no boys allowed in the room!!!!

i think both of those are good ideas!

when i lived in Buffalo i started therapy and just happened to start seeing a therapist who specialized in treating young women who were rape and incest survivors. that wasn't the reason for my therapy, and i think i was older than the majority of her clients, but she was the best. i don't know that the word "feminist" was ever uttered in any of our sessions, but she tended to approach the world in a way i recognized/vibed to.

I literally googled "feminist" and "therapist" and "London" and came up aces.

I am having a really hard time finding a new therapist and it sucks.

haha we should draft an "are you feminist enough" therapist questionnaire

― horseshoe, Sunday, January 26, 2014 8:35 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Not even kidding, that would be a really worthwhile project and a great resource.

I literally googled "feminist" and "therapist" and "London" and came up aces.

Did that in Chicago, too!

just posting real quick to say all the women of ilx are megababes. that's all. mwah.

<3<3<3

Inspired by roxys latest FB pic!

It's so fierce and good.

ya that photo is everything

omg hahaha WHAT? best surprise when opening this thread, ty yall

the one with the guinea pigs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N48CeTOJlFo&feature=youtu.be

I think she's my faves new youtubes person

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lET-WXTsSwc

x-post - awesome

that beauty trends one made me lol.

if you must continue to wear makeup, remember to wear a blanket over your head. that way you can avoid seeing any men.

bryce, if you are still reading this thread, you would like that video.

happy International Women's Day

<3

happy women's day! all my international coworkers wished me a happy women's day before we left yesterday.

also i meant to tell this thread that yesterday my doc told me i am experiencing ~mittelschmerz~ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mittelschmerz)

Shitty! But at least it has a terrific name?

that was my reaction! i texted my mom because i always used to complain about weltschmerz when i was a complainy teen (after i learned what it meant) also i thought i had a cyst or appendicitis or something but it turns out i just have very sensitive ovaries. lol?!

Yeah, I'm sorry, that sounds really shitty and painful, but on the other hand, what a great name!

it's not that shitty or really that painful! i'm just glad it wasn't anything major. it made me feel like i'm just overly aware of what's going on, and it's just like yoni power hour, comparatively speaking.

"yoni power hour" is a choice phrase
mittelschmerz makes your ovaries sound so existential

mitteleuropa

tobi vail interviews meredith graves, good interview! liked this q/a in particular

It’s always weird. It’s not something I ever really get used to, sort of putting yourself out there [as a feminist], and then watching it get filtered through the [male-dominated] media. It’s completely bizarre. And I think you’re right — it does have to do with society’s ideas about women’s roles — how you are reflected can become very mutated according to sexist bias [in the media].

It’s true, and I would like to think I can just go off and swear and curse misogyny and do all the things I want to do, but I’d also like to be a little better spoken. If you get a microphone for five minutes of your entire life, you should do something productive with it, and me sitting there going, “fuck all men, fuck this, fuck that, misandry tra-la-la,” because I get riled up when I get asked leading questions… I feel like I just need to be in a little better control of myself.

http://wonderingsound.com/feature/tobi-vail-interviews-perfect-pussys-meredith-graves/

I don't know who either person is but great interview!

Dear Meredith, please come post on my image bands thread:

I was re-reading Roland Barthes yesterday, who is one of my favorite authors. I was revisiting his theories on dress. I’ve been lambasted recently because I wrote a piece for ELLE magazine. I did it because I thought it sounded fun. Apparently, that’s not very punk. To which I say, “Fuck it, Roland Barthes wrote for ELLE magazine.” He wrote an early semiotics study differentiating between langue and parole — which is the difference between language as an entity, or that exists independently of people, or “langue,” and “parole,” which is the way in which it is executed by the individual. The way Barthes applies this to fashion is that there is dress — which is all the clothes in the world and everything we can do with them — and dressing, which is for the individual. To me, fashion and style can be separated in the same way. Fashion is dress and style is dressing. There’s sort of a lexicographical difference there. According to Barthes, dress is what needs to be studied, and dressing is less important, because that comes down to the individual and it can’t really be studied unless it’s done on a case-by-case basis.

(I have a feeling I would absolutely haaaaaate Perfect Pussy's music because, y'know, fuck hardcore punk, fuck Upstate NY, fuck the load of it, but she does seem to give good interview at the moment.)

okay i have a serious question:

i'm a member of a co-op that runs a noise clubhouse that does shows, and one of the members just booked a show where one of the musicians is a dude that a friend of mine had said date raped her (this was in the past year). And it feels icky. For all my years of booking and putting on shows, I haven't been in this situation before. I've booked dudes that were run-of-the-mill creepy or sexually aggressive when drunk, but nothing as serious as this.

what the fuck should I do? (if anything)

Are you likely to get any support from the other members of the co-op if you bring up that this guy is an un-safe person to have around? Not that that should stop you bringing it up, but it's good to know in advance if you can expect any backup. If you know there are people who would give you backup, raise it with them first, and then bring your concerns together to the whole group. (Rapists are not safe people to have in any space that includes women. I do not think it's undue or unfair to raise this issue.)

the co-op is 3 women and 5 men

Raise it with the other women, and discuss, and bring your perfectly legitimate concerns to the group together. Strength in numbers and a united front.

I also feel like I should talk to my friend about it first. But I feel weird contacting her and saying, "hey, how's it going? guess what? that dude who raped you is booked on a show at (name of space i run)."

I don't think you need to name the person, when you are saying "Person raped someone I know" - at least, that's not how it works in a court of law. But I can understand why you'd want to ask, first, does she feel comfortable being involved with this. But I would not have this guy play at your space.

I think you know what you need to do. Do you expect strong resistance to naming this issue and discussing a response from your co-op?

For me, the most compelling framing is a "health of the community" issue. (Well actually the most compelling framing is a 'THIS PERSON SHOULD NOT HAVE TO WATCH US APPLAUD HER RAPIST' one but I recognize that it opens both parties up to personal judgments.) But when someone has a serious allegation made against them and is still accepted by a community without an analysis of that, it starts to become definitional to that community that they didn't find it important enough to investigate or analyze.

Pretending that "oh we're not political" or w/e is a lie--that pretense itself is political. Taking no action is a vote for the status quo, ie patriarchy. Blah blah obviously.

okay i have a serious question:

i'm a member of a co-op that runs a noise clubhouse that does shows, and one of the members just booked a show where one of the musicians is a dude that a friend of mine had said date raped her (this was in the past year). And it feels icky. For all my years of booking and putting on shows, I haven't been in this situation before. I've booked dudes that were run-of-the-mill creepy or sexually aggressive when drunk, but nothing as serious as this.

what the fuck should I do? (if anything)

― sarahell, Thursday, April 3, 2014 1:27 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

we have this exact situation going on at our space at this moment FYI

dude is currently banned but we havent told him so or the reason - im working on how to approach that, how to go about informing others - right now just consistently denying his requests to play

i was THIS close to recording him (in my house alone with him!) when this news came out

Ugh, so awkward to address. Well...there's a couple of conversations to have. One of them is about holding people accountable for sexual violence, and the other is about love/compassion/fellow-feeling (however you feel least hokey phrasing it) among community members and the need to be supportive of them. (Unless the guy is creepy and terrible and not central to the community in which case you don't have to foreground him as much imo.)

So it doesn't have to be like, You are hated and banned, it can be more, We'd like to support your request to play shows but we have a more compelling need to support our community by taking sexual violence seriously. Let's talk about how to navigate this. And then see what he says and how he reacts, which probably will tell you everything you need to know tbqh.

Not that you asked me! And roxy, I know you're a pro at managing yr space and community. But this is how I would feel most secure framing it and it keeps me focused on the largest goal which is maintaining a safe and secure community where growth can happen and not being derailed by my anger or desire to fix on an accusation.

i welcome all advice on this believe me!

he is a much loved member of the community, and a very young dude. i feel like - if we really believe that consent is something that has to be taught/learned - if he addresses this, has had counseling, obv he cant "make amends," but if he's worked on himself and learned, then i can make some space for him. my focus right now is on the woman tho, who is widely being called crazy and a liar by people who really should (and, it seems, do??) know better. im not putting dude on a stage while that is going on

I think that's a responsible and conscious choice, but like you already know, you're going to have to tell him why. Not least because direct lessons are more effective. If you behave cruelly toward others, you don't have the same access to group approval and resources--true fact, son.

cruelly/unjustly/destructive of the full humanity of others, whatever.

yeah, i know. im so stressed about that inevitable convo

OMF-ingG yes. When that kind of shit is going on (the victim being called "crazy" and "a liar" (ain't I been there)) then your A-number-1 priority is supporting her and showing that no, that kind of thing is not acceptable. She has the right to be taken seriously, believed, and have this guy be held accountable. Your first priority is keeping the people in your community safe. Female people are not safe with this dude around.

sorry x-posts

preach. im so disappointed in my community right now

sarahell, Branwell Bell's advice is very good about how to approach this. I don't have anything better to add but I want to say, sarah and roxy, thank you for making this a consideration.