Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

Have we mentioned the horror of Coldstone Creamery employees having to SING when you put money in their tip jar? So humiliating and terrible.

(They might not do that anymore. It's been a decade since I've been in a Coldstone Creamery.)

In Barnes & Noble they still ask you if you want to become a member every time you make a purchase, but with utter resignation, as though they realize they are asking if you would like to board a sinking ship.

Any restaurant that requires employees to holler "Welcome to Moe's!" Welcome to Jason's Deli!" "Welcome to the Burritodome!"

It's awkward for the workers, uncomfortable for the people walking in the door, distracting for the diners eating the food.

― pplains, Tuesday, April 29, 2014 8:45 AM (50 minutes ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e0VvHZMaTs

last week i went into a cvs and a guy who was clearly a regional manager was giving the staff a lil pep talk, which he interrupted to really intensely ask me if i needed help with anything

crazy! i feel like it's impossible to get anyone to help you at cvs. i end up walking through every aisle in the store before i can even find someone who works there

YES CAN YOU TELL ME WHICH AISLE YOUR ENEMA KITS ARE LOCATED AND DO YOU CARRY CIRCUS PEANUTS? xp

I've likely told this story before. My yarns are about all spun.

ME: Just these guitar picks.

MUSIC CENTER GUY: Sure, let me get your name.

ME: My name? For what? I'm paying cash.

MUSIC CENTER GUY: I know. I still need your name to enter into the system.

[10-second stare down]

ME: John Smith.

MUSIC CENTER GUY: Ah! I see you've been here many times!

lmao

I got into an actual shouting match with a poor cashier at Staples because she wouldn't sell me a Snickers bar unless I gave her my telephone number.

That probably goes in the irrationally angry thread, though.

I also get embarrassed anytime a cashier comments on my t-shirt. without fail, anytime I wORE one of my Wu-Tang shirts at this one Shell station there were two cashiers who would see it and be all like "WU-TANG, YEAAA!!! PROTECT YA NECK, BABY! RAW LIKE COCAINE STR8 FROM BOLIVIA" and I'm all blushin as the other customers look confused, hoping he doesn't say 'AW YEA, CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME" when I hand him a ten dollah bill*

*fortunately this did not happen, one of the dudes was kinda funny tho. the toilets overflowed one night and this idiot 20-something kept walkin around dto shop and the employee yells "DON'T FUCKIN WALK IN THAT SHIT! THAT'S FUCKIN DOO DOO WATER, MAN!".

the funniest script I ever heard on a call was from a bank, maybe Wachovia (at the time) or something like that. I was calling w/ a client on a conference call and the lady answers and says:

"Good morning. My name is <redacted> and my mission is to provide you with unmatched customer service. How may I help you today?"

oh god oh god

I called my bank to get a debit card without an RFD chip (because our city's shitty new fare card readers on public transportation were debiting my checking account) and the CSR who answered asked, "How can I make you smile today?" and I was like BAAAARRRRRFFFFF

AND THEN at the end of the call after she verified that there was nothing else she could do to help me, she said, "Can you do me a favor?" and I'm like "Maaayyybeee?" and she says, "Can you smile the rest of the day for me?"

I feel gross even typing this out.

I never really thought about going to a cold stone but seeing something about them having to sing horrified me so much that it guaranteed this would never happen.

A couple weeks ago I bought ice cream at the campus dairy (big ag school, have a functional dairy on campus, incredibly delicious ice cream and cheese) and usually its staffed by indifferent undergrads but this time it was like the guy who manages the place and he had that kind of slimy middle aged slick hair golf guy vibe that rubs me the wrong way. As people we paying he was asking them to yell the traditional sports team affirmation and they'd do it and all laugh about it and I started sweating.

When I paid he asked me to do the same and I said that I'm not going to do that and would just like my ice cream; he was like c'mon, no big deal and I kind of broke and gave him this spiel about how I realize there are people like him who enjoy this sort of forced jovial thing with customers and there are people like me who despise it and will go out of their way to avoid places that put me on the spot to do something I find embarrassing and he looked disgusted at me as I put headphones on and ate my ice cream while looking at my phone. Fuck that guy.

*stands and applauds*

forced joviality with trader joe's checkers is becoming the bane of my irrationally embarrassment.
yesterday i got what I had hoped would be a brief exchange

hi!
hello
how's it going?
great thanks.

pause. praying for end of convo but...

so how was your weekend?
pretty good.
what did you get up to?
not a whole lot

(meanwhile I'm in my head screaming SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP IT OH GOD STOP IT)

like I like pleasantries and some general politeness but you don't have to do this, i don't expect it, i don't like it and i don't want to do this pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase

he was like c'mon, no big deal

Oh my fucking god, I fucking hate that forced "COME ON, HAVE SOME FUN! BE LOUD! I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL, BUT I KNOW YOU LIKE FUN, WHICH IS UNIVERSALLY DEFINED AS TALKING LIKE THIS! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SHY! BEING SHY IS SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF! I WILL STOP YOU FROM BEING SHY BY PHYSICAL FORCE IF NECESSARY! COME ON! FUN!" shit.

Joygoat, you are seriously my hero for standing up to that guy.

xp
Coldstone also refers to their sizes by embarrassing phrases, one being "Gotta have it." I don't know if they *make* you use them but they do seem to expect it.

good for you, joygoat - i too will go out of my way to avoid those kinds of places bc i find that stuff mortifying. i don't even like singing happy birthday to anyone.

I used to secretly tell the waiters at restaurants that it was my dad's birthday. They'd come out with candles and funny hats and sing songs to him.

Funny thing was that 1.) He was my step-dad and 2.) it wasn't his birthday. I was a horrible child.

lol I actually went to Firehouse after reading this thread. I walk in, nobody shouts Firehouse....a first. everybody behind me, though, got the half-hearted "Welcome to fiyah-hoooooowwww-ssuh!", albeit it was a bit deflated.

lately the very innocuous embarrassing thing = fast food/restaurant folk forgetting my drinks. The last three times I ordered out, two of the drivers forgot the drink I ordered, and I had to have them go back and get it and drive it back. I always hate that awkward "uh, excuse me!" moment because sometimes the drivers, in a (well-intentioned) effort to show they're sorry and be helpful, do this overdramatic Shakespearean apology when I'm really like 's'ok, not gonna die, just...want my drink!'.

this thread has drifted somewhat from things that are irrationally embarrassing but yesterday i found myself grocery shopping and there was a woman stocking in the area where i wanted to grab some berries and some fennel and maybe some other things. i hadn't really decided yet, was still deciding what i wanted. she stepped aside and implied that i should go ahead, she said "take your time"

i stood there for like 5 seconds completely immobile and then asked her to please continue what she was doing because her standing behind me watching me choose my food was making me feel really uncomfortable. she didn't get it and was like "no go ahead, i'm ok" and i had to be like NO, PLEASE and then she finally saw the look in my eyes and understood that letting me go first was what was making me uncomfortable and that i would rather not be watched (that's what was really bothering me)

it was really really embarrassing, the whole thing

Was that perhaps at the yogurt section?

Fennel yogurt? Perish the thought.

nope, the produce section
also i haven't had a chobani in months! i have been eating plain greek yog with a variety of jams and it is so much better in taste as well as lingering emotional feeling.

Does chobani not make plain? I mostly prefer plain yogurts but they don't have them at costco

they do but -- i repeat -- the only reason i had any interest in gd chobani yogurt was the passion fruit flavor
it's not the yog itself
it's the PASSION FRIUT

oops
fruit

froot

PASSOIN FRIUT

within seconds someone should come along and say how they don't like/can't handle the seeds and then we will know that everything has gone back to normal

I basically only eat fage with honey now. Because it's like a desert.

have you guys ever eaten actual passion fruit?

my dad grew up in peru where they call them granadillas. they also nicknamed them "mucous fruits" because eating them is like sucking mucous

"mucous" looks weird - is it spelled "mucus?"

they are the best fruit. i'm trying to find seedlings locally so i can finally grow my own, bc @ $3 EACH that's just too ridiculous, even for the best fruit ever.

the passion of the fruit

Granadilla isn't pomegranate?

i'm increasingly embarrassed by the entire process of grocery shopping. getting your sustenance = being forced to navigate an artificial grid of product displays while interacting with or trying not to interact with strangers who are being forced to do the same thing, then waiting in line with said strangers while wage slaves handle your plastic-wrapped food, and you're all crowded together and inevitably someone feels like they have to "be friendly" like we're all there by choice. also convinced everything about the yogurt aisle is basically "don't you want this healthy ice cream" and am pretty embarrassed to enter it, though yes i do want this healthy ice cream.

also displaying what will soon be the contents of your fridge and pantry to like 20 randoms, and seeing what everyone else's will be.

wow, grocery shopping is, like, the world's most relaxing activity for me. embarrassment does not compute

at least not in peru xp to la lechera. GIS for granadilla also brings up passion fruits

i am getting sick of all the people standing around deliberating blankly while they shop. like, don't you do this a lot? like every week or two? for most of your adult life? are you eating food you have never had the slightest experience of? can you not just grab an onion and throw it in your basket? does so much hang on your buying exactly the right combination of things? you're going to eat it all and shit it out and then come right back and do it all again, is it really worth it to you or to me to stand around in a daze cluttering up the aisles?

I don't understand what's so bad about Chobani.

I also don't interact with people there any more than I do anywhere else. "Hey, howya doin'."

Seeing what's in everyone else's cart might be my favorite part of the trip. You wonder how the makers of RC Cola stay in business until that guy gets in the next lane.

the politics of the plastic dividers and when to "make room", not knowing where to look between the horrifying magazines and accidentally catching the gazes of other people not knowing where to look. etc. always relieved when it's over. xxp

i'm one of those people standing around deliberating blankly and i don't know what to say about it other than, yes, getting stuff for more than one meal during a trip can get complicated, it's the end of the day, and here we all are in this place we don't want to be in rn.

don't want to give the impression that i can't handle being embarrassed by something innocuous itt

i see a lotta louis ck style 'this is exactly the thing i want to do right now why can't i do it' driving types at the store

i much prefer shopping after 10 at night, but lately i have been going during the day or the evening so i am exposed to these horrors

Crossing paths with my neighbouring co-worker in another part of the office, not knowing if I should say hi or make small talk ("Welp, see you back at the cubicle in 4 minutes!")

^^^^ yeah that, or similarly, when someone is crossing paths and they say "Hi <name>, how are you/how was your time off?" etc and you start answering and try to ask them "how about you" in response but they keep going, never really interested in hearing the response and leaving you alone by yourself holding the banana you bought downstairs and a soulful of shame