Depression and what it's really like

the late great, thanks for the worksheet!

Honey is my answer for everything tbh. Not to be all woo-woo but I believe honey is really good for wound care--anti-septic and moistening and soothing.

It's either that or aloe, and I definitely don't want to eat aloe gel.

mmm delicious aloe drinks

http://www.theguardian.com/global-development/poverty-matters/2014/jan/01/surgihoney-treatment-infected-wounds

IANAD or a med student even but here u go. Start gumming some nice honey and feel better soon!

It's been hard for me to admit it to myself but I'm depressed again. I'm not very skilled at noticing my own moods and emotions until they get really bad, and around Xmas time I started to notice it. Was considering going back to therapy, but it seemed kind of shameful to do so, which is somewhat hypocritical of me because I was unashamed when I was going to therapy, and I've encouraged several friends to try therapy. Logically I knew I should go back if I need the help, but emotionally it felt like regression.

Any thoughts about myself fell away when my father passed away unexpectedly a few days after Xmas. Thankfully we have a lot of friends and family who were able to help us get through things, but because he died abroad, there were a lot more complications and it required my mom, brother, and I to take an emergency trip to India. I didn't get too many moments to think until we got home about two weeks after his death. Even now, we're still dealing with some logistical things, but the whole experience has forced me to look at myself and realize that I'm still depressed, and was so even before he died. I'm gonna be starting therapy again, with the same therapist who helped me two years ago, but it's different than the last time. Previously we were working on my social anxiety, which I thought at that time was the cause of my depression. But the depressed feelings I've been having the past month or so aren't caused by anxiety, I don't think. We're gonna be delving into uncharted waters, which is scary for me. It's harder to find hope that things will be ok, but with my therapist's help I mostly overcame the social anxiety, so maybe we can do this too.

Anyway, I just needed to vent and make my own thoughts clear to myself. This year has been fucking awful. I've talked about a lot of this with close friends, but it's hard to be 100% honest with them.

is it bad that i don't feel as if i can confront my brother about his alcoholism?

depends what you mean by "bad"

@Chris: Well people train for some time to be professional alcohol counsellors so you shouldn't feel as if you have to just know how to do that?

Him being your brother probably makes it harder. So no, you shouldn't feel bad at all (in my opinion).

Chris, it would most likely be a pointless, if not damaging, exercise anyway.

Feel like I need to talk to a doctor about going back on anti-depressants, and probably maybe also a therapist, but also feel like a) don't want to go through the humiliating and expensive experience of looking for a therapist and b) might be at that point where anti-depressants might just motivate me enough to hurt myself somehow.

I hate my fucking life.

So I am LESS lachrymal after months of taking antidepressants again but I have this near-constant message from my brain "kill yourself kill yourself" D:
but just now realized it is maybe a medication side effect?? is this a thing?

Sorry TO BE REAL

poor fucking ilx only hears from me when it's breaking point to twell someone what a sad saddo I am

Dude that really sounds like med side.effects - go see yr dr asap

that sounds like a good idea, first thing.

agree, that's not the sort of side effect you should have to endure in order to be less lachrymal.

for real Crabs, for real. getting on/back on/new meds will have this kind of effect sometimes, but if it's this bad definitely consider more options for meds. /hugs

afaik, 'suicidal thoughts' is listed as a potential side effect from a lot of anti-depressants. It is very possible that's what's going on. Do seek medical advice, plz. Crabbits, you're an excellent human being and ilx has often seen your brilliant sense of humor. Take care of yourself.

Hey Crabbs: 1. you are awesome 2. go and see yr doc

Does that voice/mental meme have persuasion to it or is it more of an imp of the perverse voice like yr brain tongueing at a sore tooth? Thinking of you crabbs pls take this to your prescriber...

It's mostly just a distressing intrusive thought but worrying enough that I try to always have someone to hang out with or talk to on the phone, and the times I don't are when I get worried (eg this morning when I posted this)

ma'am you are a very important person in the world. please take care of yourself. signed, a fellow teacher who has dark moments.

calling my doc Monday fyi thanks everyone

took lexapro until it gave me suicidal thoughts, back in high school. it was definitely "intrusive thoughts", really literally, just like someone took my brain and spliced in images of my suicide at a random arbitrary point. i still get (non-suicidal) intrusive thoughts but never quite like that.

fun fact everyone i've ever known who has taken lexapro has had a really shitty time with it

i had a shitty time with it for several years! actually, i think the generic version has less-shitty side effects for me.

anyone have thoughts about celexa vs lexapro, or more accurately the generic versions therein

It's hard to use feedback on specific drugs from people, I think - unfortunately, until you try it, there's no way of telling how any drug is going to effect you. I had a couple years of bad times before finally figuring out that old Prozac did the trick.

I've been on celexa/citalopram since last September and it's been awesome - I've haven't felt this normal in years, I have so much more energy, and I've had basically no side effects.

So nice to hear a success story! (high fives just1n3)

echo to just1ne but add like 7-10 years duration

oh at some point there was a citalopram to escitalopram (celexa to lexapro) switch; same active molecule so nbd.

do psychiatrists ever have evening hours? is that a thing?

I don't really want to have to take time off work for this

Yes! My standing appointment is at 5:30 but I know that she sees patients later than that as she's offered me an 8 o'clock before.

Actually, I'm seeing her at 8 tomorrow night.

psych i'm trying (desperately) to see basically works like 14 hour days and does nothing else

yeesh

I need to get an appointment with a real therapist person who can help me. Please bump thread in two weeks if it's not already bumped to make sure I have figured that out.

crut, IME, psychiatrists and therapists commonly do evening hours.

mh, I'll bug you if you do the same for me. I've been "looking for"* a therapist for months. It's hard when you have so little info to go on and "fit" is such a consideration.

* - following up on recommendations; discovering they don't take my insurance
- staring at endless Psychology Today therapist-finder profiles
- getting bored and searching for the most fringey, wild-eyed shrinks on Psychology Today's profiles

BTW, the magazine's crappiness aside, Psychology Today's therapy-finder seems pretty good. Certainly better than any the other resources I've found online, most of them sparse and Yelp-like.

god this is so fucking stressful idk if it's even worth the effort

finding a doctor I mean

based on the business model of every office I've called so far, it seems that people who work day jobs must never have mental health problems, ever

i know, it sucks... but it is worth it

oh, trust me, they do

plus you know, it's just a lot easier to lie about it to the office, it's none of their business anyway

if your spouse is done with you and your children dont want you around and youve gotten all the help you can is there any other course of action than the obvious one?

sunny i don't know you or your life but i really truly feel that those two things you say are almost definitely not true, ESPECIALLY THE SECOND ONE, and that these thoughts are symptoms of an illness, not actual objective facts. you are sick and unfortunately there isn't an easy cure or even a one-size-fits-all prevention plan. but you're still so young! there are probably lots more ways of dealing with this you haven't found yet!

these are just platitudes, really, but you're so awesome and funny and smart, it sucks to read how much you're struggling <3