Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/12/16/p465/131216_contest_p465.jpg

"I always wondered - is the cape just tucked down inside your shirt?"

"You're the first patient whose heartbeat I've actually heard. Everyone else wears two vests."

"I'm sorry, but the t-shirt confirms my earlier diagnosis. You're a hipster fuck."

"The joke's on you - that medical diploma on the wall behind you was awarded to me by Sunflower University."

"With my amazing stethoscope, I can hear the harm cigarettes do to people's bodies. That's why I don't smoke."

"You said earlier that it wasn't an 'S', but the Kryptonian symbol for hope. Well, I'm not bald, it's a solar panel for a sex machine."

"it's probably just stress"

"Patient Confidentiality is our watchword, Mr Wayne"

"You beat your friend up, and you whupped his ass long, because he hit the pipe until the Kryptonite was gone."

"My favourite album is that one by The Spin Doctors."

"Have you been flying a lot recently?"

"I think you may have a gluten as well as a kryptonite intolerance"

"well everything seems fine, but id like to look more into these lasers shooting out of your eyes clark, thats not normal in a man your age"

"the good news is those adamantium hypodermics arrived so maybe we can finally take a blood sample"

"Your blood pressure is good, it's just not super"

"let's just skip the prostate check after last time, eh"

"ok 'man of steel' I don't care if the stethoscope's cold I can't hear properly if you don't take the suit off"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/12/09/g290/131209_contest_g290.jpg

• "At this point in the interview, Johnson, we would like to see how well you play with others."
• "The company's day-care program is great—this group has been coming since 1970."
• "It's a little creepy how Williams just sits there on the edge, watching."

This is the one to run until 29th Dec..

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/12/23/p465/131223_contest_p465.jpg

"Well, he did sing like a canary this morning"

vg

"fourteen arms and the cunt cant swim"

"The hell with it. No more red bull last requests."

"tonight, he sleeps with the finches"

"no need to get in a flap"

Did the boss say "he's dead or us" or "he's Daedalus?"

LG for the win

Mark and LG nailed.

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2014/01/20/p465/140120_contest_p465.jpg

"It only hurts when I laugh."

Excellent

"Who are you and what have you done with Hamburglar?"

"If you're Mary Palm, where are your five sisters?"

"This isn't an island, it's a giant oyster."

It's be funnier the other way around: "I only laugh when it hurts."

Clown: "Well I always give my clients a happy finish."

"Seriously, take a good look at my face"

"Are you Severin?"

"Well, there are plenty more fish in the sea, Mildred."

"Silvio's out. I'm Beppe."

"If only I had enough balloons to make you a heart."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2014/05/12/p465/140512_contest_p465.jpg

"when I asked you to leave the door open for a while I meant the oven door"

"The body of Christ, the bread of heaven."

"you knew we were running low on ammo and now you've used up the last of the eggs too"

"more flies with honey, dear."

arms in the foreground seem to suggest this is from the zombie's perspective?

"Hon, next Sunday let's just watch Walking Dead by ourselves. This cosplay thing is getting out of hand."

"Quick, help me ruin their appetite."

Winner.