Kids say the darndest things

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my nearly 12-week-old has been babbling non-stop. it's such a nice change from shrieking.

Oh Why, Sports Coat? (Dr. Superman), Thursday, 26 February 2009 19:17 (ten years ago) link

(Apologies if I've already told this story on ILX, can't remember)

A few weeks ago, Ava was being extremely naughty, pushing Pam away, shouting "Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!", etc. Pam wrote down "Naughty girls don't get visits from their friends or treats or get to go to the park" on a slip of paper and handed it to the noncommunicative hell-child.

Ava read it out loud, looked at the paper for a few seconds and then announced, "I'm going to tear this into tiny pieces." It was all Pam could do not to burst out laughing right there...

Michael Jones, Saturday, 28 February 2009 21:25 (ten years ago) link

haa :)

ice cr?m, Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:26 (ten years ago) link

this morning: "there are so many things in this room, it's like an optical course"

鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:46 (ten years ago) link

SS, that's the cutest thing ever! Ophelia requests all my music to stop playing so she can listen to her music. Grrr. Elisabeth loves most music we play. This morning she immediately started waving her hand when Marvin Gaye started singing. She also looooves Pulsinger.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Sunday, 1 March 2009 13:30 (ten years ago) link

its still so weird to me these little creatures have already developed their own tastes. that silver jews moment was a rare one. usually she'll sit there going 'wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? brobie? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? " etc until we put it on.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (ten years ago) link

nickelodeon brainwash

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (ten years ago) link

she found a tampon and asked what it was. i mumbled her mommy bleeds every month and that it stops the bleeding.

"so mommy leaks."

uh yeah, i guess....

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:33 (ten years ago) link

Edward, I'm amazed. That's amazing.

How can there be male ladybugs? (Laurel), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:41 (ten years ago) link

We remembered another one from our son a few years back, when he was 2-ish: out of the blue one day, he asked "why we is not ducks?". I didn't know what to say. Really, why? The mind boggles.

Euler, Saturday, 7 March 2009 01:56 (ten years ago) link

My friend did this facebook thing earlier where she had to ask her kids a series of questions about herself and write in their answers. Her sons are around 6 and 4, I think.

Q: How tall is your Mom?

A: "15 degrees" -Ben "Probably 10 inches high" -Zac

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 04:50 (ten years ago) link

i seriously can't get over "15 degrees"

been HOOS, where yyyou steene!? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:02 (ten years ago) link

I know, I love it.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:03 (ten years ago) link

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:30 (ten years ago) link

keep that one around!

yur twit (tehresa), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:35 (ten years ago) link

hopefully her eyesight will never improve

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:37 (ten years ago) link

Howie does that when we read the book 'Terrible Trolls' -- points at them and says "Mummy! Daddy!"

I will have to send him round to Beeps for some training.

Meg (Meg Busset), Sunday, 8 March 2009 13:02 (ten years ago) link

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

A keeper! :-)

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Monday, 9 March 2009 14:19 (ten years ago) link

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, 16 March 2009 23:50 (ten years ago) link

kids swearing: classic. One of my kids didn't really understand what the word dammit was, so he'd say, "debit", as in "debit card", which got us off the hook with my mother-in-law.

Euler, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 00:27 (ten years ago) link

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, March 16, 2009 6:50 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ok so this is the funniest/cuetest thing i have read in a while

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 02:01 (ten years ago) link

Agreed. That's so cute.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 12:37 (ten years ago) link

it cracked us up. but i guess we need to do some policing of it before he gets to kindergarten.

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:08 (ten years ago) link

Apparently in kindergarten I referred to a toy car as "that goddamn son of a bitch". Wasn't mad, that's just what I called it.

WmC, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:14 (ten years ago) link

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 21:54 (ten years ago) link

^ That is awesome.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:51 (ten years ago) link

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:53 (ten years ago) link

Alice has been known to bang her fist on the table and yell 'dammit!' but I strongly suspect her dad has been coaching her for his own amusement. Though come to think of it she's also started a thing of regularly shouting 'it's a deal!' and shaking hands with us. Clearly a future CEO :(

Archel, Thursday, 19 March 2009 09:36 (ten years ago) link

OK, heree goez:

In Venice, back at the flat, playing whist:

Mum: "Hearts!"
Alice: (Oh, fuMMMFTH)

The sound of Alice slapping her hand over her mouth, too late.
She got embarrassed, we just laffed. (She was 8)

Mark G, Monday, 23 March 2009 14:02 (ten years ago) link

Future son‘s latest thing is fighting to stay awake when he has something that he wants to do, then giving in immediately when he realizes he can’t do that thing.

Two days ago, we were driving home from an event, with plans to go play outside, when it started raining:
FS: It’s raining
Me: Yeah. I’m sorry, buddy. Looks like we won’t be able to play in the yard.
FS: Awww….snores

Last night:
Me (turning off TV): Well, it’s time to snuggie-down.
FS: But Scooby-Doo’s almost on.
Me: Sorry, buddy: it’s late.
FS (within 20 seconds): snores

kingkongvsgodzilla, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 20:32 (ten years ago) link

Ava's two-part exploration of Bossness, with special reference to World Poverty.

Last night -
"Sometimes little children can be the boss. You get to be the boss sometimes, Daddy, but kids can be the boss too. Sit down over here next to me for a DISCUSSION."
Tonight -
"Some people don't ever get to be the boss. Some people don't have any food or clothes or medicine. They just cough."

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 21:39 (ten years ago) link

LOL.

RS's co-worker's husband let their 4 year old watch Austin Powers last week after which said to her, "Mom, you're kind of a lot like fat bastard." !!!

ENBB, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 22:12 (ten years ago) link

We let ours (4 also) watch Gremlins a few weeks ago, after which he kept immitating the "flasher" Gremlin from the bar scene.

If you were thinking about letting your kids watch Gremlins, that's one of many things to note, along with Phoebe Cates breaking it down about the non-existence of Santa(this was during a boring grown-up part though, so I don't think he noticed).

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 11:31 (ten years ago) link

Gremlins was one of those movies that pushed the MPAA over the edge to create a PG-13 rating.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 14:00 (ten years ago) link

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

re: PG-13, I always thought indiana jones and the temple of doom was the proverbial straw?

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 15:38 (ten years ago) link

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

― HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:53 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

a woman I work with once had this exchange with her 6 year old daughter as they were getting ready to go out

kid: where the fuck are my socks?
parent: WHAT?
kid: my SOCKS! where the fuck are my SOCKS!

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 15:57 (ten years ago) link

lolz

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 16:01 (ten years ago) link

Temple of Doom, Gremlins, POLTERGEIST (!!!!) were all PG movies that led to PG-13.

Beeps is getting to that age now where I'm starting to be more aware of what we're watching on TV. I was rocking her the other night and started watching "Summer of Sam". It starts with the sound of a dog barking and then moves on to show Berkowitz humping the mattress in his tighty-whities. Beeps is on her puppy kick right now, so became interested at the dog barking and by the time the scene cut to two girls sitting in a parked car, I decided that she was starting to soak a little too much in.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 16:29 (ten years ago) link

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

It was in the check-out line at the supermarket and it had a cute little fuzzy guy on the cover. I had no idea.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:24 (ten years ago) link

That might be a good thread idea -- "what would you warn new parents about that you learned the hard way?"

WmC, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:27 (ten years ago) link

Yeah, sorry. This has gone a little off topic.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:29 (ten years ago) link

(Without wanting to prolong the thread digression any further - Poltergeist was actually an "X" in UK on release (and the US-equivalent "R" over there); the "15" category was introduced about a year later, and Poltergeist was reassigned to that. I think Poltergeist was downgraded to PG or PG-13 on appeal in the US. I have a very specific memory of this as 14-y-o me couldn't believe that I wasn't allowed to see the new Spielberg film!)

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:35 (ten years ago) link

I saw Poltergeist at 8 years old, and couldn't do anything---anything---alone for almost a year. If I ever go to therapy, I'm sure Poltergeist will be a chief topic.

My kids, the oldest of whom is 8, is afraid of The Little Mermaid, so we won't make the same mistake my parents did.

Euler, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:50 (ten years ago) link

more on topic: today my youngest (age 2) blathered something angrily at lunch that she punctuated with something that sounded like "dammit". My wife said, well, she knows how to use her "dangit". My daughter then blurted, "I didn't say dangit, I said dammit" and emphasized a few more times the "mmm" in "dammit" to make sure we understood her.

Great.

Euler, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:52 (ten years ago) link

yeah I think I was 9 or 10 when I saw poltergeist which makes me think it must have been a G or M but my dad also took me to texas chainsaw massacre when i was a year or so younger and that was definitely rated R

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 02:30 (ten years ago) link

(M in australia meaning anyone can get in but its recommended for 16(?) and over)

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 02:31 (ten years ago) link

http://www.impawards.com/1982/posters/poltergeist.jpg

^^ With the PG Rating...

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 03:53 (ten years ago) link

Wouldn't it just be something if we all watched Poltergeist again and realize that it wasn't really that bad?


Because i haven't watched that shit in over 20 years.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 03:54 (ten years ago) link

btw that is a std strategy for dealing w/PTSD

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:06 (ten years ago) link

just fyi

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:06 (ten years ago) link

Brilliant!

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Tuesday, 29 October 2019 07:25 (two months ago) link

wife: What would you like for your birthday?
daughter: Spiders!

silverfish, Monday, 4 November 2019 02:28 (two months ago) link

otm

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 4 November 2019 02:32 (two months ago) link

came home the other day with a haircut. Opal says "daddy got a haircut!"

The next day Opal wakes up and says "does daddy still have his haircut?"

dan selzer, Monday, 4 November 2019 03:43 (two months ago) link

For the Dutchies:

"Elf november is de dag
Dat mijn nichtje branden mag"

(3yo)

ArchCarrier, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:12 (two months ago) link

Any help on the last couple of words?

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:16 (two months ago) link

That my niece may burn

Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:30 (two months ago) link

Instead of 'that my light may burn' (lichtje/nichtje mistake)

Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:31 (two months ago) link

Ta! And cute!

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:59 (two months ago) link

My youngest son, shrugging: “I can’t clean up a fart!”

Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 18:46 (two months ago) link

Needs to be a horrible 70s album title tbh

Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 18:48 (two months ago) link

singer shrugging, guitarist holding his nose, bassist spraying air freshener, drummer passed out

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 19:43 (two months ago) link

kid's birthday party is saturday, and he has a white noise machine on in his room at night; he got out of bed and came downstairs to say "i'm too excited about my birthday party and am scared that my sound machine is going to turn into a human head"

joygoat, Wednesday, 13 November 2019 20:08 (two months ago) link

Whoa!

☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 14 November 2019 12:57 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

last christmas, i pooed in my pants
the very next day, i peed in my pants

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 15:41 (one month ago) link

hahahah!

Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 15:43 (one month ago) link

This year, I’ll stick with a fart
And give it to someone special

DJI, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:58 (one month ago) link

File that under posts you immediately regret

DJI, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:59 (one month ago) link

This is going to make the next few weeks tolerable. Thanks guys!

☮ (peace, man), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:59 (one month ago) link

I’m lovin it

L'assie (Euler), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 17:19 (one month ago) link

this has really cheered me up

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Saturday, 14 December 2019 21:03 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

Driving in the car, Can's "Dizzy Dizzy" comes on the CD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXm-Xco5BWA

The boy goes, "What is this, Spongebob back from a commercial?"

I go into "incredulous dad mode" - What? This is CAN.

The girl goes, "If it's from Spongebob, they should've called it 'Gary's Theme'."

pplains, Wednesday, 1 January 2020 04:08 (two weeks ago) link

I DIED nearly from being told this today, by a friend who is mother of three boys, who at the time were probably approx 10-8-8. They had been visiting some family or acquaintance in winter, and on coming home, mom helps free one of the twins from multiple lower-body layers, when it turns out he has within the back of one of the legs of his outermost waterproofs a long shoehorn, as in grown-up, foot-plus length.

MOM (bewildered): How did this happen??
SON (conspiratorial): I was lightning quick!

anatol_merklich, Friday, 3 January 2020 23:20 (two weeks ago) link

“I don’t like fire fighters because they put fire everywhere.”

dan selzer, Friday, 3 January 2020 23:47 (two weeks ago) link

“Everyone in the Bible is tricky. I think it was written by tricky people.”

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Saturday, 4 January 2020 14:59 (two weeks ago) link

"It's a stab or be stabbed world"

Οὖτις, Monday, 6 January 2020 17:18 (one week ago) link

speaking of the bible, the five-year-old pulled one out of the hotel desk drawer and tried to read the cover: "holly ... bubble?"

na (NA), Monday, 6 January 2020 17:38 (one week ago) link

I did exactly that when I was a kid, at a hotel saying "why's this book here? the holly bibble?"

dan selzer, Monday, 6 January 2020 17:43 (one week ago) link

of course since i laughed she did the exact same thing at the next hotel

na (NA), Monday, 6 January 2020 17:47 (one week ago) link


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