rolling thread for chronicling the misadventures of dwight howard, nba center

Teach a homeless guy to shoot free throws

var funnyPrank = function() {

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/prior-doctor-intervention-dwight-howard-eating-equivalent-24-215009519--nba.html

Dr. Cate Shanahan, in a fascinating feature by CBS Sports’ Ken Berger, described her shock at Howard’s alarming levels of glucose in his system, telling CBS that she became concerned because Howard’s sluggish play and blood work “reminded me of patients who have pre-diabetes and neurological problems because of how sugar impacts the nervous system.” A subsequent blood test revealed frightening amounts of glucose in his system.

"Skittles just sent me 30 pounds of Skittles."
i think their marketing guy is a bit fucked up

Crazy that the Lakers have basically had two sugar addicts play for them within the last 5 years

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

dude played beside steve nash, no way he didn't hear 'hey maybe eat something besides cotton candy for dinner tonight' at least once

haa the photo they used to illustrate that story is so perfect

http://i.imgur.com/jgvOFix.png
i ate so much caaaanday

His body-fat percentage -- hovering around 5-6 percent his entire career -- dropped to 3 percent, he said.

lol he would be ded

Skittles was probably still delivering 30 pound bags of candy for Lamar and Dwight probably just came into the mail room one day and said "what's that"

wonder if lamar was ever hey dwight you like sugar a lot huh me too man you know what you might be really into tho here check out some of this rock cocaine

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

― fit and working again, Wednesday, December 11, 2013 10:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Stevie Franchise used to only eat fast food hamburgers and fries

It's crazy how these guys can basically eat anything they want and still function as world class athletes

Me, I go one hot dog over my limit and I gotta go to sleep

yeah when you burn calories like these guys do you can get away with a lot of bad eating choices for a while but eventually i feel like it catches up with you

when i was younger i could def just eat whatever and run all around

dunk off one foot, everything

Yeah I think my body just doesn't want to burn calories

Like back when I used to run for 'fitness' I'd load up on pasta the night before to have energy but it just made me feel sluggish and sleepy the next day

i feel pretty lousy after eating pasta nowadays, too many damn carbs

amare is my inspiration, apparently he just eats salads and raw broccoli florets all the time these days,

hope hes getting some protein

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

― fit and working again, Wednesday, December 11, 2013 10:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Stevie Franchise used to only eat fast food hamburgers and fries

― 乒乓, Thursday, December 12, 2013 10:46 AM (2 hours ago)

have you seen that guy these days?

yeah for sure when you're young and super-active you can eat anything. but if you wanna be playing the same way by the time you're 30 and beyond you need to wise up.

good nutrition has been a given in other sports like soccer for so long now that it's weird to me to see stories about the likes of ray allen who've adopted healthy diets and it's reported like it's a remarkable thing.

soccer has a huge development structure where basketball is basically series of shady coaches since youre 10 that just care that you can dunk

you'd think with everything metrics and 16 assistant coaches on the bench the training staffs could keep a nutritionist around to plan meals on game days or whatever, it's pretty simple. idk maybe some guys just don't listen tho

yeah the teams cant force them to eat well

im sure they each get a huge binder about nutrition and have trainers in their ear all day long but if youre a 25 y/o millionaire who who got their by eating burgers who you gonna trust

dwight only wised up because his energy was flagging

plus if you're 6'9 and burn 5000 calories in a couple hours every other day not to mention practices you are probably hungry 24/7 and steaming some rice and broccoli is kinda a hassle really if you want McDonald's and it's around the corner

He knew nothing about how to train and get his wind up, even what and how to eat before a game. Once [Bulls trainer] Chip Schaefer had a pregame meal with him and was stunned to watch Kukoc put away a seven-course meal including salad, pasta, and steak.

“A sure four-thousand-calorie meal,” Schaefer noted later, almost admiringly. Like many European players, he was accustomed to drinking wine with his pregame meal, even if he did water it slightly. His body fat when he arrived was about 20 percent, very high for the NBA. Eventually, the Bulls got it down to the mid-teens, which was pretty good for Kukoc.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/steve-kerr-reminisces-toni-kukoc-legendarily-massive-pre-124610897--nba.html

if i was making millions a year i'd be paying someone to come in and cook.

I'd probably be getting pecan pie delivered to my penthouse every day because I am obscenely rich

otm

http://gifs.com/2r2

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mMJSZm-Ppkw/UruijwN2NEI/AAAAAAAAAq4/e4DRJtBAQqE/s1600/hardendwight.gif

haha

http://msn.foxsports.com/southwest/story/dwight-howard-trolls-lebron-james-and-his-receding-hairline-040214

dwight howard is into image macro memes

of course

http://rockets.clutchfans.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/dwight-howard-portland-series.jpg

i wonder if his performance in this series + the lillard dagger to win is the turning point where dwight becomes a sympathetic figure.

probably not tho b/c he is such a relentless cornball.

He made his free throws in 4.5 of the 6 games.

http://l1.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/ubTGF9tHAj0lL4thbjHd4A--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Zmk9ZmlsbDtoPTI5NDtweW9mZj0wO3E9Njk7dz00NjA-/http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/ap_webfeeds/dcd29df3514c1a26610f6a706700ea89.jpg

he is the worst human

guess who brought a gun to the airport

Garrison Keillor?

Rick Perry?

barry switzer?

Joe Schlabotnik?

oh sorry guys aimless got it, it was the governor of texas rick perry

the girl who convinced her boyfriend to kill himself?