Noodle otfm about the semantic satiation effect of depression, which too often turns our gaze inward.
― fervently nice (Treeship), Monday, 29 July 2013 19:18 (ten years ago) link
that's a good point, maybe obsessing about it all is making it lose meaning. these are things you experience, I guess you can't crack 'em like a complex problem.
― Spectrum, Monday, 29 July 2013 19:31 (ten years ago) link
collardio gelatinous otm way upthread
whatever reason it is that makes you accept others = the reason why you are an acceptable person
give yourself the benefit of the doubt you give others
― the late great, Monday, 29 July 2013 22:04 (ten years ago) link
busyness seems like another kind of escapism.
― Treeship, Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:23 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
from?
― markers, Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:23 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
dealing with the things that are really important to you. being satisfied with your life as it is.
― Treeship, Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:24 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
i know i'm a little behind on this, but i firmly find this otm
i overschedule myself so i don't have time to listen to the demon dogs
― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 30 July 2013 19:41 (ten years ago) link
you could also look at it as: not being busy creates the demon dogs
― maven with rockabilly glasses (Matt P), Tuesday, 30 July 2013 19:48 (ten years ago) link
like a level of sustainable busyness is what keeps the seratonin flowing? idk
― maven with rockabilly glasses (Matt P), Tuesday, 30 July 2013 19:49 (ten years ago) link
As I mentioned, I've lately been using busyness to avoid thinking about the state of my life. Since last week, I got pretty sick, had a terrible, sleepless night where I sank pretty low, missed some work, had a nice long talk with a good friend, and over the last few days have slowly started to feel ok about the general state of things. There's a noticeable difference between how busyness and busyness as escapism feel to me; the former is like driving a car, and the latter like riding a roller coaster. Maybe the word busyness is throwing people off, because there's nothing wrong with being busy. It's good in a lot of ways. What I'm doing is out-and-out procrastination - doing something else instead of the thing I want to/should be doing. But instead of lying-in-bed procrastination (which I also do), it's spending-an-evening-with-friends procrastination.
― Vinnie, Tuesday, 30 July 2013 20:20 (ten years ago) link
the former is like driving a car, and the latter like riding a roller coaster
haha i love it
― maven with rockabilly glasses (Matt P), Tuesday, 30 July 2013 20:22 (ten years ago) link
Yeah, I'm not really getting the busyness debate in this thread. Obviously having too much time on your hands is bad & the opposite is also bad.
I get annoyed because I tend toward sloth, and everyone KNOWS that's messed up. But with super-busy people it's like "oh wow, that person is such a great, productive member of society" but I am pretty damn skeptical about the mental health of people who can't spend ANY time alone, and I have known quite a few.
Different people have different levels of extroversion and stress thresholds, too. I know I burn out very easily & need a lot of alone time and leisure time.
― emilys., Tuesday, 30 July 2013 22:52 (ten years ago) link
i mean 'busyness' as such becomes a problem for me because if i'm *not* busy, i come home and drink. and over time that has repercussions.
so instead of dealing with the problem under the problem--'hey, what am i avoiding by drinking or staying out of the house all the time?'--i just go crazy with Shit To Do, which winds up burning me out and leading to a period of Coming Home and Drinking Anyway.
so there's really no winning here for me, i guess.
really hearing you on the busyness as escapism thing, vinnie.
― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 30 July 2013 23:59 (ten years ago) link
my life needs more busyness
― markers, Wednesday, 31 July 2013 00:11 (ten years ago) link
I think I need to start seeing a shrink again.
― staind in the place where you live (crüt), Friday, 2 August 2013 17:48 (ten years ago) link
imagine if everyone could just go once a week for free
― markers, Friday, 2 August 2013 19:19 (ten years ago) link
in college you could go w/o being charged extra at least
― markers, Friday, 2 August 2013 19:20 (ten years ago) link
yeah I haven't been since free counseling in college. it was CBT, and it helped me out a lot at the time, but I think I need a different approach this time around.
― staind in the place where you live (crüt), Friday, 2 August 2013 19:22 (ten years ago) link
yeah I haven't been since free counseling in college
me too
― markers, Friday, 2 August 2013 19:23 (ten years ago) link
p great to just walk out of yr dorm and then head in and there's someone there who knows your deal
― markers, Friday, 2 August 2013 19:24 (ten years ago) link
Has Good Old Neon cropped up here yet?
The problems described wrt counselling turning into a personal exercise in gratification of the counsellor/psychiatrist's ego resonated very strongly with me. Does this ring true for anybody else?
― Studied keyboard mash (tsrobodo), Friday, 2 August 2013 21:45 (ten years ago) link
i've had that feeling with one of my therapists, but i kept the focus on my self-absorption naturally so it didn't bug me too much
― Nhex, Friday, 2 August 2013 22:01 (ten years ago) link
xpost is that a dfw thing?
― markers, Friday, 2 August 2013 22:02 (ten years ago) link
*googles* indeed it is
― markers, Friday, 2 August 2013 22:03 (ten years ago) link
ugh, i had a lousy first week at the new job and now i'm feeling that seppuku shame spiral thing. letting people down is just gut-wrenching for me. really trying to keep my chin up, but it's hard.
― derpoleon and d'ohsephine (get bent), Saturday, 3 August 2013 00:11 (ten years ago) link
fuck a job man
― Nhex, Saturday, 3 August 2013 01:23 (ten years ago) link
give your kitty a hug, get bent--it'll get better!
― Iago Galdston, Saturday, 3 August 2013 01:27 (ten years ago) link
after an apocalyptic breakup in summer '10 i went and saw a dude precisely 3 times--when i showed up for my fourth appointment all the lights in his office were on, the door was open, but he wasn't there. i didn't go back. in retrospect that was very strange and i probably should have been worried about the disappeared guy, but i was pretty solipsistic at the time and mainly concerned with 'well fuck that guy, i don't need therapy anyways.'
― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 5 August 2013 16:15 (ten years ago) link
(before that guy i hadn't been since free counseling in college, is what i meant)
So fucking tired of feeling like I'm alone in the world.
― JACK SQUAT about these Charlie Nobodies (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 12 August 2013 14:11 (ten years ago) link
well you are and you arent
― the late great, Monday, 12 August 2013 15:31 (ten years ago) link
i spent my weekend pretty much by myself except for work and a dinner with my parents. i was pretty darn lonely. but i skipped a work party and avoided calling at least three friends who i owed a call to. why? because depression. my fault.
― the late great, Monday, 12 August 2013 15:37 (ten years ago) link
Depression isn't yr fault. Call one of your friends this evening.
― you may not like it now but you will (Zora), Monday, 12 August 2013 15:38 (ten years ago) link
heh, "friends"
― JACK SQUAT about these Charlie Nobodies (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 12 August 2013 15:38 (ten years ago) link
no friends?
― the late great, Monday, 12 August 2013 15:41 (ten years ago) link
i have quite a few "acquaintances" i would call them, but literally no one that i would feel at a level of friendship where a) i'd be comfortable talking to them about what's going on and b) would care to listen to me
― JACK SQUAT about these Charlie Nobodies (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 12 August 2013 15:45 (ten years ago) link
Sometimes you gotta try, and just talk to a person. I know it's not easy, but sometimes it's what you gotta do.
― free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 12 August 2013 15:53 (ten years ago) link
seriously, jon, I totally felt like you do about 5 years ago, I had a partner and my parents, and that was it -- at least that's how I perceived it. I don't completely remember exactly how I went from that sense of solitariness to having a decent support network of friends, but "talking to a person" like LL says, was definitely part of it.
― not some dude poking a Line 6 pedal with his dick (sarahell), Monday, 12 August 2013 18:08 (ten years ago) link
well, let me be straight here. i do have a "person to talk to". i mean, i've been in therapy for many years now and i've got that outlet once a week (most times). its just the in-between periods that are a struggle for me right now. it'd just be nice to have someone to call up even if it was all like, "fuck this week is rough, I need to get away" and hang out, not even complain to. it's just, man, i'm good at meeting acquiantances but for whatever reason i can't make the leap to "friends". and, actually, part of the problem right now is feeling i DON'T have my parents either.
― JACK SQUAT about these Charlie Nobodies (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:17 (ten years ago) link
a therapist is different from a friend though! And it seems like, from other things you've posted in the past year or so, that having friends to talk to/go to shows with/etc. would be helpful.
― not some dude poking a Line 6 pedal with his dick (sarahell), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:21 (ten years ago) link
how do you make new friends when you're 30 and living in the suburbs? i'm grappling with this mystery right now.
― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:36 (ten years ago) link
are there interesting or fun things to do in your suburbs? if not, go to the city and meet people there.
― not some dude poking a Line 6 pedal with his dick (sarahell), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:38 (ten years ago) link
yeah, it's not easy. i met a couple decent guys that i really got along well with on a multiple of levels, but one was relocated to Connecticut for work and the other totally disappeared when his second kid was born.
― JACK SQUAT about these Charlie Nobodies (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:39 (ten years ago) link
yahoo groups
― the late great, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:39 (ten years ago) link
meetup
― the late great, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:40 (ten years ago) link
i'm probably just going to move back to the city, where i live it's mostly families, old people, and college kids. 99% of the stuff I like to do is centered in NYC anyway.
― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:41 (ten years ago) link
funny, I looked at the local meetup groups and they were filled with ... wives, old people, and a smattering of college kids.
― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:42 (ten years ago) link
here meetup seems to be a bunch of socially awkward tech bros
― not some dude poking a Line 6 pedal with his dick (sarahell), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:43 (ten years ago) link
yeah, I wanted to say that but I was leaning towards politeness
― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:43 (ten years ago) link
... not that was impolite or anything! i was gonna say "aspie lookin dudes"
― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:44 (ten years ago) link
i mean, some of the socially awkward tech bros could become yr friends - the gist of it is that they also seem to have issues w/r/t making friends
― not some dude poking a Line 6 pedal with his dick (sarahell), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:45 (ten years ago) link
yeah, i hear you, but I don't want to get together with any random-ass person just cuz I'm lonely. that's been bad policy ime. i'm prob just gonna move back to the city, i had a much easier time meeting people out there.
― Spectrum, Monday, 12 August 2013 19:57 (ten years ago) link
that sounds like the best thing for you tbh
― not some dude poking a Line 6 pedal with his dick (sarahell), Monday, 12 August 2013 19:58 (ten years ago) link