Kids say the darndest things

oh, I think the dog was licking HER tongue.

ok good

I mean, as good as can be I guess.

I dunno. In the living room probably?

― how's life, Monday, April 21, 2014 3:05 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

IRL LOL

A couple of weeks ago, when asked why there was a small puddle of what looked like pee right next to the toilet, my 5 year old son, who only recently started peeing standing up, answered: "I dropped my penis"

looool

ME: Good job with dinner. Here's a couple of cookies, Cookie Monster.

H: Thank you, BEER MONSTER!

Last night I was sitting in the hallway while Evie was falling asleep in her sleeping bag. She was softly murmur-singing to herself and then stopped and said "Daddy, is that kind of like rap?" I said "kind of?" Then she sang a little bit of "Let It Go" and asked "Is that kind of like rap?" so then I had to interrupt bedtime long enough for a very brief explanation and demonstration of rap.

so did you do all of Rapper's Delight or what

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSdcYvFONJ8

Sometimes...ants crawl up my butt.

(Confessed to a new friend while they were both poking at an anthill)

ME: Good job with dinner. Here's a couple of cookies, Cookie Monster.

H: Thank you, BEER MONSTER!

― pplains, Tuesday, May 6, 2014 12:11 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I almost just choked on some nuts.

wait

ALMONDS JUST TO CLARIFY

sry for gross, but extreme lols at the image of that happening while posting

also lols at pplains kid, that is wit

Seriously tho - BEER MONSTER is the best thing I've heard in a long time. Henry is awesome.

yeah i love that

"nuts in the conference room"....ilxor: NOOOOOOO! etc.

Owen: How old do you think I am?
Sean (his guitar teacher): Um... 6?
Owen: I'm seven and a half! NEVER under-guess a little kid's age!

in my experience as someone that used to teach little kids: that is some real f---king talk

hearing a 5yo talk about the cognitive faculties of a 4yo is like listening to an UWS pensioner talk about poor people in like brooklyn or w/e, pure unchecked disdain, the view down their lil noses is long and the ppl at the end very pathetic indeed

imagine the indignity of being mistaken for someone six months younger than yourself, esp after you have demonstrated mastery of zippers, it's unbearable

lol
otm

lol

GBX OTM

Beeps has recently become aware that her brother's "crazy" behavior is often directly linked to him being 4.
PP and I trade off nights putting them to bed. One night I'll put Beeps to bed, the next Henry etc
Usually an argument ensues shortly before bedtime as to who has got me that night (the only reason I can come up with for this is PP doesn't give in to their sleep stalling tactics like I do and they get the added bonus of me sometimes falling asleep so I'm in their bed all night)
Two nights ago, while Henry was upstairs in the bath, Beeps begins the usual proceedings:
B: 'Am I with you or Daddy tonight?'
Me: (expecting arguing and pleading to follow) 'It's my turn with Henry tonight'
B: 'Ah. Well, good luck with that!'

:D

August: "You need help."

She's all about telling me when she needs help these days. Love it because I rarely say that and probably should but taught her to say it last year instead of grunting but she just started saying it a month ago. As she saw me struggle with moving the car seat from one car to another and carry my purse and diaper bag she put herself in front of me and told me I needed help. Best sentence I've ever heard in my life, hands down, ever!

<3 that is very thoughtful for such a young child.

That's darling!! <3

Evie says lots of funny/cute stuff but my favorite thing is that she says "Did you notice" instead of "Did you know." So she'll say "Did you notice we got to go to the playground today? Did you notice it's Audrey's mom's birthday?"

K (with cup of water): I'm drinking coffee!
Me: Oh, that's nice. Are you going to work?
K: Yeah.
Me: Where do you work?
K: On the computer.
Me: Oh. How much money do you make?
K: Four.

lol

give that kid a riase

raise even

I like to imagine that she meant $400,000 and that she likes to talk like a swaggering stockbroker. Next I'm going to teach her to say "You'd better throw a number with a 5 in front of it at me or this conversation's over."

i assumed 4 million because i imagine multimillionaires refer to sums of millions without ever saying the word 'million'

would have been best if she had written 4 on a napkin and slid it to you face down

i love this thread

lol VG

Also missed a teachable moment to show her that coffee is for closers.

I can't wait until I can teach Ella to say to my very right-wing father-in-law, 'You'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes!'

Oh wow the trolling potential of having Ivy's first words be "Obamamama"...

My son, when describing the kids in his kindergarden class said that some of them were brown and the others were beige

Beatle used to say brown and peach

Peach was always the colour of the crayon we'd use for colouring in White people's faces at school.

Yeah, I remember getting an "introduction to race" mini-lecture when I told my mom that one of my preschool classmates was not black, she was yellow.

"Evie, you can't lock yourself in the bathroom, because if you had an accident or an emergency, we couldn't get in"
"EMERGEN-C IS A DRINK!" (slams door)

lol

hmph