because i imagine multimillionaires refer to sums of millions without ever saying the word 'million'

would have been best if she had written 4 on a napkin and slid it to you face down

i love this thread

lol VG

Also missed a teachable moment to show her that coffee is for closers.

I can't wait until I can teach Ella to say to my very right-wing father-in-law, 'You'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes!'

Oh wow the trolling potential of having Ivy's first words be "Obamamama"...

My son, when describing the kids in his kindergarden class said that some of them were brown and the others were beige

Beatle used to say brown and peach

Peach was always the colour of the crayon we'd use for colouring in White people's faces at school.

Yeah, I remember getting an "introduction to race" mini-lecture when I told my mom that one of my preschool classmates was not black, she was yellow.

"Evie, you can't lock yourself in the bathroom, because if you had an accident or an emergency, we couldn't get in"
"EMERGEN-C IS A DRINK!" (slams door)

lol

hmph

Ha, oh Evs.

lol

oh man.

I don't know if it reassures you that hearing about E's tantrums reassures me, but it does.

We've had some big tantrums lately where she just fixates on something and won't let it go no matter what we say. I'm starting to realize that she is insanely stubborn so it's best to not argue with her directly (because she'll never give up until she finally melts down) but to, if possible, take a break from the discussion and come back to it, or try and come at what I want her to do from a different direction.

Yeah I have found that arguing with tantrums is like bellows to a fire. Better to maintain your position but not engage too hard. They have short memories.

Like if she's like "NO! WANT COOKIE!" I'm like "well, we're not having cookies now." and then I just kind of let it go. I might repeat it every so often, calmly, but I don't yell back or argue.

Pressing three yo question: "How does our dog wipe her vagina after she pees?"

well? how does she

Air dry
Tongue
Dragging it on the carpet

zen koans that haunt your dreams

Evie was telling me a whole string of "knock knock jokes" this morning. They ollow two patterns:

PATTERN I
E: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
E: (in a funny voice) I can't open the door, I'm in the shower! (or) Go away, I'm watching TV!

PATTERN II
E: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
E: (looks around room) Cereal.
Me: Cereal who?
E: Cereal don't eat me up!
(or)
E: (looks around room) Nose.
Me: Nose who?
E: Nose you're so nosey!
etc.

lol