two people just got on the tube and tried to convince everyone to do the conga because it meant they would win £200 in their office competition. everyone was just looking a bit mute and then they started going "come on guys, let's do the conga" and I snapped a bit and told them to fuck off. then inevitably got accused of having no sense of fun, which may well be true for all the fuck I car. piss off and leave everyone alone!
― Fizzles, Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:49 (ten years ago) link
snapping "fuck off" at wankers on the Tube is my idea of fun tbh
― you poll a lot, but you're not saying anything (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 1 May 2014 21:13 (ten years ago) link
Presumably anyone who's been to the Midlands lately has seen this:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkSH7WsIIAAcMC3.jpg
I mean, sweet Jesus...
― Matt DC, Thursday, 1 May 2014 21:21 (ten years ago) link
oh god yes i think Joel saw it when we went to mom and dad's over Easter then we had a discussion about the Innocent Smoothies aesthetic and he agreed it was deeply fucking irritating
― you poll a lot, but you're not saying anything (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 1 May 2014 21:22 (ten years ago) link
On the virgin pendolinos there's a disembodied voice actually reads that out to you when you lock the toilet door
― sktsh, Thursday, 1 May 2014 21:33 (ten years ago) link
― you poll a lot, but you're not saying anything (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 1 May 2014 06:10 (16 hours ago) Permalinktwo people just got on the tube and tried to convince everyone to do the conga because it meant they would win £200 in their office competition. everyone was just looking a bit mute and then they started going "come on guys, let's do the conga" and I snapped a bit and told them to fuck off. then inevitably got accused of having no sense of fun, which may well be true for all the fuck I car. piss off and leave everyone alone!
Marry me?
― Prostitute Farm Online (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 1 May 2014 22:34 (ten years ago) link
and if you like you can buy the ring...
― i lost my shoes on acid (jed_), Friday, 2 May 2014 01:21 (ten years ago) link
It just doesn't work. Quirky notices on something as functional as a train toilet
― cardamon, Sunday, 4 May 2014 21:32 (nine years ago) link
Maybe not quite the IS aesthetic, but I'm upgrading a laptop to Windows 8.1 today and there's currently a message saying 'Setting up a few more things'. Really, Microsoft? Why not just be honest and say 'This is going to take a long arse time. Suck it.'
― an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Sunday, 11 May 2014 10:02 (nine years ago) link
"Taking care of a few things" - yes I'm sure you are, Microsoft. Meanwhile, you've turned a £300 laptop into a colour changing mood light.
― an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Sunday, 11 May 2014 10:18 (nine years ago) link
I love how you're just supposed to accept everything, based on their say-so. Most people do, especially the older or less experienced folks.
― I am Sporadicus! (I M Losted), Sunday, 11 May 2014 14:43 (nine years ago) link
― Fizzles, Thursday, May 1, 2014 12:49 PM
'what's my cut?'
― j., Sunday, 11 May 2014 15:07 (nine years ago) link
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/5/28/1401284044412/Stephen-Collins-31-May-001.jpg
― kinder, Saturday, 31 May 2014 12:09 (nine years ago) link
I'm alarmed by the way this aesthetic seems to be cross-pollinating with FASTER YOU FUCKERS style edicts to think positively and be active
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sZ9G1JHwyg
― Groovy Wordbender (soref), Saturday, 31 May 2014 12:27 (nine years ago) link
those awful B&Q adverts probably qualify as well
― Groovy Wordbender (soref), Saturday, 31 May 2014 12:28 (nine years ago) link
i came here to post that cartoon 8)
― koogs, Saturday, 31 May 2014 15:29 (nine years ago) link
https://www.google.co.uk/logos/doodles/2014/world-cup-2014-9-and-fathers-day-5439838778032128.3-hp.gif
― Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln (nakhchivan), Sunday, 15 June 2014 02:15 (nine years ago) link
Those FIFA ads on tv are some Innocent Smoothies-esque tweeness
― everyday sheeple (Michael B), Sunday, 15 June 2014 04:23 (nine years ago) link
I can't understand why no ad exec has had an advert where some charmless becardiganed nit has his ukulele smashed to pieces by the object of his affection.
― now I'm the grandfather (dog latin), Sunday, 15 June 2014 06:58 (nine years ago) link
https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5073/14535593834_399a8f5810.jpg
― koogs, Sunday, 29 June 2014 20:42 (nine years ago) link
HI PAUL!
THANKS FOR BEING A SUPER GREAT CUSTOMER AND USING OUR CLICK AND COLLECT SERVICE. YOU'VE GOT SOME SPECIAL NEW STUFF COMING YOUR WAY.
― sktsh, Monday, 30 June 2014 14:09 (nine years ago) link
ROLLOUTTHEBARRELWE'LLHAVE A BARREL OFFUN
― 3kDk (dog latin), Monday, 30 June 2014 14:23 (nine years ago) link
(was the RUB A DUB that i posted it for)
― koogs, Monday, 30 June 2014 14:40 (nine years ago) link
I feel like this billboard in Old Street is not quite right
http://i.imgur.com/ukbUq9P.jpg
― Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 30 June 2014 18:17 (nine years ago) link
That is incredibly sinister.
― emil.y, Monday, 30 June 2014 18:24 (nine years ago) link
Seems about right for Old Street IIRC.
― Welcome to the dessert of the real (snoball), Monday, 30 June 2014 21:28 (nine years ago) link
http://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4060/4585643905_a883a7f9ff_z.jpg
― Welcome to the dessert of the real (snoball), Sunday, 20 July 2014 08:12 (nine years ago) link
that's been the bbc.co.uk error image for at least 6 years - i think it narrowly avoids the innocent smoothies aesthetic tbh
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 20 July 2014 12:58 (nine years ago) link
Yeah, I haven't seen it for a long while, then it kept coming up early this morning. The flames in the background are probably what saves it, along with the non-InSmAes language.
― Welcome to the dessert of the real (snoball), Sunday, 20 July 2014 13:05 (nine years ago) link
So I bought something at Sears, and they signed me up for some sort of account so quickly that I was too slow to object. Here's my welcome e-mail:
Dear Valued customer,Remember your third grade teacher Mrs. Willicker? She said you'd never be worthy of $10 in points (10,000 points) to use on whatever you want, in store or online at Sears, Kmart or shopyourway.com.Mrs. Willicker can go suck an egg, Valued customer. Because all you have to do is click here, and that coupon gets loaded to YOUR account, ready for YOU to spend on anything YOU want with your next purchase of $30 or more. Shop now.(You'd rather print the coupon? Right on. Do that here.)Because now you're a Shop Your WaySM member, which means every person who's ever doubted you is eating their heart out.Who's laughing now, Valued customer? You are, that's who.Let's not forget your jerky camp counselor Tad, who said your socks were so pungent they could ward off vampires.Well ... Tad may be on to something. But you can buy new socks with your points at Sears or Kmart or shopyourway.com, if you want to.OR WHATEVER. The point is, this is YOUR membership, and this is how it works:BUY STUFF. Just about anything you want is at your fingers.GET POINTS. You get 10 of them for every dollar you spend on qualifying purchases..REDEEM POINTS. Every 1,000 points is a dollar's worth, and they let you buy more stuff (like socks, maybe). And so on.There's all sorts of other perks too–like coupons that we'll tailor to your desires, and Rewards Partners where you can earn points for buying flowers and food and stuff, and Shop Your Way MAX, where you get FREE 2-day shipping.Click those underliney links to learn more. And enjoy this–you've made it, bub.Sincerely,The Shop Your Way Team
Remember your third grade teacher Mrs. Willicker? She said you'd never be worthy of $10 in points (10,000 points) to use on whatever you want, in store or online at Sears, Kmart or shopyourway.com.
Mrs. Willicker can go suck an egg, Valued customer. Because all you have to do is click here, and that coupon gets loaded to YOUR account, ready for YOU to spend on anything YOU want with your next purchase of $30 or more. Shop now.
(You'd rather print the coupon? Right on. Do that here.)
Because now you're a Shop Your WaySM member, which means every person who's ever doubted you is eating their heart out.
Who's laughing now, Valued customer? You are, that's who.
Let's not forget your jerky camp counselor Tad, who said your socks were so pungent they could ward off vampires.
Well ... Tad may be on to something. But you can buy new socks with your points at Sears or Kmart or shopyourway.com, if you want to.
OR WHATEVER. The point is, this is YOUR membership, and this is how it works:BUY STUFF. Just about anything you want is at your fingers.GET POINTS. You get 10 of them for every dollar you spend on qualifying purchases..REDEEM POINTS. Every 1,000 points is a dollar's worth, and they let you buy more stuff (like socks, maybe). And so on.
There's all sorts of other perks too–like coupons that we'll tailor to your desires, and Rewards Partners where you can earn points for buying flowers and food and stuff, and Shop Your Way MAX, where you get FREE 2-day shipping.
Click those underliney links to learn more. And enjoy this–you've made it, bub.
Sincerely,The Shop Your Way Team
There's also a picture of Mrs. Willicker with drawn-on devil horns and moustache, as well as an arrow pointing to her to tell her to "go suck an egg".
― Pataphysician, Sunday, 20 July 2014 14:17 (nine years ago) link
jesus
― Number None, Sunday, 20 July 2014 14:18 (nine years ago) link
Every time you think you've found the apotheosis, shit like this comes along and blows it away
― sktsh, Sunday, 20 July 2014 14:54 (nine years ago) link
fucking hellsounds like an Onion thing
― kinder, Sunday, 20 July 2014 17:07 (nine years ago) link
To be fair, I always hated Mrs Willicker in third grade.
― 3kDk (dog latin), Sunday, 20 July 2014 22:58 (nine years ago) link
a very sweet Sears cashier convinced me to hand over my email once so i could get a 20% discount on some socks i was buying and it was one of the worst mistakes ive made in recent memory
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Monday, 21 July 2014 12:39 (nine years ago) link
Birds Eye UK @BirdsEyeUK Jul 21You voted Stephen Fry the UK's most loveable TwEater so look what we created using Birds Eye #Mashtags!
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BtDrM3bCcAAOOe9.jpg
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 13:56 (nine years ago) link
"Good day at work honey?" "Well…"
― What is wrong with songs? Absolutely nothing. Songs are great. (DL), Tuesday, 22 July 2014 16:12 (nine years ago) link
just got an email from a frozen yogurt company who have started a spinoff cassette label
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
― for sale: Bebe's boots, never worn (DJ Mencap), Friday, 1 August 2014 12:18 (nine years ago) link
different but related: mail order companies that include a packet of frigging haribo with your order. a new bottom bracket for my mountain bike, hey have some haribo with that! an emergency supply of contact lenses, probably need some gummi bears with that right? i am not fucking five anymore, and no i don't want your fucking rancid boiled pigs feet garbage
― john wahey (NickB), Thursday, 7 August 2014 07:02 (nine years ago) link
I hate it when companies do that. I recently bought some computer parts and when they arrived it turned out that the warehouse packer had remembered to put in the twee little bag of dolly mixtures or what the fuck ever, but had neglected to package the parts up so that they wouldn't get damaged in transit.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Thursday, 7 August 2014 07:34 (nine years ago) link
I don't know, maybe I should be a bit more tolerant, otherwise I'll end up like this...http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvaaong6LH1r3oi1to1_250.gif
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Thursday, 7 August 2014 08:04 (nine years ago) link
http://www2.woolworthsonline.com.au/Content/ProductImages/big/350689.jpghttp://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140317170151/mlp/images/5/56/Darth_Vader_do_not_want.jpghttp://www2.woolworthsonline.com.au/Content/ProductImages/big/350689.jpg
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Thursday, 7 August 2014 08:06 (nine years ago) link
gummi bears just look vile
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bd/Haribo_gb.jpg
there's also this:
http://www.tabletmag.com/scroll/149143/do-your-favorite-gummy-bears-have-a-nazi-past
― soref, Thursday, 7 August 2014 09:49 (nine years ago) link
they look like tardigrades
― i'm elf-ein lusophonic (imago), Thursday, 7 August 2014 09:51 (nine years ago) link
delicious, fruit-flavoured tardigrades
― Daphnis Celesta, Thursday, 7 August 2014 09:52 (nine years ago) link
argh, knew I shouldn't have GISd tardigrades
― soref, Thursday, 7 August 2014 09:53 (nine years ago) link
tardigrades vs nudibranchs
― john wahey (NickB), Thursday, 7 August 2014 09:55 (nine years ago) link
nah, slugs are gusting
― Daphnis Celesta, Thursday, 7 August 2014 09:55 (nine years ago) link
Tardigrades are the cutest. I will eat all of your gummy tardigrades.
― emil.y, Thursday, 7 August 2014 11:21 (nine years ago) link
pls send me all yr unwanted sweets
― is this empty sanitism (darraghmac), Thursday, 7 August 2014 11:31 (nine years ago) link