Depression and what it's really like

I'm thinking of taking a class somewhere. That has been the best I can think of.

this has worked well for me. classes that involve a lot of personal interaction are best, creative writing, that kind of thing.

ah i get it, you're lonely but not lonely enough to hang out w LOOSERS

yeah, i hear you, but I don't want to get together with any random-ass person just cuz I'm lonely. that's been bad policy ime. i'm prob just gonna move back to the city, i had a much easier time meeting people out there.

― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:57 (2 hours ago) Permalink

Incidentally, I was on my way to downtown Los Angeles last week and had KCRW/NPR on. And one lady was talking about how suburbs will most likely continue to urbanize. I see some of that currently, for sure, but my impression is that it's still not quite the same. Generally, the culture of the suburbs seems to be different. It's like they take longer to accept certain cultural phenomena. I don't know, though, it's not a subject I read up on.

Why not a meetup group about something you're interested in and see if there aren't lots of people also interested who just haven't come out of the woodwork?

p.s. are american suburbs usually devoid of bars/resource centers/venues? the british ones i'm used to are more like their own small towns

*start

haha late great, that came out pretty bad. it's not really about tech geeks as much as an overall reluctance to socialize at all. i need to give this time.

p.s. are american suburbs usually devoid of bars/resource centers/venues? the british ones i'm used to are more like their own small towns

american suburbs have chain sports bars in strip malls

be sure to designate a driver

I have really struck out at the events and classes I've tried to check out. I was the youngest person in the group by a good 30 years at the last creative writing group I tried to join. Like I don't know if its a Chicago thing or what, but if you aren't single and looking to hook up or into sports or running, there just aren't a lot of good groups out there for people my age. Everything seems to be aimed at singles or athletes, it's annoying.

p.s. are american suburbs usually devoid of bars/resource centers/venues? the british ones i'm used to are more like their own small towns

― cardamon, Monday, August 12, 2013 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I've heard Los Angeles suburbs are slightly different in that they have a bit more variety (it's what travelled Americans have told me), but it's all basically chain stores and 'bigbox' retail shops. The suburban mall is quite possibly the most horrible thing to have ever been created, though.

With regard to resource centres and venues, there are community centres, but at least the one in my town is very small, limited (hours/classes [if at all]/equipment), and is probably a year or two behind others in Los Angeles 'proper'. A lot of it has to do with the size of your town, it seems. I think a city like Pasadena, which in my eyes is a suburb, would have more options. In fact, my city is adjacent to Pasadena, and I usually go there for everything.

Then again, some parts of Hollywood feel like a suburb, but, it's not, apparently. But it was considered one 100 years ago. Then at some point it was urbanised...somehow? Yet Santa Monica is a suburb, but it doesn't really feel like it. Both have this urbanity that the commentator on that NPR show I was talking about earlier mentioned. It's a different dynamic/place. It's an interesting country.

I still can't tell apart neighbourhoods vs. cities (Los Feliz isn't a city, but a neighbourhood, e.g.). I've learnt that everything is very complex down here, which makes for interesting conversation. Most cities seem to have two sides to them...?

I live in New England and am supposed to sneer at LA, yet find it wildly lovable.

haha late great, that came out pretty bad. it's not really about tech geeks as much as an overall reluctance to socialize at all. i need to give this time.

no i hear you, i've never done a meetup or yahoo group either even though people keep pushing it at me

also i suck at socializing too

I live in New England and am supposed to sneer at LA, yet find it wildly lovable.

― never have i been a blue calm sea (collardio gelatinous), Monday, August 12, 2013 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We should do a house swap then.

I have complicated feelings toward Boston, but I'd say our relationship has been on the mend of late.

i like l.a. as a place, i just hate the people. if that makes sense.

I have spent one night of my life in LA and the ppl I met we're hilarious. One dude described the la lifestyle as "you wake up, smoke weed, get in your car, smoke weed, and drive to someone's house where they are smoking weed."

yeah but they're chronically late, obsessed with how they can earn social capital*, and passive-aggressive.,

*read: how they can ditch you for a better offer, networking opportunity, audition, etc.

east coasters can be like that too

at least new yorkers are more direct about how they hate you/are screwing you over.

i've found LA folk to be unusually and at times almost jarringly open in sharing deep parts of themselves quite readily even upon slight acquaintance. i don't know how widely held that impression is, but from it i've concluded that the cliche about angelenos being superficial is only half-true: it’s not that they have no depth or inner life and live only on the cosmetic plane; it’s that their inner life is so readily accessible at the surface.

LA is...interesting. I definitely needed to get used to it, which I still haven't fully. In fact, I can't get used to a lot of stuff here. I wouldn't like to live here, unless I lived in Santa Monica or somewhere comparable or around that area. Even Mar Vista would be okay, but it doesn't seem like a place I would stay for a long time. Even Santa Monica and thereabouts...it's just a different dynamic here.

And yes...in my humble opinion, the whole 'social capital' thing is disgusting. The superficiality is hard to stomach a lot of times. I've met so many con artists and people who are so into themselves and are blatant liars, yet they still pretend to be this important person or someone who they really aren't. I actually have to work with one, which is sad to confess.

I kind of understand the networking opportunities thing, because it's such a dog eat dog city, and to live a decent life here is so expensive.

But the, albeit few, artists I've met here are unbearable. It's such a wacky place. Everyone is so into themselves and, the stereotype seems to be right, there are very few interesting people here. And the guys here are so aggressive, but I think Vancouverites are known for being very passive. When I first moved here, everyone thought I was gay, which I'm not, but I also really don't care. It was just kind of...bizarre. I guess it depends on your social circle, though.

(Okay, obviously not everyone, but a few people told me and/or hinted at it quite a few times.)

this is no time for nuance!

Sorry, dude.

I feel like I'm going to offend all of Los Angeles or spread misinformation.

I don't like LA and plan to move out as soon as I can.

Feel free to email me if you want to chat some more, though.

oh, i be teasing xp

srsly though i'm getting the sense that my experience of LA may not be a typical one. and i'm quite as likely to make generalizations in the opposite direction....just to feed my infatuation.

there are days when i definitely feel like i've had my fill of the place.

like when you've eaten at oki dog?

never been. pink's is bad enough.

basically out of my close friends who live in the city or one of the beach areas, the only ones who own homes here either had financial help from their families or bought homes years ago. real estate is insane. there's a woman who lives around the corner who bought a fourplex in 1997 for 430k, she lives in one and is currently able to charge 2800 in rent on the other three. the place is worth 1.3 million today. i know someone who bought a two bedroom in the hills around the same time for 270k and it's worth three times as much now. i remember looking at an enormous Mediterranean two bedroom in los feliz a decade ago for 1300 ("too rich for my blood!") and now it goes for 3k. i guess i moved here and got hitched a decade too late.

i'm happy with renting my little place in the valley (south of moorpark and east of laurel canyon so there's a certain cachet by 818 standards). rent-stabilization is your friend out here.

well i sure met some great people when i lived in l.a. especially get bent and tremendoid!

realizing that one of the reasons i suck so bad at socializing is that i put the people i like on a pedestal and interact in a way that purposely diminishes myself as a way of seeking attention. working on showing myself respect and socializing is less taxing.

For me, it's about where you are in life and what you want in a city.

I come from a very different landscape/place from Los Angeles. When everyone found out I was moving down here, just about everyone thought and told me, "But...why?". Of course, I moved here for personal reasons and obligations, not because I wanted to.

If you love the beach, nice summer weather, a variety of foods and cultures, LA is cool. If you could afford to live at or closer to the beach or somewhere like West LA, you're set. Otherwise, things just become like anywhere else, I feel, unless you don't tire of going on small vacations to Santa Barbara, San Diego, and Las Vegas. I'm a nature nut and don't mind the cold, so I'm not too crazy about those places.

But basically, one huge drawback about LA is that to live a decent life, you need to pay a good amount of money. Whereas in other cities I've been to, it's not always like that. You can have a decent quality of life for less. But again, it depends what city you're comparing it to.

Incidentally, when I went to Boston, I met an older man who had lived in LA for 15 some odd years, and he moved back to Boston because he thought it was too expensive. Now, I don't know anything about Boston, except that the southern part maybe isn't the best, and this man was from there. But he seemed to enjoy his time back in Boston and said he owned a boat and would go fishing and he taught me all about lobsters and the best size to get, etc. I also met another older man from New Hampshire whilst there, and he was very kind. These people had an honesty I've yet to encounter in Los Angeles. I don't know if my meeting them was a coincidence or if these types of people are more common there or what, but the truth is old people in LA are very different. They seem to be either miserable or enjoying life driving their Benz. That or really into New Age stuff. But unincorporated and incorporated LA is a gigantic place, and I also don't frequent places like Santa Monica a lot. Maybe there are really interesting, honest, nice old people there, so what do I know.

I really am sorry to anyone if LA is your hometown. I just haven't had the best experience here, and I mean no disrespect. Every city has its pros and cons.

xpost

there are totally great people here! it's just that they're more stubborn about not letting those influences get to them. they'd be the same person anywhere they went.

when i first spoke to my bf on the phone (we met through ok cupid), i was a bit shocked by how sincere and b.s.-free he seemed. i don't mind a little insincerity and b.s. in small doses -- a lot of good conversationalists have some amount of both -- but it's really rare to find someone THAT pure out here.

Get bent, I've totally felt that, which is why I keep my mouth shut a lot. Or I don't know what to say because of it.

Some of my colleagues, since they kind of know a bit about me already, sometimes laugh and say "I can't believe you just said that". And I say, "Oh, sorry, I thought that was the case", and they say, "Well, ya, it is, but still...". And I don't think I am being socially inept, but I guess there is a different level of sincerity here.

For what it's worth, I have met a couple very lovely people here. :)

oh this is the l.a. thread sorry.

heh.

http://i.imgur.com/fUajlE2.jpg?1http://i.imgur.com/fUajlE2.jpg?1http://i.imgur.com/fUajlE2.jpg?1

Since I auto-reflexively butt into any thread that discusses L.A...

That cliche about superficial Angelenos needs to be badly updated as we're at least a full generation cycle away from that era. That openness is indeed something new and I notice it everywhere. On the other hand, I'm predictably cynical - that accessibly carries a whiff of "do I need to know you or not?" Standard operating procedure in the Biz of course, but weird to see it in civilians.

I suppose I feel like a stranger in my home city. My old places are way past post-gentrification. I was at the Echo a couple nights ago and there were enough folks younger than me to give me a strange visiting-your-old-school uncanny valley feeling. "My City Was Gone" indeed...

Anyway confronting a very real decision - I'm not bringing in enough cash to sustain the rent on my place. Cash flow looks like a slow-motion odometer winding down - staying positive is something I have to work fucking hard at.

Also, let's not forget: the first-wave LA punk scene was a hundred times more open (re gender, race, sexual orientation) and earnest (in its sensibility) than its NY counterpart.

We're behind you, Elvis. Sending positive vibes from the East Coast.

to get away from the l.a. stuff for a while: i'm feeling pretty crappy, but it's not strictly depression. there's adhd and panic attacks, stuff i thought i had under control.

Joyce Carol Oates has been tweeting some weird thoughts on depression lately, such as these:

Joyce Carol Oates ‏@JoyceCarolOates 16h
Must be that "depression" is sold to credulous consumers who think that to be normal is to be "happy" all the time. Best cure Greek drama.
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Joyce Carol Oates ‏@JoyceCarolOates 16h
Immersion in Classic & Elizabethan literature great cure for solipsism of "depression" plus 300 pushups morning & 6-mile run evening.
Expand

she's sort of insane on twitter

i say that with love, sort of

somebody with a Twitter account RT it back to her "Go fuck yourself" for me

eh, there was a minor kerfuffle recently over canon giles fraser saying something similar - contented old ppl don't understand that clinical depression is distinct from feeling a bit down, film at eleven.

I hate the idea that unhappiness is normal and ppl who try to take steps to relieve their suffering ate being duped, somehow. ssris are probably overprescribed but i'm not sure depression is. But my main point is that general unhappiness, even if it falls short of Depression, is still a problem ppl should address if they want to. I'm tired but i think i would relate this attitude to political conservatism ie "society is unfair. Poverty is inevitable, the strong exploit the weak, deal with it."

JCO's attitude abt ppl wanting to feel better, that is.