Kids say the darndest things

:D

I know the person who drew that cupcake!

!

Here is her website, for all your cupcake merch needs: http://www.askingfortrouble.org

Yesterday Owen (a budding atheist): "If [his friend in school] Marissa says that god made himself, then I would say 'how did he make himself?' and Marissa's mind would be blown."

Yesterday on the Subway
K (21 months): "Mozart!"
Me: Um... I don't have Mozart. We can't listen to Mozart right now.
K: "Mahler!"

already indoctrinated in the academy of the overrated eh

D (coming out of bedroom for one of his nightly DAD THIS CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE JAUNTS): Daddy! Daddy! I have to tell you something.

Me (pauses movie): What is it?

D (with gravitas): Dad I need you to put my pants on.

Me: Dalton you're already wearing pants.

D (amazed): I am wearing pants....

lol

Today two toddlers at my school's daycare waved and yelled at me to get my attention, then said "hi Ariel!!!" to me! Made my day.

!! that is so great

Evie laying in bed, supposed to be going to sleep, she's been quiet for a while, then:
E: Daddy, from now on I'm going to be good.
Me: Oh Evie, you are good, most of the time. You're a good girl. And I love you and Mommy loves you.
E: yeah. And I like boogers.

huge lol.

hahaha bedtime conversation is always most hilarious. It's like they take this brief moment of not bouncing off walls to reflect deeply.

The comic timing of it was so perfect that I started cracking up. So then of course instead of going to sleep, she kept saying things about boogers in funny voices to try and make me laugh.

Hahahaha <3 love that kid.

"Maybe..."
(pause, small sigh)
"I was going to say something boring."

Never stops my kids!

I taught my daughter this:

Me: Where does daddy go during the day?
K: Office.
Me: Why does he go there?
K: Make money.
Me: And why do we need money?
K: Buy food.

Beeps has been motoring through all of the Charlie Brown holiday specials this weekend. During a quiet hour, I gave her some of my old Peanuts to read. She wrapped herself in a blanket and was actually quiet for a little bit.

Asked her tonight what she thought, and she said she loved them! "I had no idea Snoopy could talk!"

Never thought about it, but I guess it would be surprising to go from squeaky laughing beagle to dark and stormy watchdog with one eye peeled on the cat next door.

I'm giving my wife a hug and Dalton runs up and hugs her legs.

Me: Look it's a Mommy sandwich!

Dalton (super-excited): I want to be PEANUT BUTTER!

(during a diaper change)

A: I'm naked now!
H_L: yep. just for a minute though.
A: What's on my cskhskhskhskhsh-wotch*?
H_L: What?
A (insistent): What's on my cskhskhskhskhsh-wotch?
H_L: Oh, uh, not much. A diaper, now.
A: cskhskhskhskhh-wazy!

*"crotch", but with the "c" sound drawn out to approximate hocking a loogie as well as an "r"/"w" inversion.

Also, has a large collection of mythical animal toys, including some with multiple heads: hydra, several two-headed dragons, a three-headed dragon. These are referred to as, e.g. "three head of dragon", "five head of snake".

SCENE: DRIVING TO GRANDPARENTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE – 

BEEPS: [SINGING] Feliz Navidad! FeLIZ NaviDAD!

ME: You know that's "Merry Christmas" in Spanish, right?

BEEPS: I know.

ME: Yeah, "Navidad" - like "Nativity". (NOTE: I have no idea if this is really the etymology, made sense at the time.)

BEEPS: So then "Feliz" would be the name of Jesus' mother, I got it.

[END SCENE]

omg that is fantastic

PRINCE: (singing on the radio) So if I'm gonna die I'm gonna listen to my body tonight
VERONICA: Prince needs to pee! Is he gonna go to the bathroom?

(Beeps lays a round hair-tie halfway on top of another hair-tie band.)

BEEPS: hey, look. It's one of those things you see.
ME: what, the Olympic Rings? You're gonna need three more.
BEEPS: no, what are they called... Venn diagrams, that's it.
ME: oh.

I

lol duh dad

<3 it's one of those things you see

Ha!

In hindsight, she may have said the present-tense form of "read." Who knows, i'm old, deaf and stupid.

On Saturday, when there no music playing on the stereo, Lulu walked over and fiddled with the volume on the amp. "What are you doing?" "I thought there was music on, but it was just in my head." "Er...right. What was it?" "The Lucksmiths."

The previous night, I was being Robot Bedroom Assistant (it's an old favourite) and engaged Human Mode in order to tuck Lulu in, but she was terrified by my android smiley face and said I looked like the button-eyed Dad in Coraline. Ava and I tried to calm her down ("it's all I can think of! I will have bad dreams!") by encouraging her to think about things she loves. "Like bunnies and puppies," said Ava. "That's too much to remember!" said Lulu.

In the bath last night: "I have to soap away this lump on my leg. It's not normal." It was her ankle.

How peculiar she is.

K: What color is fan?
Me: The fan is white.
K: What color is raccoon?
Me: The raccoon is grey?
K:What color is music?
Me: Well, that's a beautiful question.
K: Question!
Me: Yes, question.
K: What color is question?

Lulu <3 <3 <3

rmde listicles but these made me lol

http://distractify.com/fun/fails/the-30-funniest-notes-from-kids-struggling-to-express-their-emotions/

Those are hilarious. Number 19 slays me.

K had exactly one comment on tonight's Super Bowl: "What's man doing?"

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t1/1496978_828372643854904_1061682754_n.jpg

"I drew a butt. A dirty old butt!"

It's... beautiful.

hahaha

she's been running back and forth between the couch (where I'm stationed) and an imaginary soda fountain, bringing me refreshing glasses of "beans" and "flow mix".

aw. K cooked me "beef stew" this morning, which was made from "eggs and goat cheese and tomato"

"Jesu have a booger"

Friend brought her daughter to visit me tonight at my candy store job. Kid later asked Mum why I "live in a candy store"! <3

because that's where the candy is. duh

K: "What seahorse says?"
Me: "Ummm, seahorse doesn't say anything, he's quiet."
K: "What seahorse eats?"
Me: "Uhhhh......plankton. Seahorse eats...plankton."
K: "What plankton says?"
etc.

cute.

A [on a scale]: I am three,two!
Me [stepping on the scale]: OK, now can you read daddy's numbers?
A: ALL of them?

Love it when they get words wrong. A was running around all last week exclaiming "twow-dy mama!" about 10 times a day. Neither wife nor I could figure it out. Eventually we figured out that it came from part of wife's potty training praise "I'm so proud of you!" which she was hearing as "I'm so troudy you".

Yesterday Veronica told me she didn't believe in God. "He's just a guy in a story!"