girls, gurls, grrls: c/d, s/d

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so after work i am all miserable and depressed, so i walk up town determined to see if she's there (they dont have that many employees, so i hoped she was on the night shift). meanwhile, it's been raining all day, and as i get halfway there it just starts to pour and my wee little cheap-ass umbrella is no match for it and i get soaked but like at this point its like fuck it, i'm halfway there, i'll keep going. so i get there, and it's just about empty (because they're about to close), just her and the skittish gay dude. so i'm quite nervous at this point, given that i just potentially made an utter ass of myself in front of her yesterday, but she's all smiley and apologetic for me being all wet from the rain. and after she rings me up and gets my coffee (skittish gay guy is like taking the trash out and doing closing things) she says "we probably have a towel in the back if you want to dry off." yeah sure honey you could have said "asparagus is good for rubbing under your armpits to ward off hobgoblins" and i would have nodded like a bobblehead to bask in your presence for five minutes longer. so she leads me around the counter and gets me the towel and finally says "you know, it really cheered me up when you said that to me" and i said to myself "strongo, thems the sound of some panties droppin" and i was actually all like "uh duh yeah nice is good" like i'm lil abner or something. and so we get to exchanging pleasantries (we had already known each others names, really, just from customer-worker interaction over the last six months) and just as i'm about to actually ask her out or some such i lean in to hand her the towel and I TRY TO KISS HER BECAUSE I HAVE CLEARLY GONE ABSOLUTELY INSANE IN THE LAST THREE DAYS AND I FULLY BLAME ILX and amazingly through some divine act of jesus she doesnt pull away, and as um things are about to get heavy, the skittish gay guy who works there comes in the back and starts screaming "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" and i'm like wtf dude and she says "get away from me!" and KNEES ME IN THE GROIN. not hard, but just hard enough to make my legs buckle as if i am jerry lewis doing the charleston. she's looking all "shocked" and he puts on this very affected masculine voice and goes "i think you better leave now, we're closing." so meanwhile i'm like cupping my boys between my legs and hobbling out of there as if my pants were around my ankles in quite a bit of pain.

she gave me her phone number. i dont quite know whether or not i should call her.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:43 (twenty years ago) link

FIN

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:43 (twenty years ago) link

zuh?

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:45 (twenty years ago) link

if things progress as they have been over the last few days, by friday i will be stealing bmw's while doing lines of coke off the asses of 15 year old vietnamese male prostitutes

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:46 (twenty years ago) link

dude you dont have to tell me!! i've been wandering around my house in a daze for liek the last two hours

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:46 (twenty years ago) link

WTF?!@??#

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:46 (twenty years ago) link

wow.

did she give you her phone number before the knee or after it?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:47 (twenty years ago) link

though watching bush's press conference calmed me down immensely

xpost: before dude!!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:47 (twenty years ago) link

wow.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:48 (twenty years ago) link

OK, now is the time when we clarify and reason unsing science:

a) you kissed her

b) SHE KISSED YOU BACK YOU FOOL

c) gay dood came in, and she pretended to be molested by you and kicked you in yr fellas

d) You got her number.

― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:48 (twenty years ago) link

I take it all back

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:48 (twenty years ago) link

!!!

You know you don't have to make things up just to compete with Gear, right?

(j/k...I think this can all work to your advantage, actually)

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:48 (twenty years ago) link

haha should i post her phone number and then one of you guys can call?

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:49 (twenty years ago) link

It was a beautiful moment.

― Maria D (scott seward), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:49 (twenty years ago) link

seriously i dont even give a fuck about any of this girl shit anymore...i mostly care about the fact that i cant go back to the only coffeeshop* in town!

*there is another, but it is populated by hippies and creepy old pensioners

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:50 (twenty years ago) link

wait, you got her number after you got her knee in the groin?

xpost ah i see. maybe there's some policy against necking with customers so she had to pretend you were mauling her. at least give her a call, cause it's either that or another year of solo sexing.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:50 (twenty years ago) link

YHou should press charges so this can morph into an erotic courtroom drama

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:51 (twenty years ago) link

i dont know how this story ranks against the cheese fry thing or the butt-prints in my teachers house story

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:51 (twenty years ago) link

sometimes i feel like interesting things only happen to me once every couple of years so i have a stories to tell in the down time

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:52 (twenty years ago) link

Never underestimate the power of an interesting "this is how we met" story. Call her.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:52 (twenty years ago) link

"hey baby, now that i've iced up my johnson, wanna come back to my place. if i turn the music up loud, you can barely hear my mom and her drunk of a boyfriend fighting."

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:53 (twenty years ago) link

"you had me at johnson"

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:54 (twenty years ago) link

you can call her and say "whew man do my balls ever hurt!" and then she'd feel all bad for causing such pain and promptly run over to your place and like, massage them and shit.
/12 yr old

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:55 (twenty years ago) link

I think three johnson-icings is actually the official measurement of How Long You Should Wait To Call.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:55 (twenty years ago) link

did she seem SORRY that she kneed you in the groin?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:56 (twenty years ago) link

nb: i may have broken into the barcardi again a bit before i went out earlier tonight. i am quite sober now, however.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:56 (twenty years ago) link

Surely she feels about about the balls-assault incident. It's already a sitcom.

(x-post)

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:56 (twenty years ago) link

haha seriously, after the gear thread i was thinking "even on a good day, this is incredibly hard to believe." maybe this was my "reward" for having to listen to franz ferdinand four times today.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:58 (twenty years ago) link

how long were you making out?

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:58 (twenty years ago) link

oh at work, sorry, forgot.

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:59 (twenty years ago) link

yeah, and SNOW PATROL omg wtf

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 01:59 (twenty years ago) link

honestly who the hell calls their band snow patrol

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago) link

how long WERE you making out?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago) link

That Cuba Gooding Jr. movie?

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago) link

x-post

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago) link

There's a band called Snow Patrol?

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago) link

I've become Aja!

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago) link

i think i'm gonna let this thread die down for a couple days and then call her

xpost: like 15 seconds. it was hardly "making out".

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:01 (twenty years ago) link

i don't want to know how long you were making out

xpost. i bet they wanted moon patrol but got lawyered about it

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:01 (twenty years ago) link

haha

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:01 (twenty years ago) link

Also, you know all those "how do I talk to girls/guys" threads and all? Jess, you have a bucket full of conversation material right here, and the bucket has a sign on it that says "you kneed me in the balls." You don't have to be all "how do I act all casual and shit," you don't have to manufacture excuses to say things, you can talk about getting kneed in the balls. The conversation writes itself, obligatorily sweet-a-week-later awkwardnesses and all.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:01 (twenty years ago) link

Mr Fancypants would pay like a million dollars to be you today, Jess.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:02 (twenty years ago) link

often, these days, at night, i will be lying in bed as i am about to fall asleep, and i will feel as if i am hurtling very fast in the dark towards a large, unknown, intractable black surface, and when i connect with that surface i will go splat and that is it

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:03 (twenty years ago) link

i dont know quite what this has to with that, but there's a connection, i think

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:04 (twenty years ago) link

franz ferdinand.

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:04 (twenty years ago) link

oh man, they suck!!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:06 (twenty years ago) link

i do have to say i feel a bit more comfortable going back from "ilx's hero" to "ilx's comedy monkey boy"

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:07 (twenty years ago) link

such a fine line.

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago) link

all of my pride has soured into embarassment

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:10 (twenty years ago) link

don't get all weepy now. you've had a long day.

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 14 April 2004 02:11 (twenty years ago) link

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