Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"This isn't an island, it's a giant oyster."

It's be funnier the other way around: "I only laugh when it hurts."

Clown: "Well I always give my clients a happy finish."

"Seriously, take a good look at my face"

"Are you Severin?"

"Well, there are plenty more fish in the sea, Mildred."

"Silvio's out. I'm Beppe."

"If only I had enough balloons to make you a heart."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2014/05/12/p465/140512_contest_p465.jpg

"when I asked you to leave the door open for a while I meant the oven door"

"The body of Christ, the bread of heaven."

"you knew we were running low on ammo and now you've used up the last of the eggs too"

"more flies with honey, dear."

arms in the foreground seem to suggest this is from the zombie's perspective?

"Hon, next Sunday let's just watch Walking Dead by ourselves. This cosplay thing is getting out of hand."

"Quick, help me ruin their appetite."

Winner.

"Psst... the secret ingredient is BRAINS"

movie night of the living dead

"paleo at 10 o'clock, pair of gluten-frees on your two and three"

And the completely rub finalists:

"Let's hope for some nut allergies."
"But first an amuse-bouche?"
"I like that we're not trapped in traditional gender roles."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2014/05/26/p465/140526_contest_p465.jpg

open door punchline (get it out of the way now)

"Yes, I do have a tiny pianist, why do you ask?"

I asked for a 12 inch *violinist*

XP obv

"This is Risque Escort Services? I have a complaint."

"Cancel the hamster; I'll just need the tube, thanks."

"Yes, is this room service?"

"If I tip him a quarter, would that be an insult or would that be like a major bounty to his people? 'Cause I don't want to over-tip."

i imagine the lil guy as a tom toles/kelly self-insert (can't think of a caption, tho)

whats the point in me being here if youre just going to talk on the phone

"hello, do you know there's a tiny man with a miniature piano in my room?"

"you hum it, son, i'll play it."

:)

I think it's by Hoagy Carmichael.

wow this room is deceptively enormous

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2014/06/02/p465/140602_contest_p465.jpg
"Ah, come on.. Everybody's worked at McDonalds at least once!"

"Yeah i feel like assless chaps are gonna be big this year"

"That's an interesting septum piercing"

"...and I'm saying it was a work"

yes that is indeed a photo of your mom in a red towel

"De la Torre, huh? I think I might have worked with your father."

"I can really see myself fitting in"
"Probably that I work too hard"

I'll take a stab at anything you've got

"If you think my CV is bad, wait until you see my ass-less trousers!"

"as you well know, our stock is through the roof"

"Don't give me a load of bull."

have you considered china

"Don't give me a load of bull."

― an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Monday, June 2, 2014 2:41 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

BOOM! THERE IT IS! LOCK THREAD!!!

"You mad, brahman?"

"What's the mata'?"