Kids say the darndest things

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my nearly 12-week-old has been babbling non-stop. it's such a nice change from shrieking.

Oh Why, Sports Coat? (Dr. Superman), Thursday, 26 February 2009 19:17 (eleven years ago) link

(Apologies if I've already told this story on ILX, can't remember)

A few weeks ago, Ava was being extremely naughty, pushing Pam away, shouting "Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!", etc. Pam wrote down "Naughty girls don't get visits from their friends or treats or get to go to the park" on a slip of paper and handed it to the noncommunicative hell-child.

Ava read it out loud, looked at the paper for a few seconds and then announced, "I'm going to tear this into tiny pieces." It was all Pam could do not to burst out laughing right there...

Michael Jones, Saturday, 28 February 2009 21:25 (eleven years ago) link

haa :)

ice cr?m, Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:26 (eleven years ago) link

this morning: "there are so many things in this room, it's like an optical course"

鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:46 (eleven years ago) link

SS, that's the cutest thing ever! Ophelia requests all my music to stop playing so she can listen to her music. Grrr. Elisabeth loves most music we play. This morning she immediately started waving her hand when Marvin Gaye started singing. She also looooves Pulsinger.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Sunday, 1 March 2009 13:30 (eleven years ago) link

its still so weird to me these little creatures have already developed their own tastes. that silver jews moment was a rare one. usually she'll sit there going 'wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? brobie? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? " etc until we put it on.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (eleven years ago) link

nickelodeon brainwash

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (eleven years ago) link

she found a tampon and asked what it was. i mumbled her mommy bleeds every month and that it stops the bleeding.

"so mommy leaks."

uh yeah, i guess....

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:33 (eleven years ago) link

Edward, I'm amazed. That's amazing.

How can there be male ladybugs? (Laurel), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:41 (eleven years ago) link

We remembered another one from our son a few years back, when he was 2-ish: out of the blue one day, he asked "why we is not ducks?". I didn't know what to say. Really, why? The mind boggles.

Euler, Saturday, 7 March 2009 01:56 (eleven years ago) link

My friend did this facebook thing earlier where she had to ask her kids a series of questions about herself and write in their answers. Her sons are around 6 and 4, I think.

Q: How tall is your Mom?

A: "15 degrees" -Ben "Probably 10 inches high" -Zac

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 04:50 (eleven years ago) link

i seriously can't get over "15 degrees"

been HOOS, where yyyou steene!? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:02 (eleven years ago) link

I know, I love it.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:03 (eleven years ago) link

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:30 (eleven years ago) link

keep that one around!

yur twit (tehresa), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:35 (eleven years ago) link

hopefully her eyesight will never improve

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:37 (eleven years ago) link

Howie does that when we read the book 'Terrible Trolls' -- points at them and says "Mummy! Daddy!"

I will have to send him round to Beeps for some training.

Meg (Meg Busset), Sunday, 8 March 2009 13:02 (eleven years ago) link

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

A keeper! :-)

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Monday, 9 March 2009 14:19 (eleven years ago) link

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, 16 March 2009 23:50 (eleven years ago) link

kids swearing: classic. One of my kids didn't really understand what the word dammit was, so he'd say, "debit", as in "debit card", which got us off the hook with my mother-in-law.

Euler, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 00:27 (eleven years ago) link

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, March 16, 2009 6:50 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ok so this is the funniest/cuetest thing i have read in a while

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 02:01 (eleven years ago) link

Agreed. That's so cute.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 12:37 (eleven years ago) link

it cracked us up. but i guess we need to do some policing of it before he gets to kindergarten.

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:08 (eleven years ago) link

Apparently in kindergarten I referred to a toy car as "that goddamn son of a bitch". Wasn't mad, that's just what I called it.

WmC, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:14 (eleven years ago) link

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 21:54 (eleven years ago) link

^ That is awesome.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:51 (eleven years ago) link

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:53 (eleven years ago) link

Alice has been known to bang her fist on the table and yell 'dammit!' but I strongly suspect her dad has been coaching her for his own amusement. Though come to think of it she's also started a thing of regularly shouting 'it's a deal!' and shaking hands with us. Clearly a future CEO :(

Archel, Thursday, 19 March 2009 09:36 (eleven years ago) link

OK, heree goez:

In Venice, back at the flat, playing whist:

Mum: "Hearts!"
Alice: (Oh, fuMMMFTH)

The sound of Alice slapping her hand over her mouth, too late.
She got embarrassed, we just laffed. (She was 8)

Mark G, Monday, 23 March 2009 14:02 (eleven years ago) link

Future son‘s latest thing is fighting to stay awake when he has something that he wants to do, then giving in immediately when he realizes he can’t do that thing.

Two days ago, we were driving home from an event, with plans to go play outside, when it started raining:
FS: It’s raining
Me: Yeah. I’m sorry, buddy. Looks like we won’t be able to play in the yard.
FS: Awww….snores

Last night:
Me (turning off TV): Well, it’s time to snuggie-down.
FS: But Scooby-Doo’s almost on.
Me: Sorry, buddy: it’s late.
FS (within 20 seconds): snores

kingkongvsgodzilla, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 20:32 (eleven years ago) link

Ava's two-part exploration of Bossness, with special reference to World Poverty.

Last night -
"Sometimes little children can be the boss. You get to be the boss sometimes, Daddy, but kids can be the boss too. Sit down over here next to me for a DISCUSSION."
Tonight -
"Some people don't ever get to be the boss. Some people don't have any food or clothes or medicine. They just cough."

Michael Jones, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 21:39 (eleven years ago) link

LOL.

RS's co-worker's husband let their 4 year old watch Austin Powers last week after which said to her, "Mom, you're kind of a lot like fat bastard." !!!

ENBB, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 22:12 (eleven years ago) link

We let ours (4 also) watch Gremlins a few weeks ago, after which he kept immitating the "flasher" Gremlin from the bar scene.

If you were thinking about letting your kids watch Gremlins, that's one of many things to note, along with Phoebe Cates breaking it down about the non-existence of Santa(this was during a boring grown-up part though, so I don't think he noticed).

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 11:31 (eleven years ago) link

Gremlins was one of those movies that pushed the MPAA over the edge to create a PG-13 rating.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 14:00 (eleven years ago) link

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

re: PG-13, I always thought indiana jones and the temple of doom was the proverbial straw?

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 15:38 (eleven years ago) link

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

― HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:53 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

a woman I work with once had this exchange with her 6 year old daughter as they were getting ready to go out

kid: where the fuck are my socks?
parent: WHAT?
kid: my SOCKS! where the fuck are my SOCKS!

鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 15:57 (eleven years ago) link

lolz

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 16:01 (eleven years ago) link

Temple of Doom, Gremlins, POLTERGEIST (!!!!) were all PG movies that led to PG-13.

Beeps is getting to that age now where I'm starting to be more aware of what we're watching on TV. I was rocking her the other night and started watching "Summer of Sam". It starts with the sound of a dog barking and then moves on to show Berkowitz humping the mattress in his tighty-whities. Beeps is on her puppy kick right now, so became interested at the dog barking and by the time the scene cut to two girls sitting in a parked car, I decided that she was starting to soak a little too much in.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 1 April 2009 16:29 (eleven years ago) link

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

It was in the check-out line at the supermarket and it had a cute little fuzzy guy on the cover. I had no idea.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:24 (eleven years ago) link

That might be a good thread idea -- "what would you warn new parents about that you learned the hard way?"

WmC, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:27 (eleven years ago) link

Yeah, sorry. This has gone a little off topic.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 17:29 (eleven years ago) link

(Without wanting to prolong the thread digression any further - Poltergeist was actually an "X" in UK on release (and the US-equivalent "R" over there); the "15" category was introduced about a year later, and Poltergeist was reassigned to that. I think Poltergeist was downgraded to PG or PG-13 on appeal in the US. I have a very specific memory of this as 14-y-o me couldn't believe that I wasn't allowed to see the new Spielberg film!)

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:35 (eleven years ago) link

I saw Poltergeist at 8 years old, and couldn't do anything---anything---alone for almost a year. If I ever go to therapy, I'm sure Poltergeist will be a chief topic.

My kids, the oldest of whom is 8, is afraid of The Little Mermaid, so we won't make the same mistake my parents did.

Euler, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:50 (eleven years ago) link

more on topic: today my youngest (age 2) blathered something angrily at lunch that she punctuated with something that sounded like "dammit". My wife said, well, she knows how to use her "dangit". My daughter then blurted, "I didn't say dangit, I said dammit" and emphasized a few more times the "mmm" in "dammit" to make sure we understood her.

Great.

Euler, Wednesday, 1 April 2009 23:52 (eleven years ago) link

yeah I think I was 9 or 10 when I saw poltergeist which makes me think it must have been a G or M but my dad also took me to texas chainsaw massacre when i was a year or so younger and that was definitely rated R

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 02:30 (eleven years ago) link

(M in australia meaning anyone can get in but its recommended for 16(?) and over)

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Thursday, 2 April 2009 02:31 (eleven years ago) link

http://www.impawards.com/1982/posters/poltergeist.jpg

^^ With the PG Rating...

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 03:53 (eleven years ago) link

Wouldn't it just be something if we all watched Poltergeist again and realize that it wasn't really that bad?


Because i haven't watched that shit in over 20 years.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 2 April 2009 03:54 (eleven years ago) link

btw that is a std strategy for dealing w/PTSD

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:06 (eleven years ago) link

just fyi

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, 2 April 2009 04:06 (eleven years ago) link

luv it!

Inadequate grass (morrisp), Saturday, 23 May 2020 18:34 (two months ago) link

that is A++++

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 23 May 2020 18:58 (two months ago) link

Legendary

Chuck_Tatum, Saturday, 23 May 2020 19:10 (two months ago) link

haaaa

Yanni Xenakis (Hadrian VIII), Saturday, 23 May 2020 19:35 (two months ago) link

Yikes!

DJI, Saturday, 23 May 2020 20:09 (two months ago) link

When is Father's Day?

pplains, Saturday, 23 May 2020 20:35 (two months ago) link

You have a karate class tomorrow —

“No no no no no, conversation done. End chat, BEEP!”

Charging for Brewskis™ (morrisp), Wednesday, 27 May 2020 03:51 (two months ago) link

These Gen Alphas, I swear.

Charging for Brewskis™ (morrisp), Wednesday, 27 May 2020 03:52 (two months ago) link

"How big were the first computers? Were they so big that you had to, like, JUMP on the keys to type?"

(I thought this was cute)

Charging for Brewskis™ (morrisp), Wednesday, 27 May 2020 22:32 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

at bedtime, the five-year-old was basically like yelling POOP! POOP! so i said, why do you like saying poop so much.
she said, it's a funny word. you know, like six is a funny word.
i said, six is a funny word?
she said, yeah, like that book that [older sibling] has
reader, this is the book she is talking about:
https://microcosmpublishing.com/previews/Sex-is-a-funny-word_lg.jpg

na (NA), Tuesday, 23 June 2020 16:00 (one month ago) link

H: If that guy really does dig a big trench for the cable, I'm going to go out there to watch him...

ME: Yeah, I guess that could be interesting?

H: ...since I've got nothing else to watch since we've got no cable right now.

pplains, Tuesday, 23 June 2020 16:29 (one month ago) link

Also I got pwned by the 13-year-old pretty good, so bad that I tweeted it.

She's been on a Star Wars kick, so of course I've been all "Back in my day, there was a wolfman who frequented the cantina! No CGI like in those 2000s movies!"

She got a collectors magazine in the mail the other day.

BEEPS: They even have pictures of toys you told me about from the... 1900s?
ME: The 1970s.
BEEPS: Yeah, that's what I meant.

pplains, Tuesday, 23 June 2020 16:46 (one month ago) link

yesterday my 12 year old son totally seriously mentioned that he saw something old that "probably dates back to the 20th century"

silverfish, Tuesday, 23 June 2020 17:24 (one month ago) link

"Daddy, does existence have a meaning?"

ME: You're asking me this at dinnertime on a Wednesday evening?

"Well, I saw it on a TV show..."

OG Honeymoon Ave (morrisp), Thursday, 25 June 2020 01:13 (one month ago) link

My 5yo made his first comic nerd pun/joke:

Him: What does that say on the wall?

Me: "Yankee go home." It means they want the Americans to leave.

Him: If the Thing from the Fantastic Four wrote it, it would say, "Yancey Go Home."

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 18:19 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

Just heard my 5yo singing 'everything is awesome! everything is falling out of a tree!'
He's only heard it a couple of times...

kinder, Monday, 20 July 2020 13:05 (two weeks ago) link

Legos falling out of a tree would be awesome!

peace, man, Monday, 20 July 2020 13:13 (two weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

My 5 year old playing with straws and water-squirting toys in the bath: Cmon, stay stable, have some momentum water!
Me: Momentum water?
Him: Momentum water, it’s like energy water.
Me: Yes, I suppose it is.

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 5 August 2020 23:01 (three days ago) link

I told opal (almost 3.5) about constellations a week ago and at dinner tonight she said “daddy and I are both born in March so we’re Macy’s because there was a fish in the sky”

dan selzer, Wednesday, 5 August 2020 23:13 (three days ago) link

She can't speak yet but when our one year old sees a cat in our front garden through the window I'm pretty sure she's trying to say "omg what is it? A cat! Wow, a cat! I love it! Cat! I want to touch it! TOUCH IT! NOW! CAT! TOUCH IT! WHERE'S IT GONE?! CAT! COME BACK! CAT! CAAAAAATTTT!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

neith moon (ledge), Thursday, 6 August 2020 08:26 (two days ago) link

"Daddy, I have an idea – I need a knife, and a bar of soap..."

Rob, give a listen to Iggy Stooge (morrisp), Thursday, 6 August 2020 21:51 (two days ago) link

Hahahaaa

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Thursday, 6 August 2020 23:41 (two days ago) link

I love everything in this thread

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Thursday, 6 August 2020 23:42 (two days ago) link

Opal's really into stalling bedtime. When she's in a bad fussy mood it's a total nightmare but when she's in a good mood it can be really cute. Tonight she asked me to look up if Tapirs are related to Elephants. I said it wasn't clear because I saw 2 websites and only one mentioned elephants. She said "do you know a lot of websites?" and then "before you go can you tell me about...um...two websites?"

dan selzer, Friday, 7 August 2020 05:28 (yesterday) link

lol that is so cute

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 7 August 2020 06:36 (yesterday) link

love it!

DJI, Friday, 7 August 2020 18:04 (yesterday) link

When Opal's fussy but not too fussy I often say "who's the boss? are you the boss?" and she say's "I"m the boss!" but sometimes I say "mommy's actually the boss" preserving gender norms, sorry. Early today as I tried to get her down for her nap she suddenly said "why is Mommy always the boss?" so I said "why did you say that, because I joke about that?" and she said "mommy's the boss because you make a lot of mistakes so she's the boss". I then tried to explain that actually we're a team.

dan selzer, Friday, 7 August 2020 19:32 (yesterday) link

opal otm

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 7 August 2020 19:53 (yesterday) link

cosign opal, that kid has a bright future in HR lol

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 8 August 2020 02:25 (thirty-nine minutes ago) link


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