The Best Of The 50 Worst Rock-n-Roll Albums Of All Time

Hmm. A lot of those are pre-1980's bands that went on too long, which doesn't count as true post-1980 music IMO. Besides, I'll have you at post-1990. The list is inherently rockist.

Oh no argument on that last point.

It is indisputably Bonzo on "Atlantis" and "Hurdy Gurdy Man."

I read this as "indisputably Bono."

Guterman is very much part of the Dave marsh school of crits: to him, prog bands and Queen, among other things, was the stuff that Springsteen was supposed to destroy forever. Springsteen was supposed to restore the correct emphasis onto proper American music etc etc.

Dead OTM. And yet some of the pomposities of prog and Queen were very much present in Springsteen.

I had to vote for Bon Jovi--seems like some serious playa hating--just picking an album that was massively popular a few years before the book came out. If it were written today there'd be no way it would make the list--it's place probably taken by Avril or Britney.

I'm not a Bon Jovi fan but surely all their other albums are worse than Slippery When Wet.

That's what I don't get about this list. I like Tull OK (and voted for Aqualung over that wonderful Yes album). But even if I didn't, I can't imagine how Aqualung would be anyone's pick for their worst album! It's not even the proggiest. Also, the sentence he quotes seems pretty straightforward to me.

Unforgettable Fire, people! That's U2's best record for crying out loud.

2. Reed, Lou - Metal Machine Music
Capturing a sequence of squawks, screeches, and squeals, Reed uses no instruments, just electronic effects

Well, that's not really true, is it? I heard somewhere that he set up several guitars next to amps to get the foundational sounds, and only then used electronic treatments (namely speeding up, slowing down, and reversing tapes). In any case, I actually quite like MMM. But yea, it's true: Metal Machine Music has become a straw man for lazy critics.

And, yea, Unforgettable Fire? I'm not a big U2 fan but I think that's a good album, possibly their best, and in any case they definitely put out much worse stuff than that. Europe '72 is also fairly good, again you could just look at Shakedown Street or any of the other crap GD albums that are far, far worse than Europe '72. There is a lot of crap on that list but there are a good amount of decent albums on there, too.

I love Live Killers, so Jimmy and Owen can go slather themselves in each other's spooge and FELCH RIGHT OFF!

Also, you have to be a true jackass to disrespect The Shaggs.

Well, he sort of doesn't, in the description, so he just about gets away with it.

Picking live albums is for pussies.

Well, his worst rock and rollers of all time were: Macca, Phil Collins, Duran Duran (?), Billy Joel (the winner).

I love this book, it's like the definitive bathroom book. Their writing is viciously funny, especially about records I like (a bunch on the list). What's great is that they take very few cheap shots---Milli Vanilli is one, but there's not (m)any more. Their list of 33 1/3 rules for rock records is hilarious: my personal favorite is "Never put a children's choir on a record ("You Can't Always Get What You Want" is the only exception). I think they refer to Mike and the Mechanics' "The Living Years" here.

Anyway their opinions are ridiculous (hence the hilarity) and I vote for Europe '72, a great record, but pretty representative of what rubs folks the wrong way about the Dead. That's what these guys were going for: find records that are representative of something broader (usually an otherwise respected artist) and pick on what they thought was the worst of that. Why bother messing with "Go To Heaven"?

50. U2 - Unforgettable Fire
They think they are the most important band in the world, and sometimes they are. On The Unforgettable Fire, they don't even come close.

See, I agree with the other two (three?) commenters just above -- I think if there's any point at which U2 came close to being an "important band," it was on this record, which is easily their best -- and that's no small feat for a band that also released War, the Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby and Zooropa in succession.

Unforgettable Fire counts "Bad," "Wire," and "Indian Summer Sky" among its tracks -- three of my fave songs by the band. These guys are high.

tossup between Metal Machine and Slippery When Wet.

there's some other decent records on that list too.

you have to really hate the dead to put Europe '72 on that list. i'm boycotting this on account

QUEEN II

So this list is half easy cheap shots and half "OOOOOH LOOKIE ME." bullshit controversy attempts.

feh.

The list's one weirdoodledum cack of a wot-knot, of course.
:)

Having just one vote, mine goes to Song Cycle.

This list is pathetic. Most of these albums are at least decent, and are listed purely because they're by reputable bands not performing up to their previous standard. Nobody has the guts to put together a real list of the worst albums because it means spending oodles of time flipping through dollar vinyl for stuff that would never, ever be put out on CD. I guess it's more fun to take shots at easy targets.

Also, "Song Cycle" is great, "Metal Machine Music" is great, Donovan is great (seriously, wtf is his greatest hits album doing here?), "Slippery When Wet" is good fun.

Bashing "Aqualung", America, and "Tales from Topographic Oceans" is just cheap anti-frat boy sniping ... which I can respect, I guess.

How is Aqualung in any way 'frat boy'?

The inclusion of Donovan is just bizarre.

I'm voting for Slippery When Wet though. It has three classic, powerhouse singles, and only very, very lame people would (pretend to) dislike Livin' on a Prayer.

I'm slightly surprised that teh compilers, 'witty' and 'controversial' as they seem to believe they are, didn't include any Status Quo or ZZ Top in that list.

agreed Donovan is the total WTF for inclusion on this list. Easily top of the pack here, and I just bought a 2-CD comp of his so *nyah* to the haterz

yeah i was surprised to see queen II on the list. i've never heard that album, but i mean, it's queen in the 70s how bad can it be?

Various Artists - 70's Hits: Great Records of the Decade - Original Recordings, Vol. 1

Seems like cheating to include some generic comp like this

Has anyone actually heard the Bruce Willis album...?

Yes. It's very, very bad. Sub Don Johnson bad.

I have heard the Bruce Willis album. A lot. Not by choice. Of course it's horrible.

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" vs Bruce Willis' "Respect Yourself."

Hmm...

polyphonic's words upthread were much OTM:

Nobody has the guts to put together a real list of the worst albums because it means spending oodles of time flipping through dollar vinyl for stuff that would never, ever be put out on CD. I guess it's more fun to take shots at easy targets.

The inclusion of Donovan is just bizarre.

Maybe not from the writers' perspectives. I'm curious how different generations/subcultures view Donovan differently. Something tells me many older types from the Dylan-is-god reality tunnel see Donovan as a total joke. Whereas, a lot of indie-rock types dig the guy. Buttholes Surfers might've helped create the latter phenomenon. I'm just guessing, though.

I can see hating on one of Journey's actual LPs (lots of filler) but the Greatest Hits!??! come ON

Something tells me many older types from the Dylan-is-god reality tunnel see Donovan as a total joke. Whereas, a lot of indie-rock types dig the guy.

He wrote catchy songs with goofy lyrics that are fun to singalog to. He's the proto-Marc Bolan.

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" vs Bruce Willis' "Respect Yourself."

I think you should let YouTube decide it for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULI5kolBpAk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ni90iL81wTQ (though it's being a bit wonky right now)

I spent a bunch of time hating on Journey's greatest hits when some asshole put the whole thing in order on the jukebox in a bar I was in a few days ago.

He wrote catchy songs with goofy lyrics that are fun to singalog to. He's the proto-Marc Bolan.

good point.

some asshole put the whole thing in order on the jukebox in a bar

well that's just obnoxious regardless of what album it is

RE: Johnson vs. Willis controversy - at least Johnson had the courtesy to not restyle himself as a bloozeman.

"You know, I'm actually starting to like Journey."

"Well, you're gonna be very pleased with the next 23 songs!"

There is something genuinely confounding about Donovan that has to do with "seriousness" in music - eg, conventional wisdom is Dylan is better cuz he's "deeper/more authentic/serious" whereas Donovan is a silly little teenybopper trying too hard. And Donovan - if you ever read him talking about himself (not recommended) - DOES totally try to hard. Its clear he was always desperate for credibility. What's interesting is that his failure to attain said credibility is the result of writing a bunch of childlike songs that are well-constructed and well-executed and really rather charming in their naivete and silliness (there are some exceptions - Hurdy Gurdy Man and Season of the Witch both have some genuine creepiness going on).

it's as if by trying too hard and taking himself too seriously, Donovan inadvertently stumbled into creating a very satisfying but completely UN-serious body of work.

it's as if by trying too hard and taking himself too seriously, Donovan inadvertently stumbled into creating a very satisfying but completely UN-serious body of work.

totally. he took the scenic route to arrive at Tommy James.

Listening to Donovan talk about himself vs. Bob Dylan always reminds me of the "Boris Karloff is a cocksucker!" scene from Ed Wood.

Shaggs!

Shakey OTM. The conventional wisdom on Dylan and Donovan comes out of Don't Look Back, where one of the long-running jokes is "Who is this Donovan?" that they keep seeing ads for while traveling the UK. They finally meet up, jam a bit, Donovan plays "Catch the Wind" or something, and then Dylan plays "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue". Actually, both versions are pretty good, but in the book this thread is about, the authors say that Dylan totally showed up Donovan (after the song, everyone is quiet until Donovan says "I used to know a girl named Blue", which is a pretty silly remark). But yeah, the Donovan record is one of many silly choices on this list, but the book really is hilariously written.

(after the song, everyone is quiet until Donovan says "I used to know a girl named Blue", which is a pretty silly remark).

hahaha - imagine if the roles had been reversed and Dylan had made that remark in the appropriately sarcastic tone after Donovan played the song, everyone woulda gone "ooooh, BURN".

the "Dylan good/Donovan bad" narrative is inherently stupid, classic baby-boomer rockist posturing.

it woulda been funnier if Dylan had played "Froggy Went a-Courtin'"

Shakey again OTM

How is Aqualung in any way 'frat boy'?

Half the frat boys I knew owned that record!

Nice poll, Kevin! And you're right: pretty funny book, even though I like many of their choices and take issue with most of their assumptions. (OH NOES STEVE HOWE NOT INFLUENCED BY BLUESMEN)

It comes down to a near-tie between moody Moodies muzak and metal machine music...Days Of Future Passed takes it!

Of the 50, I currently own eight, used to own a further eight, and WISH I owned Elvis/Journey/Milli Vanilli. Maybe that second Shaggs album too, tho I suspect it's kinda redundant.

Greil Marcus published a harsh critique of that book in his column, and I'm sure Guterman saw that. Somewhere on Guterman's old website, he sounds regretful when he mentions that his "best records" book sold much less than the "worst records" book - he already made it clear that he wrote the "best records" book in response to the other one after having second thoughts. It's still probably the book he's best known for, and it's almost certain he wasn't very happy about that.

Anyway, it is very sad what happened. It's very chilling too - it may have been a lot of things happening at once, but I feel the same situation could happen to almost any ordinary person, and it just makes life seem that much more vulnerable. It doesn't have to be a single catastrophic event, life can just progress in a bad way and it may be too much for most people to handle.

Yes---her memory piece is sad, but not depressing for me, though I def know where she's coming from, but every lucid, measured, observant, disclosed word seems essential, if there is such a thing: beautiful, anyway. Plainly poetic.

I haven't looked at it in years, but his Sex Pistols book w/Noel Monk was formative for me.