Why I love the Daily Mail, as distilled into one story.

srsly tho, i love the underlying "I was on holiday, what could possibly be dangerous?" vibe to stories like this

Can't get over the way she basically says 'at first I was worried that petting a tiger might be dangerous, but then the people who were making money by getting people to pet the tigers said it was totally safe, so I thought it must be OK'.

And then goes on to detail how she was surprised when the tiger attacked her because she had followed all of the instructions the staff gave her about not wearing bright colours that could freak out the tigers, only touching the tigers in a certain way, not wearing any dangling jewellery etc, and none these instructions lead her to wonder if the tigers were maybe not as safe as the staff were making out.

I feel bad laughing about stuff like this though, because I do equally stupid stuff approx once every 3 hours, but the stupid stuff I do doesn't involve tigers so is generally less high stakes.

i wd happily laugh at myself and expect others to join in if i got mauled by a tiger at the tiger petting monastery

My brother had one of those Darwin Awards books, but I can't look at stuff like that, it makes me cringe so much. I'm pretty sure it's only the fact I hardly ever leave the house that has saved me from dying in one of these kind of incidents 100 times over.
When people laugh at stuff like the Darwin Awards do you think it is some kind of laughter of relief, like people know it could have been them and are glad it wasn't, or is it a more straight-forward 'lol, look at these morons who are dumber than me and dead' type thing?

This is a particularly brilliant/awful example:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garry_Hoy

the Garry Hoy is so amazingly fucked up and horrible that for years i wanted to believe it was just an urban myth. tbh i have no worries that i'd ever do stupid shit of that ilk.

The fact he was correct the glass wouldn't break, but the whole window came lose from the frame is what pushes it to next level horrible/haunting, I think. Sounds so much like something from a sitcom or movie.
I think I find this kind of stuff troubling because it's all vaguely reminiscent of embarrassing moments from my past, but only with someone literally dying at the end rather than just being humiliated. It's like reliving some dreadful memory in a nightmare, but your brain turns your social death into literal death.

horribly sure i've said this before - i have an idea for a short story about a support group for the families of people whose deaths are so stupid that they never elicit sympathy for the bereaved

Feel bad for the loved ones of that Tory MP who wanked himself to death ('wanked himself to death' copyright Frank Dobson, 1995)

'Tory MP wanks himself to death whilst wearing women's lingerie' is such a perfect story, it 'fits' so well that any of that guys own unique, individual hopes/dreams/pain/idiosyncrasies are just steamrollered aside by this concept.

Sunday Times editor Andrew Neil described Milligan: "He possessed an enquiring, original intelligence, a wide knowledge of foreign and domestic affairs and he was great fun to work with, his infectious laugh filling our editorial meetings, where he played a major role in defining the paper's policy positions".[4]

http://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.pnghttp://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.pnghttp://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.pnghttp://i.imgur.com/i7qDmSK.png

That's alright, I'm sure the rational and fair voice of the UK public in the comments section will set the Mail straight on this kind of 'Jack-Journalism' (my coinage for patriotic white-washing of news in our favourite fash-friendly non-tabloid. Pretty clever wordsmithery by my, eh?)

That Manchester United are ready to offer Adnan Januzaj a pay rise which would amount to 290 per cent, on the back of one Premier League match, may seem crazy.

It may also explain one reason why many young players in the modern game who hit the heights early don’t fulfil their potential because they have achieved financial security by the age of 20.

But even within the mad finances of football, there is economic logic to United being prepared to raise the 18-year-old’s pay from its current trainee £1,000-a-week level to around £30,000 a week.

England is the only developed country producing school leavers who are worse at maths and reading than their grandparents, according to a damning report.

The study found 16 to 24-year-olds are among the least literate and numerate in the world, lagging behind those in countries including Estonia, Poland and the Slovak Republic.

England came 22nd out of 24 countries for the reading skills of its young people and 21st for maths, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.

lmao

haaaa

even those fucken polak savages

(xps) Now that's what I call mental arithmetic...

MOST WATCHED NEWS VIDEOS

White supremacist shocked by DNA heritage
GRAPHIC: Russian man nails testicles to Red Square in...
CCTV: Moments after Canadian ballerina plunges to her death

England is the only developed country producing school leavers who are worse at maths and reading than their grandparents, according to a damning report.

The study found 16 to 24-year-olds are among the least literate and numerate in the world, lagging behind those in countries including Estonia, Poland and the Slovak Republic.

England came 22nd out of 24 countries for the reading skills of its young people and 21st for maths, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.

Generally speaking, that's pretty poor English.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BYZbMRzCMAAEQm5.jpg

poll

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a9/Network12.jpg

I'm sick of it all! The "Everything that's wrong with Britain" Poll

Poll!

The Daily Mail, however, was not a fan of the desk [on the new ITV breakfast show "Good Morning Britain"], complaining it hid Reid's legs from view.

"Later on the show, however, Susanna moved from behind the desk, giving viewers the chance to catch a glimpse of her enviable pins," it reported.

looking forward to the Mail's "Upskirt Corner" page

Getta loada them gams!

Pupil Jacob Hill, 16, from Leeds, said: 'He had gone through stages of depression and used to be on anti-depressants.'

16-year-old Matthew Calvert, also of Leeds, was in many of the same lessons as the alleged attacker and described him as 'strange'.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/28/article-2614929-1D6C83B400000578-607_634x634.jpg

Aerial view: A 15-year-old male pupil has been arrested after a female teacher was stabbed to death this morning at Corpus Christi Catholic College (pictured) in Leeds

Rewitten version for 'clarity', apparently it's not them it's ...

Regarding the launch day, complaints from viewers on Monday focused on the fact that Susanna's now famous legs - whose pay for the role is £400,000 a year - double that of her former BBC salary - were hidden from view.

One viewer commented: 'Why has ITV paid so much for @susannareid100 only to put her behind a desk? Its like buying a Ferrari and keeping it in the garage #gmb.'

Another wrote: 'You don't hire Susanna Reid and then stick her behind a desk #getyourpinsout #GoodMorningBritain.'

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/29/article-2615742-1D715B8400000578-826_636x382.jpg

a great night in

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/06/26/article-2670757-1F25E4B900000578-797_634x378.jpg

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2745218/Amputee-Gipsy-busker-no-legs-bragged-Channel-5-TV-programme-milking-Britain-s-benefits-attacked-street-ex-soldier.html

An ex-soldier has been handed a suspended sentence for racially aggravated threatening behaviour towards an amputee gipsy busker who bragged on national TV about 'milking the benefits system'.
Viorel Dinu, 25, told Channel 5's Gypsies on Benefits and Proud he and other Romanians had come to the UK because it was a 'soft touch' for scroungers, a court heard.
But his boasts caught up with him when former soldier Mark Hawksby, 34, recognised him from the programme after tripping over the busker's money-filled coat on a street in York.

http://i.imgur.com/j5kWvhd.jpg

'That's beyonce? oh wow': @Smooth-Orator reacted with shock after seeing the photos

Unretouched-photos-Beyonce-s-L-Oreal-advert-leak-online-fans-mixed-reactions-Twitter.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3162404/Angry-residents-quiet-English-village-battle-new-music-festival-banned-gangster-rapper-Snoop-Dogg-performing.html

i hope you're not mocking those victims of very real parking and 'expletives' into the early hours concerns

this kind moral panic article about a rapper performing seems like something of a blast from the past, especially someone who has appeared in tv ads for MoneySupermarket.com

My step-dad shared that legendary "Kick This Evil Bastard Out" Daily Star front page with Snoop Dog in the early 90's. The sub-headline about him was "Sicko Bookie". He worked at an independent bookie chain and compiled odds for them, in this case he had sent out some margin-betting to twenty odd shops on how many bodies they were going to excavate from Cromwell St and the shit hit the fan.

he had sent out some margin-betting to twenty odd shops on how many bodies they were going to excavate from Cromwell St

ai yi yiii

Tell me he didn't work for betfred

...and that was the last the betting industry ever heard of Patrick Power

No it was Jack Pearson Licensed Turf accts, shitty little Huddersfield firm. A disgruntled customer in the Waterloo branch called The Star newsdesk about it.

lol xelab/nick

SHOCKED

The campaign for Britain to leave the EU has been infiltrated by dozens of far-Right extremists with racist views, The Mail on Sunday can reveal.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3625503/The-neo-Nazi-swastika-breast-Vote-Leave-badge-vest-Holocaust-deniers-EDL-fascists-posing-Kray-twins-grave-violent-thugs-racists-hijacking-Brexit-campaign.html

The Mail on Sunday really hates The Daily Mail.

In the same way as Liam and Noel.