GTFO rolling worst music of 2014

MAGIC! is a Canadian group whose lead singer, Nasri, is part of the songwriting/production team The Messengers who have worked on a bunch of stuff for the likes of Justin Bieber, Cody Simpson, Chris Brown, Michael Bolton, New Kids on the Block and Pitbull. The song Rude is currently doing very well in New Zealand and Australia, peaking at number 2 in both, and currently at 14 in Canada.

cryptosicko, are you from Canada or Australia or is this song starting to get traction in America as well?

Canada.

We also reviewed it over at the Singles Jukebox earlier this momth, but I'd been hearing it pretty regularly even before that.

http://rhcp2014.com

No shocker here but the new RHCP song is hilariously bad. Weird Al couldn't do any better.

Uhm wow....

We're sure this is actually the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and not some well conceived parody?

After noticing the terribly-designed website, I think it might be a fake. But it's fucking hilarious either way.

That appears to be a Jon Daly/Tom Scharpling collaboration.

to be fair RHCP have been a terrible band for basically their entire existence

Jon Daly did a RHCP-themed appearance on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast last year (with Zack Galifniakis) and may have even used the fake song name "Abracadabralifornia" on the show back then.

I really love the last two Timber Timbre records, so the opening line to his/their new single causes me extra pain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En1llevuLQ4

lol I had to stop it at 0:10.

most-anticipated thread of 2014 delivers

I said ""oh, fuck" out loud at the 7 second mark. Jesus God criminy Christmas that is the WORST.

it's too bad the lyric of "Rude" is actually sorta interesting, cuz the track is all-but-unlistenable

hahaha

"I wanna dance
I wanna dance
I wanna dance..."

*okay yeah this sucks but i dunno it's not THAT bad*

"...with black woman"

*click*

Waste of a sweet Colin Stetson sax outro too. :(

zomg maura that track is a goldmine of meaningless affirmation!

"I am worth it / I am perfect"
"we are who we are we are"(??)
"I am what I say I am / and you are, too!"
"where I'm from / it's a kaleidoscope of what is yet to come" o_O

Will "mild white boy reggae" never die??

hahaha

"I wanna dance
I wanna dance
I wanna dance..."

*okay yeah this sucks but i dunno it's not THAT bad*

"...with black woman"

*click*

― Zen Dawson (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, January 29, 2014 2:56 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

My experience exactly except the one other person in the room as I listen is an African-American woman.

Oh god! I should have issued it with a warning.

xpost to self: Lenka could take a lesson, her qualified assertions fall kinda flat—"I party by myself *in my own way*" needs more pizazz, & "*I don't really mind* what you all think" is just sad

This video is unavailable with Safety Mode enabled. To view this video, you will need to disable Safety Mode.

thanks, draconian work global policy

Here's something I discovered the other day: An EDM album from Megaupload owner, Kim Dotcom

okay I got around it, holy fucking lol

(yes I am dissecting the lyrics of the other songs posted in this thread in order to avoid having to comment on "I wanna dance with a black woman")

And just to emphasize, *nothing* they've released to date suggested they'd ever try anything that wrongheaded. I am completely dumbfounded as to why they thought that would be a good or acceptable idea.

so glad I didn't scroll down before clicking that link. mississippi nailed my experience perfectly. sweet, merciless god.

on the most charitable reading, it seems like postmodern genre satire ('Hello, I am a rock singer, expressing a prevalent rock music trope in its most-naked, least-tolerable form') but even then the punchline-iness of it falls flat for me

I should maybe add that this is my first exposure to the music of Timber Timbre

That Timber Timbre track is somehow harder to get through than the Lenka one.

the video makes it a million times worse

Were it not for THAT opening I could kinda see the video as simply a deliberately skeevy Fire Walk With Me homage and shrug it off. And yet...

OMG thank u for the Kimdotcom tip, wau

just got back from NZ and that dude was everywhere

his album of lol/posi-core self-help bangerz is chillingly "on message" throughout, amazing

I can't believe I'm going to say this out loud, but ... there's something that I kinda like about Rude. I think it's mostly his voice, and I find the melody appealing. The white-boy reggae is regrettable, certainly.

Plus I kinda feel bad for him! He puts on his best suit and goes to ask her dad about marrying his daughter, and he seems sincere ... dad seems like a jerk.

What are the qualifiers for being white-boy reggae?

Asking because seeing the descriptor used so much for a group led by someome who isn't a white boy made me wonder. I wouldn't have used it.

Also I hate the song and think he's the one who comes off as more of a jerk thanks to some of the phrasing ('have your daughter'?)

"I wanna dance
I wanna dance
I wanna dance..."

*okay yeah this sucks but i dunno it's not THAT bad*

"...with black woman"

*click*

― Zen Dawson (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, January 29, 2014 8:56 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Exactly this. At 0:05 I was thinking "Shit, what can happen in the next two seconds?" Crazy that someone would sabotage their own song in this way.

I can't believe I'm going to say this out loud, but ... there's something that I kinda like about Rude. I think it's mostly his voice, and I find the melody appealing. The white-boy reggae is regrettable, certainly.

Plus I kinda feel bad for him! He puts on his best suit and goes to ask her dad about marrying his daughter, and he seems sincere ... dad seems like a jerk.

― alpine static, Thursday, January 30, 2014 7:45 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Exactly this. There's just something about this song that manages to beat the odds.

That Kim "Dotcom" Schmitz album sounds like stereotypical German Techno music sometimes but is not that horrible

yeah, the music is competent and hitting the target that it's going for, I think it's just the KimDotCom-ness of it all that amazes me- it's got this manic positivity selfhelp vibe that is really funny to me- dude is so shameless- but yeah, it's not like miles away from, say, the Schlager-Techno of DJ Scooter or something:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygWV__SMt7M

Kim Dotcom reaching out to literally every media outlet available to raise awareness about net neutrality and his cause is more desperate than shameless - he was pretty secretive before the Megaupload bust.

And now he's trying to be the Internet Neutrality Guru

Hey, Timber Timbre, Richard Hawley wants his song back, just so he can write a better lyric.*

*A major lunchbag letdown, this one, as I really liked the first Timber Timbre album.

kim dotcom i love you

but you're bringing me downloads

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqackdaUED8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxPDAtWnqN0

EZ Snappin made me listen to this on Facebook so I'm now sharing it with all of you

OMG

that poor woman

holy shit

shaggs'n'b

^^^^^barfing at the thought of that

least there's that tight chvrches cover of that song tho

http://i.imgur.com/Eh9ZMFX.png

Oh, these guys.

Youtube keeps recommending this All About That Bass parody to me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6xXEaWz5Iw

I had never heard of this guy but he seems to be popular? he has about a million song parody videos all of which seem to be based on him dressing as a woman and crossing his eyes, Brian Conley as Septic Peg style

his videos all look really expensive too!

not having any of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnwAY7Li_dE#t=133

Everytime I think "Music's in a really good place now. Technology has allowed anyone who wants to make music to make it, and then get it out to people who might want to hear it. So cool!" something like this comes along and I immediately think "Well, it was a nice run."

what the fucking fuck even is that, exterminate all the brutes

Gross.

"gross" otm

wow, that's really really really offensively terrible, like, on every level- the talk about the OC and the general wanna-be vibe makes me wonder if it's some rich kids from Orange County trying to buy a pop career- like was it shot at some horseriding enclosure where Mom practices showjumping or something?

sounds like they had to heavily filter and mix those vocals so low because there's no there there on any level, and when even the hook is stolen and the trap beats are wack and phoned in, it's like, ugh

calling this "music" is like, I dunno, dumping MSG in rubber cement and calling that "cooking"

Part of me really wants it to be deliberate, like they were purposefully going for alienation, instructing the girls in the video to look as bored and depressed as possible, etc. But I bet they're just idiots who think they've made something awesome.

The video, filmed in a strip clup, "portrays a plasticized version of Hollywood sleaze," and features "additional direction from Prettypuke and Dan Gotti." Gabe from Uzi describes the duo's mission in simple terms: "All the weird kids are taking over."

Don't get me wrong, this is flat-out terrible but how are you guys not desensitized to shit like this by now

"all the weird kids are taking over"

yeah this reads as too earnest and too satisfied with itself to be some sort of deliberate critique.

Wow, the new Faith No More song suuuuuuuuuuuucks.

It totally belongs on this thread once it's got a video.

sorry to hear that

It's being discussed on the FNM thread, but I actually like it!

I know Nickelback is a super easy target for this kind of thread, but holy fuck, their new album has a song with Flo Rida and it's indescribably bad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbKvFFf8nyg

xpost but that "all the weird kids are taking over" line just depresses me more

thinking that you can have it both ways by pretending to critique the misogyny you reinforce = not weird, garden variety hyprocrisy

thinking you can just appropriate anything (in this case, trap) because it's "plastic" and that therefore your shitty version of something gets to be "commentary" about it = not weird, standard operating procedure

treating women like dehumanized props in a fantasy about male power = not weird, numbingly familiar

it's not an interesting Andy Warhol-esque deadpan strategy to be a moron, it's just called being a moron

I mean I know that this thread is for shit that sucks, but man the idea that the people behind that song think that they are in some way "weird" or "different" is just enraging to me in a special way that goes beyond just noticing that their song is bad, like I feel some kind of ethical nausea/vertigo when I imagine how they justify what they're doing to themselves

time to go pet a kitten or something

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/06/magazine/the-pernicious-rise-of-poptimism.html

Hope you're not implying by posting that Austerlitz piece that somehow my dislike of Uzi means that I don't like pop music or am somehow akin to Austerlitz.

I like pop music just fine. I just don't like poorly executed bullshit.

No worries if I'm reading you wrong, just checking.

nah he was trolling a whole bunch of threads with that piece it stems from a dogfight over some BS in another thread. long story.

(trust me he feels similarly to the dipshit caucasoid austerlitz)

i think we have a winner for the absolute worst ever, like ever ever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLYoJgbybes

that was last year! iirc unperson defended it

oh my b i was only just informed this vomitous genre of "deathcore" is a think that exists

always great to see that some wites still think it's ok to say n---a *backflips into lake of fire*

*thing

I would like to reiterate this appeal

we should really poll these, so many contenders this year

the guitar solo guy with the denim jacket looks so awkward and lost in the group shots outside the house

:( That Lil Dicky song upthread is not even close to his worst song
I am not reposting shit
I want to die

Yeah, that Attila song was from last year. They do have a new album out this year, though - it's called Guilty Pleasure. I wrote a feature on them for Alternative Press. The singer has a solo album coming out next year sometime. Here's the first single/video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_97IcSgDcBo

RIP Uncle John From Jamaica

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byH-eq_1TFU

http://youtu.be/Bznxx12Ptl0

Yikes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kpWkV7IBUw

Outstays its welcome, but better than "Punk Rock 101," and at least not totally underwritten lyrically. Should have mixed up the chorus a bit more, and the video isn't funny enough.

Their follow up single might be worse:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKIPh1w4s18

And also has a blatant "Call Me Maybe" mention.

calvin harris "open wide" feat big sean ticks so many boxes of badness

it's hard to believe that there is much worse than this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVzhpkFBFP8