Hell Is Other People At Breakfast - Caring For Your Introvert

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i am writing a book on it

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:39 (sixteen years ago) link

or at least a detailed website

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:39 (sixteen years ago) link

www.happywhenitrains.ca

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:40 (sixteen years ago) link

Every time I explain the living sitch to others, they're baffled. But when I say to some people, "You know, we're both geminis," they immeiately go, "Oh, okay, no wonder." Not that I believe in it, but easy way to get off the hook. I get tired of explaining that & my congenital anosmia over & over.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link

it is actually called 'we are all special but please fuck off' dot com
xpost

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link

rrrobyn, you should work on that instead of your thesis!

― estela, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link

in theory i work on it every day

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:43 (sixteen years ago) link

;_;

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:44 (sixteen years ago) link

He's painting things in very absolutist terms, as if there is ONLY a state of extroversion and ONLY a state of introversion, and everybody belongs to ONE of the two. Of course, as one who can be said to have many extroverted characteristics I probably haven't understood him properly. I'm cool with that.

― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:46 (sixteen years ago) link

my first thought was, why didn't me and xxxxx think of this? but then, she wasn't near the introvert I am. and then i think, what are the chances i'll ever meet a true introvert? i barely leave the house myself! i envy your introvert luv, abbott.

xpost x 10^5 to abbott's living situation

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:48 (sixteen years ago) link

sorry rrrobyn, i'm afraid i have got a bit of a jiminy cricket streak, but without the songs

― estela, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:50 (sixteen years ago) link

'Extroverts' can think to themselves for extended periods of time too. As I've grown I've learnt to temper my unstoppable spurts of verbal diaorrhea, calm down, take two seconds before leaping. That's not introversion, that's sophistication. To define oneself with a flip 'introvert' or 'extrovert' is to deny one's own independence and ability to adapt to different social situations, and I'd rather not do so, although I appreciate that the terms are generally used relativistically. If so, then let me be an extrovert, and let me point out the mild irony inherent in going HAY GUYS LOOKIT ME I'M AN INTROVERT GUYS GUYS. Now gods stand up for extroverts!

― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:53 (sixteen years ago) link

i am also happy like that! that is the optimism part! and i am good with people but often generally dissappointed in them at the same time. unless they are good ones obv.
i try.
xpost

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:57 (sixteen years ago) link

hmm... I would bet that introverts are possibly even more 'extroverted' than extroverts on teh intrewebs b/c the dynamic is totally different and gives the introvert a means of interacting freely with other people without all the baggage of actually being in their presence.

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:03 (sixteen years ago) link

maybe it's an ENERGY thing (cue windham hill tape)

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:04 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm just fine in interacting w/others IRL, but in small doses.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:04 (sixteen years ago) link

Abbott, I would love to have a relationship situation like that. I fear most people would be awfully put out by the idea of not having one room, it's great that you understand each other that way!

― Maria, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:10 (sixteen years ago) link

I smiled and I wished them well but it niggles to ignore the empty haiderr of ended fetishes.

― Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:11 (sixteen years ago) link

stupidly shy attention-seeker, here.

― jed_, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:11 (sixteen years ago) link

you need to be in a band

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:13 (sixteen years ago) link

bonus: you get to make music

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:15 (sixteen years ago) link

I once merely sought attention, but now I'm trying to only make myself seen if what I'm doing or saying is worth seeing or hearing. Selective extroversion based upon judgement of situation.

I also want to be in a band, but my band-mate hasn't got back in touch with me for over eight weeks :(

― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:17 (sixteen years ago) link

my sense of humour can be fairly deadpan btw

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:21 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm an introvert, too. I find it very difficult to find new friends with the same need for socializing as I have (i.e. very little). I'll make a new friend and they'll start calling and trying to make plans more than I'm comfortable with. I need a good dose of people every couple of weeks. Scott same way. That's why Beth Parker and Donwaldo are perfect for us -- they don't take it personally if we don't talk for a month, and it's always nice when they come over every few weeks (of course we also keep up with each other on the interweb).

I totally get the quote upthread about needing time alone with one's thoughts to recharge.

― Maria :D, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:47 (sixteen years ago) link

yeah, i've made friends with people who felt like if they didn't see me at least once or twice a week one-on-one that i wasn't actually being their friend. and i'm like dudes unless you are my boyfriend or a really really good friend esp if you live nearby then that is not going to happen and it is not personal. i am a fan of parties though and could go to parties every weekend. and i do love the internet...

― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:54 (sixteen years ago) link

i would hang out with rrobyn once a month! and estela! but the rest of you frighten me. okay, that's not true. sometimes i wish i had friends, but i don't know what the hell i would do with them. i LOVE the time i get by myself these days. which isn't often. but i guess it's enough. before maria and the boys i could go weeks without talking to someone outside of work. work talk was enough for me. i think maria has actually made me more agreeable around other people. i even flew across the country and hung out with ned! i never would have done that on my own. not in a million years.

― scott seward, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:05 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm suprised I didnt post to this thread last time round. People assume I'm all chatty and social but I'm totally not: I do it, but I find it an incredible strain and need to be alone a lot to balance it out.

I can be around a partner, but only one I trust enough to completely drop all my masks.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:07 (sixteen years ago) link

oh, and i am definitely thankful for Beth Parker and Donald. Cuz they are really the only people I talk to at all. And you should at least talk to two other people outside of your family. in case you need help moving furniture some day.

― scott seward, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:07 (sixteen years ago) link

Hahah. Its so true.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:12 (sixteen years ago) link

I would bet that introverts are possibly even more 'extroverted' than extroverts on teh intrewebs b/c the dynamic is totally different and gives the introvert a means of interacting freely with other people without all the baggage of actually being in their presence.

http://www.ilxor.com/

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:13 (sixteen years ago) link

There are only two kinds of people in the world, introverts and extro... no, wait, that can't be right.

― Aimless, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:15 (sixteen years ago) link

i tend to have lots of aquaintances and then some people i'd like to be better friends with but we don't manage to see each other v often and then good friends i don't talk to enough and then a smallish group of good friends with whom i have dif kinds of friendships too. it is interesting and makes me love the world, this variety. but then i also meet all kinds of people who make me cringe. i am mostly about mutual respect and if that's not there, then y'know. i.e., friends are people who will help you move if they can.

xpost - haha yeah curtis i thought that was pretty captain obvious too

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:19 (sixteen years ago) link

obvious and prob true

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:20 (sixteen years ago) link

It's hard for me to even meet acquaintances.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:20 (sixteen years ago) link

Fortunately after a very lonely childhood I am excellent at entertaining myself. This can be a disadvantage, as I'm not especially creative about entertaining others, esp. if they don't like non-sport games or mini golf.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:21 (sixteen years ago) link

nobody should have to 'entertain' others, i think

i have this new-ish friend who is a total talker but i actually like it b/c he talks abt interesting things and is happy that i listen and engage, but sometimes i want to say "hey, you keep talking and i'm just going to lay down on this patch of grass in the sunlight and zone out, but i'm still listening!" which i am, listening, thinking. but i prob can't say that. yet.

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:26 (sixteen years ago) link

oh i mean nobody should have to entertain others unless they are in a position of entertainment where they desire to entertain and/or are a clown/juggler/unicyclist/personiwanttopunch

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:27 (sixteen years ago) link

interview tih the author:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts

― moley, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:30 (sixteen years ago) link

Sometimes I talk way too much out of sheer nerves because I think the other person is bored with me if theyre not talking :( :(

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:32 (sixteen years ago) link

do not worry about these things
if they are bored they should not be there and vice-versa

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:35 (sixteen years ago) link

i have learned this

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:36 (sixteen years ago) link

Yeah. I should also say that when I'm lucky sometimes I'll meet a person who I understand the silence of, and am perfectly happy to sit silently with as well :)

― Trayce, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:36 (sixteen years ago) link

I am pretty introverted and don't seek people out that much, but I live with a fairly extroverted group and so when I'm sitting in my room alone doing something and I hear shrieks of laughter I have to go see what's going on or I will somehow drift away from the group. I like them but don't think I quite keep up at maintaining friendships the way they do.

― Maria, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:46 (sixteen years ago) link

(On the other hand, I haven't spent any time in my room lately because it's an unholy mess, and I've set up an office with my laptop and books in the living room, which at least lets me see who walks in and out of the front hall and say hi.)

― Maria, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:47 (sixteen years ago) link

i love being social and hanging out and meeting new people but i think my "default state" is being by myself. socializing is fun but the thing i really love is going out alone for long walks or bus rides, listening to my ipod, getting lost in the scenery, zoning out. i usually find random things much more interesting than other people. i also prefer the company of cute kids and animals to the majority of human adults. it may have something to do with a sort of nonverbal/nonlinear communication that corresponds with the way my mind works.

― get bent, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:48 (sixteen years ago) link

I am very introverted and appreciate the extraversion of my partner - she does most of the talking in social situations, though I can get on a roll for short periods of time - also I can be a very good listener. When I'm alone with her, she can sometimes get a little annoyed with my silence - she'll turn on the TV to break the silence. This used to annoy me a little, in turn, but not any more - I'm used to it now. However, I've got to say, when I'm all alone at home (rare, as my daughter is also an extravert chatterbox) I make full use of this time to immerse myself in silence, read books, potter around the house to music etc. The TV remains off. These times are very welcome and almost healing.

― moley, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

stooooopid fucking article

― jhøshea, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 01:50 (sixteen years ago) link

Skipping 113 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I only learned “body language” is real a few years ago, I had thought it was made up for detective stories

― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 24 November 2022 19:39 (one year ago) link

i’m hyper-aware of body language & micro-expressions so my stories are like two sentences long bc i’ll cut it short at the slightest hint of boredom

but my inner self just constantly tells me to shut up even when ppl seem intetested so i’m a better listener than talker lol

― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 24 November 2022 20:00 (one year ago) link

I feel like I'm a pretty good listener and am genuinely interested in other people's lives.

I don't think I really require much reciprocal engagement, but when someone is sorta stuck on transmit all the while, I begin to get nervous and wonder why I'm even here.

― MaresNest, Thursday, 24 November 2022 22:53 (one year ago) link

Otm

― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 23:02 (one year ago) link

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