Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

I've twice come in to work to find the cable connecting my monitor to my PC missing

― ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Tuesday, August 27, 2013 11:30 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lmao

there was a nice moment of not-stupid-annoying yesterday where my whole team let the stiff upper lips drop and just for a second agreed that we're all losing our shit and overwhelmed with our respective workloads

nonprofits!

A friend of mine once cracked a PC case to swap in a video card and found a stale muffin perched atop the harddrive inside, but yeah that was some kind of prank also.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, August 27, 2013 7:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is why that office uniquely does not have a shortage of mice. Take notes people.

Everybody who deals with the printing/publishing biz and uses their goddamn phone as their computer needs to die in a fire.

1. not giving full info because they cant be bothered to type out detailed messages on a phone keyboard
2. "reduce file size for easier emailing" (this applies to people who do that from actual computers as well)
3. probably a bunch of other reason I can't think of right now

DIE IN A FIRE, RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

"no thats not what i want
sent from my iPhone"

THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU DO FUCKING WANT, OR GO DIE IN A FIRE

"will call you when i get out of this meeting
sent from my iPhone"

IT'S TWO DAYS LATER, THAT MUST BE SOME MEETING, AND OH YEAH -- GO DIE IN A FUCKING FIRE

I would make every smartphone spontaneously combust right now if I could.

co-sign x 1000

can't attach hi-res image file on my phone, would you settle for an embedded lowres version instead? no? oh well I'll send it anyway RAAAAGGGH

Not a bitch, but it's work: We have a custody case in which the mother ran away with the kids and I live for reading recent court papers b/c most contain the wonderful verb used in this sentence "Ample evidence exists that Respondent fled and secreted the children."

ouch and/or eeww

Mother is a surinam toad, fyi.

There was ample body-temperature goo as evidence

I do love it when legalese trips over proper grammar and causes a train crash.

My immediate boss sits to my right and our IT guy, who is her son (and who lives with her), sits opposite her. Lots of fun when they bring their domestic arguments into work, and bicker all day.

WTF who steals someone else's mouse!?

my employer provided me with an ancient laptop guided by a pointing stick. i had to buy my own mouse just to make work even feasible

what the shit

what the shit is that

a pointing stick? pretty standard imo

although we used to call em a "clit mouse"

what the shit

exactly

http://www.richardsrainbow.co.uk/siteimages/dowsing1.jpg

a couple years ago there was a dude who quit in a huff but then came back in to retrieve his mouse

which was totally reasonable yet kind of lol but mostly sad for those of us remaining

last week, there was a problem with an entire group's access (naturally they waited a week to tell us, to where over 100 documents had been backlogged). Simple solution - security owner follows up with lead of entire group, troubleshoots problem, it's fixed, I have to do nothing (I have no ownership of it, but it impacts my group).

Instead here's what happens:

1) Lead of group emails problem to appropriate manager
2) Manager sits on it, comes to me instead, I refer her to security owner
3) security owner sits on it, doing nothing for hours, not talking to Group Lead
4) I have to talk to Group Lead, find out is the problem on their end. Answer I get is "no".
5) Security owner still sitting on it.
6) I have to message security owner to say HEY THEY SAY IT'S NOT ON THEIR END, CAN YOU FIX IT
7) He fixes it, gives me little info
8) I tell group lead "hey it's fixed". they say it still doesn't work and I lose my temper at everybody.
9) Other Security owner pipes in and says "oh it probably needs to refresh overnight"
10) Issue is fixed.

The diff between what should have happened and what did is in the latter scenario I LOST FIVE HOURS OF MY DAY.

lead, manager, owner, etc... your workplace sounds like the job title olympics.

overuse of jargon/focus on processes is ruining the flow of this thread imo, let's keep it snappy ppl

― Dr Peter Who? (darraghmac)

I considered putting this on the 'tell someone they're a cockfarmer thread', but at the moment this is more incompetence than cockfarmery.
Co-worker #3: this morning you got up in front of a roomful of already pissed off angry people, and proceeded to deliver the most piss-poor presentation I've seen in a while. During which you said "I don't like my job". Which means that you're not any good at your job. A stick I will beat you with should the opportunity come up at our meeting tomorrow.

suicide by cop?

your fruit teas, ready meals and empty yoghurt pots are making me feel nauseous. also for the last fucking time I do not like fucking SWEETIES. Jesus.

also, you, stop fucking BLETHERING all the time.

thx

I have a new supervisor, and in addition to some larger issues that have occurred, he has some really annoying little habits. He keeps touching my computer screen -he tries to point stuff out by putting his finger on it so I can't see it and the idiocy of that is annoying but just having him there touching my monitor is even more annoying.
He also never says "No" it's always "no no no no no"
and he licks his fingers before touching the paper you just handed him and would have wanted back before he put his disgusting saliva-fingers on it.

He keeps touching my computer screen

no no no no no

One of my coworkers, who is neither stupid nor annoying but generally quite lovely just fyi, pushes her glasses up on her face by touching the lenses and I am very particular about my glasses being clean and hers are always smudged outrageously and it makes me batty.

I could make you a list of people I've/we've known who do that. It drives me nuts, along w/ the resulting haze on the lenses that they don't have the good sense to find INTOLERABLE.

My problem with people who are OK with their filthy glasses is mostly about becoming fixated how they can be OK with it. I just want to dissect their minds, which are obviously exceptional.

He also never says "No" it's always "no no no no no"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxRX6LXDpWs

my immediate workgroup is pretty awesome except when, on the rare occasion, they talk about non-work stuff that is about health or food trends

highlights of the day: paleo diet being pronounced "pah-lay-oh" (this is wrong, isn't it?)
ideas about special diets having magical effects

bizarre hfcs musings

i enjoy when my office-mates laugh about a co-worker with mental health problems, makes me feel like i must be alright cos they're sure i'll join in

My problem with people who are OK with their filthy glasses is mostly about becoming fixated how they can be OK with it. I just want to dissect their minds, which are obviously exceptional.

― disgruntled punter (Je55e), Thursday, September 12, 2013 7:04 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

There is an ILXor who is so terrible about this. You may have seen me actually clean his glasses for him with one of the zillions of microfiber glasses cleaning cloths that I seem to have on hand at all times.

I know the one. He's the top entry on my .xls of people who don't notice irritants.

lol

Bless his heart.

hahaha

One of the reasons I prefer wearing my contacts instead of glasses is the cleaning problem. Contacts get cleaned every time I blink; glasses seem constantly smudged EVEN WHEN I JUST CLEANED THEM A SECOND AGO wtf.

Never realised how horrifically greasy my face must be until I started wearing glasses--grease seems to slowly slide out onto eyelashes, which are just long enough to paint inside of lenses with it throughout the course of the day. i am disgusted with myself.

my face feels 3 degrees hotter when I wear glasses.

xp: James, could it be that your glasses are poorly fitted? I've worn glasses most of my life and never experienced this until my second to last pair of glasses, which were hastily tried on in a Kaiser Permanente office. I went for about a year, wondering if something was wrong with me that had caused this change. Then someone told me my glasses were probably poorly fitted. I haven't had a chance to get back to the eye doctor for a new pair, but I switched back to an old pair and they both fit better and the oily discharge problem went away.

I've had the eyelash grease problem since I first started wearing glasses in 1986. Curse these glorious long greasy lashes.

Gah between screen-touching and glasses-smudging you would all hate me :(

btw one doesnt notice the smudges if one has a fading prescription so the smudges just sort of blend in with the general "cant really see too good" sitch.

this is my imitation of a convo I had with a colleague yesterday:

Goofus: Should I invite Mortimer and Angus to the meeting?
Me: No, they're the wrong people. You need either Simon, Thelonius, or Bartelby.
Goofus: Whoa, that's a lot of names. You sure it isn't Mortimer or Angus?
Me: Do you need someone who does <thing> or <thang>?
Goofus: Both. Basically someone who does <something that isn't "thing" or "thang">
Me: Well, Mortimer and Angus don't do that. Hold up, let me ask whom of Simon, Thelonius, or Bartelby is the one you need to invite.
Goofus: Nevermind. I found time open on the calendar for Mortimer and Angus so I invited them. You can forward to whomever else.

WHAT IS WRONG WIT HYOU

lol

James, could it be that your glasses are poorly fitted?

Hmm, this had not even occurred to me. I need to get some new glasses soon anyway, will try and rectify this problem.

at least 3 months ago...

Me: hey, seeing as we're migrating and merging all these data services of [ourcompany] to [yourcompany that took over ourcompany], wont they start billing on your accounts? Wont that mean I can no longer see them on ours, and check the bills? Are your teams aware of this?
Bossperson: thats not for worrying about right now lets table that for later.

wibbly wobbly fast forward to today...
Newcompany accounts lady: Argh! Freaking out here! Where the hell did all these new data services appear from on our invoices! Who hasnt been updating the spreadsheet WTFOMG! Help!
My teamleader: errr... Trayce, are these from your company's side?
Me: why, yes they are, just as I predicted would be the case! At least you know now
MyTL: Oh, well Accountslady is refusing to pay these invoices til this is squared away, can you update her spreadsheet with $BIGNUMLIST asap today? Thanks.
Me: mutter, grumble, could have done this slowly months ago instead of ALL AT ONCE NOW *kills self*

Boy do I love when we spend weeks putting a plan together, sharing it with our client, getting it all ready to go, and then finding out that our project manager agreed to something completely different behind the scenes without talking to me, assuming that our plan would work with what he wanted (it won't).

took me ten minutes to reword my email from "FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" to something business friendly.

i wish there was one day a year where you could respond to the shittiest emails with full rage face

I wish I could build a custom See 'n Say toy with pics of my least favorite co-workers and send them each their own, so they can pull the string and hear the stupid shit they say daily.

also one out of ten will be armed with an active grenade.