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I think one thing with this thread is people don't like the idea
that others might be self-sufficient and not need human contact for
their own well-being, hence catty responses.
Well, I can definitely relate to some of what Jean is saying, maybe
from the opposite side of the fence. For me (I hope I don't come off
as arrogant with any of what I'm saying), I consider myself to have a
VERY active social life, to the point that it's actually overwhelming
to me. Like when I move in two weeks, I am going to have to let
about 30 or so 'real life' friends (with whom I keep regular contact
individually) know where I'm moving to. But despite all this, I am
an extremely shy, introverted person, the farthest thing from a
social butterfly: "social, not exactly by choice" ;). I hate going
to loud parties where I don't know a majority of the people; it
really is like going to the dentist for me, and requires the same
amount of energy and psychological preparation. And often I find a
lot of the people you meet at these are so wrapped up in themselves,
their families, their accomplishments, you soon feel like you are
being forced to watch somebody's home movies just talking to them.
The key to this is I am careful to calculate the I/ME:YOU/HE/SHE/IT
ratio when I talk to someone for the first time. If they are too
egocentric for my tastes, I'm outta there. I also don't really like
talking on the phone for a prolonged period of time with anyone, had
to get dragged kicking and screaming into purchasing a cellular
phone :), and when I get home (which is my sacred sanctuary from the
battering ocean of socialness of my 9-to-5 life), I cringe whenever I
see the answering machine blinking. From that part, I can relate to
some of what Jean is saying, as I think many of us would.
But where I would largely not agree with Jean's (Jean, I am not
meaning to sound aggressive or adversarial to you) view, would be
that ultimately, despite the overwhelmingness, I am truly grateful
and feel really lucky and blessed to have/know the friends and family
I have/know, and would rather I had them than not have them, because
they are all special people to me.
Also, what I would say to Jean is, sure, you see the people who kiss
the worlds ass and are unhappy because they are so concerned that
people like them. But do you also see the corresponding people who
genuinely love their interactions in the world and are quite happy
and secure in their dealings with others? Because whether you like
it or not, the fact is they exist, and I would guess in equal numbers
to those who kiss-ass. Also, sure, there are people who don't know
anything beyond baseball, gardening, hair cuts, whatever. On the
other hand, there are other people out there who might have more than
this in their conversational repertoire (maybe you might find it's
the very same person, once you talk to them more and more, beyond the
invariable shallowness of opening small talk); and often, these
people might not look or act anything like you on the surface. I'm
willing to bet good money that I don't look anything like you at all
(I would look to you like a 'preppie', I venture :) ), yet I still
know something about goth bands and am open to learning more. Or
perhaps the person really does have totally different likes than you
(baseball, gardening, etc.)--but maybe you'll find their passions are
more interesting or have more to them than you initially gave them
credit for. I guess my point is not EVERYONE is boring, shallow,
intolerant, etc. and the only way that you would find out who is and
who isn't is by talking to them. You say you want someone who is
just like you, to stay at home in your 'own little world'---how would
you find them? If they are in accordance with your ideals, than
right now wouldn't they be at home in their 'own little world', not
desiring contact with anyone else? Again, I hope I don't sound
aggressive or mean, Jean. It's just I think there's another side of
the coin that you should consider...
― Joe, Tuesday, 4 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link
Perhaps some of us were mistaken in reading the initial question as
something of a cry for help when it's now clear it was something more
akin to a boast. Fair enough; she's made her decision.
Joe made some excellent points about making assumptions about people
based on their appearance. It's a typical human trait to do this, but
I know I've done it, without deliberately trying to be exclusive or
mean, to the extent that I end up giving far too people a chance.
I'm not just talking about clothes or haircuts here; I have more
thoughts about this which I may post on a later thread.
Finally, thank you to everyone who wished me well, I really
appreciate it. Hopefully yesterday's lengthy post wasn't too
disturbing. I'm feeling fine today, albeit slammed with projects
here at work, and am working on an appropriate course of action to
prevent further disaster in my life.
Love you!
― Sean, Tuesday, 4 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link
Jean, is this thread so that you can tell us all how happy you are
living your reclusive lives, or are you looking for other recluses?
If you want to get in touch with other recluses - why? doesn't that
negate the point of the whole recluse thing? Or is it that you are
seeking people who, like you, are different from the rest of society -
your reclusiveness being driven by a sense of difference to the rest
of us rather than a liking for the solitary life per se?
My mention of goth clubs wasn't facetious, they are full of people
who see themselves as somehow removed from the rest of society.
― DV, Wednesday, 5 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link
"People are shit, I hate people, people hate me, I can live without
people, people are shit, PLEASE TELL ME HOW GOOD AND BRAVE I AM FOR
MANAGING TO BE ALONE."
It's a crock.
― Nick Southall, Thursday, 6 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link