This is the thread where we judge other people's parenting

loooooove being human just so I can judge other people's parenting.

nah when you're gay the difference is couples wanna hang with you because you don't have kids stories to share

do you want some context for my tongue-in-cheek thread nakh or do you just wanna play superior

irl I don't talk to anyone about my kids, & I shun people who want to talk about those sorts of things, so I'm just treating others as I want to be treated.

my own kids are obviously the best but no one else irl needs to hear about that. online it's a different story of course, it's easy to ignore, but irl convos demand too much attention for anyone to be bored

or do you just wanna play superior

does he ever play anything else?

I have no idea, never paid attention to him

lol somehow through the onion article I got to this:
https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/the-parenting-move-i-couldn-t-help-but-judge-192911788.html

The trend of judging chocolate milk should fucking die.

I love that *that* is the parenting move she *couldn't help but judge.* "I've held my tongue for years, but chocolate flavored drink?! I can stand it no more!"

my 7yo niece has atrocious table manners, interrupts conversation constantly, and is granted nearly every whim by by my sister. I judge in silence.

is the lego movie thread about judging people's parenting for paying to have their children marketed to or is it worse than that?

not really altho there's some of that. I don't really see how its any different from any other blockbuster in terms of marketing tbh - apart from the fact that it was pretty fun to watch and was cleverly constructed. which is not something I ever say about Hollywood blockbusters, ftr.

also in true thread spirit - parent the other day who was playing on phone while 5yo child bullied a baby I JUDGE THEE

The one that I hate (yet still sometimes do when I'm out of energy) is the half-hearted "cut it out" followed by... no follow-through.

"A diet fueled by food stamps is making South Texans obese but leaving them hungry:"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2013/11/09/too-much-of-too-little/

^for the thread starter

That 'linda, listen' vid just makes me think of how many time that kid saw his dad argue with his mom. And everyone thinks its sooo funny

http://youtu.be/TP8RB7UZHKI

I drank a chocolate flavored box drink every morning when I was 5-6 and I turned out fine except for my permanent physical and mental disabilities.

i've heard that you're cute, at least

parent whose child took a shit in the shower at the public pool and left it for someone else to clean up - I JUDGE THEE

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/hello-stranger-on-the-street-could-you-please-tell-me-how-to-take-care-of-my-baby

I did some LOLing.

here, I'll do some judging, too:

Jeff and I were out and about with the kid and a woman was shopping with her toddler and presumably the toddler's grandmother, and the woman picked up the kid and I don't know what happened, but the woman yelled, "OW! Molly!" then put the toddler down and said, "I am DONE WITH YOU." And the toddler cried some fat sad toddler tears and raised her arms up to her mom, who was not having it. Grandma to the rescue.

NOW I don't know what Molly did. She may have stabbed her mom in the face with an OXO Tot baby knife for like the tenth time that day. And I don't have a toddler yet. I have a cute, squishy infant who most of the time is pretty chill and easy to handle (which isn't to say that I haven't been bitten on the nipple or bashed in the mouth with a cute little forehead or kicked in the tit so I get that babies hurt sometimes) and I am generally a big time cuddler but man alive seeing that toddler cry and reach for her mom was rough.

i think the most common mistake parents make w/misbehavior is overreacting to something a toddler doesn't understand is wrong or why it's wrong, like i think it's pretty understandable but at the same time you've got to do the calm and kind explanation thing as opposed to the verbal tongue-lashing or silent treatment or even the "time out" (which i think is kind of not partic helpful tbqh.)

also basically i think it's weird to not respond immediately to any time your kid is crying, i guess the theory is you're trying to show them you won't give in or maybe teaching them independence but i think it's pretty wrongheaded. but also some people think little kids are manipulative and not merely scared!

That makes sense to me. It's like the whole mindset that you shouldn't pick up a crying baby because the baby is trying to manipulate you. I mean, the baby IS trying to manipulate you if you want to look at it that way, but only in the same way you are trying to manipulate a restaurant server when you ask for a menu and a glass of water.

xp!!!

So far, I am completely unable to not respond to our child when she's crying. "Cry it out" is right off the table for us, although I'm not saying I won't get to a point where it feels like the right (or only) thing to do.

imho i don't think it's ever 100% necessary, but then again we're a couple of hippies over here, we were cosleeping with him for two years until he decided on his own he wanted to sleep in his bed one night and then he never looked back.

I think it's a matter of what works for the kid and for the parents. If the parents are on the edge of sleep deprived psychosis because they are up until 11 trying to comfort a child to sleep, then up two more hours trying to do all of the household chores they couldn't do because they spent three hours putting the kid to bed and can't take two three hour naps throughout the day, crying it out sounds pretty necessary and is probably less harmful than having cranky zombie parents.

But I'm hoping that we won't need to do it because it might kill me.

true, we were zombies for awhile. though not really that cranky!

ha, i stopped judging parents who "cry it out" when i realized that our dedicated effort to avoid "cry it out" has probably resulted in more many more hours of crying than our friends' kids who did cry it out

We do a hybrid thing where we go in after 5 minutes and put the pacifier back in and rub the belly for a second then leave again. Then wait 10 minutes and do the same thing. Then 15. None of our three kids went longer than the 15 minute mark. Definitely lessens the blow (for me) and lets them know you are still there for them. After two or three nights they were good to go you just lay em down and they go right to sleep (for the most part). We wouldn't do this until they were at least five or six months tho. Works for us.

Same here--go in very fast the first couple of times, soothe and re-dummy and check nappy/teeth/hunger, then leave it for a bit longer the next time and usually there's calm after a couple of minutes

i think the most common mistake parents make w/misbehavior is overreacting to something a toddler doesn't understand is wrong or why it's wrong, like i think it's pretty understandable but at the same time you've got to do the calm and kind explanation thing as opposed to the verbal tongue-lashing or silent treatment or even the "time out" (which i think is kind of not partic helpful tbqh.)

― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, August 6, 2014 9:12 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

also basically i think it's weird to not respond immediately to any time your kid is crying, i guess the theory is you're trying to show them you won't give in or maybe teaching them independence but i think it's pretty wrongheaded. but also some people think little kids are manipulative and not merely scared!

― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, August 6, 2014 9:16 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is pretty much how I want to parent.

Holy shit at that whole "I am DONE WITH YOU" episode upthead. I'm about to cry fat toddler tears just thinking about it.

I know. I want to be empathetic to the mother because mothers get so much pressure to be perfect and all that and I don't know her life but it made me super sad, too.

my littlest played a "game" she called the "Old Buffet" when she was a toddler. it involved chasing us down and then biting us. we were done with that too.

also short from abuse, violence, or emotional or other kinds of neglect, there is very little i will judge a parent on. this shit's fucking HARD. i don't care how much of a hippie you are. everybody is exhausted. toddlers are demanding as fuck. it is easy to snap or be irritable if you are on such little sleep and your kid is high-strung and unrelenting.

what i will judge is people without kids judging other parents (again, short of the abuse/violence/neglect/etc). i 100% think this is something that is difficult to understand if you haven't lived it.

There are all kinds of way to be a bad parent without being abusive, neglectful or violent, though.

yea i might be overstating it a little. just saying that everybody will snap at their kids unfairly at some point, probably many times. probably even say some really hurtful shit at some point. it's not great but i think it's shitty to judge it without first having some empathy and self-awareness

Oh I'm judging everyone. Everyone!!! I never say anything though, so no one ever knows

http://www.recordsale.de/cdpix/r/rare_soulrnb-here_comes_the_judge(custom_records).jpg

here, I'll do some judging, too:

Jeff and I were out and about with the kid and a woman was shopping with her toddler and presumably the toddler's grandmother, and the woman picked up the kid and I don't know what happened, but the woman yelled, "OW! Molly!" then put the toddler down and said, "I am DONE WITH YOU." And the toddler cried some fat sad toddler tears and raised her arms up to her mom, who was not having it. Grandma to the rescue.

NOW I don't know what Molly did. She may have stabbed her mom in the face with an OXO Tot baby knife for like the tenth time that day. And I don't have a toddler yet. I have a cute, squishy infant who most of the time is pretty chill and easy to handle (which isn't to say that I haven't been bitten on the nipple or bashed in the mouth with a cute little forehead or kicked in the tit so I get that babies hurt sometimes) and I am generally a big time cuddler but man alive seeing that toddler cry and reach for her mom was rough.

― carl agatha, Wednesday, August 6, 2014 2:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i think the most common mistake parents make w/misbehavior is overreacting to something a toddler doesn't understand is wrong or why it's wrong, like i think it's pretty understandable but at the same time you've got to do the calm and kind explanation thing as opposed to the verbal tongue-lashing or silent treatment or even the "time out" (which i think is kind of not partic helpful tbqh.)

― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, August 6, 2014 3:12 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm somewhat sympathetic to the mom. Sometimes these moves are not parenting choices in the sense that they're supposed to help the child learn something, they're parenting choices in helping the child by letting the parent step away and regroup. Saying "I am done with you" isn't cool obviously but sometimes getting a breather is necessary to regain sanity. Like a "time out" isn't just for a kid, it's also for a parent to get their shit together and figure out next steps without a kid screaming and flailing in your face.

Also parenting is really fucking hard but this tweet made me laugh

https://twitter.com/ChelseaVPeretti/status/495255649488359424

na otm xp

yeah totally otm.

It was the "done with you" followed by the crying/arms up that suggested that whatever the woman said/did to the kid reached her that got to me, probably on a personal level that I need to explore with my therapist. And like I said, I don't know what kind of toddler hell that woman had been through prior to that moment.

Being able to step away is super key. Best if you can say, "Hey grandma, take Molly here over to look at something on the other side of the store while I take a few nips from my hip flask and do some deep breathing exercises" but what's best and what we can manage are rarely identical.

Fun fact: the three main points emphasized in all of the new baby pamphlets the hospital gave us were: 1) you can't spoil a baby, so it's cool to pick her up if she cries; 2) back to sleep! and; and 3) don't shake the baby but if you think you want to shake the baby, just put the baby down in her crib and close the door and take a break.

I'm probably feeling more sympathetic because Evie was being really difficult all weekend and we had a battle over ???? that took over most of Sunday afternoon and it sucked.

I'm sorry. That does suck.

More judging:

This woman just rolled her double wide stroller into the coffee shop where I'm working and it contained THE CUTEST TWIN BABIES I HAVE SEEN.*

*since I looked at DJP's pictures of D&J.

this whole time I thought you meant you were a BARRISTER

jfc

lol, a few months ago I showed up to chaperone a field trip and my daughter's first grade teacher had pulled up a youtube of someone else reading a children's book to keep the kids occupied while she took care of some other task. I kinda judged.

we read books to our younger daughter at bedtime but then after a few books i'll put on a story on spotify and let it play while she falls asleep. it's just background noise to help her keep quiet and go to sleep. we did the same thing with our older daughter except with music.

Oh, my daughter can't fall asleep without Neil Degrasse Tyson's Cosmos on in the background. I'm sure I'm judgeable for that.

I have had Alexa read bedtime stories. It’s great.

https://bedtime.webguild.com/

I use this skill, you can write your own custom stories and put in your kids name.

Huh - when she was talking about it I was imagining a digital voice reading in a flat tone which seemed a little creepy; for some reason it didn't occur to me that they could just be asking Alexa to play an audio version of a story. That doesn't seem quite so bad as a supplement to (not replacement for) human interaction.

I listened to audio books all through my childhood and don't think it was a bad thing

My terrifying daughters left audiobooks on in their rooms the whole time they were doing other stuff INCLUDING READING. I once asked and yes, they were following both stories.

Our daughter listens to audiobooks when she goes to sleep, but we always read to her ourselves first. I have fond memories of doing the same when I was a kid--I had the absolutely splendid Nicol Williamson reading of The Hobbit on cassette, and the 8-hr radio play version of the first Star Wars movie, on cassette, and listened to them until the tapes broke.

Wow: the Nicol Hobbit is on Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/NicolWilliamsonHobbit

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/16/well/family/reading-aloud-to-young-children-has-benefits-for-behavior-and-attention.html

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/dont-want-attention-mother-6-year-old-boy-whose-birthday-party-guests-no-shows-speaks-185110033.html

i judge a bit here, i feel like if one thing is going to be traumatic and bad for the kid it's the damned viral news story (somewhat related to what i posted upthread about parents going to the media and putting their kid front and center regarding bullying situations.)

I am judge jury and executioner for the no-shows though

When the boy turned 8 last year, we had one kid show up at the party. They were half an hour late and hadn't RSVP'd.

Kid had told his mom that he had been invited to a party. He wasn't sure of the time, wasn't completely firm on the location. But his mom threw caution to the wind and managed to get there - with present- before it was all over.

We printed out invitations and everything. I think it's just kids being unreliable (because they are kids.) Goodness knows how many times I've found a crumpled invitation in the back of the backpack, inviting him to a party three weeks ago.

(This year, we had 3 officially RSVP. One of them cancelled at the last minute, but one of the other guys brought his brother with him.)

My son is seven and has had one (1) birthday party. He's disabled and nonverbal, but so are a lot of his classmates. We did evites, physical invitations, and reminder emails. We rented a fucking moon bounce, yo.

Almost no one rsvpeed. Almost everyone came to the party. But that "almost everyone" arrived 30 to 45 minutes into a 2-hour party.

I am judge jury and executioner for the no-shows though

― stet, Wednesday, October 24, 2018 4:16 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

agree on that

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/father-makes-10-year-old-daughter-walk-five-miles-school-punishment-bullying-163440797.html

the walk, the news story, the kid being named....i feel like this is all legalized child abuse.

that road seems a little unsafe to walk along for 5 miles in the half-light

wonder where she could have learned to be a bully

lol

btw the woman ref'd way upthread that hating pregnancy/babies and married a Star Trek LARPER is now a divorced single mom because the LARPER cheated on her and is moving to Arizona to be an actor. :( so now my judgment has been transformed into simple pity.

People who are already stressed out and their marriage crumbling after child #1 should not try for #2 in the vague hope it will somehow fix things.

So many parents failed to dress their kids for a field trip to a muddy farm in 45 degree weather and I am judging. There are kids in t shirts and shorts with no socks. And apparently no one ate enough breakfast either.

Xpost do idiots like these exist? I mean srsly.

I see parents bringing their kids to school in the freezing drizzle in winter here, and the kids are wearing shorts while their parents are wearing several layers of insulation.

My wife, who has our children wear longjohns if the temperature drops below 20°c, has to be persuaded not to tell them off in the street.

It is very possible that this is the result of a long negotation between kid and parent where the kid is like "It's not cold out, I don't want to wear a coat" and the parent ls like "it's 40 degrees and drizzly, you need a coat" and finally the compromise is that the kid goes to school with a coat stuffed in their backpack, the coat never leaves the backpack, other parents silently judge

I have a friend, who is me, who that happens to every day

I am pretty ok with kids wearing lighter clothing than what other parents would demand. My 14 yo didn’t want to wear a jacket the other day. She’s rarely cold.

It snowed here last night and I had to explain to my almost five year old in great detail exactly why he couldn't wear shorts and a t-shirt to preschool today.

One of my kids hates wearing jackets too. To his credit he never comes home and complains that he was cold all day.

I try to think, what would I wear if I were going for a run? Because they’re moving so much. I’m frequently the picker-up and carrier of the coat when we’re out.

I hate wearing jackets, coats, long sleeves in general, so I am sympathetic with your kids. I dress the same whether it's 100F or 45F : long pants, short sleeves. colder than 45 F, I'll reluctantly go for long sleeves or maybe still short sleeves + a jacket, because it may be cold outside but it'll be hot inside (in buildings, on trains + buses) and I'll be inside more than outside, plus once I'm outside for like 10 minutes I'll be hot and sweaty even if it's freezing outside.

my boy is like me but my girls are not.

I judge the writer of this letter. They can fuck right off.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

Haha, as a doting parent i wholeheartedly concur. Not certain how I would have responded back when I was a single child free antinatalist but I don't think I'd have been much more sympathetic. Why didn't they move their bedroom?

depends on the house doesn't it. all of our rooms share a wall with at least one neighbour. ofc everyone should be as considerate as possible but if you don't want to hear other people buy a detached house in the middle of nowhere

seething with hatred at your neighbours for three years but doing nothing to mitigate the problem and not saying anything to them = real england

some of the parents of my daughter's friends let them stay home from school "just because." which i was never allowed to do and none of my friends were allowed to do. you should at least have to learn how to fake being sick imo. then you're developing a skill.

but it is annoying because we don't let our daughter miss school without a good reason so she whines about how her friends can take days off and she can't

one of the families, the mom has weird work hours so i think some of the "just because" days are so she can have time with the kid, which i understand. the other family that does it just spoils the hell out of their kid and so i judge their parenting

We get the attendance committee on our asses every year and we only keep our kids home when they are actually sick. Don't know how these scofflaws get away with it.

yeah you would get booted out of your spot at school if you tried this in SF

schools in CA have their budgets approved based on student attendance!

My mum used to let me take a couple days off a year. She would have been beyond pissed if i had faked sick tho.

Honestly, I don't see a problem with it. One of my kids is very introverted and shes in middle school. I can see how being around that many people in a social setting exhausts her. Its all over her face. If she asks for the rare day off I'm inclined to say yes.

Here's where I judge my own parenting:

I realized a couple of months ago that my children DON'T KNOW HOW TO CROSS A STREET. They're 10 and 13. WTF.