Hemorrhoids Must Go

What?

omfg these things are ruining my life, i am 23 how did this happen :(

Could be cancer.

Yeah, cheer up!

Have you recently started sitting more? Like, you just got an office job where you sit on your ass a lot more than before?

ok, fair, i am maybe blowing it out a smidge of proportion.

re: sitting more, not really, i've gotten these bad boys on and off for about two years. my entire life i've had a bum (har har) digestive tract my whole life... a stomach ulcer at age 10, no less! i think it doesn't help that i have a bad habit of hanging out on the can too long, even when I'm done doing what I'm doin'. Also, my fibre intake is pretty variable so sometimes i'm god but at other points i am a real dick about eating healthy.

and if you clicked this thread please don't bitch about TMI.

my entire life i've ... my whole life

oops

my rhoids became psychedelically painfull not long after this thread and I had to see a butt surgeon. turned out I had some other condition, basically some crazy dryness/PH imbalance that I corrected with prescribed cream and slight diet change. doc told me lots of people who think they have hemorroids actually have this thing I can't remember the name of and don't want to think about anymore. when you ASSume LOL

also he said preparation H was useless and throw it out, but you know how doctors are

my rhoids became psychedelically painfull not long after this thread and I had to see a butt surgeon. turned out I had some other condition, basically some crazy dryness/PH imbalance that I corrected with prescribed cream and slight diet change. doc told me lots of people who think they have hemorroids actually have this thing I can't remember the name of and don't want to think about anymore. when you ASSume LOL

This and other things can lead to rectal fissures, which SUCK.

Fissures makes 'em sound like they fathoms deep. I can see why more commonplace terms aren't used, tho, since complaining about a rectal crack might be misinterpreted by some.

http://www.cathedralwindchimes.com/Gone%20Fission.jpg

Been fishing and didn't catch anything.
http://www.scielo.br/img/revistas/ag/v43n3/16f1.jpg

fuck you

what?!?

I feel like I've got the Daggers of Megiddo skewering my arse. Have been having warm 15 min shallow baths, have imbibed Epsom salts in water, have loaded up a few torpedoes. This is so unbearable I actually broke down into tears last night when my son was having a meltdown. He was quite amused and started laughing at me! I have took tons of Co-dydramol and still couldn't sleep and was just shifting about restlessly all night.

at least you have a new strategy for tackling meltdowns

I was having an important meeting with a social worker earlier, and couldn't concentrate, couldn't sit down and kept re-directing the topic to how bad my piles were!

i don't think i've ever had the full on Nobby experience but anything painful in that area is uncomfortable enough to shatter yr concentration

'Eat less and make it mostly fibre' usually does it for me. Running helps too.

I'm just eating some dried Chilean Orchard Prunes for dinner #cureworsethandisease

'haemorrhoids must go' is my favourite manics single

Arse grapes of wrath. Nightmare.

CLOV: I can't sit.

Why is turrican still here tho

well done, sir.

Get one of those add-on bidets for your toilet and skip the paper for a while.

Nip it in the bum

the best toilet roll to use is obv that fibre glass stuff with flint chippings and swarf integrated into its fabric. You'll be out-dancing Nureyev in no time!

I'm in hell. Sitting in a sitz bath during work.

It's either roids or really irritated skin but man it sucks.

Need to get a special pillow to sit on

put one of those hemorrhoid suppositories into my butthole and i did not like the sensation at all.

also my mother walked in without knocking midway. that'll be an awkward Christmas dinner convo

I don't like using those torpedoes, my arse is so catholic it keeps trying to pop it back out again! Not that it is any less horribly uncomfortable than squeezing a tube of zinc oxide up there with that intimidating looking applicator .. lol

my previous experience was only w/ the applicator but apparently they don't sell that version near me anymore.

lol welp....hopefully a week of this gross sensation is all i need