Jake Gyllenhaal

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He looks like Stallone or Travolta in that shirtless photo.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:18 (eighteen years ago) link

I bet he has a hairy asscrack.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Did anyone see him on Conan recently, talking about his lifeguard duty where he pissed on a jellyfish-bite victim's leg as therapy? He mimed it, firehose-style, and O'Brien nearly flew out of his chair. "There are old people watching!"

He'd still have to explain the "These characters are not, like, gay" interview, and I might hafta slap him. Repeatedly.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:21 (eighteen years ago) link

hahahahahahahahahahahaha Nicole.

where to start...we've already got this thread, and Heath Ledger (yuck btw...just...yuck), and I guess my Jimmy Fallon thread should count too. Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

xpost he pissed on someone's leg? What is that supposed to do?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (eighteen years ago) link

AND HE MIGHT LIKE IT.

(xpost)

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (eighteen years ago) link

I think it's the pH of the pee that counteracts the jelly's poison.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Pee supposedly takes the sting out of a jellyfish sting. I don't have first-hand experience of this. I bet you're just so stunned that someone is heroically peeing on you, you forget that you got stung.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:33 (eighteen years ago) link

That's just...freaky. I don't know how I'd react to being rescued from jellyfish attack only to be pissed on by Jake Gyllenhaal. I think I'd probably want an adult beverage, and I'd be highly confused.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:35 (eighteen years ago) link

it might make me into watersports.
i bet his pee tastes like candy

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (eighteen years ago) link

lik'em aid

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (eighteen years ago) link

ok now you won, jess.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (eighteen years ago) link

that shirtless pic is actually from about 3 years ago.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:38 (eighteen years ago) link

You lie.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:37 (eighteen years ago) link

ally quit reviving this thread.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:39 (eighteen years ago) link

why don't you go post on a Mandy Moore thread.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:42 (eighteen years ago) link

This thread needs more gyllenhaal beefcake, but I cannot search for it while at work. :(

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:44 (eighteen years ago) link

it's probably wrong i want to see american dreamz, isn't it?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:46 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.artistsnetwork.org/artists/maggiegyllenhaal/maggie.jpg http://www.schoolhousecenter.com/images/ware.gif

― Dan (You're Welcome) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:47 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.stars2go.com/g/jake-gyllenhaal/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:48 (eighteen years ago) link

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.lipglaws.com/jakeG.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:49 (eighteen years ago) link

http://film.widarsson.se/images/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (eighteen years ago) link

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.planetkilmer.com/pk_home_val.jpg

― Dan (Mystery Solved) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Dan, dude, that was totally uncalled for.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:02 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.npr.org/programs/fa/features/2005/11/jar_200.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:04 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.togawp.com/main/images/jake-gyllenhaal4.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:05 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I found the winner. NSFW & No fainting please.

http://socialitelife.com/images/santa.gif

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:16 (eighteen years ago) link

mpeg clip here:

http://www.socialitelife.com/video/Jarhead.mpg

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (eighteen years ago) link

Girl, I posted that Jarhead pic weeks ago! (along with a clip of the Santa dance)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (eighteen years ago) link

I guess I'm not up to date on my nude celeb pixx.

My hairy asscrack theory is disproven!

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:23 (eighteen years ago) link

hahaha now, truly, best thread ever!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:24 (eighteen years ago) link

He must wax. He looks vain enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

He shaved for Jarhead. Apparently Sam Mendes never knew any hirsute 20-year-old guys (what're the odds)...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

Ahh, James Spader, please. Except not from that detective movie w/ Keanu Reeves, which was...actually I can't remember anything about it, my grey cells have been wiped clean by the hands of time. Not so memorable, then.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:30 (eighteen years ago) link

There was a movie that starred Keanu Reeves and James Spader?????!! The battle of who can make less facial expressions actually occurred??? And I MISSED it??? Shit.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

(don't take that the wrong way, I like both actors!)

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

JAKE WHY U SHAEV ASS ALL TIME>??

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

He doesn't look THAT hairy in the non-shaved pictures, what are you all on about?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Not Robin Williams Hairy, but moderately so. (and I think he has more at 25 than 22...)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

Anyone know what his ethnic heritage is? We could deduce from that.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link

But not so unusually so that I would think he has an incredibly hairy ass or something like that, I mean unless he waxes his back and upper arms or something but not his front he seems like one of those "front hairy" guys. I've known quite a few of them!!

Obviously though, yes, he removed all of it for Jarhead, which is just weak.

xpost hahaha satyr

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link

His mom is Naomi Foner, a screenwriter (Running on Empty) ... European Jewish b.g. I believe.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (eighteen years ago) link

He does have those eyebrows.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Dad is the director Stephen Gyllenhaal (Waterland). Descendant of Swedish nobles, per Wikipedia.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:52 (eighteen years ago) link

You know who is mad-hairy -- Andy Garcia. I remember watching "Clinton and Nadine" and thinking his was the hairiest back I've ever seen. It was like a pelt.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:54 (eighteen years ago) link

Ugh Andy Garcia is so gross anyway, I mean what is the deal?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

This is the sort of descriptive prose missing in Proulx's "Brokeback Mountain."

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:56 (eighteen years ago) link

by the way, I'm touched that you've all exceeded my Jake lust.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:05 (eighteen years ago) link

you horny gaywads

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:06 (eighteen years ago) link

don't piss on our cornflakes just cos someone ruined ~~Malcolm in the Middle~~Lindsay Lohan for you.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:07 (eighteen years ago) link

xpost

guilty as charged! (flaps wrists)

― elmo, patron saint of celebrity homo lust (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:08 (eighteen years ago) link

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speak for yourself!

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:24 (one month ago) link

Yeah, Swayze was likable; Gyllenhaal is amiable. Two very different things.

Here's the difference between the two movies in a nutshell: in the original, Swayze wakes up and is doing naked tai chi and the female bartender from the roadhouse brings him breakfast and we see her blatantly ogling his naked ass. In this version, Gyllenhaal is awakened on the boat where he's living by the female bartender from the roadhouse; he's wearing boxer briefs and says, embarrassed, that he'll get dressed; she says, "Don't worry; I have brothers."

― Tahuti Watches L&O:SVU Reruns Without His Ape (unperson), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:27 (one month ago) link

I envy those boxer briefs.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:37 (one month ago) link

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Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?