Yippee-IA, Motherf***ers! IRRATIONALLY ANGRY PT. 2: Irrationally Angrier

(sorry, shoulda made clear tonight was a dress rehearsal, he wasn't walking around in the audience during an actual performance)

Was he really wearing houndstooth?

Siri. Whenever I try to get Siri to record a reminder/appointment, I wind up cursing at it like an enraged CEO verbally assaulting a secretary.

I have surprisingly good luck with Siri unless I'm really tired. Then I apparently talk like a slurring drunk with a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

Mmmmm. Mashed potatoes.

-the people here who spent their time whining about how cold it was when it dared dip below 70, who are now whining about how hot it is. Besides the fact that whining about the heat in FL in summer is as fruitless as whining about the presence of horrific genital imagery in a Cronenberg film, it's like some people have only a 4 degree range of temp they aren't willing to publicly gripe about.

I limit my whining to cold weather.

I try to limit my whining to hot weather, but sometimes Chicago cold weather is so unbelievably, weirdly cold (like when the news tells you not to go outside for more than ten minutes or risk frostbite on your face) letting it go without comment would be like not mentioning almost getting crushed by a falling safe while walking home from the train.

was reading an ed mcbain book the other day and in that people were complaining that 'it's not the heat, it's the humidity'. and then people were complaining about said complaining on the grounds of cliche.

the book was first published in 1956, so we've had 57 more years of said cliche since then.

Yeah, but it's a dry heat

ia: waiting for people to get back to me with important details. hating the way i feel when i follow up with these people, because i don't want to come off as a pest or a stalker or a desperate person.

related ia: hating the way my property management company treats us like a couple of welfare queens just because we're paying less than market-rate rent and live in a rent-stabilized building. jeez, they were happy to give us that rate when we signed the lease two years ago, after the unit had been unoccupied for a fucking year. also, the lease we signed said we could have a cat if we paid a pet deposit. now they're waffling about it -- they had a weirdo tenant with a problem cat and now the building owner isn't sure he wants tenants to bring in any new pets. so we can't go forward with our adoption plans until we hear back. see ia #1.

your fans are likely to demand a surpassingly sublime cat name

we were planning to adopt a cat this week but the deal fell through after the foster family decided they wanted to keep it. i was going to name her shelley -- after pete shelley, steve shelley, adrienne shelly, shelley duvall, shelley winters, shelley fabares, and shelley long. we may still use that name!

the deal fell through after the foster family decided they wanted to keep it

ian!

Fucking state bar association making sales calls to me at work because I'm totally not too busy to sit and listen to you read me a script about cheap CLE.

I actually hung up on the poor guy because he would not let me politely end the call (which I know they can get in trouble for doing - I have worked as a telemarketer/telephone survey giver) and now I feel bad, so I'm IA at myself for feeling bad.

Oh and from yesterday, which really is innocuous, but people at the gym who crank the incline on the treadmills up so high that they have to hang on to the display part to keep from sliding off the back.

seems like all my radishes have bolted before growing to any size. But have nice flowers on top of them. Better luck next year I hope.

ia at myself for the amount of receipts and little pieces of paper i've amassed over the past six months (since i last did a serious purge of that stuff).

sign outside a neighborhood store: 'have you smiled today?'

C-I-L-L

- crumbs on my mousepad

- motherfuckers who are nosing out of the driveway of a parking lot onto a 4-lane road and decide that THEY want to turn left against the flow of traffic and look at every passing driver like we murdered their children for not letting them cross. Just go around the block you fucking asshat

- ridiculous weirdo who pulled his hatchback into the NO PARKING area between two handicapped parking spaces (you know, the part that gives the handicapped driver room to get out of their car and such) -- he had his hazard lights on, but had in the meantime put up his silver windshield protector and was fucking around on his phone and seemed to be waiting for someone to do a quick spot of shopping. He was literally SURROUNDED by empty parking spaces. Why the fuck are you pulling in there?

ugh. people.

- crumbs on my mousepad

your wat

mousepad

i still use a pc i am old

okay fine

mouse

pad

VG I think you were supposed to respond with

http://parmadaze.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/tumblr_m9yh5shLqh1qb69qj.png

haha

I tease VG. Honest to God, this is what I'm using right now:

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4054/4539960279_2419b972a5.jpg

And they'll only take it from my cold dead fingers if I have anything to say about it.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fosp53Nsfrg/Ud1PuxagLrI/AAAAAAAAKWo/Ol4KkJW5lRs/s640/8Wheeledcar3.jpg

omg I just started using a trackball mouse at work, and I'm falling in love with it. so much so I am considering getting one for home

My desk has so much shit on it, there's no way that I could move a mouse more than two inches in either direction.

i think i have a potential solution to your problem

*an alternative potential solution

If it's something cute like "clean off your desk," I would advise you to think hard before posting that on the irrationally angry interent thread.

actually it was a wall-mounted mouse pad

Well, I've got the wall-mounted mouse already...

- audio or video that plays automatically when a web page opens
- especially if they're ads

Related:
- hearing something playing from one of the 42 open Firefox tabs but not being able to locate it (in this case it wsa coming from something auto-playing in Bazqux, wtf)

Medical forms that look like

NAME: ______ HOME PHONE: (__) ____ WORK PHONE: (__) ____ SS#:__

MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER HAS MORE THAN TWO NUMBERS, HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?

yr this guy right:

http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071105093313/psychology/images/4/46/SocialSecurityposter2.gif

-pizza places that don't sell pizza by the slice

-stores with inconsistent unit prices. unless you're really good at mental arithmetic, it's hard to compare values when all the smaller tubes of toothpaste are labeled in dollars per pound and the larger ones in dollars per ounce. I think I've even seen situations where an item is priced by volume and similar items are priced by weight, which makes the comparison truly impossible (unless you happen to know the density of pudding)

(mixed that up -- the smaller tubes are labeled in dollars per ounce and the larger ones in dollars per pound)

when UPS and/or Fedex give "window of time" estimates that seem to be nothing other than "lol we're just fucking with you" emails.

granted, UPS it don't matter cuz I did that MyChoice program where I signed away the ability for them to leave packages when I'm not home in all circumstances, but here I am, waiting for FedEx to arrive (by the noon time they estimated) cos I don't want to head out to lunch and come back to one of those stupid stickers.

The other day at crappy grocery store by house I saw two products of the exact same weight and exact same price w/ different unit prices. That calls everything into question.

finally!!! a coffeeshop with kids running around in it!

Finish off the old milk on the day after it allegedly expired, pleased with self that it smellstastes OK. Need a bit of new milk to fill uop cereal bowl. Look down at kitchen counter and realise have no idea which lid is the nice new one, and which has the manky old cream in it.

someone is leaving open cans of cat food in the gutter near my car. My suspicions are the across the street neighbors, whose cat it is, who have maybe decided since the cat likes the shade on our side of the street they should put the food there too. There's empty cat food tins on their side of the street also.

Whatever. I don't care who it is.

IT'S FUCKING SUMMER. HAVE YOU BEEN OUTSIDE EVER? HOT CAT FOOD STINKS AND ATTRACTS INSECTS AND IF YOU LEAVE IT NEAR MY CAR I AM GOING TO THROW IT AWAY.

honestly I'm surprised that they feed it, since that cat is hella dirty and gross and full of fleas

i hate my across the street neighbors so much. I'm trying not to take it out on their disease-ridden cat.

mothers-to-be who post their positive pregnancy tests on FB. ok yay congrats you're with child WTF WOMAN YOU PEED ON THAT THING.

how at grocery stores they spray water on the vegetables to "keep them fresh" but you end up putting soggy greens in a bag and then after they sit in your fridge for a couple of days they start rotting because you've got wet plants in a bag

xp you know it's just a picture and you can't get pee on you from it though?