The Groom's Cake

see also: waving a bloody sheet
wait wut

Non-wedding tradition Yankees used to pull on Southerners around election time to remind them of their treason.

wait wut

In the Balkans it was traditional for the wedding guests, who had been drinking all night, to gather the next morning at the house where the bride and groom had retired for their wedding night, in order to view the triumphant display of a blood-stained sheet, proving that the virgin bride had been successfully deflowered by the virile new husband. In a rural village setting, refusing to do this was unthinkable and tantamount to an admission that either the bride was a whore, or the groom was impotent, so that, as if by some miracle, a bloody sheet was always available to be displayed at the proper moment.

Tradition!

I've heard of that in Latin America too, but I only know about it because of some Gabriel Garcia-Marquez book I read

I think there might have even been something in that book about having to fake the blood because the bride's hymen had broken when she was a girl.

oh god, that was my first thought too, but I thought it was a joke.

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

Wise old grandmothers knew all about that. It was handy, if, say, a sheep was being butchered for the wedding feast, to set a bit of its blood aside, in case.

Basically, everyone knew this and the whole show was just "for entertainment and not for investment purposes".

http://mcphee.com/shop/media/catalog/product/u/n/unicorn_and_horse_wedding_cake_topper.jpg

lol aimless

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, April 8, 2014 12:51 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I hope I will not regret this post, but I just want to point out "I would've been fucked" and "a little anticlimactic"

pplains u are the king of the grooms cake

I thought this was kinda morbid at first,

http://i.imgur.com/wC8zEOH.jpg

until I realized you're supposed to "read" it from the bottom up.

i feel like we lost some fundamental idea of what a cake is/was, somewhere along the way, as a society

computerized image-to-icing transfer has much to answer for

http://www.royalcakery.com/Photo_Gallery/Grooms_Cakes/slides/steak%20cake.jpg

They got a name for the weddings in this world,
But I want a cake when I lose.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/ea/4c/6e/ea4c6ed294738a2c2fe6886f5ee158d0.jpg

I could probably tour the whole damn SEC for bad grooms cakes, but the first thing I saw on Pinterest five seconds ago was "Alabama grooms cakes" as a fixed search term.

http://i.imgur.com/TwGjDBS.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/HTLUvOn.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/g2IBptY.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/hEsFtnJ.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/R0b3UYK.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/sGoB32e.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/jt19FOg.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/rDE1IrB.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/V2AU6y5.jpg

But first, getting back to the SEC for a moment...

http://i.imgur.com/RZcBbdS.jpg

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Pretty sure this is somehow SEC-related too.

http://i.imgur.com/kZ5LcyM.jpg

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SEC, though B1G12 definitely a possibility.

http://i.imgur.com/Fmh3SYf.jpg

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OK, now. Getting out of hand.

http://i.imgur.com/1u87aXS.jpg

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http://i.imgur.com/p8fTHi6.jpg

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No, seriously. It looks just like the painting. It's got wings and everything.

http://i.imgur.com/Q0jN4DJ.jpg

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Not sure what football conference this is from.

http://i.imgur.com/K054tmW.jpg

Didja hear that even "geeks" get married now too?

http://i.imgur.com/L4fc0NX.jpg

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No, a Jabba the Hut cake sounds like the perfect accompaniment to a perfect day.

http://i.imgur.com/MOXyhiC.jpg

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"I do."

"I know."

http://i.imgur.com/wNuQOq1.jpg

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Not sure which conference. PAC 10 maybe?

http://i.imgur.com/GXjVaSP.jpg

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And you thought it was weird someone would marry a Star Wars fan...

http://i.imgur.com/8Njbe9T.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/TbdQR9R.jpg http://i.imgur.com/QUSD4yA.jpg

I know that squashed dog cake is college football related but it's gross and upsetting and a nice encapsulation of why I hate college football enthusiasm.