Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

yesterday at the grocery store i consciously tried to not think about la lechera as i approached the chobani section because i like la lechera and would not wish to annoy her even invisibly at a great distance but i failed and then i lolled.

the blood orange chobanis are the best

i failed and then i lolled

^ title of my eventual memoirs

today I got asked at Panera if I wanted to add a pastry for 99 cents and I said "no thanks" in what I thought was a normal voice but I guess there was the hint of a smirk or something and the girl said "sorry, part of the script" and I felt embarrassed like I shut her down or somethin.

― getting strange ass all around the globe (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 29 April 2014 03:49 (9 hours ago) Permalink

There was a time when WaWa employees in New Jersey were required to ask if you would like to "upgrade to double meat" on your sandwich. I felt embarrassed for them.

Any restaurant that requires employees to holler "Welcome to Moe's!" Welcome to Jason's Deli!" "Welcome to the Burritodome!"

It's awkward for the workers, uncomfortable for the people walking in the door, distracting for the diners eating the food.

I have been asked the pastry question roughly one zillion times, they are as used to excusing the question as they are asking it

That's not innocuous! It's humiliating by its very nature -- double meat too!

I'm rightfully embarrassed that I've become synonymous with a shamefully named yogurt, but always glad to spring to mind, whatever the reason ;)

My best Panera awkward experience:
I hand over my Panera rewards card or w/e after ordering some deluxe salad
Cashier 1: "It says here you have... a free salad. Would you like to use that today?"
Me: "Sure!"
Cashier 1 to Cashier 2: "I've never seen that pop up before!"
Cashier 2: "I saw it once, but it was this lady who ordered a LOT of salads. Like she'd come in every day and eat a salad"
Me: "... uh thanks!" *salad shame*

I no longer have to ask people who just want to buy a dust mop to also give me their personal email address, that has removed a source of embarrassment from my life.

ugh

At Hollywood Video I used to have to sell people "Bundle Deals" of two popcorns, a candy, and a soda along with their rental of two new release movies. For like $1.63 more or some ridiculous price. I always spelled everything out for the customers, which was annoying and time consuming and a lot to say but many of my coworkers were like "do you want a bundle with that" or "do you want to make that a bundle"? which none of the customers understood so the employee would have to explain it anyway.

Have we mentioned the horror of Coldstone Creamery employees having to SING when you put money in their tip jar? So humiliating and terrible.

(They might not do that anymore. It's been a decade since I've been in a Coldstone Creamery.)

In Barnes & Noble they still ask you if you want to become a member every time you make a purchase, but with utter resignation, as though they realize they are asking if you would like to board a sinking ship.

Any restaurant that requires employees to holler "Welcome to Moe's!" Welcome to Jason's Deli!" "Welcome to the Burritodome!"

It's awkward for the workers, uncomfortable for the people walking in the door, distracting for the diners eating the food.

― pplains, Tuesday, April 29, 2014 8:45 AM (50 minutes ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e0VvHZMaTs

last week i went into a cvs and a guy who was clearly a regional manager was giving the staff a lil pep talk, which he interrupted to really intensely ask me if i needed help with anything

crazy! i feel like it's impossible to get anyone to help you at cvs. i end up walking through every aisle in the store before i can even find someone who works there

YES CAN YOU TELL ME WHICH AISLE YOUR ENEMA KITS ARE LOCATED AND DO YOU CARRY CIRCUS PEANUTS? xp

I've likely told this story before. My yarns are about all spun.

ME: Just these guitar picks.

MUSIC CENTER GUY: Sure, let me get your name.

ME: My name? For what? I'm paying cash.

MUSIC CENTER GUY: I know. I still need your name to enter into the system.

[10-second stare down]

ME: John Smith.

MUSIC CENTER GUY: Ah! I see you've been here many times!

lmao

I got into an actual shouting match with a poor cashier at Staples because she wouldn't sell me a Snickers bar unless I gave her my telephone number.

That probably goes in the irrationally angry thread, though.

I also get embarrassed anytime a cashier comments on my t-shirt. without fail, anytime I wORE one of my Wu-Tang shirts at this one Shell station there were two cashiers who would see it and be all like "WU-TANG, YEAAA!!! PROTECT YA NECK, BABY! RAW LIKE COCAINE STR8 FROM BOLIVIA" and I'm all blushin as the other customers look confused, hoping he doesn't say 'AW YEA, CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME" when I hand him a ten dollah bill*

*fortunately this did not happen, one of the dudes was kinda funny tho. the toilets overflowed one night and this idiot 20-something kept walkin around dto shop and the employee yells "DON'T FUCKIN WALK IN THAT SHIT! THAT'S FUCKIN DOO DOO WATER, MAN!".

the funniest script I ever heard on a call was from a bank, maybe Wachovia (at the time) or something like that. I was calling w/ a client on a conference call and the lady answers and says:

"Good morning. My name is <redacted> and my mission is to provide you with unmatched customer service. How may I help you today?"

oh god oh god

I called my bank to get a debit card without an RFD chip (because our city's shitty new fare card readers on public transportation were debiting my checking account) and the CSR who answered asked, "How can I make you smile today?" and I was like BAAAARRRRRFFFFF

AND THEN at the end of the call after she verified that there was nothing else she could do to help me, she said, "Can you do me a favor?" and I'm like "Maaayyybeee?" and she says, "Can you smile the rest of the day for me?"

I feel gross even typing this out.

I never really thought about going to a cold stone but seeing something about them having to sing horrified me so much that it guaranteed this would never happen.

A couple weeks ago I bought ice cream at the campus dairy (big ag school, have a functional dairy on campus, incredibly delicious ice cream and cheese) and usually its staffed by indifferent undergrads but this time it was like the guy who manages the place and he had that kind of slimy middle aged slick hair golf guy vibe that rubs me the wrong way. As people we paying he was asking them to yell the traditional sports team affirmation and they'd do it and all laugh about it and I started sweating.

When I paid he asked me to do the same and I said that I'm not going to do that and would just like my ice cream; he was like c'mon, no big deal and I kind of broke and gave him this spiel about how I realize there are people like him who enjoy this sort of forced jovial thing with customers and there are people like me who despise it and will go out of their way to avoid places that put me on the spot to do something I find embarrassing and he looked disgusted at me as I put headphones on and ate my ice cream while looking at my phone. Fuck that guy.

*stands and applauds*

forced joviality with trader joe's checkers is becoming the bane of my irrationally embarrassment.
yesterday i got what I had hoped would be a brief exchange

hi!
hello
how's it going?
great thanks.

pause. praying for end of convo but...

so how was your weekend?
pretty good.
what did you get up to?
not a whole lot

(meanwhile I'm in my head screaming SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP IT OH GOD STOP IT)

like I like pleasantries and some general politeness but you don't have to do this, i don't expect it, i don't like it and i don't want to do this pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase

he was like c'mon, no big deal

Oh my fucking god, I fucking hate that forced "COME ON, HAVE SOME FUN! BE LOUD! I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL, BUT I KNOW YOU LIKE FUN, WHICH IS UNIVERSALLY DEFINED AS TALKING LIKE THIS! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SHY! BEING SHY IS SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF! I WILL STOP YOU FROM BEING SHY BY PHYSICAL FORCE IF NECESSARY! COME ON! FUN!" shit.

Joygoat, you are seriously my hero for standing up to that guy.

xp
Coldstone also refers to their sizes by embarrassing phrases, one being "Gotta have it." I don't know if they *make* you use them but they do seem to expect it.

good for you, joygoat - i too will go out of my way to avoid those kinds of places bc i find that stuff mortifying. i don't even like singing happy birthday to anyone.

I used to secretly tell the waiters at restaurants that it was my dad's birthday. They'd come out with candles and funny hats and sing songs to him.

Funny thing was that 1.) He was my step-dad and 2.) it wasn't his birthday. I was a horrible child.

lol I actually went to Firehouse after reading this thread. I walk in, nobody shouts Firehouse....a first. everybody behind me, though, got the half-hearted "Welcome to fiyah-hoooooowwww-ssuh!", albeit it was a bit deflated.

lately the very innocuous embarrassing thing = fast food/restaurant folk forgetting my drinks. The last three times I ordered out, two of the drivers forgot the drink I ordered, and I had to have them go back and get it and drive it back. I always hate that awkward "uh, excuse me!" moment because sometimes the drivers, in a (well-intentioned) effort to show they're sorry and be helpful, do this overdramatic Shakespearean apology when I'm really like 's'ok, not gonna die, just...want my drink!'.

this thread has drifted somewhat from things that are irrationally embarrassing but yesterday i found myself grocery shopping and there was a woman stocking in the area where i wanted to grab some berries and some fennel and maybe some other things. i hadn't really decided yet, was still deciding what i wanted. she stepped aside and implied that i should go ahead, she said "take your time"

i stood there for like 5 seconds completely immobile and then asked her to please continue what she was doing because her standing behind me watching me choose my food was making me feel really uncomfortable. she didn't get it and was like "no go ahead, i'm ok" and i had to be like NO, PLEASE and then she finally saw the look in my eyes and understood that letting me go first was what was making me uncomfortable and that i would rather not be watched (that's what was really bothering me)

it was really really embarrassing, the whole thing

Was that perhaps at the yogurt section?

Fennel yogurt? Perish the thought.

nope, the produce section
also i haven't had a chobani in months! i have been eating plain greek yog with a variety of jams and it is so much better in taste as well as lingering emotional feeling.

Does chobani not make plain? I mostly prefer plain yogurts but they don't have them at costco

they do but -- i repeat -- the only reason i had any interest in gd chobani yogurt was the passion fruit flavor
it's not the yog itself
it's the PASSION FRIUT

oops
fruit

froot

PASSOIN FRIUT

within seconds someone should come along and say how they don't like/can't handle the seeds and then we will know that everything has gone back to normal

I basically only eat fage with honey now. Because it's like a desert.

have you guys ever eaten actual passion fruit?

my dad grew up in peru where they call them granadillas. they also nicknamed them "mucous fruits" because eating them is like sucking mucous

"mucous" looks weird - is it spelled "mucus?"

they are the best fruit. i'm trying to find seedlings locally so i can finally grow my own, bc @ $3 EACH that's just too ridiculous, even for the best fruit ever.

the passion of the fruit

Granadilla isn't pomegranate?