Tom Brady Can Suck My Dick

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plummer: can't get it up
warner: too hairy
pennington: a nub
jp losman: hangs too far to the right

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:44 (eighteen years ago) link

eli: soft, shapeless
daunte: padded out
carson palmer: jealous of kitna, is all i'm saying
chris simms: two peas
bledsoe: argues that 4 inches is "avg"

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:46 (eighteen years ago) link

orton: surprisingly useful until somebody better comes along
grossman: HIS NAME IS GROSS MAN

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:47 (eighteen years ago) link

This isn't exactly how I hoped this thread would go.

WTF does the QB rating even mean? It seems like some kind of mystical number, I mean isn't a perfect rating something like 187.3 or whatever? I mean wtf kind of "perfect rating" is it when it involves decimals and odd numbers?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:47 (eighteen years ago) link

kitna totally does have the vibe of a man smug in both his eternal resting place and how big his cock will be when he gets there

david carr: hung

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:48 (eighteen years ago) link

favre: would everyone want to suck his dick week in, week out, if they knew the truth?
delhomme: jake the worm
brunell: limp
bulger: yeah right

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:49 (eighteen years ago) link

drew brees: hold deez

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:51 (eighteen years ago) link

qb ratings explained: http://www.nfl.com/news/981202qbrate.html

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:51 (eighteen years ago) link

This isn't exactly how I hoped this thread would go.

even with this title?!?!???!?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:54 (eighteen years ago) link

aaron brooks: the only sack he's ever had is on a football field
alex smith: #1 pick, #32 dick
plummer: as funny looking as his 'stache

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:01 (eighteen years ago) link

jeff garcia's one of those really skinny guys, like lance reddick on the Wire, who have huge dongs and never gain weight. i'm convinced that garcia has the biggest schwanz in the national football league, and i have procured photographic evidence as such:NSFW

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:22 (eighteen years ago) link

This isn't rocket science: Brady was the only consistently healthy star on a playoff-bound team. Some people will always love the "one man show" MVP argument, see: Kevin Garnett every year.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:25 (eighteen years ago) link

would you fuck jeff blake?

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

What about Tony Blake?

plus: 3 RINGS.

Plus: receeding hairline

massive x-post.

― Jimmy Mod (I myself am lethal at 100 -110dB) (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:31 (eighteen years ago) link

Plus: receeding hairline

AHA -- origins of the Terry Bradshaw comparison REVEALED!

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:36 (eighteen years ago) link

plaxico is hella overrated.

actually, maybe roethlisberger should be mvp, as the steelers inexplicably completely fall apart in every way when he doesn't play.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:18 (eighteen years ago) link

Well, when Roethlisberger doesn't play, it's a lot less fun, you know? And the guys, like, they like a lot of fun, they like to have a good time, throw around the ball, have some fun. You know?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:33 (eighteen years ago) link

it may have something to do with the gravity of his enormous head

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:43 (eighteen years ago) link

http://benroethlisberger.typepad.com/roethlisberger/images/zeus1.jpg

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:48 (eighteen years ago) link

I love that picture.

This thread scares th' hell outta me.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 00:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Ryan Leaf fucked me in the ass and stole my wallet after he was done.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 07:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Zeus should have his own Fat Head.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

I figured out last night my problem with Brady. Every time I see him, I imagine him in a striped shirt with a flipped up collar, drinking Jager Bombs and telling his friends he's thinking of buying a boat this year.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:45 (eighteen years ago) link

You must've seen his Visa commercial.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:29 (eighteen years ago) link

BTW, Big Ben is pimping for Fathead. DOWNGRADE.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeah but his commercial is so weird, when he talks to the camera in that high pitched lispy voice imploring for all the viewers to purchase him...it's a little "special."

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (eighteen years ago) link

They shd make a play for TO. Fathead, that is.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:43 (eighteen years ago) link

so does Shaq seriously lack equipment or is it just in proportion to the rest of his body?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:52 (eighteen years ago) link

http://espn.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/brady_eli.jpg

Is Tom Brady going to Halloween as:
a) House, MD
b) the guy from the Killers
c) James Spader
?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:22 (eighteen years ago) link

brady also strikes me as less fratdouche as a TON of other qbs in the league!!! or maybe he's one of the good ones. or something. god :'(

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Who are these tons of qbs! There aren't tons of qbs in the league! Unless you guys have a lot of info about 3 stringers or something.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:29 (eighteen years ago) link

EVERY WHITE GUY BASICALLY

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:33 (eighteen years ago) link

who is under 30

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:33 (eighteen years ago) link

Joey Harrington.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:56 (eighteen years ago) link

What about offensive linemen? There's a lot of white dudes there. Or Shockey? Though he arguably looks like the biggest douche in the league so I'm not really helping anyone with that.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 18:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Shockey can suck his own dick.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 18:50 (eighteen years ago) link

http://members.aol.com/bhsu21/shockeyshocked.gif

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 18:50 (eighteen years ago) link

when shockey dies, there's no question that that should be his obituary.

as for shaq, i haven't read the book yet! i totally wanna buy it tho.

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Thanks, admins! :)

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:08 (eighteen years ago) link

God, you know, I might have this vague irrational dislike of Tom Brady and his Hype Machine, but really, I mean I qualify that by saying "I'm sure he's a good guy, and he's not bad etc." Shockey though, I would fucking punch in the dick, no joke.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Joey Harrington is not a fratdouche. He plays piano and loves his mother and his favorite pasttime in the world is playing Ms. Pac Man.

― Stormy Davis (diamond), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:03 (eighteen years ago) link

So he's a faggit then?

― Jimmy Mod (I myself am lethal at 100 -110dB) (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:05 (eighteen years ago) link

Underneath that fratboy exterior beats the heart of a kicker.

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

That's the greatest thing anyone's said in a long while.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:35 (eighteen years ago) link

no joke!

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 22:00 (eighteen years ago) link

i liked tom brady until i read this.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 23:51 (eighteen years ago) link

His current "disrespect" beef is stupid, but

1) the Pats *have* been widely disrespected at various points during their run. Exhibit A: widely considered to be the underdogs as the two-time champs playing at home in last year's playoffs against Indy, despite having dominated them for years.

2) the part about people giving up on them earlier in the season is certainly true. It's one thing to look at a 4-4 team with loads of injuries and say that they're done for even if they make the playoffs. But there was a lot of talk of the "even if they get healthy, this team can't win the SB" variety, which is unbelievably dumb considering they already HAVE won the SB with that team. Three times.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 5 January 2006 00:03 (eighteen years ago) link

If this asinine stance motivates whatever team they're playing to beat the everliving bejeezus out of the Pasties, I'm totally behind it 110%.

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 5 January 2006 00:06 (eighteen years ago) link

Bradyflakes I'm sure is a Republican. He has shilled for the W.

OTOH, he still drives his 1992 Corolla. They don't even make Corollas anymore!

― c(''c) (Leee), Thursday, 5 January 2006 01:27 (eighteen years ago) link

I could never hate on a Wolverine, but on the other hand yeah, I'm pretty sick of him and the Pats at this point. Loved the first Super Bowl team though; taking them plus the 12 or 14 or whatever it was against the Rams was some of the easiest money I've ever made.

― Stormy Davis (diamond), Thursday, 5 January 2006 01:34 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 123 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

rip

― mookieproof, Saturday, 29 January 2022 19:42 (two years ago) link

times sure change

― Mr. Snrub, Sunday, 30 January 2022 20:03 (two years ago) link

Had to retire to give the other guys a chance.

― TO BE A JAZZ SINGER YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SCAT (Jazzbo), Saturday, 5 February 2022 00:33 (two years ago) link

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