Kids say the darndest things

Beeps just asked for a fax machine for Christmas.

"You know, one of those things where you type your message on the buttons and a piece of paper comes out with it on it?"

i think that's a typewriter! but a fax machine would be a cool christmas present, too

or did she say fax machine, i'm confused now

She said fax machine! Though maybe she means a word processor?

Lulu: "Why do you have that ladder?"
Me: "I've decided I'm going to live in the attic. See you in about ten years."
Lulu: "Wait. You'll need some things." (Gathers together flour, kitchen roll, pasta, my phone, a book, Jaffa Cakes)
Ava: "What are you doing?"
Lulu: "Getting things for Daddy. He's going to live in the attic for ten years."
Ava: "Don't give him the Jaffa Cakes. Maybe just one."

lol

http://www.wgbh.org/imageassets/beethoven_ludwig_250x269.jpg

K: Who's that?
Me: That's Beethoven.
K: The man is cranky.

k otm

K did a sort of monologue in front of the mirror today in hebrew, and I got it on video and was able to roughly translate most of it:

"I know what. Monkey in the zoo. I know what. Car in the zoo. Ah, I know what, chicken in the zoo. Ah I know what, cartilage in the zoo....On vacation, we saw, what else? Ah, I know. Cartilage in the zoo....On vacation we saw, I know what, cartilage in the zoo. I know what, potty in the zoo. Maybe, I know what, ears in the zoo. Maybe, I know what, I know what, I know what, I know. I know what. Bellybutton in the zoo. I know what! (?) in the zoo. [not sure about the next few words]. Who else is in the zoo? Ah, I know, bird in the zoo. I know what. I know what. Maybe, I know what, woman in the zoo....[?]....Ah, I know what, woman in the zoo. (picks up phone) Hey, what's up? Everything's good Shlomo..."

this kid kills me. i really hope she's inherited your wife's weird sleeptalking skills, too, bc i'm looking to reading about those.

where did she pick up cartilage from??

She really loves eating chicken drumsticks with the bone, and we tell her not to eat the cartilage part.

Hahaha the end is my favorite.

The other day when I came home:

K: No! Daddy to go!
Me: Why?
K: Daddy to go home!
Me: This is home, I live here.
K: Daddy to go to office and buy money.
Me: You want me to go to the office?
K: And buy money. Money. Money.
Me: Why?
K: Money! I want money this weekend!

she has a point

K: daddy, here is a beautiful picture of you and me from the dance we went to! *presents cute picture of us dressed up, in popsicle frame, and 2 daisies*
Me: that's so nice! thanks for sharing, and the flowers!
K: when you die, i'm going to put it by your coffin, i love it!
Me: ok, i hope that's a long time from now.
K: oh, yeah, i hope you live to 123 years old.
Me: that's a long time...
K: yeah but with the picture, i'll remember you.

Hahahahaha

K and money pt 2:

K: (seeing me taking my wallet out) Want money!
Me: Uh...ok! (I run to get a crumpled dollar I remember is on the dresser) Here you go sweetie!
K: NO! (slaps down dollar). Want Aba wallet!

atta girl

The last time I gave her my wallet she not only took out all the cash, but took out all of the cards and put them inside various books or behind various parts of the bookshelf. Putting it all back together was quite a scavenger hunt and I realized I didn't have my metrocard the next day when I got to the subway.

:/ but kinda lol

yeah for sure

A: I just ate cat food.
Me: You just ate cat food?
A: It was good!
Me: Honey, you can't eat cat food! Cat food is for cats!
A: It is food for cat and man.

wet or dry?

I cant remember a specific exchange but Beeps has learned to pick up on sarcasm and calls pp and I out on it. It does not impress her in the least.

Wet!

I had to stop her from going back for seconds.

I used to eat the cats dry food. I can even remember how it tasted (not bad).

xp oh gross! Also lol at man and cat.

She's going to grow up to be her generation's Jackson Galaxy.

"Food for cat and man" is a great tagline for a pet food.

there should be a food they make that both cats and humans can enjoy and have it be acceptable. with a commercial that says food for cat and man, of course.

lol

When my brother was 3 we found him sitting in front of the tv with the cat's bowl of dried cat food, eating it like it was popcorn

D:

sitting in the car after leaving a restaurant where you pay at the counter, my youngest, who didn't see us pay, asks, "so Mom, are you gonna pay, or are we gonna make a run for it?"

lol

Hahaha

On a sorta follow-up from the cat food shenanigans upthread, this weekend she asked me why the cat was licking himself and I was like "oh that's how cats and dogs clean themselves. They don't take showers, etc." A little later, she was playing with our dogs and I wasn't paying too much attention to what all was going on but she walked up to me and said "Look! My tongue is clean now!" so presumably she was frenching the maltese.

drenching the maltese...where?

er frenching

I dunno. In the living room probably?

heh. nah I mean, on what part of the dog was she going at it? b/c I know where dogs USUALLY lick

oh, I think the dog was licking HER tongue.

ok good

I mean, as good as can be I guess.

I dunno. In the living room probably?

― how's life, Monday, April 21, 2014 3:05 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

IRL LOL

A couple of weeks ago, when asked why there was a small puddle of what looked like pee right next to the toilet, my 5 year old son, who only recently started peeing standing up, answered: "I dropped my penis"

looool

ME: Good job with dinner. Here's a couple of cookies, Cookie Monster.

H: Thank you, BEER MONSTER!

Last night I was sitting in the hallway while Evie was falling asleep in her sleeping bag. She was softly murmur-singing to herself and then stopped and said "Daddy, is that kind of like rap?" I said "kind of?" Then she sang a little bit of "Let It Go" and asked "Is that kind of like rap?" so then I had to interrupt bedtime long enough for a very brief explanation and demonstration of rap.

so did you do all of Rapper's Delight or what