Cricket

Cricinfo have a 'Cricketers On Twitter' box on their front page. Current top Tweet:

Graemefowler @GFoxyFowler
These fuckers take longer to turn on than my great Grandad's bellend ! #useless

;D

would quite enjoy seeing Pakistan's and SA's ODI bowling against Australia's and India's ODI batting right now

I spent too much time watching Sheffield Shield games without commentary yesterday.

Also, RIP Dave Warner's Twitter, heaven needed 12-year-old girl tweets like Warnie's and butthurt missives at everyone.

think Tino Best might be my favourite current cricketer

it's him or the two-headed Sangawardene sexbeast of destruction

I would like Tino a bit more if he was better at that whole bowling business but he is thoroughly endearing.

he's bowling a beautiful spell rn, which is what provoked the voicing of that sentiment

Shannon Gabriel otoh is a fucking disgrace to West Indies fast bowling

Holder looks by a million miles the most interesting young fast bowling prospect but appears to have been pegged as a one-day player

How is Shillingford doing? His bowling action is under investigation again.

he's bowling steadily without any doosras at all, which makes him somewhat ineffective

oh look here's Gabriel. make me eat my words

first ball hooked for four

second ball cut for four

this guy shouldn't be in international A-team cricket let alone a Test

think NZ might have the most sloggish batting line-up in Test history btw. there will be sixes

watching Best batting to save a Test is a singular joy

it must be nice watching a team with guts batting to save a test

Oh *shit* they're 50-4 chasing 112!! Serious torn loyalties as to which I should watch now

think the windies' race is run now. good effort tho

heads be rollin'

keep an eye on SA - India

srsly

ty, ws amazing!

KP will score a century. Eng would be mad to push him out making him the scapegoat. Still top scorer in this series and the only one who looks remotely capable of scoring a ton.
Cook is a terrible captain and I think Broad would do better then Cook could get his form back.

Entire coaching team must go. Theyre as negative as I am before anyone defends them!
Flower did a great job but everyone has their day eventually. We need coaches that can motivate. The man-management by cook & flower is a disgrace.
3 or 4 SENIOR players possibly could do with being "rested" for may tests to play county cricket and get their form back and justify their inclusion instead of walking back in. Id hate to see the likes of root,ballance,monty, bresnan take the fall (even if im not sure bresnan is good enough.)

Also what have the coaches done to Finn??

Please god though make Cook resign as captain. He hasnt got a clue or back up plans or man-management skills.

After all that I bet KP and maybe bell are the only ones dumped while Cook/Flower blunder on.

ps KP wont score a century probably but I still hope hes not forced to retire or dropped. He does deserve 1 more series in the summer. Not sure about others though.

probably need a change of selectors if cook stays on as its clear they pick players cook has no faith in (monty/bresnan et al)

Michael Vaughan, Ex-England captain on BBC Test Match Special

"I think it's going to be over today. There will be about 60 overs and the extra half hour. With the momentum of the series and the way Australia have bowled, it will be a tough ask for England to stretch it into tomorrow. Five times in nine innings they haven't got 180."

Michael Vaughan, Ex-England captain on BBC Test Match Special

On the way forward for England: "I would go radical and make Kevin Pietersen vice-captain. He is England's best player. He can make the biggest impact on the game. But he is not involved in this team - I see him at third man, at fine-leg. If there's an issue there, get rid of him. If not, then involve him.

"There are not many good cricket brains in this England side. Get him involved and it's the way to get two more years out of Pietersen - to the end of the next Ashes series.

"England need to do something different. They need someone different to stand up to Andy Flower."

" ENGLAND'S TERRIBLE BATTING

Not one of England's batsmen have managed to pass 300 runs on this disastrous Ashes tour. In nine innings, Kevin Pietersen has scored the most with 288. Here are England's top run-scorers from previous Ashes tours where the Three Lions have suffered heavy series defeats:

2006-07 (5-0): Kevin Pietersen 490; 2002-03 (4-1): Michael Vaughan 633; 1998-99 (3-1) Nasser Hussain 407; 1994-95 (3-1): Graham Thorpe 444; 1990-91 (3-0): Graham Gooch 426.

http://i.imgur.com/Kzrt0WO.png

Cook out (a demand as well as fact)

243 runs in the series. He's looked shot since the 3rd test and his low scores have been predictable since. Should not be playing.

oh wait 246

Bell has gotten himself out for 16. Clarke changed the field setting. He's a good attacking skipper with plans b and c.

Is this gonna be KP's last ever innings? He really needs to score a century.

Wonder if theymight even be ruthless and punt bell? I wouldnt but he might need may back in the counties along with prior (and Cook should too)

lol
http://i.imgur.com/QqpX5Ig.png

KP gone!

95-7

3 wkts in 10 balls.

cook and flower are stying according to the ecb. Cant see many in this team staying though.

Michael Vaughan, Ex-England captain on BBC Test Match Special

"England are seven wickets down in 23 overs, it's just ridiculous."

166 all out.
A disgrace.
Heads will roll apart from cook/flowers it seems

worst ever series by an england team ive ever seen. far worse than anything in the 90s as these were supposed to be good players.

Geoffrey Boycott, Ex-England batsman on BBC Test Match Special

"It's pathetic - there is no other word. It's humiliation. It's bad enough to lose all five, but it's how you lose. This is a worse loss than when we lost before 5-0 because they had great players like McGrath, Warne and Gilchrist last time. This current Australia side has had good plans and executed them with conviction. England have just disintegrated. How do you get bowled out in 32 overs? I would have just been getting my eye in."

STRAAAAAAAAYA

(sorry but I gotta play to stereotypes, blokes)

no, fair enough. Australia were painfully better than England obviously. Going to be v tough for them against South Africa (they were something like 144-5 down in the first innings in every test apart from the last I think, when they were 144-4) but the confidence boost might make a hell of a lot of difference.

Michael Vaughan, who talks a fair amount of whiffle a lot of the time, just made a couple of good points:

1) Pietersen's either got to be in or out of the team - can't station him down at third man all the time. He's either too disruptive to be part of the dressing room or he's got to be brought into the fold of senior decision makers.

2) In 2011, all the coaching staff, Giles Clarke etc were on the field celebrating. No one there today. Should be soaking up the defeat like the players have to.

Well done Australia for turning up and actually re-building after throwing the towel themselves at Lord's.

Even by 90s standards the team was always trying to get that one win - the problem then was that you went down a spiral of 3-1/4-1 losses.

Cook should remain as captain - there were things that happened here that really were beyond his control or anyone's, and I don't think anybody will be able to disentangle how this came to be. There is no way forward, but sacking them all in a fit of anger isn't it.

Having said that its too far down the line for someone to say that Pietersen has got to be in team - so he's got to be out. And for Gooch to remain the batting coach will surely be difficult.