your terrible ideas

christian fennesz and ryuichi sakamoto both start wearing wraparound shades and matching outfits to compliment their similar hair textures. and lots of keytars... frequent keytar changes between songs.

Haha

You'd think that you could just change the keytar settings to change the sounds, but no, they switch to entirely new keytars

a rap battle diss saying something about how the other rapper's website has femalestudent.jpg on it

maybe something like

"You only write rhymes for the kids with the backpacks/tried to go to your 'website', all I saw was a chick with a backpack"

bad news on the doorstep/I couldn't take one more step

I was also thinking I could rhyme it with "[some shitty rapper] called, he wanted wack back"

U2 cover band that performs in the style of ABBA, called "The Swedish Thing."

making "happy october y'all!!!! ;-)" my display name.

A Scottish Hendrix tribute act called See You Jimi.

A Scottish JLS tribute act called JLS (pronounced 'jigh el ess')

A Scottish Beady Eye tribute act called 'Och Beady Eye the noo'.

A Scottish Wizard tribute act called 'It Wisnae me-ard'

A Scottish James Brown tribute act called 'Papa's got a brand new bawbag'

classic conkers

mad men-style period drama about an insurance company called "Risk"

mad men-style period drama about a dental practice called "Misogyvitus"

pilot titled "Molars without Morals"

Ep 2 titled "dentists were more obviously racist back then"

"Risk" actually seems like a viable premise for a show. Set it in the Gilded Age...people insuring railway and steamship cargo, lots of interesting period settings and novelties to spin episodes out of, like all the trivia in The Great Train Robbery, plus the rising tide of disgruntled Progressivism could give it an edge of present-day social commentary with scenes lifted out of The Octopus and The Jungle, etc. Plus, lots of fin-de-siecle sex.

mad men-style period drama about an insurance company called "Risk" where all of the actuaries are obsessed with the popular board game Risk - to the detriment of their work productivity. John Laroquette stars as the office manager who is determined to get his employees back on task. But it turns out that he is also getting into Risk to the detriment of HIS productivity!

Youtube channel hosted by }}ILLUMINATIISREAL1996{{, a white kid in a guy fawkes mask with a chicago bears cap and a "U MAD" t-shirt; all videos devoted to arguing in favor of a boycott of Eminem until he changes his name to something less racist. Shortest video is twenty minutes.

An episode of Torchwood where an old Pete Townshend that just works in a hotel and never joined a band, finds some old war-time era dirty magazines in a trunk and then tries to work out a melody in the shower before having a seizure and then the opening music starts.

that cracked me up

A range of Irish themed Christmas Crackers for those terrible Irish theme pubs. Sample joke:

   Q: What did the Irish policeman say to the drug dealer?
   A: "I'm here for the crack"

A social app called "My Melody" where you make up a melody and then "share" it with your friends. When you share, the app auto-generates a message with the subject "Hey ___, Check Out My Melody!"

A live-action, soft-porn adaptation of the online comic strip 'Day by Day', there would be gaps left in the scrip to fill with topical jokes filmed shortly before broadcast, like on 'Drop the Dead Donkey'.

I had this wacky idea a few years ago for a device like a CPU heatsink that you'd attach to your wrist to keep you cool in summer. But I dismissed it as being stupid. Now it turns out that not doing something about was a terrible idea, because I could have been doing this at MIT:

http://www.wired.com/design/2013/10/an-ingenious-wristband-that-keeps-your-body-at-the-perfect-temperature-no-ac-required/

http://wristifyme.com/

http://mashable.com/2013/10/26/thermoelectric-bracelet-lets-you-control-your-body-temperature/

(although to be fair it's a bit more sophisticated than my idea of strapping a CPU heatsink & fan to your wrist)

coming soon to a brookstone near you

If they made the bracelet out of copper and put magnets in it, they'd sell a tonne to people with arthritis (although that doesn't actually work: http://www.nhs.uk/news/2009/10October/Pages/Copper-bracelets-and-arthritis.aspx)

Ugh, speaking of Brookstone, you know what's a REAL terrible idea? These:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z6L31kJ596M/UcjmFfSda-I/AAAAAAAAHi4/h9rICtEJ_IA/s1600/Flips+HD+Headphones.jpg

aka Subway Annoyers

what about headphones that play powerfully loud sounds directly inside of your ears, and then you can flip them to play barely audible sounds at a party

Also the idea of stereo sound going in opposite directions is just bizarre

it could actually be kinda cool if you were in a smaller space with metal walls listening to repetitive arpeggiated loud music

in space

that is enclosed. there is no sound in outer space.

An avant garde gym called WorkOut

A choose your own adventure iphone game version of The Aspern Papers. Followed up by The American.

And The Turn of the Screw, why not. Two playthroughs, supernatural & psychological.

gradually, over the course of 7 or 8 years, change my pronunciation of the word "part" so that it instead becomes "fart". this would need to be done so slowly that the pronunciation would not be noticeably different from day to day, and close friends would hardly notice it, but by the end of the process i'm just straight up saying "fart".

example schedule:
year one - part
year two - parth
year three - parthph
year four - arthph
year five - farthph (<arguably the key transition, the "all in" that requires the most courage),
year six - farth
year seven - fart

simultaneously, i become a scholar of The Godfather series of films. at year seven, having gained a solid amount of respect from the community of filmlovers, i am invited to give an important lecture. i proceed to deliver a talk that references The Godfather Fart Two repeatedly. later in the Q&A, i am asked why i keep saying "fart" and i say "have i really been saying 'fart' for all these years?"

i will help you write the grant application

omg Z S

like...i cant take it

seriously the worst idea ever and poss the funniest thing ever? the idea that you would change the last consonant as part of the process??? i am dead

I also like the "dark" middle period where no one will have any idea what you're saying because it will resemble neither "part" nor "fart"

an amazingly, stunningly bad idea

would fund

what if i told you that all of my ideas are this terrible

i was born with it

you're the one who was promised